#spnramblings

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Season 9 Finale ramblings

Crowley, Dean, the mark, Demon dean....

Frankly this is my take on it....

Maybe Crowley HAS fully kicked his blood habit. Maybe he has rid himself of his humanity and feelings and is back to his old self. Maybe not. I think after all this time Crowley obviously likes Sam and Dean. And I think while addicted this connection grew. I can't say he's closer to one brother or the other. He has nicknames for both. But even with both talking of killing him, no worries mate, it is a dog eat dog/demon kill demon world out there. I don't think that would deter Crowley.

I think in Crowley you can see his appreciation for the finer things up top here. His almost hedonistic or Dionysian ways, by which I mean he simply without inhibitions enjoys what he wants when he wants it. Food, wine, women, whatever. Not exactly animalistic, but back to basic, simplistic. And I think Crowley appreciates this same trait (or potential for trait) in Dean. Dean always said (not sure if deep down he could really do it) but he could accept things, he dealt with them... So he could be a kickass Demon, and maybe survive with what he did after becoming human again, i think... CASTIEL I lost count. It's in the low hundreds. What I don't understand is...where is your hunger, Dean? DEAN Huh? CASTIEL Well, slowly but surely, everyone in this town is falling prey to Famine, but so far, you seem unaffected. DEAN Hey, when I want to drink, I drink. When I want sex, I go get it. Same goes for a sandwich or a fight. CASTIEL So...you're saying you're just well-adjusted? DEAN God, no. I'm just well-fed.

Truth be told Crowley, previous to his toe-dipping and then diving back into humanity with his blood addiction, said he didn't care about his son. Well, As the saying goes "Better the devil you know." It may be more than Crowley being accustomed to Sam and Dean - helping or in the way. It may be more than gratitude for helping get rid of Abbadon. I think Crowley honestly likes both Sam and Dean.

In fact, while it is certainly to date, one sided, Crowley may seem/feel almost a... half-friend, half--adopted--stepdad kind of kinship with the Winchesters.

I also feel, due to Crowley's speech, that he knew the story, but did not PLAN for Dean to become a demon. BUT he did not rush to answer Sam's summons, because he was 'hoping for a miracle" . Hoping that the blade indeed would save Dean, so he would not HAVE to make a deal with Moose..

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Bloodlines Rambling

i think watching it with the idea of ‘its not Supernatural, its a whole nother show, in the same reality’ makes it an easier watch. But if watching thinking ‘its Supernatural, but in a dedicated city’ it doesn’t mesh.

The lores seem a bit different, the styles, staying under the radar, etc. which makes sense- as a separate show there has got to be more to it, and changes, and some attempts to recapture elements of intrigue from SPN.

How else could the houses have existed and evolved and ruled for generations without hunters coming to wipe them out? Skills, changes to habits/evolutions. And Chicago/LA/NY are three of the best choices for such a reality to have come to be. Certain number of deaths could go unnoticed, minor skirmishes between monsters…

Granted, there was a LOT of information thrown out at us, and at times I felt I needed a character map to remember who was what/aligned with whom. But this is often the case when getting into a new show, esp if I don't know all the actors, and if the focus of the episode is on more than 3-5 characters. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I am used to tweeting and discussing the show while watching Supernatural, and made this mistake of doing that while watching Bloodlines. I treated it as a regular episode, and not an introductory episode, and that mistake lies fully on my shoulders.

But I so see potential in the show. It is not the exact same format as Supernatural. Again, not a bad thing. It could be fun to see where it leads. how does the purity of the bloodline impact abilities, to what level of degrading the purity change the abilities? What tabs do the Alphas keep on these houses? Could Garth be one of the hunters sent in to help with the situation? How could that be received, now that he's a werewolf? Would he train Ennis or end up joining the Chicago pack, or a little of both? Are there witches in town, that might have stores of information, could these houses also have stores of information? Handed down through the generations? Could anyone from the MOL have been send in the past on some sort of mission and been accidentally turned, and this a wealth of information adsorbed into one of the families? Could there be things that could be added to the MOL library? Could this end up being an eye opening experience, like we've seen a few in the past with the Winchesters, where they have let the monsters go because the monsters were not out to kill humans but just to exists with them. Lenore, Benny, Amy. Or is it going to be a blood bath..... So many possibilities, and since we have all grown up in the almost 9 years since we first were introduced to Supernatural, I kind of like the idea of another introduction to the world. as long as it continues to run alongside it. And, last but in the very not least, the fact that some of the creators, producers, writers and BTS people are from Supernatural, means if Bloodlines is picked up this fall, I will certainly give it a fair shot. I have greatly enjoyed the worked done on Supernatural over the last 9 years, even all the little moments that left me cussing or screaming or bitching or awwwing. So I will support the work they do there as well.

