#squirrel army

[norsesquirrelgod]

😾🐿️

A black cat looks out a window at a squirrel who keeps walking in front of the cat. (Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/squirrels/s/OVESG1IFGx )

[norsesquirrelgod]

Don’t mess with squirrels.

🌳🐿️🔪

[webtoonenthusiast]

You ever just create your own animal army?

Lemme give context.

When I was younger my dad had an area added to the garage made out of wood and sheet metal for the roof. This attracted all the nearby animals attention, including squirrels. So much in this case, that there was one brave squirrel that would pop over from time to time.

Until my dad decided to slam a broken car antenna on it's head. My dad didn't finish the job before he came back into the house, so he sent me to do the final blow. When I walked outside I found the poor guy with one of it's eyes gone. Obviously I'm not picking up a random animal with my bare hands, so I grabbed some gloves, gently picked them up, and placed them underneath the log rack, where I assumed they would pass peacefully.

BOY WAS I WRONG.

Instead they decided, "Hey, I'm literally too angry to die" and the next day I came out to check on them, I saw them instead staring at me next to the nearest tree. I assume we had a truce of sorts since I helped them survive longer, but it then I guess it proceeded to tell the other squirrels about me, because now squirrels come much closer to me and just like, chill.

but the have a FULL ON VENDETTA against my dad, stalking him relentlessly.

Oh yeah, I named the one eyed squirrel Buck.

Like,

This Buck, from Ice Age.

[darknessletmego]

Rebuilding 8...

Why was it that no one could share?!

There was always some asshole who thought as though he owed the world…  In this case, he thought that he owned the reservoir, the main water source for the dilapidated city. The man was Eastern European and supposedly didn’t speak of lick of English yet clearly knew how the city’s water supply functioned.

Diplomacy didn’t mean shit to this old water hoarding bastard.  He held the guns and had all the power.

“So…  What do we do about unhappy grandpa?”

“Well, talking to him obviously didn’t work…despite several attempts,” Harvey stated.

“Oh!  I know! We need to hug it out or find a ‘this is our get along shirt’!” Jules shouted.

“Does anyone have any less insane suggestions?”

“Kill him and take over?” Someone suggested.

“He out numbers and out guns us…”

“If it were the old days, I’d just arrest him.” Sam said.

“Well time travel hasn’t been invented yet so…  How about something within the realm of realism?”

“An army…” Jules began.

“No squirrels!”

[frank-you-4-the-venom]

I've begun feeding this squirrel at lunch every day. If all goes according to plan, I'll have my squirrel army soon.

[urzashottubtimemachine]

My meds made me hallucinate squirrels moving about in my peripheral vision last night.

[sacredheart-scrubs-blog]

The Janitor's squirrel army.

[skyblueecho]

me: *over a span of 30 mins*

me: All I want for Christmas is a squirrel army. That's all I want. I would feed them and clothe them and train them.

me: I think for the winter I would give them all little Christmas sweaters and it'd actually be pretty cute.

me: They're just furry ninjas right? They can just disappear and reappear at will.

me: Maybe I'd have the leader or captain hang out that I would have with me all the time, like, riding on my shoulder? To keep up appearances? If he's really adorable and has a Christmas sweater, it could be very endearing. But if I don't like whomever I'm talking with, I could have him attack.

me: I probably couldn't enter a coffee shop with them, could I? No, probably not.

me: please don't let me have any more coffee