#square life

[johnnyseo-ismylife]

me @ new sr15b fans: welcome to the square life

[margaretzhang]

New work, new shoes, new juice // Square Life, Balmain Paris (heads up on sale at NET-A-PORTER), pressedjuices

[getoutofthisplace]

While taking pictures of a bridge in Kansas City, I came across Amanda and Lauren and their dog sitting under it, taking refuge from the weather before traveling on. With Kaia locked in my truck, and me standing there with my clean white polo (with company logo) tucked into my jeans...I've never felt more square than when I was talking to these two about what my life and job are like. When I walked away, Amanda mockingly said, "Follow yo' dreams."

It's a balance, though, isn't it? Am I not following a diluted version of my dreams by getting to drive around in my truck with my dog and take pictures? I've essentially done just that since the summer of 2009 and now I'm getting paid for it.

I often struggle with wondering what direction my life is headed in, and I give myself a hard time for spending my days in a cubicle, but it wasn't long ago that I was begging to be in a cubicle. When Rory and I set out to walk across the country nine years ago, I can't articulate to you how incredible that feeling was for me. And by the time the trip was over, it was the feeling of coming home that felt so good. My internal conflict seems to be always deciding whether or not I belong in a well-grounded, established place rather than one with no rules to follow, no obligations to fulfill.

During the walk across the country, I remember talking to a homeless man named Steve outside a McDonald's somewhere in Missouri. He asked me what I thought about life on the road.

“I think I could do this forever,” I said. And I meant it.

Steve smiled at me. He bit his tongue, wanting to tell me something.

“What is it? You don’t think I could do it forever?”

“I’m sure you could do it forever. You look like you might have already started doing it forever,” he said.

“But…?”

“But time’s going to pass over you. It’s going to pass over your bones. And your face. You’re young right now and you can walk all day. People see your face and they want to help you with food or money. Girls can still look at your face and see something big going on inside of you. It makes ‘em want you. If you do this forever, you won’t be what you think you’ll be. You’ll be me. Girls don’t look at my face anymore. If they do, they don’t see anything in me worth wanting. People don’t want to help me. They all think I’ve had my chance and I didn’t do anything with it. You’ve still got the look of potential. People look at you and see their son. They’ll forgive you for sittin’ out here with your dog. You make people curious. I make people scared. Your bones will get tired. You won’t be able to walk every day because your body won’t let you. And so you’ll get a bike or something. And then you’ve got shit. The whole point of being out here is to not have shit. When you got shit, you gotta worry about it. You don’t want to be out here worried about shit.”

Kansas City, Missouri. 5.12.2014.

[katastrophic]

even my idea of a downward spiral is square.

[zbill-blog-blog]

fuckin responsibility and bullshit

I'm a little upset, cuz i'm missin the rugby tournament to get important shit done. and i missed practice today cuza work. and all i wanna do is get shitty. isn't that what college is for?

that's the only reason i miss home. i used to always be a dumbass fuckhead, and now i gotta feed myself, earn money, and shit. there's nothing to rebel against here, that doesn't have to do with class. i think i'm just gunna ride the buses around tomorrow after class.

but i love the area i work in. reminds me of sf<3.  saw some bums on the bus today too. for some reason that comforted me a lot. seriously, and weirdly, it really did.

and i miss my cats