Yes, my first loyality, my first love is Supernatural. The actors, the producers, the VFX crew, the hands behind the scenes, anyone I've had the pleasure of coming in contact with, seeing online, tweeted to or just reading a great article about. But supporting them in other ventures is important too. At least to me.

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Insecurities

One reason I do the manip debunking is not to discredit those that make the manips. It does take some thought and creativity and time and effort to make most manips, it is a form of art, I won't deny it. But, knowing how insecure I am about myself in so many ways, I have to wonder.... what do people like Jared and Jensen and Misha and so many other celebrities think about themselves?

I highly doubt one could find an actual candid quote anywhere, an interview or confession. But anyone who was close to any star that is admired might know the answer, or a hint of it. We're all human, no matter what job we have, how popular or successful we are. I like the guys just the way they are.

All the words I've heard parroted to me over and over I'd parrot back to anyone else feeling any of the same self-doubts I have. "I don't care if you gain a few pounds, lose a few pounds, get buff and muscle-y or little love handles. As long as you stay healthy, and happy, I'm happy. We may not be the closest, but I care about you."

These two quotes, for example who knows what the full context of the situation was, I wasn't there personally for the full interview or conversation, but each could fit with my little ramble here, just a bit... Whether they are from two decades ago or two days ago.

I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me. Jensen Ackles

I'm a little self-conscious about my body. I love to wear hoodies because you can get cozy and eat some food and your belly doesn't show! Jared Padalecki

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Supernatural 9x08 Rock and a hard place - book rant

my first gut reaction... I am much more nonchalant in the way i look at most things to appear almost lackadaisical or blasé, when I really just see so much that I don't see why made such a deal over... Personally I see Dean's treatment to Suzy, the way he talks to her about her past, and her videos as trying to tell her not to be embarrassed. Why escape from it? Embrace who you were, everything you do in life... it makes you who you are. It brings you to the point you are at now. Without it you would be someone else. You would have made different choices, been different places, met different people. Be comfortable with yourself. And, yes, he showed his appreciation for her work, by pointing out that he enjoyed it. Expressed, in essence that it was more than low-grade industry churn. If you hadn't left that and come here, you wouldn't have this life. These friends, this opportunity to be you now. Goodness only knows where you would be without having had that experience you are trying to deny.

Everybody wants different things. Personally, it depends on my mood what I want. This applies to my music, my books, my tv shows, my movies, conversation topics, my porn. I can't be the only one, and the industries know this. Just like everything else, when it comes to porn I've watched or read:

There's good; bad; some that I will dream about; some i will think about a lot; some i couldn't finish watching even if me and my best friend were making fun of it like Mystery Science Theater. I very distinctly remember watching one video that could be classified as porn that, well, I don't get how anyone would like it except the girls nailpolish was awesome. It's nothing to do with the people, but my interpretation. I may not like the sets, I may be in a foul mood when I watch. I may not like the story line. 

I honestly felt, from the few short minutes of interaction there, that Dean was smooshing lots of emotions together:

