Spock walked through the halls authorial, his hands behind his back. He nodded at every crew man that passed, his back and feet are tired, but he didn't show it. He didn't let it be known how exhausted he is. He never does, he comes to his door internally sighing at the day being over.
Soft music is playing and another wave a relief wash over him. He walks inside and scans the room; his brows furrow he doesn't see her. She is always sitting at her desk; or she is in the bed. Sometimes he would catch her at the dinner table. His wife was nowhere in sight.
He etched closer in, and he saw his wife sitting on the floor reading. In a rather uncomfortable position. "Y/n?" She looked up from her book, her eyes drowsy. "Why are you on the floor?"
He walked over to her and offered her his hand; she didn't take it. Which Spock noted as very odd behavior. "I can't get up I have to finish this. It's a complete guide to tribbles." She yawned turning back to the book. "You must do this on the floor? My thy'la, this is illogical."
"No, it's not I need to finish this on the floor, because if I read it on the bed, I will fall asleep." She whines, rolling her neck trying to pop it. "My dear, you must not read on the floor like this. You will develop joint pains that will obscure your compacity to work. Not to mention I have seen you reading this all day. Your eyes are strained. You are also overworking yourself." He finishes taking her arm and bringing her up.
He towered over her; he gazes down at her lovingly. A small smile on her face as she looked up at his dark eyes. "You're worried about me." It was supposed to be a question, but it was really more of a statement. As if she was saying it more to herself than him. He takes the book out of her hands. Places it on the desk all without looking away from her. "I always worry about you. You are my wife." She nods tiredly and hugs his torso. He holds her waist and cradles her head and for a moment it was silent. Just them listening of the others heartbeat.
"When I woke up this morning you were already gone. You also did not say much on the bridge today. Are you alright." He asks quietly, now petting her hair. She pulls away and looks up at him. "I'm ok, just a bad dream. It has been stuck in my head all day." He nods, "What happened in this dream?"
She looked down contemplating how to explain. "I dreamt that you left me." He looked her in complexion and shock. "I dreamt that you left me for Tpring. It was so lifelike Spock," he held her jaw with both hands, cupping her face. "You know that this dream is just fiction, yes?" She looked down, not answering.
"You know I have no feelings for Tpring, nor did I ever? Y/n?" She closed her eyes. "Look at me, please?" He asked kindly, she opened her eyes. His held such confusion and worry it almost hurt. "You Know I hold no feelings for her?"
"You were betrothed Spock," She started but stopped once she saw the hurt that flashed on his face. "Y/n, I did not love her. I did not feel anything for her. I was seven listening to my parents' orders that is all. Please get this foolish idea out of your mind. You are my wife, you are my th'la and as long as I live this is how it will be." He finishes kissing her on her head. Holding her hands tenderly intertwining their fingers.
For a moment much like many before, it was as if their souls danced with each other. Their heads leaning on one another, their fingers intertwining in an intimate Vulcan kiss. getting lost in each other's presence. Getting drunk from love they shared, from the feeling that Spock was so ashamed of for years. Basking in the feeling she denied herself. Husband and wife.
"I'm sorry, it's just I don't want you to go."
"I will not. Come your exhausted my love." He guides her to the bed, undoing the tightly made blankets. They lay down together he held her as she laid her head on his chest. He took the book from their bedside table. He read to her for several minutes waiting to hear the stillness of her sleeping breaths.
Sensory Prompts: ‘Hollow feeling in your chest when you feel sad’ + ‘Fingertips brushing hair from your face’
Requested by: Anon (2 years ago; BIG YIKES lol)
Pairing: Spock x reader
Gender: Neutral Words: 1,557
Triggers: Angst. Mentions of fighting, and fake character death.
Star Trek Taglist: @starfleetimagines
Sensory Prompts From here (written by me)
Note: I haven’t written angst in a while, so I hope this came out good.
As the water from the shower washed over you, you tried to relax, letting the warm water relax your body, the water stung as it ran over your cuts, but you didn’t care. Your eyes closed, but flashes of what happened on the planet kept bugging you.
Bringing your hands to your face you breathed out, trying to stop the memories from rushing taking over. Staring down at the drain, you see the dirt, grime and dried blood wash away, but the pain and guilt didn’t, as much as you wanted it to.
