It’s been a long time coming and here we finally are. This fic and I have been through a lot together but I am so glad to be able to share it. This process and the fic outcome is something that I will hold near and dear to my heart. It’s a gift to far too many people for me to mention, but I believe they’d all know who they are. Thank you to everyone who was supportive of it from the very beginning, you all know who you are and I am forever grateful for you. A special thank you to @terramous - Max contributed some amazing words to this fic in which I will be more specific of in the notes of AO3 (In safety of not giving away anything.) But without the addition that he offered, the rest of the fic may had never seen the light of day. Also to @officerrxyes - Jamie only read an unfinished copy but she was able to offer some incredible feedback and editing suggestions. You were so important to the process. 💛
Summary: TK and Carlos were childhood best friends. They spent their entire lives beside one another, completely inseparable. TK is in love with Carlos and Carlos with TK. But neither one knew the other’s true feelings. After graduation, TK follows his dreams to New York City, leaving Carlos behind in Austin.
Now, three years later, TK returns to Austin to visit his father for the holidays. Upon his return, TK reconciles with Carlos, now in a relationship and those feelings that both men have pushed down for so long may in fact resurface.
***
Falling in love with his best friend was not something that TK had planned for. It had been a long and wild process that had taken a while to become apparent to him. It had begun like a gentle and steady rain that had eventually grown into a hurricane within him.
It was long before TK had discovered his true self when he had met Carlos Reyes. It had been at the age of eight on a sunny Saturday afternoon on the swing sets at the park. The two had become fast friends and eventually, the boys had become an inseparable pair that were attached at the hip. As the two grew up together, side by side, it became clear that that’s where TK’s life was taking him. When they had entered high school, TK had become overwhelmed by the feelings he held for Carlos. TK was always searching the universe for messages, waiting for it to let him know it was okay to take that jump. But it never did and by the time they turned eighteen, the way TK had felt towards Carlos had reached a boiling point.
It was then that life proved that good things could never last as the two found themselves to be ripped apart suddenly by graduation and everything that came after.
In the summer following them receiving their diplomas, TK had found himself accepted to NYU, a dream of his since he was a kid. Not long after, Carlos was offered a full soccer scholarship to UT Austin, fulfilling his own dreams. It was only then that it was made clear that they would have to move on, and they would have to do it without each other. It was a sudden, almost life shattering realisation that the two had to deal with and they were forced to accept it. So TK packed himself up, drove to the airport and flew away from Austin and more importantly; the way he had felt for Carlos.
happy holidays, sy! i'm wishing you a wonderful and prosperous new year. i hope this fic helps to usher in 2021 right!
word count: 5.2k || read on ao3
All through the night
I'll be awake and I'll be with you
All through the night
This precious time when time is new
When Carlos envisioned winter in New York, his elaborate fantasies had somehow managed to eclipse the reality of what it might actually entail. He had enjoyed his brief stay, taking in the window displays along Fifth Avenue. It had long since been something he wanted to see for himself and the storefronts had more than delivered. But on the flipside of such a picturesque scene has come the downside of what heavy amounts of snow could mean.
It’s why he finds himself now planted in a too hard seat at JFK Airport, wondering how he’ll possibly fill his time now that his flight has been delayed until morning. Outside the blizzard rages on with no real end in sight and Carlos mulls over the merits of his decision to leave Texas in the New Year and make this city his home. This is a far cry from Austin. He’d once thought winter temperatures there could be bad but it’s been nothing compared to the arctic blast in the North.
He tries to keep busy with a book but his attention is split between the words before him and the cute guy across from him frantically digging inside his backpack, a phone teetering dangerously on his knee.
“God, where is that stupid thing,” the man mumbles to himself. “Come on charger, where are you?”
Carlos looks away, burying his head in his book to hide the smile that breaks out on his face. The guy is obviously peeved but Carlos can’t help but to find his muttering endearing. After another moment of fruitless searching on the stranger’s end, Carlos takes mercy on him.
“Here, you can borrow mine,” he says, unzipping his own backpack and fishing out his charger.
The man sighs in relief. “Thank you. I really appreciate it,” he replies, reaching over and taking the cord from Carlos.
He settles back and plugs it into the wall, the screen lighting up a moment later. Carlos smiles politely and gets back to reading, only to be interrupted.
“So, I take it you’re heading down to visit family before the new year comes, huh?” the stranger says.
Carlos looks up from his book, head tilting slightly. It hadn’t been expecting the man to strike up a conversation.
“Sorry, awkward small talk. I’ll let you get back to it,” he says, face scrunching as he gestures to the book in Carlos’ hands.
Carlos waves him off, bookmarking his page and closing it.
“No worries. We’re here all night so...plenty of time for that.” He licks his lips and drums his fingers against the front. “To answer your question though, no. Austin is actually my home so I’m just heading back.”
“Oh, cool. I’m going to see my dad. I thought he’d want to do the whole white Christmas, New York for the New Year thing but ever since he moved down to Austin last year, I think he’s gotten spoiled by the warmer weather.”
The man looks out of the window where the snow is swirling so heavily it’s hard to even see the sky or planes sitting idly on the tarmac.
“Guess I can’t exactly blame him.”
Carlos laughs. “It’s disgustingly cold here and all of that,” he says, gesturing to the storm, “doesn’t help. I don’t know how you guys manage.”
“You get used to it. I’ve only ever grown up with it so while I like to complain about the snow at times, I can’t picture this time of year without it. It’s been a few years since it’s been this bad though, I’ll admit.”
Carlos smiles a bit, looking out of the window briefly. “This is actually my first time experiencing snow. And the city was gracious enough to give me a blizzard to commemorate.”
The man smiles at this thoughtfully. He sits up, stretching his hand out across the aisle towards Carlos.
“I’m TK, by the way.”
Carlos touches his fingertips to his forehead before shaking TK’s hand.
