#ss stuff

[sedulous-sub]

Asking your dom questions is not annoying.

Asking your dom questions is not topping from the bottom.

Asking your dom questions is part of a healthy and communicative relationship.

If your "dom" makes you feel uncomfortable or bad for asking questions, then they're not really a dom.

[scary-sister]

[sedulous-sub]

Subs, you're allowed to be the strong one sometimes.

Doms, you're allowed to be the sappy one sometimes.

Tumblr d/s isn't real life. Its not all doms in suits and kneeling subs. It's not black and white. It's a relationship like any other and it needs give and take on both sides. It's supposed to be loving and it's supposed to be fun. You're not doing it wrong if it's right for you.

You don't need to try and strive for the fake, photoshopped, perfect d/s portrayed here. All your imperfections and badly timed giggles, wobbly days and things that don't go to plan are your version of perfect d/s and that's what you should strive for.

[sedulous-sub]

I don't care if I'm kneeling, naked, crying and begging them to beat my ass and let me cum while they tell me what a silly, desperate little slut I am.

I'm am still their equal.

And the fact they know this too is why I trust them and I feel safe enough to do these things.

[sedulous-sub]

You should check in on your dom just as much as they check in on you.

Everyone needs to hear the words "how are you?" and everyone needs to feel cared for no matter what side of the slash you live.

[sedulous-sub]

I saw a post recently which suggested that being a slave (in the d/s context) had a deeper meaning than being a sub. That as a sub, they had the choice to say no if they weren't in the mood to do something and as a slave, they couldn't. And it bothered me until I sat and thought, "that's just how they do it".

I think we all need the reminder sometimes, that how we live this lifestyle is entirely personal and different to how the next person will. And it only bothered me because being a sub is so important to me. As a sub, I would never think to myself that I could just say no if I wasn't in the mood to do something my dom had asked me to do. My version of 'sub' has just as deep a meaning as their version of 'slave'.

At the end of the day, these are all titles that we give ourselves. What they mean to one person is entirely different to the next. There is no one true set of rules to live this lifestyle, it's just what works for you and is safe, sane and consensual. You can have no rules, no punishments or a 10 page contract full of each. It really doesn't matter as long as everyone is happy and satisfied in the relationship. There needs to be more acceptance and less judgement about how people live their dynamic.

My one sticking point (and a slight tangent) is always going to be safewords. I see so many posts lately about how being a slave means giving up your safeword and it scares me. I truly believe that everyone should always reserve their right to have a safe way out of a situation. Sub, slave, dom, master, mistress, little..everyone should be able to feel safe enough to stop something when they need to. But again that's just my opinion. I just feel that it's important to point out to people, that 'slaves having no safeword' is not a rule, especially to those who may be new to the lifestyle. If you choose to live that way, so be it, but if somebody tells you factually, that's just how it's done, then don't accept that and run.

[sedulous-sub]

Make sure you have regular check-ins on your limits throughout your relationship. We are constantly changing. Soft limits may now be a definitive no go. Hard limits may have softened and are ready to be explored.

This goes for either side of the slash. Doms, your limits are just as important as your subs. Make sure you and your partner(s) are communicating effectively so that you are on the same page in a happy and healthy relationship.

[sedulous-sub]

I don't need a dom that can swoop in and fix everything.

I need somebody that can help me learn to fix things for myself.

I need somebody that will guide me to find the best way through.

I need somebody that will be proud of me when I make it or pick me up, dust me off and kick my butt back into gear when I don't.

I'm not a princess trapped in a tower needing saved. I can get out of the tower just fine on my own, I just need somebody there who knows me, and needs just as much to make it less treacherous.

I need somebody that when I say "I got this" they will tell me "We, got this".

And that's why I need my dom so much because they are all of these things and so much more.