Stepping out of the shower, your chest seemed hollow, the empty weight of sadness filing you body, shoulders heavy, body sore. Your movements slow as you got dressed, and made your way to your bed, sitting down on the floor, back pressed against your bed as you stared at the walls around you. Finally letting the memories of what passed that day flood back.
*Flashbacks*
“This planet is amazing” you wondered out-loud, the rest of your away team gazing at the surroundings “Lets get some samples of these herbs, Dr. McCoy said they might prove useful”
“I wouldn’t mind living here” your friend Zamara said as they stood next to you, meeting your eyes as you shared a smile.
It seemed like such a peaceful planet; there were no signs of any life except small land creatures. The planet was covered in foliage and minerals. The mission was supposed to be simple, collect and study. Nothing was supposed to go wrong.
“Y/n come in” Zamara’s voice was patchy, interference making it hard to understand them.
“What’s up?”
“I’m finding un..al readings coming from a cave to the south of yo- ..osition; I think it might be- rare ore interf-ng with the equ-ent, permission to inv-igate”
A strong feeling in the gut told you it wasn’t that, don’t let them go in alone “Wait for me, I’ll be there in a few minutes”
You could hear distress in the ensigns voice as they tried to contact you. The sound of phaser fire coming through the coms, as well as from their location. Running to meet them, you rounded the corner, when you did you weren’t prepared for what you would see.
Two members of your away team were crouched behind a large rock, including the ensign who tried to talk to you.Your eyes landing on Zamara, on the ground, injured, but hopefully alive.
Next your gaze moved to the hostile aliens in the entrance to the cave, firing advanced weapons at your team.
You yelled at them, gaining their attention “Stand down! You are attacking a starfleet team, stand down!’
The aliens responded with more weapons fire at you. Tapping your com’s you called out “Away team to Enterprise, I repeat away team to enterprise!”
“This is Captain Kirk to away team, what’s going on down their y/n?”
“We are under attack Captain! Hostile aliens were in a cave that could not be scanned, one officer down, requesting back-up!”
More weapons fire, yelling, an explosion. How did these aliens get such powerful weapons, and why are they here, why are they attacking?
Your train of thought was distracted as you were knocked to the ground from another blast the the cliff-side. Taking the chance as the aliens retreated a little further into the cave, re-charging their weapons. You ran to Zamara’s side, quickly grabbing them and dragging them behind a large boulder.
Checking their pulse you contacted starfleet again “Where’s my backup!?”
“We’re almost there Y/n, hold on” the voice was that of Spock’s, he was coming too. He was almost here, just hang on.
Your gaze landed on a nearby ensign, clearly dead. Your heart clenched as you felt a wave of grief and guilt. They were here because of you.
Peaking over the rock, you fired more at the aliens as they tried to advance.
“Y/n” the voice was quiet, staggered.
Looking down you see Zamara gaining consciousness as they stared up at you. “Hey, good you’re awake, just hold on”
“It was so sudden. They came..out of the cave....all at once-”
“Shh, shh, it’s okay, you can tell me later, just hold on, ach!”
You crouched down as a blast hit the stone in front of you, sending sharp stones blasting through the air. You grunted, anger and fear rising in your chest.
Hearing the explosive weapon charging again, you felt fear grip you. Grabbing a hold of your friends shoulder, you pulled them back before shielding them with your body.
The explosion was quick and loud, sending both you and your friend tumbling. As the debris from the stone fell down on top of you. You grunted as you struggled to see around you. Looking down at your friend you turned them over “Hey, Zamara are you-”
Your breath hitched in your throat as you saw them. Eyes open, but no life left in them. You checked their pulse, only to find nothing. Your heart seemed to crumble in your chest as your friends non-gazing eyes met your own.
Hearing something behind you, you look up, seeing a weapon pointed directly into your face. The aggressive stare of one of the aliens peering into your eyes.
Just as you thought you were about to die, the alien was shot down, your gaze landing on Spock running towards you, the Captain himself and other officers behind him, firing and protecting the rest of your team.
Spock kneeling down next to you, checked the pulse of your friend. Feeling nothing, and realizing they were dead, his eyes met your own, seeing the repressing grief deep in you eyes.
The scanner was being waved over your body by Dr McCoy as Spock and Captain Kirk watched from nearby. Another medical officer patching the cuts you had acquired during the attack. The rest of your team being treated by others. Your away team consisted originally of 7, now consisted of 4.