“God, my mother would be so ashamed of my manners right now,” he laughs. “I’m Carlos. It’s nice to meet you.”
He lets go, his palm feeling extremely warm from TK’s touch. TK smiles at him, a slow grin that ultimately reveals his teeth. This man is very good looking, there’s no denying that. He’s got an easy way about him that makes Carlos feel comfortable in his presence as if they’re old friends catching up and not perfectly good strangers meeting for the first time.
TK’s phone buzzes, stealing his attention and Carlos is all too grateful for it. TK types something on the device for a few seconds before pausing.
“Sorry, excuse me for a second,” he says, putting his phone to his ear.
Carlos nods and gestures for him to go for it.
“Hey, Dad. I—,” TK starts out but stops short as his father speaks. “I bet it’s all over the news but I’m alright. Not looking forward to being stuck here overnight but,” he continues, his eyes landing on Carlos and away so quickly Carlos is sure he’s imagined it. “I guess there are worse ways to be trapped for a few hours.”
Carlos looks away then, cracking open his book again to keep himself occupied while TK chats with his father. He tries not to dwell heavily on TK’s look or what the implications of that glance could mean. It could’ve been a coincidence and nothing more. All the same, it doesn’t make his heart race any less to think that TK feels a spark too.
TK ends the call with a sigh, stretching out his legs before bouncing one of them. The gesture is distracting but endearing. For the second time, Carlos closes his book, this time putting it back into his bag for good as TK speaks to him again.
“Are you hungry? I could go for a bite.”
“I could eat,” Carlos says. He rises from his seat as TK does, both men dragging their carry-ons along with them.
They follow the winding path down from their gate, Carlos taking notice of all the fellow flyers now forced to wait out the storm. Some have taken to stretching out on the ground, laying on top of jackets like makeshift sleeping bags, others keeping busy with phones and tablets, hunched over in chairs.
Carlos isn’t looking forward to the uncomfortable sleep he’ll have tonight but as he looks over at TK, he wonders just how much rest he’ll actually manage to get. The guy is already proving himself to be a good way to pass the time and Carlos can’t say he wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to keep chatting with him.
As they approach the cluster of food stands, TK groans and it’s easy to see why. Many of the shops are already closed, no doubt the employees hurrying home before the worst of the storm kicked in. All that’s available now is Cinnabon but Carlos supposes that can suffice as dinner.
TK orders a hot chocolate and a classic roll while Carlos opts for a cold brew in addition to a roll as well. TK eyes the drink with raised brows.
“I’m fully committing to the cause of being awake until we board, apparently,” Carlos muses, pushing his straw through the lid and taking a sip. “Worth it.”
The two head to a nearby empty table, settling into their elevated seats before unloading their food. The scent coming off the baked goods is incredible and Carlos’ stomach suddenly feels desperate for a bite.
“So, Carlos, since we’ve nominated each other for the buddy system while we wait this storm out,” he jokes, “Why don’t you tell me more about yourself?”
Carlos drums his fingers on the tabletop as he tries to decide what to share.
“Well, you already know that Austin is where I’m from but the whole reason I’m even here now is because I’m going to be moving to New York soon. I’ll be transferring next month.”
TK’s brows raise. “Seriously? That’s awesome. Do you mind if I ask what you do?”
“I’m a police officer. I’ve been with the Austin Police Department for a few years but I’ve been considering leaving Texas for a little while now and I’ve been exploring my options. For some reason my mind kept coming back to the idea of New York and I figured I should just take the chance and see what happens.”
TK laughs and shakes his head. “Oh man, well, we have something in common, more or less. I’m with the NYFD myself.”
Carlos holds up a hand. “Wait, wait, wait. You’re a firefighter?” he laughs.
TK puffs out his chest jokingly and nods with a grin on his face. “That’s right. Ladder 252.”
Carlos does his best to push the image of TK in uniform from mind but the picture is an appealing one. He can see it so clearly, the way he’d look in suspenders, not to mention full gear. It’s almost unfair just how much hotter the man becomes as if Carlos hasn’t spent this whole time finding him attractive. He picks up his drink again for something to do with his hands, swirling the straw inside of the cup.
“Small world. Outside of my own little bubble, I can’t say I casually meet many people who are first responders. We seem to be a pretty special breed to get into this line of work.”
TK laughs. “I fell into this because of my dad. He’s been a firefighter for years. He, uh, actually was on site during 9/11. I always thought he was incredible but knowing the full scope of what he and so many others did that day and for people in times of crisis, big and small in general, it just made me want to be like him.”
Carlos frowns, unsure of what to even say or think. “Your dad’s a hero.”
“I like to think so.” TK draws in a breath, squaring his shoulders. “Anyway, now he’s kicking ass down in Texas so, even though I miss him as my captain, I know he’s doing great work with his crew down there.”
Curiosity gets the better of Carlos as he asks, “What station is he with?”
“The 126,” TK replies, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.
Carlos’ eyes widen. “Captain Owen Strand is your father?”
It makes sense the longer he looks at TK. Captain Strand is an attractive older guy and TK clearly got handed some solid genes. Still, it throws him for a loop to realize they have a legitimate connection to each other.
TK tilts his head to the side. “You know him? Shit, okay, wow, small world just got a whole hell of a lot smaller.”
“Unbelievable,” Carlos laughs in disbelief. “I don’t know him that well but we work together sometimes on calls. He’s amazing in the field and he’s really turned that station around.”
TK practically beams. “Guess this means we’ll be seeing each other again soon once we finally make it to Austin then.”
“Uh, yeah. I guess so. Assuming you don’t get sick of me before this night is through, that is.”
TK holds Carlos’ gaze for a moment and if it were anyone else, it would be unnerving but something in TK’s stare just sends a thrill through Carlos, excites him in a way no stranger has ever really gotten under his skin.
“I don’t see that happening,” he says plainly, as if this is an irrefutable fact and not something that’s truly subject to change.