Lust, obviously. If you watch someone in an intimate situation or often enough, you can't help it. And, truth be told, I have been missing this side of Dean. It was a true part of him in early seasons, a tie in to his animal instincts, that hasn't been glimpsed as much due to the seriousness of the recent seasons. And, come one... How many of us have had naughty thoughts about at least 1 person on SPN? BE HONEST! Admiration. Obviously what ever happened around in that taco scene made him want to join a Mariachi band to be near her. Obviously, yes its about the talents displayed in said porn, and ties back to the first. And again, it's going to be obviously scripted and exaggerated for the industry. Just because you see it on screen, does not mean those actors like to do it at home. Perhaps a little on the creepy side, but it depends really on how Suzy feels about her work. Maybe she did have some pride in her work, but didn't want to be known as "The new girl in town who did those videos." Perhaps she'd had a bad experience the last time she had moved, and that was some of her "ashamedness".  Yes, I was a bit surprised when he lit the candle, and laughed at it frankly. I was pleased when he at least pretended to pray with her, as Dean is not the praying type, we can probably count on one hand the number of times he's actually prayed. But it was as if the last few minutes were completely separate, literally the emotional tie in had been cut from the previous few minutes. I would say as if shot at a different time than the candle lighting and crying/praying moment. But he was not the big bad wolf, and Suzy the innocent little red riding hood needing a protector here, in my eyes. They were both adults. I saw that she got his points as I was making above. Some might even say that she was seeking comfort over the disappearance of her friends, by having sex with Dean. Well, if so, that's still her choice. Not all on Dean's head would it fall.  Is sex something to be ashamed of? Has it been throughout history? Not precisely. I have discussed this with my husband frequently. Being from another country he points out the different views on sex. How much is or isn't shared between friends. How much is or isn't seen as shameful. He thinks I'm a bit of a prude! hah, always makes me laugh. I won't even go to the angle of religion. I'm Wiccy Pagan. I'm married, but  I appreciate beauty and am attracted to/by many things.... male, female, whateverdamngendermustwe?, body, soul, voice, skin, neck, eyes, actions, words, creativity, music. It's more than just one thing that makes someone attractive. If I was in this situation, I wouldn't be in awe. I would be there if they wanted to talk about it. I wouldn't pry, either. It's no big deal to me. Porn, tv show, rock star, cop; just things you've done in the past, no biggie, want another beer? It's just... I KNOW we are all going to see the show in our own way, and talk about it. I saw snippets from this episode as if I was the one saying them, the emotions and words as I would have meant them. The feelings I would have been trying to convey. All the things I with pride now talk about, because they made me ME, but a few years ago they did fill me with shame.  As to the Zeke/Sam And Dean storyline.... and the brotherly bond and story arc.... Yes, I have my doubts, worries and concerns, just like everyone. Yes, I am willing with my trusted few to go into them. But we're almost halfway through the season and can't pass real judgement. I have deep hope, down in my heart that Sam will get that Dean was doing the only thing that could be done to save Sam. After all the times Sam did the same thing for Dean, he should understand. All these years, all the crap they've been through, it's always been brought back to the fact that they indeed need each other. Work best together. And like any two people, can't have 100% all the time happy-go-lucky perfect relationship. I have trust that we'll see what it's all about, and the relationship will have a patch of some sort. But all these little WTFs in the meanwhile won't make sense until we have the whole season under our belts. Which is why we watch the show.

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The Siren, 4.14 Sex and Violence, Ramblings

So, trying to get sleepy, voting for PCAs, watching Sex and Violence. Got to thinking.

Dean: "Well, they all described their stripper in the same way, the exact same way. Perfect, and everything that they wanted." And the siren shows as a male to Dean. In fact as a brotherly type, who appreciates all the same music (knows as much, maybe a smidge more than Dean himself about it): love for old cars; etc.  Munroe: "I should be your little brother. Sam. You can't trust him. Not like you can trust me. In fact, I really feel like you should get him outtta the way, so we can be brothers. Forever." Now I see this as clever in a lot of ways.

One, Dean's drive to protect his brother at any cost. If this Oxytocin is acting like a venom (if you will) can tie into that drive, it's the strongest drive in Dean, as we've seen proof of so many times, and thus the biggest strength and weakness of Dean. The perfect way to bring him down, and/or under control. 

Two, there would be no reason to pose as a stripper to win Dean over. It just wouldn't work. For starters, the previously mentioned drive would be at odds with the venom, no matter how powerful it was. We know how strong Dean is. And for another reason, I firmly believe Dean gave up long ago on the hopes of ever having a real relationship. He wouldn't buy the happily ever after crap. I don't think any song would work on him, siren or otherwise. I'm not sure he even truly believed it later on with Lisa and Ben, to be honest.

So back to the siren going the brotherly route... Dean has pointed out, and given strong hints, that all he wants in the world is to hunt with his brother, his best friend. So the siren imitating a brotherly type, but just a little more like Dean, IS the "perfect. Everything that I wanted." 

Who doesn't want their best friend to like what they like? To watch the same shows? Listen to the same music? To share the same interests? Or at least a good few of them. The more you have in common, the more you can talk about. The stronger the bond. The closer you are.

Kudos. I like that story line. Just saying. 

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Random writing attempt 2

Late to the party as usual. Not sure if I'm saying it right, but it's worth a go, eh? The question was how Dean would react to something so bad, that he couldn't even crack a joke.......................

A very low pitched, not whispered, but for Sam's ears only comment. Even if it's not specific, if it's so bad he can't crack a joke then I would see a ..."We've got to find this son of a bitch before it hurts anyone else." Watching Deans eyes, Sam could almost see the visions being played in his brothers head. Instinctively knowing he was likening these killings to the torture and bloodied scenes from his time in Hell, perhaps even in Purgatory. The haunted look conveyed disgust at the acts committed thus far; desire to make the one responsible pay; revulsion at having thought to make the responsible one suffer like his victims.... Type of thing. Pulling on Dean's "Every death is on me. From the second I know of a monster in town, and every moment that goes by that I can't gank it, everything horrible it does is on me. My fault. My bad. We have to stop it before it does it again. We have to save as many people as we can."