You had experienced death before. Seen innocent starfleet officer’s lives taken. But this was the first time you knew them, this was the first time it was your team. This was the first time you lost a friend. A very good friend.
This was the first time you tried to save a friend, and failed.
*Now*
A tear rolled down your cheek as you came back to the present, your eyes burning from the sadness that was finally taking over. Memories of Zamara’s death plaguing you.
You almost didn’t hear the signal at your door, the persistent knocking, not until you heard a familiar muffled voice from the other side.
“Y/n, are you in there?” You could hear the concern in Spock’s voice. An emotion he only ever shows for a few.
You didn’t rise from the floor, but instead called out “Come in”, unsure if he really heard you.
The doors sliding open almost immediately told you he did. As he stepped inside, the door sliding closed behind him. His gaze roamed over the room before landing on your form on the floor.
Hair still wet, eyes red, tear presently rolling down your cheek. A deep feeling of regret and pain moved through Spock’s body as he slowly approached you. You looked so fragile, and tired.
Kneeling down in front of you, he met your eyes for a long moment before his hand slowly rose, as he brushed aside a piece of hair from your face, his fingertips gently gliding across your skin before he tucked the hair behind your ear.
Next, he brought his hand to your face, gently wiping way the tears still present on your face. His voice came out quietly, gentle “I’m sorry. I...know, you must be hurting, and grieving for Zamara, but. I need to make sure you know that this wasn’t your fault.” his eyes stared deeply and softly into your own “There was no way for you or your team to know of the aliens presence. No matter what guilt you might be feeling, it is false. This was not your fault, and no one involved believes it to be.”
Another tear fell down your cheek, immediately stopped by Spock’s hand as he wiped it away. He wished he could take the pain away, teach you to push it down until it fades, but he knew you were too...human, to do that. He knew that you needed to grieve, and he insisted he be there to help you through it.
Though it took him a while after the two of you entered into a relationship, to admit he loved you. He really did. And he would be there for you through whatever happens, just as you were there for him.
He felt a pang of relief as you moved forward, wrapping your arms around him as you pulled him closer. Spock wrapped his arms around you as well as he now sat fully on the floor, pulling you closer as he let you cling to him. He was relieved when you started to cry, relieved that you trusted him enough to show him this part of you.
And you felt the weight of grief and guilt lift, not all the way, but slowly beginning to fade as Spock wrapped his arms around you and continued to quietly comfort you. Reminding you again and again that it wasn’t your fault, and that he was there, and he wouldn’t leave you alone, ever.
Hope you guys liked it, not sure if it was super angsty, but I tried lol.
If you’d like to be added to a taglist for any character or fandom let me know.
Also, please consider reblogging, as that is one of the best ways to help share creators work past their followers!~ Comments and likes are appreciated as well :) <3
Notes; A teeny tiny little fic, requested by @kumikoseph
Still trying to get back into writing, here is a little something!
______________________________________________
Spock hadn’t had any time for romance between joining Starfleet and the Seven Signals - he had been both entirely preoccupied in his work and not interested in pursuing anything romantic until he had met her.
She was unexpected, wore her heart on her sleeve, and in Spock’s time of need she was patient - and tried hard to show him healthy ways to embrace emotion whilst still managing its effects. She knew small things about Vulcan, but always wanted to know more. She gave him something of interest on Discovery other than his work on the signals - and for that he was thankful.
"Spock, please accompany the Lieutenant to the lab?" Pike calls out.
He is broken from his state of reverie. "Of course, Captain."
She is stood waiting for him, looking pleased.
Spock feels an emotion that is unfamiliar to him, even in this time of heightened experiences; nervousness.
They enter and exit the turbo lift onto the correct deck, and she begins discussing the relevant scientific work she needed his consultation on.
Her passion and interest is certainly something to be admired, Spock muses as she is completed absorbed looking at her PADD and relaying data.
“Of course, as the best mind on the ship, I knew I had to show you.” She turns to him and smiles widely in a way that absorbs the Vulcan completely. He is not used to such an attraction - and doesn’t even know what to say in response to her seemingly flirtatious comment - he just looks back at her and feels his lips curl into a smile - hoping she doesn’t see the tinge of greenish blush on his face.