Carlos doesn’t argue the point. He merely enjoys the next few hours, seeing just how easily TK’s theory pans out.
~*~*~
The contrast in weather between New York and Austin is one of the first things Carlos’ remarks on as he steps outside of Austin-Bergstrom. He’s never been more grateful for a forty degree afternoon. He’s kept Michelle updated about his new set time and he waits patiently outside of arrivals. Beside him now, TK types out a message on his phone before smiling over at him.
Carlos has had hours to get used to that look on TK’s face and yet he’s still brought up short. Last night and the early morning hours were spent talking to TK about everything imaginable, trading stories about crazy calls they’ve been on and even touching on personal things like their families. When they grew tired of talking, they watched movies on TK’s laptop, fighting off the urge to sleep for the mere sake of hanging out.
It isn’t rare for Carlos to become friendly with a person but this connection to TK feels different in a way he can’t quite parse.
By the time their flight boarded, Carlos knocked out for the entire length of the trip but it had been worth it in his eyes to stay up and take advantage of the uninterrupted time that stretched before him with TK. It was safe to say a bit of a crush had formed, as absurd as Carlos felt for it. TK was going to be in town for the next few days and that prospect was both thrilling and terrifying. If he could feel this close to TK in one night, there’s no telling what could happen in a few days.
Before he can get lost in that thought, Carlos sees Michelle as she pulls up to the curb, the trunk popping open.
“Are you good out here?”
“My dad’s coming in just a minute. I’ll be just fine,” TK muses as Carlos puts his carry-on inside and slams the trunk shut.
“Alright, well. You have my number now so text me whenever you’re free. I’ll show you a few places while you’re here.”
Carlos extends his hand but TK rolls his eyes jokingly and pulls him into a half hug instead.
“We’ve spent the night together, Carlos. I think we’re past handshakes now.”
Carlos’ face burns with TK’s wording but the man merely laughs.
“See you soon?”
Carlos just nods and finds the wherewithal to get inside of Michelle’s car. He waves after he buckles himself in, TK lifting a hand in response.
“Okay, who is that?” Michelle asks immediately, head turned to take in the sight of TK.
Carlos tips his head back against the seat. “You won’t believe the night I’ve had.”
~*~*~
Carlos has spent two days showing TK some of his favorite stomping grounds. TK relished in all that Austin had to offer and Carlos has been happy to see that their closeness from the unexpected overnight at the airport hadn’t been a fluke. If anything, these outings have only made Carlos feel closer to TK.
Michelle has been relentless in her teasing, finding it all too amusing that Carlos managed to cross paths with Captain Strand’s son of all people. She’d clung to his every word during the ride home from the airport as he filled her in on how he waited out the storm.
The 126 meets at their usual bar and Carlos is glad for this post-work gathering. It’s the perfect time to show TK what a real honky-tonk is like, further immersing him in the culture of the state his father now resides.
TK sits next to him at the table, the large group so packed in that his leg presses against Carlos’. It’s light but it’s enough to make the point of contact all Carlos can focus on even as everyone else at the table engages in conversations that overlap, laughing amongst themselves. He does his best to ignore it but it’s difficult not to take notice of each shift TK makes. Michelle keeps looking at him and Carlos, to the best of his abilities, avoids her gaze knowing that it’ll make it just that much more difficult to act as if he isn’t freaking out internally.
“I’m gonna get another. You want anything?” Carlos asks TK.
TK shakes his head. “No, I’m alright but thank you though.”
Carlos nods once and gets up, finding it much easier to breathe already now that he’s no longer sitting beside TK. Michelle catches his eye as he leaves from the table and he can hear her shoes as she follows behind him to the bar. She rests against the counter facing the room at large as Carlos gets the attention of the bartender and asks for another beer.
“You sure know how to pick them,” Michelle laughs at his side.
“Chelle,” he groans, shaking his head.
She merely laughs again, bumping her hip against his. “When did your life become a romantic comedy?”
“I must’ve missed the memo myself because this sure snuck up on me.”
The bartender sets a bottle down in front of him but Carlos doesn’t move. This little reprieve away from everyone but Michelle right now is welcome.
“I like him. He’s nice. Really cute too.”
“Oh, so you’ve noticed?” he deadpans, looking over his shoulder at TK.
He looks so at home here, hanging out and laughing with these people he’s, up until now, only known secondhand from his father’s work stories. TK is personable as ever, Carlos knows all too well. Had he not been swept away after one night in the man’s company?
“I think this is so great.”
“Funny, I think it’s the universe trying to mess with me.”
Michelle scoffs, finally turning to face the bar like him. “There are worse things in the world than a seemingly perfect guy practically falling into your lap. We should all be so lucky.”
Carlos casts the mental image aside, taking a sip of his drink. “The timing though. I can’t think about guys right now. I need to be figuring out my next set of moves for New York.”
“If those plans just so happen to include an attractive new friend…,” she trails off with a grin.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to screw this up because yeah, he is a new friend and we get along well, it’s a good feeling.”
“Do you like him?”
Carlos falters. “I barely even know the guy.”
“That’s not even remotely close to what I asked you.”
Carlos scratches at his forehead before letting out a sigh. “I do. Which hardly makes any sense at all. It’s only been a few days and yet I can’t stop thinking about him. That’s strange, isn’t it?”
Michelle shakes her head. “No, actually. I don’t think so. You guys had such a cute introduction to each other and you clearly hit it off. Some people just click and are meant to meet. The fact that you two had a connection to each other beforehand without even knowing it? I think there’s something to be said for that.”
“What, you think it’s fate or something?”
Michelle shrugs. “I wouldn’t rule it out. Your flight could have been a day earlier or even a few hours before his. On a plane filled with hundreds, you connected with him, Captain Strand’s son who just so happens to live in the city you’re about to move to. I think it’s worth seeing just how far it could go. If you ask me, you’ll wind up with a boyfriend in no time.”