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Such a great line, now it hurts a different way

The first time I saw/heard a line in the Supernatural premiere I burst into tears, seriously. Trying so hard to hide them from the guys in the room. You know, maintain my stout demeanor, silently sniffling, barely able to see the screen through the tears. Thinking how it so encapsulated the whole relationship of the Winchesters from the start. Hell, most Hunters.

Said from the heart, an inner deep feeling, that we've known was there from the start. 

DEAN I can't do this alone.  SAM Yes you can. DEAN looks down. DEAN Yeah, well, I don't want to. SAM sighs and looks down, thinking, then up. 

But, when I rewatched last night, I saw in a way that now clinches my hearts and hurts in a different way. Could be my interpretation of it. Could be how it was filmed. Could be how it was written. But i haven't seen a peep about it anywhere. So who do I talk to about it without hurting their heart too?

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A clash of realities and my place amoungst them

A comment on Twitter got me thinking.... while envisioning various people from my fave books, shows an movies in small groups at a party... What they would be doing, or talking about. Who would be bunched together, with what small common bond. Where would I be if I was in any of these universes?

Not where I *want* to be, as in my perfected ideal self, but the actual me.

Supernatural: Regular schmuck. Really hate to say it. Born, live boring, uneventful life. Touching just a few lives. No legacy, very few to remember me.  BUT.... If I survived an attack by a beastie, thanks to a Hunter.... Based on my normal reaction to finding out about something new and interesting, and thus reading up on everything I can find about it... I would end up doing precisely what Charley did. YET, I still most likely would end up just being a paranoid little wierdo, keeping the knowledge to myself, having no outlet. Even if I did have a hunters phone #, I'd just end up thinking to myself... "Oh I'm sure they know all this." or "So-and-so wouldn't have time to answer this question about this for me...." But you can bet I'd take have used freakin invisible, yet glow in the dark ink to draw devils traps and wards all over the place. Probably knitted and crocheted all sorts of protective shit. In fact my arsenal might have become a reality if the monsters were real and I knew it.

Anne Rice: Mayfair Witches- I'm not witchy enough to be kin, but perhaps I could be kith. A hanger-on-er from school. The quiet follower of Mona. The Vampire Chronicles- I'm not beguiling enough to gain a vamps attention for anything more than a quick snack, so I doubt I'd be turned. Even though I am attracted to those who walk the edge of realities themselves; are dark; quiet; hurt and need comfort; maybe I would be aware of them.

Terry Pratchett's Discworld: I might be able to make in Lacre as an apprentice to the Witches. I could get along with Granny. Even though I have definite Nanny tendancies. I'm very much more of a cross between Magrat and Agnes, for so many reasons. But, alas, without internet, I might shrivel and die. I know, if I didn't know of it, how could I miss it? Buffy/Angel:  I probably would have been a less adventurous Willow. Very similar tendencies in love, experimenting, learning. (Redhead, Wiccan, never dated a werewolf, but...) I would have adored Giles, but would have been constantly chased from the library. All my life that's been my refuge from the idiocies ..... *sighs* school (mine and any my mother attended.) So I'd have been the shadow in the corner, at the table, constantly reading.

Eureka: I'd have been Jack Carter, minus the fun stuff. Severely outclassed in the brain department, a kid  in the wrong place at the wrong time. Exit stage left.

Warehouse 13: The idiot constantly having to be rescued from artifacts. Much like a small child, I deliciate in my senses. At a flea market I will pick up nearly every item, or run a finger over them. Imagine I can tell something of it's history in this realm. Get the purple goo.

Anita Blake/Kate Daniels/etc Vampire-Werewolf-Fairies-Beastie books See note from Anne Rice-The Vampire Chornicles. 2nd class citizen on the fringe.

Any crime show on TV-Numbers/CSI/Mentalist/etc Yeah, maybe labrat, but not one that gets facetime or field time. I was made for boring repetitive work. Give me a pair of scissors and a huge pile of paper, and I will happily reduce into confetti-sized bits. With precision and little mess. 

So, facing the facts. I'm me, I fit best in my own little world. Filled with the very small remainders of blood kin; the extended family I have adopted; the friends I have made online; friends; and my regular chat buddies at places I frequent. And if anyone doesn't like me, they can piss off. I have moments of not liking me, I deal with it. If you like me in the slightest you will too. If I talk a lot on Twitter or FB, scroll the fuck past it if you dont want to read it. Turn off the notifications, doesn't mean you have to cut me fully from your life just because once in a while I actually am sociable and talk or share pictures or let myself be me.