______________________________________________
"Spock, may I sit with you?"
"Of course, Lieutenant."
Spock knows he should say something; exchanging pleasantries or discussing duties… He wanted to attempt some form of human courtship but wasn't quite sure on how to approach such a thing. Moments pass, the Vulcan pre-occupied with his thoughts and the Lieutenant eating quietly - the silence stretches on.
"Are you okay? You seem to be quiet, deep in thought" She asks and then laughs. "Uncharacteristically so, I mean."
"I am quite alright." He offers and tries to give a reassuring smile.
Spock is somewhat nervous and out of his depth.
Without thinking, she reaches out to hold his hand in a comforting gesture.
The feelings of the lieutenant rush to Spock - concern and… attraction.
He is relieved to know she feel the same, and wants to hold her hand in return, but instead withdraws due to the intensity of the emotions shared.
"I'm, so sorry." The Lieutenant takes ahold of her tray and stands, moving away from the table. "Excuse me."
Spock opens his mouth as if to speak, and finds himself at a loss, instead settling his face and returning his attention back to his meal.
______________________________________________
“I hear you are not headed with the Discovery.” Spock says, stopping momentarily to talk to her before heading to see Michael.
“No, I’m looking forward to making the Enterprise my new home.”
She replies, and goes to continue walking down the corridor, but instead turns back.
“I hope I get to spend more time with you." She says and leans up on her tiptoes to press a gentle, sweet kiss to his bearded cheek.
Spock is breathless, overtaken by the sensation. "And I too."
Most of your friends or co-workers didn’t believe you when you admitted who you were in relationship with and, partly, you could understand them. Vulcans weren’t known for easily getting involved in relationships or even maintaining friendships.
Spock wasn’t really into any forms of PDA, but had nothing against it if you initiated it.
He actually enjoyed holding hands, maybe because it reminded him every time of the closeness to the Vulcan’s way of showing affection.
Spock didn’t show his emotions, but he cared for you deeply and tried to show it to you mostly through his actions and not words.
He would be very protective of you and check on you as often as he could, also observing the people surrounding you for any sign of harmful intentions.
When you were docking on a planet and the crew had a few days off, he often suggested spending that time together, maybe visiting some famous places the planet had to offer. He wouldn’t leave your side and would tell you hundreds of facts about visited planet he thought you might like.
Whenever you volunteered to go on a mission, Spock would immediately do the same. He couldn’t even imagine leaving you ‘all on your own’ – it didn’t matter how many experts or trained officers would be helping you. If he wasn’t fit to join you on the field, he would at least monitor your life functions or guide you.
Spock would get extremely worried if you ever got hurt that he would show his emotions on the outside, breathing shallowly and having a hard time concentrating properly. He would be with you in the med-bay when visitors were allowed and would help you with recovering.
The most precious memories he had were when you both were laying on your bed in the evenings, reading a book or some files you had to work with on the next day. The lights were dimmed and the silence surrounding you was comfortable enough to not feel any need or pressure to maintain conversation. You enjoyed being in his presence, snuggled under the blankets and with your head on Spock’s shoulder. The first few times you did that, you felt his muscles tensing, but he didn’t say anything. Eventually he got used to it and relaxed.
You would sometimes fell asleep on him. His heart would skip a beat when he noticed it, but did nothing to wake you up. He was reluctant to even move.
Notes: A request from @sovereignoblivious. It has been almost 2 years since my last fic - my degree has absolutely overwhelmed me. Again, summer has come and Star Trek has taken me.
Something short (and probably awful) to get my creative juices flowing.
As always, comments and spelling corrections welcomed.
Please make requests! I’ve just finished Discovery Season 2 and I am in a very creative mood.
________________________________
It seemed like every child growing up was bombarded with grand romantic gestures and “happily ever after”.
What you had with Spock was none of those things - but for you, he was perfect.
Looking out of the window from your dimmed room, cascades of light surrounded your eyes in a completely wonderful display.
Despite being constantly in the presence of stardust and constellations - you would never tire of the view. The endless brilliance is what compelled you to join Starfleet.
From space, every single star was more stunning and vibrant than it was down on earth. Every planet you visited surpassed even your wildest imagination.