Carlos mulls it over for a moment. He can admit he is in fact curious. It’s been a while since he’s felt this drawn to someone and with TK, it’s been as natural as breathing since they first met. The timing is less than ideal but it’s been so long since Carlos has felt this urge to get close to someone, since he’s felt safe enough to even open his mind and heart up to the possibility.
“Maybe you’re onto something.”
“One of these days you’ll learn to just accept my brilliance, no questions asked. But this will do for now.”
Carlos rolls his eyes but drapes an arm over her shoulder, pulling her into his side and kissing her temple.
“I’m going moments like this with you,” he says.
Michelle sighs and pats his back. “I will too but we still have time on the clock, right? Let’s not think about that now.”
Carlos sighs, knowing she’s right. It just feels as if these moments are slipping through his fingers, the new year and all its changes lurking just around the corner.
~*~*~
As customary, the Ryder house is the staple for parties among the team and New Year’s Eve is no different. Carlos has lost track of how many times he’s sat on their couch or been treated for Grace’s incredible home-cooking. It’s always been a source of comfort for him, being surrounded by these colleagues who have become an extended family to him.
This time next year, he’ll be in another time zone, familiarized with a new group of people. Carlos knows he’s jumping the gun. There’s no doubt in his mind that he’ll be able to visit back home and that this collection of people will still love him as they do now.
Carlos looks around the living room, taking stock: Marjan blowing into a noise maker in Mateo’s face and bursting into laughter, Paul shaking his head and dropping his face into his palm. Over by the kitchen he sees Grace and Judd swaying to the music playing as Captain Strand takes Michelle’s hand and begins dancing alongside the other couple. It warms Carlos’ heart and breaks it too, seeing this all for what will be the last time with this city being home.
Suddenly the room feels too small and he finds himself heading for the door, grabbing his jacket off of the coat rack. It’s cold out but Carlos remembers just how bitter the weather in New York was. This is nothing compared to that. And it’s this thought that twists at his heart a bit more, one more reminder of how much his life is set to change sooner than he thinks he’s ready for.
The new year is biting at his heels and time is just slipping by. Logically he knows that he shouldn’t be outside now, that he would be wise to savor these memories with his Austin crew while they’re here rather than lament later. But it all feels like too much and the last thing he wants is to let his pensive mood be a dark cloud over a celebratory and joyous time.
Carlos keeps walking until he reaches the park nearby the Ryder household. Naturally it’s abandoned as everyone is tucked away inside their homes either enjoying a quiet night in or throwing parties like the Ryders. Carlos draws in a breath and takes a seat on one of the swings, his fingers clutching on to the links. He quickly stands up the second he hears footsteps approaching, a figure walking towards him.
“It’s just me,” comes TK’s voice and sure enough the man’s features come into focus the closer he gets until he’s settling into the swing beside Carlos.
“I saw you take off. I just wanted to check that you were okay.”
Carlos smiles a bit. “I appreciate it. I’m okay. I’m just...thinking about a lot right now.”
TK sways on his swing, letting a comfortable silence fall between them before he speaks.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Carlos’ heart and thoughts feel so heavy now, such a contrast to how lighthearted and hopeful this holiday is meant to be. But TK looks at him with such genuine care that he finds himself almost desperate to unburden himself a bit.
“Sometimes I wish I could just stop time, you know? But hell, it’s New Year’s Eve. What more proof do I need that life is always moving forward?”
Carlos sighs and rocks slightly back and forth.
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a downer. You should head on back inside, have fun with the others.”
TK is silent beside him, long enough for Carlos to pull his gaze toward the other man. TK is eyeing him thoughtfully.
“You’re scared about what comes next. That’s totally normal. Moving away, starting a new life somewhere else, it’s a big step. A huge change.”
Carlos frowns as he nods. “I wish I could see the end, you know? I wish I could see if it’s all worth it, that I’m making the right choice.”
TK hums in thought. “Well, the best way out is through, right?”
“So you don’t think it’s a mistake to move out to New York?”
TK shrugs. “I don’t know you well enough to say one way or the other for sure. But no, I don’t think it is. I think the fact that you’re even considering it at all should tell you something about how you feel about where you are now.”
Carlos grows quiet, considering the man’s words. But TK isn’t done dishing out his opinion.
“You’ve got an amazing team here, there’s no denying that. It’s a real family, not to mention your actual family is here too. But—and mind you I’m super biased here— New York is an amazing place to be, to live. If you’re feeling restless in Austin, I think New York is the perfect alternative.”
Carlos laughs at this. “So, so biased,” he muses.
TK jokingly puffs up his chest. “Hey, it’s not my fault people have written songs about it and flock to it from all corners of the world,” he jokes. “And all of them, like you would, find home.”
A soft sigh escapes Carlos’ lips as he grips the chain link of the swing.
“That does actually sound pretty nice. I’d miss everyone here like crazy but maybe it’s time for something new? I don’t know. I keep waiting for something extraordinary to happen but nothing ever really changes around here. And there’s nothing wrong with that, of course. I just—“
“You’ve outgrown it,” TK says simply. “And there’s nothing wrong with that either.”
Carlos smiles at him and nods. “I suppose not, no.”
“At least you’ll come to the city knowing someone; you won’t be alone or completely starting from scratch.”
“You? You would take that on?”
TK rolls his eyes. “Of course me. You think I’d leave you high and dry? Damn, I know New Yorkers have a bit of a rep but jeez,” he teases.
Carlos laughs. “I only meant...you barely even know me. You don’t owe me anything.”
“Maybe so but I’d like to get to know you better. And if we’re gonna be calling the same city home, it’s kind of perfect. You get a new job, a new city, a new friend. Pretty sweet package, if you ask me.”
“You’ll be my tour guide then? You can take me to all the hot spots, Central Park and Times Square for starters.”
TK shakes his head in dismay. “God, Times Square,” he groans. “Hell on earth but sure, just for you I’d make the exception.”
“I’m honored,” Carlos says, placing a hand over his heart.
“As you should be. There aren’t many reasons I’d willingly go there so you should be patting yourself on the back right now.”
Carlos raises a brow. “But you’re thinking I’d be worth it?”
TK’s face grows serious. “In a lot of ways I’m thinking you would be, yes.”
Carlos' face flushes a bit and he looks away, down at his feet as he begins to kick out in earnest to start swinging.
Not for the first time since meeting TK he isn’t sure if there’s more to his words just below the surface, if he’s flirting or just being naturally charismatic. It shouldn’t matter either way, Carlos tells himself. Starting up a new relationship when so much in his life is already about to change doesn’t seem smart.
And yet it’s difficult to bear that in mind when he looks over and sees that TK is still watching him. The man smiles softly and follows Carlos' lead, swinging a bit.
In the distance Carlos can hear the rise in voices from houses where everyone is celebrating, just waiting to usher in the new year.
“One minute to go,” TK says, looking at the time on his watch and digging his feet into the ground to stop himself.
Carlos keeps going, breathing in the last dregs of this year before it’s gone with the tick of the clock. He looks up at the pinpricks of stars above, almost glistening in the clear sky. He closes his eyes, soaks in the moment, the last few seconds of this year winding down.
The New Years party goers can be heard shouting their countdown and beside him, TK joins in quietly as well.
10
9
8
7
Carlos opens his eyes once more and holds his breath as he upward, counting down the last few seconds in his head. This year is going, going...
3
2
1
Gone.
He exhales as shouts from the neighboring houses rent the air. He stops swinging then, digging his feet into the hard earth beneath him as he looks over at TK. Beside him the man’s face is flushed, the tip of his nose pink from the cold but his gaze is unrelenting as he leans forward.
Carlos’ body seems to move on its own accord, closing the distance between them as well. He doesn’t think about anything other than what TK’s lips will feel like and before he realizes it, he’s getting his answer.
It’s a chaste kiss, truly just a meeting of mouths in a gentle press but it warms Carlos from the center all the way through his entire body. TK’s lips are soft and warm despite the cold.
“Happy New Year, Carlos,” TK says softly.
Carlos doesn’t have the slightest clue of what the road ahead will look like exactly but it’s enough to know that in some capacity, TK is going to be a part of it. Be it as a friend or something more, it makes Carlos hopeful to see how life will unfold, what other surprises it may have in store.
Carlos stares at him for a moment and it seems as if TK and the whole world is holding its breath as they sit in silence together. This feeling in his chest is so unlike anything Carlos has experienced before. He likes to think things through, to anticipate at least three steps ahead but his future is such a blank slate that it’s truly anyone’s guess as to what will happen next. All he can do is control this present moment and as Carlos sees it, kissing TK is the only thing on his agenda for right now.
He leans in again and kisses the man once more, deeply this time, hand cradling the back of TK’s neck.
Maybe this is risky, maybe this will only complicate his life further when he settles in New York and has to figure out what this all means. But in this moment, that all feels like a lifetime away, a page from a chapter that hasn’t been written yet. There’s only the here and now with this beautiful man that fills him with possibilities.
Tumblr wouldn’t let me send you a message, but I needed to let you know that I finished ‘a line drawn in the sand’ a few minutes ago and I’m still thinking about what a masterpiece it was.
Oh man, that is so nice. Thank you! I’m so glad you liked it.
I got your incredible comment and I’m smiling like crazy over here. You’ve definitely made my night, Nicole.
“one hell of a story” was SUCH a gorgeous fic. Not only did you take something I love dearly (the potential for Buck and May to have the best kind of relationship), you turned it into something tangible and beautiful and I’m so thankful to you for that.
such a kind message! thank you so much for taking the time to read it and to send this! I absolutely love the potential they have I need more of it myself hehe ☺️ nothing gets to me like big brother Buck 💖
for the bright spot herself @sunshinestrand. i wonder if the sun ever gets jealous of how much warmth you give to everyone who is lucky enough to know you. i hope your special day is filled with as much light and love as you constantly give to us all. happy birthday, sweetheart! 💕💜
word count: 6.1k || read on ao3
I'll make the moon shine just for your view
I'll make the starlight circle the room
And if you feel like night is falling
I wanna be the one you're calling
“If you don’t say something to him one of these days, I just might lose my mind,” Michelle says with a sigh as she approaches the counter where Carlos is standing.
He chews absentmindedly on his bottom lip as he looks over at TK. Everything to the guy is so effortless. Somehow he makes sitting down in a coffee shop look like an ad as he holds up his mug aloft and laughs at something one of his friends says.
Carlos would give anything to have that kind of access to TK, to be able to share in jokes and to simply know him. Carlos is fairly certain TK doesn’t even know they’re in the same lecture every Tuesday. But even in a hall filled with students, Carlos is always able to spot him, constantly dialed into his frequency like his favorite radio station.
Realizing that he’s been blatantly staring, Carlos clears his throat and looks away, mindlessly pouring sugar into a dispenser.
“It’s just a stupid crush. It doesn’t mean anything.”
Michelle rolls her eyes. “Yeah, well the way I see you gawk at him every week he shows up here says otherwise.”
Carlos can’t help it. In their class TK almost never speaks but each time he makes it out to an open mic, Carlos gets treated to TK quite literally under a spotlight, up on stage singing and playing his guitar or the keyboard.
“He’s really good. I like his sound is all.”
“Is that a euphemism?” Michelle teases, bumping her hip against Carlos’ as she passes by him. “I think it’s safe to say you like his everything.”
He jokingly glares at her before laughing. She’s definitely not wrong about that. Carlos has been crushing quietly since he first saw TK in their lecture at the start of term a little over two months ago. TK has been coming to open mic nights here at the cafe for the last month. Each week he performs, Carlos feels himself fall a little harder, swept up in his beautiful voice. Whether TK performs original music or a cover of something, he always brings the house down.