Many of your nights were spent like these - you and Spock in your shared quarters, enjoying each other’s quiet company and a form of intimacy unique to the two of you.
The silence was comfortable - no words needed to be exchanged to share your feelings about the other. The ability to co-exist peacefully and lovingly was powerful, and a perfect representation of the love you shared.
You often got lost in thought. Of all the possibilities of this universe and through all of space and time, you and Spock had ended up here, together.
Whilst you gazed at the expanse of the quadrant passing by, Spock would usually read or listen to music.
Spock had never verbalised such a thought, but he enjoyed listening to you hum absentmindedly as you gazed outside.
He never thought he would enjoy such a pleasure.
Your attention wavers when you hear your boyfriend move behind you - assuming he was getting up to acquire another book to read for the rest of the evening - instead he sits across from you, and takes your hand in his.
“Hi.” You whisper sweetly and look to him. He is already staring out at the panorama beyond your window - deciding to enjoy this moment together, you turn your thoughts back to the stars.
The comfortable and intimate moment passes by, and you cherish the feeling of his warmth beside you, his subtle scent and his hand in yours.
“(Y/N).” His voice is low and gentle - but still tears you away from your quiet contemplation.
You catch the soft intensity in his deep brown eyes and share a bright, unrestrained smile with him. Even that struggles to convey the simple joy you feel in this moment.
His lips curl and the corner of his eyes crinkle in a way usually reserved just for moments like these.
“One of the things I most truly admired about my mother was her capacity to love.” He began speaking unexpectedly.
You turn your full attention toward him and reposition yourself closer.
“As a child, I always sought to suppress my emotional inclinations. You helped me find again what made me human - whole.”
“When we first became acquainted, it would have been the logical choice for you to dismiss me as cold and unfeeling.
When I came to the realisation I loved you, it would have been sensible for me to hide this, rather than face the realities of my lifespan far surpassing your own.”
A beat passes, and you are tempted to open your mouth to speak.
“We share what we do out of love. Now, I see the logic in choosing to share my life with the person who makes all moments have meaning.”
“I ask you for many more years of your love and patience and promise the same in return. I ask for you to take me as your husband.”
Without needing to think, you lean into Spock. Your hand gently caresses his face as you capture his lips in a tender kiss that leaves the two of you breathless.
You whisper into his lips.
“Of course, Spock.”
The moment was perfect.
Real, normal, and so fitting for the life you two shared.
Your love didn’t always need to be spoken in love poems or expressed with flowers and gifts. It was in everything you do, everything you share.
Notes: A bit of a sad Spock fic - requested (forever ago, sorry) by @blueoftheenterprise
Dear readers, I’d love it if you could leave a like/comment or feedback if you enjoyed - it means the world <3
Maintaining complete focus whilst on the bridge was getting harder and harder each day - thankfully nothing too interesting had been happening to make your absent-mindedness a problem.
Anywhere else on the ship - it was easier to focus. The mess hall was usually free of the man who was the cause of your problem - but on the bridge, there was no escaping Spock.
If anyone were paying any attention to you right now - they’d see you looking over at the man with adoration - but also sadness in your eyes. You were thinking of all the times you had interacted - and how it was getting more and more difficult to keep your feelings to yourself.
You recall questioning him, quite relentlessly, about how he was doing after his latest away mission. Everything you were asking, every concern, was just a way for you to show how deeply you cared - not that Spock would ever pick that up himself.
Now you’re doing overtime you promised the Captain - just so you could spend more time around Spock.
Your meal is finished - and you’re trying to focus on the work in front of you. You like working in the mess hall sometimes - the background chatter is usually comforting - but it’s a little noisier today. You spare a glance up at the room when you see that he’s approaching you. Spock is approaching you. In the mess hall, in your downtime, of his own volition. You try to swallow and remember to breathe - steadying your thoughts so you don’t make a fool of yourself. Maybe this time, he’ll give you something to work with - a crack in that steely exterior, an opening in that wooden heart.
“Lieutenant (Y/L/N),” he begins politely. “I hope you do not mind me interrupting your recreation time.”
“Not at all. You can sit down if you’d like?” You offer, indicating the chair next to you.
He takes the seat, and despite the fact he’s physically closer than he’s ever been - you still feel like the two of you are a million miles apart.
“May I ask a question?” Spock asks, hesitantly.