Michelle glances at her watch. “Oh, I have to start in just a few. Are you okay up here?”
“Yeah, I can tackle the counter. You go ahead.”
She pats his arm once with a smile before moving from behind the counter to head towards the stage to double check the microphones and setup for the evening’s session. He turns his focus back on refilling the dispensers in front of him. A shadow casts suddenly over the countertop, darkening his work area. Carlos looks up, his hand jerking forward in surprise to see TK smiling at him. Sugar spills against the surface, Carlos quickly tipping the bag upright to stem the flow.
“Shoot, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” TK says, grabbing a tissue and trying to clean up the grains of sugar.
Carlos grabs a dry rag from under the counter and wipes it away.
“No worries. It’s cool. Uh, can I get anything for you?” he asks, looking back at TK, doing his best to ignore the way his heart is hammering. This isn’t how he pictured his first substantial interaction with TK to go but he saves face as best he can.
“Could I trouble you for a scone?” TK says, jutting at the case with his thumb.
Carlos holds his breath and nods, clearing his throat, picking up the tongs and a plate. “Yeah, sure thing.”
TK smiles and Carlos can feel something inside his chest melt at the sight. Before he can dwell on it or potentially embarrass himself by randomly saying something to prolong the moment, he quickly puts the pastry on the dish. TK already has his card out, ready to pay for it.
Carlos ignores the slight tremble in his hands as he takes it, mentally reprimanding himself for getting so worked up over his brief and truly mundane conversation with TK.
“Here you go,” he says, handing back TK’s card and pushing the plate toward him.
TK thanks him and Carlos thinks that’s the end of their interaction until TK looks up again and eyes him thoughtfully.
“I feel like I know you.”
The phrasing makes his breath catch in his throat but he quickly realizes what TK actually means.
“We have a class together, don’t we?”
“Astronomy,” Carlos supplies.
TK snaps his fingers and points at him. “Right, yes. That’s it. Man, that was really bugging me. I knew I recognized you from somewhere other than here. It’s good to see you…”
“Carlos.”
“Carlos,” he repeats as if weighing the syllables on his tongue. “I’m TK. It’s nice to meet you officially.”
“Yeah, you too.”
The house lights dim and both TK and Carlos snap their heads towards the stage where Michelle approaches the microphone.
“Hello and welcome to open mic night here at Déjà Brew,” she greets. There’s a warm round of applause and eager cheering from the crowd gathered.
“It’s always so great seeing so many familiar faces and new ones alike. There are still slots available. Our sign up sheet will remain here just offstage for anyone that would like to perform,” she says, gesturing to her left. “Without further ado, please help me welcome one of our favorite regulars to the stage…Mr. TK Strand. Take it away, sir,” she muses.
TK turns back to Carlos and looks as if he wants to say something but the crowd is already giving him a warm, welcoming applause. He quickly takes his scone and hurries back to his table where one of his friends is holding out his guitar for him.
Carlos lets out a breath as TK approaches the stage and settles on the stool positioned right in the center of it. A few people whoop and cheer for him once again now that he’s situated. TK laughs coyly but the microphone sends his chuckle throughout the room.
“Thank you for that lovely intro, Michelle. Very flattering; I love being a favorite but really, who doesn’t?” he jokes, earning a few laughs. “I was debating what to play tonight. I’ve been working on some new stuff but finally settled on just going for one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artists. This is The Girl by City and Colour, bastardized by me.”
There are a few more laughs, TK personable as ever that he makes each person feel like they’re old friends. Anyone who has ever heard him play knows there’s no way he won’t knock this cover out of the park.
From the first string TK plucks, the room is completely his. Carlos watches his fingers move expertly along the fretboard. It’s a real sight to see and as Carlos looks away from TK’s hands to his face, he can see just how much fun he’s having with the playful opening melody.
TK gets close to the mic and starts to sing and instantly Carlos leans closer, arms folded on the counter as he watches TK in action. There isn’t a single person speaking quietly to a friend or distracted by their phone. All eyes are glued to the musician on stage. Carlos could listen to TK play all day and never grow tired of the sound. It’s remarkable how his voice floats and cloaks the room, each note nestling in his chest like seeds.
The audience erupts into applause as TK’s final note rings out. He smiles to himself before looking out at the crowd.
“Thank you so much,” he says into the mic before slipping off his guitar and hopping down from the low stage.
Carlos can’t help but to smile as people TK passes give him thumbs up or murmur compliments as he returns to the table with his friends.
Michelle gets back on stage and introduces the next person on the sign up sheet.
The next performer is great but Carlos knows he’s more than a little biased in saying that TK will be the best person to hit the stage tonight.
He chances a glance over at TK and sees that TK is looking at him as he breaks off a piece of his scone. Carlos quickly looks away and focuses on other tasks throughout the rest of his shift, ones that don’t include keeping tabs on the comings and goings of a certain musician.
The night comes to a close, marking yet another successful open mic night. Given that it’s Friday, most of the crowd dissipated as the evening progressed to perhaps party or hang out elsewhere. TK and his friends opted to stay for the entire session, as they almost always do, showing support to each performer who graced the stage.
As TK and his group begin to file out for the night, Carlos waves them off as they say their thanks for another fun night at the shop. Carlos turns his back for a moment to replenish silverware when he hears the quick rap of knuckles on the counter. He turns and is greeted to TK’s bright and open smile up close for the second time this evening.
“So, I’ll see you on Tuesday, right?” he says, hitching the strap of his guitar case up his shoulder.
Brought up short at TK essentially singling him out just then, Carlos nods slowly before he finds his voice again.
“Yeah, definitely. I’ll uh, I’ll see you next week.”
“Cool. Have a good night, Carlos,” TK replies simply with the smile that hasn’t left his face. He knocks on the counter once as if to punctuate his sentence and slinks away to join his friends just outside of the shop.