You really don’t know where this question is going, but you nod regardless. Refraining from telling the man that you’d answer anything he ever asked you with complete honesty and enthusiasm.
“Do you enjoy receiving flowers?” He enquires.
Your mouth goes dry, you’re unsure but excited about his intentions.
“I’m not a huge flower person, but sometimes, I guess.” You have to try not to stumble over your words.
“Is there any particular kind you enjoy more than others?”
“I-I’ve always found, uhm, earth lilies, Asiatic, to be most enchanting. Hard to care for, but beautiful.” You take a deep breath and try your luck. “Why? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Captain Kirk said it was customary for a man to buy flowers for his date during courtship - and I have a dinner with Lieutenant Uhura planned this coming weekend.” He says, and you can sense that despite the unfamiliarity of the situation - he’s looking forward to it. “I thought I’d look to a friend, for advice. The Captain had mentioned lilies too.”
But there it was - plain as day. Spock wasn’t interested in you, and he never would be. All those times you’d try to show him were in vain.
“Y-you should ask her yourself. I’ve got to go.” You say quickly as you rise out of your seat - Spock looks confused but nevertheless - says nothing. “Good luck with your date.”
You rush off away from the mess hall and away from him - hoping you could hold back the tears until you finally got to your quarters.
Notes: First time writing Spock, oops. I tried not to fuck this up.
Spock had been a dick. It was as simple as that, at least in your mind.
You’d known when you got together that he wasn’t the most empathetic, nor was he by any stretch a ladies man, but his accidental callousness was a little bit harder to swallow when things weren’t going well in other parts of your life.
It had been 2 days since you both actually last spoke - he was probably busy and you were full of pride, not wanting to make the first move to reconcile. You knew however, that this stubbornness would possibly mean even longer without speaking to Spock - he most likely was convinced he had done nothing wrong.
In a brief moment of forgetting Spock was Spock, you’d asked a sensitive question about your body, and he’d given a rather callous response. Though it had been a few days, your emotions about the incident kept changing from anger to self-loathing to sadness, and then back round again.
You knew it wouldn’t take long for your crewmates to notice that your low mood was more than just an “off day”, and one of your friends was sat across from you in the mess hall, watching you roll your food around your plate mindlessly.
“Going to tell me what’s up?” He asked with a concerned smile. “You’re not yourself, and I’m worried all your vegetables are going to turn into a mash if you keep prodding them like that.”
You sigh - because honestly you do feel a little silly. You’re dating Spock and you knew you weren’t going for a man who would just tell you what you wanted to hear.
“It’s Spock.”
“I knew it!” Your friend laughed. “What did he do now?”
You spent the next hour or so reliving the incident - trying to include some humour to make yourself feel better. Your food went cold as your friend tried to make you feel less upset about what had happened.
Feeling slightly better within yourself, but no further forward with your boyfriend you walked slowly back to your quarters. Part of you wanted to run into him so you could tell him how you were feeling and hopefully come to a solution - another part wanted to be left alone, possibly forever.
You slide into your quarters - and see a large bunch of flowers sitting on the table by your bed. You cautiously approach, fearful of the blooms, and snatch the card poking out of them before retreating away toward the door.
“The Captain has reliably informed be that what I said to you may have been upsetting. He suggested these as an apology.
-Spock.”
You let out a small smile, but it’s quickly interrupted by a sharp sneeze and your eyes watering fiercely.
You rush away from blossoms and grab some tissues, beginning to rub at your running nose with one hand as you go to grab the medical box you keep in your bathroom - as you rifle through the various packets and boxes, there's a noise alerting you of a guest at your quarters.
Assuming it's another concerned crewmate you beckon them into your room.
“Come in.”
The doors quickly slide open, and two swift and simple footfalls sound around the room.
“(Y/N). I thought I should follow up my earlier gesture with some communication.” Your boyfriend speaks easily.
“Spock.” You call out, your voice slightly strained.
“Yes?” He replies - his feet still firmly planted at the entrance of your quarters in polite reservation - even after all this time.
“There are many moments where I consider you someone with brilliant ideas and a good future. This is not one of those moments.”
“(Y/N), I do not understand.”
“There's only one thing I'm allergic to, Spock. Pollen.”
If Spock was the one to cite human sayings, maybe he'd tell you it’s the thought that counts.