“Looks like you made it onto someone’s radar tonight,” Michelle sing-songs, settling in beside him.
Carlos stares out the window at TK with his friends, one guy nudging his arm as they begin to walk away. Once they’re out of view, Carlos turns back to look at her.
“He’s just being nice.”
“Denial runs deep in you, doesn’t it?” she teases, shaking her head. “Come on, let’s try and finish up so you can have some of the night to yourself, loverboy.”
~*~*~
On Tuesday Carlos makes sure he shows up early for his lecture, standing outside of the hall doors waiting for the group before him to clear out. Today has the potential to be so different from all the other lectures that have come before it. This Tuesday in particular marks the first time TK will truly know of his existence in the hall too.
He tries to settle his nerves by reading news on his phone but he’s too anxious to focus on the words for long. He gives up with a sigh, tucking his phone into his pocket when TK comes bounding toward him with a bemused smile.
“I was hoping you’d come early, too. We didn’t really get a chance to talk much on Friday,” TK says, completely blowing past any formal greeting. Carlos is taken aback by that candor.
“Yeah, I guess not. You were great, by the way. I mean, you always are but...I really liked your performance. I’ve pretty much been listening to the song on a loop since Friday so thanks for the rec.”
Carlos’ heart nosedives as he realizes what he’s just disclosed so openly. But TK doesn’t appear to think it an odd statement. His face lights up, genuinely pleased.
“Oh yeah? That’s awesome.”
“You’ve got great taste in music though, I guess that really shouldn’t be surprising.”
TK laughs. “I’d be majoring in the wrong field if I didn’t, that’s for sure.”
Before Carlos can reply, the doors to the lecture hall open, students filing out into the hallway. Carlos thinks this kills off the chance of speaking to TK still but the guy stays close to him once the doors are clear enough for them to enter too.
“Hey, do you mind if I sit with you today?” TK asks.
Carlos quickly shakes his head. “Uh, no. Not at all.”
He heads up the flight of stairs in the hall, taking up his usual seat. The one beside him is typically home for his backpack but today it’s TK’s frame that settles into the chair.
Carlos takes covert glances at him from the corner of his eye. It was truly so much easier to look at him when he was across the hall these last few weeks. This close up, it’s much harder to sneak and get an open look. But just sitting beside him makes Carlos so acutely aware of TK’s movements.
As the lecture starts, he zones out in favor of taking notice each time TK toys with the strings on his hoodie or his leg bounces restlessly.
The hour and a half passes in a blur and Carlos is surprised to look down and realize he actually still managed to take a decent amount of notes. Their professor reminds them of an upcoming assignment to which TK groans and quickly writes something down in his book, underlining it twice.
“I totally spaced on that.”
“Was that meant to be an astronomy pun?” Carlos cringes at himself but TK laughs heartedly.
“That was a good one.” He closes his notebook and puts it back into his bag, Carlos following suit and packing up his things as well. “But seriously, I completely forgot the deadline was coming up so quickly.”
“I could...if you need someone to go through it with you or anything, I could help,” he offers.
“Carlos, that’s so sweet of you but you don’t have to do that. I got myself into this mess. I’ll figure something out. But, I mean, maybe I could get your number just in case I hit a snag or something?”
The quick turnaround from feeling rejected to elated is jarring but Carlos smiles and says, “Definitely, yeah.”
TK flashes a smile back and takes his phone out, unlocking it before surrendering it to Carlos to create a new contact. When Carlos is done, he hands the phone back to TK who looks at the newest addition to his phone.
“Cool.” TK sends him a quick text. “Just in case you need to get in touch with me for any reason before then, now you can.”
That phrasing sounds like a challenge, as if TK is now tipping the ball into his court.
“I’ll keep that in mind ,” he says.
~*~*~
Texting with TK becomes such a part of Carlos’ daily routine now. It’s to the point where he comes to expect a message from TK each time his phone buzzes as they’ve had a pretty consistent chain going all week. TK’s most recent text, however, wasn’t a Spotify link to a song he thought Carlos might like but rather an SOS to help him complete his astronomy assignment. The message was followed with TK’s building and room number and the entire walk across campus is spent with Carlos’ heart racing until he’s knocking at TK’s door.
“Thank you,” TK immediately says as he lets Carlos in. “I almost didn’t text you to come over but I’m pretty sure I’ve been doing this wrong.”
Carlos looks around the room as he steps in, clearly picking up on which side is TK’s. There are guitar picks and sheet music on one of the desks, two guitar cases leaning against the wall by the foot of one bed. Above the bed itself is a stylish black and white map of Manhattan. Carlos smiles to himself seeing these traces of TK in the space.
“You can grab a seat,” TK says, gesturing to the desk chair. TK sits at the foot of the bed, a small gap of space separating them.
The air feels charged but Carlos is certain that’s all in his head. Being alone in TK’s room is worlds away from sitting beside him during their lectures.
“Okay, let’s see what you have so far,” Carlos says, determined to focus on the task at hand.
They work for about two hours, getting distracted with cracking jokes every now and then and talking about random things as they eventually end up on the floor with papers and charts spread out between them. It’s a mess but Carlos looks over all that they have and draws one very clear conclusion.
“We did it. You’re officially done.”
TK throws his hands up in victory and laughs, flopping down to rest his back on the floor and stare up at the ceiling.
“Holy shit. Thank you. Again. You’re a lifesaver; I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” He turns his head to look at Carlos who merely shrugs.
But Carlos can’t deny how good it feels to be of help and save TK from the stress he’s been feeling with this assignment hanging over his head. TK is looking at him as if he’s a saint or something. Carlos can feel the back of his neck warming up and busies himself with gathering the sheets of paper around them to avoid looking at TK for even a moment longer before that blush spreads to his face.
“What are friends for, right?” he says, only daring to look back at TK now that he’s collected himself.
TK eyes him thoughtfully and Carlos holds his breaths as he waits to see what TK will have to say.
“Lucky me for having you as mine.”
~*~*~
TK has been frequenting the shop more often than his usual Friday nights. Now Carlos has come to expect him here and there but on Sundays mostly where the crowd is far less dense and the evenings are slowgoing enough that Carlos can actually linger behind the counter and chat with him. It’s become a common occurrence for TK to plant himself at one of the elevated seats and work on assignments. More often than not, the books get neglected for long stretches of time. It’s a comfortable routine, one that Carlos has been finding himself growing dependent on.
TK helps him clean up for the night, offering to sweep while Carlos closes out the registers. They don’t speak much as they focus on their tasks but there’s a comfort in just having TK there, to look up from counting the till to see him moving about the room. This coffee shop really belongs to them in their own ways and now they’ve managed to find yet another way to make it special.
Carlos gets back to his closing duties as TK volunteers to put the trash out back. While he’s gone, Carlos makes a quick to-go cup of green tea, TK’s usual, as thanks. TK comes back in and heads over to wash his hands in the bathroom.
When he returns, he joins Carlos at the counter who pushes the cup forward.
“For your hard work tonight,” Carlos says.
TK smirks and picks it up, bringing the cup to his mouth. “If you keep this up, you may never get rid of me.”
“Ah, so you’re on to me then.” The words slip from his lips so easily but TK doesn’t seem put off. Instead the boy smiles into his cup as he takes a sip.
Relieved, Carlos takes his store keys out of his bag and heads for the door. TK steps out as he flips off the switch, the shop plunged in darkness as he locks back.
“Thanks again for sticking around and helping me,” he says as they begin to head back to campus. “You really didn’t have to do any of that.”
“Are you kidding me? It’s the least I could do. You completely saved my ass last week and besides, it was just...nice. I like hanging out with you.”
Carlos bites the inside of his cheek to keep from breaking out into a ridiculous grin. He feels like he’s in middle school again with just how much he’s been crushing on TK but he can’t help it. His stomach always seems to do cartwheels when TK is around, especially when he makes statements like this.
They walk alongside each other in comfortable silence for a time. Carlos does his best not to keep stealing glances at TK but it’s easier said than done. A few times he’s caught TK looking at him which throws him off guard but it’s certainly not unwelcome.
“How old were you when you started playing?” he asks as they near campus.
“I always sort of grew up around the piano. My mom played and she had one in the apartment so I’d sit with her sometimes and she taught me a few things here and there. But I didn’t start taking it really seriously until I was about seven, maybe eight. It was our thing, you know? My parents...things with them went south and she was busy a lot with work. But whenever we did get to check in with each other, we’d find ourselves on the piano bench together. I loved that time with her, even though it became harder and harder to come by the older I got.”
Carlos smiles a bit sadly. But, he thinks, it says a lot that TK is able to be so candid with him about his upbringing. It’s pretty personal insight and yet TK extends it to him so freely. He supposes TK may just be an open guy in general but it still means a lot to be trusted in this manner.
“Wow, that took a turn, I’m sorry,” TK laughs, rubbing at the back of his neck.
“No, it’s okay, really. I don’t mind at all.” TK nods at this and continues after a beat.
“I got my first guitar on my tenth birthday from my dad. I think he was trying to speak our language in his own way and I really appreciated it. I took to that pretty well and became a bit obsessed, clearly. Totally thought I was going to be a kid rockstar,” he jokes. “Anyway, music’s always been there for as long as I can remember.”
“That’s really cool, TK. Most people go on a long journey to find the thing that’s right for them but your passion found you early on.”
Carlos’ building comes into view and each step towards it fills him with utter dread. They’ve already managed to stretch this night but greedily, it’s still not enough for him.
As they come to a stop outside the doors to his building, TK stares at him and for a wild moment, Carlos thinks TK might kiss him. TK does lean in but it’s to give a hug, one in which Carlos gladly reciprocates.
“It was great getting to hang out with you tonight. I had a lot of fun.”
“Me too,” Carlos replies, subtly drawing in a breath and breathing TK in as they embrace.
TK begins to pull away after a moment and places a soft kiss on Carlos’ cheek.
Carlos is sure his face flushes and he’s all too grateful for the cover of night to disguise it. They both avoid each other’s gaze for a second before laughing a bit. TK stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Carlos tries to remember how to form a sentence.
“Goodnight, TK,” he says softly.
TK searches his eyes for a moment, almost pensively before smiling faintly.
“Goodnight, Carlos. Sweet dreams.”
~*~*~
Carlos has not been able to shake his walk home with TK. Each time he thinks about it, he can practically feel TK’s lips on his cheek. It was such a modest kiss, a quick peck that probably didn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things and yet, it’s all he can think about.
On Tuesday they sat beside each other, same as always and have continued chatting regularly through texts. Neither has made even the smallest hint or mention of what happened Sunday night. It makes Carlos wonder if he’s been blowing this out of proportion or if TK is just as clueless on what comes next as he is.
The latter seems almost comical. TK is perhaps the smoothest, most confident guy he knows. If he wanted to progress things further, he would have already.
Carlos does his best not to stare now at TK’s table. Friday night has rolled around once again and while Carlos is excited to see TK perform, it’s hard to see him and not feel transported back to Sunday night. The phantom sensation of that chaste kiss has kept him up every night this week.
“You okay?” Michelle asks, pulling Carlos from his thoughts.
Carlos blinks twice and nods. “Yeah, just tired I guess.” His eyes flicker to where TK is seated.
Something about him seems off tonight. Normally he’d be the liveliest one at the table but TK seems withdrawn.
Michelle makes a noncommittal hum but says nothing else on the matter and Carlos is grateful for it. She excuses herself to start tonight’s event.
He busies himself with customers who approach the counter as the evening kicks off, the backdrop of performers truly background noise as he works.
Michelle calls TK to the stage when it’s his turn and immediately Carlos zeroes in on his table. TK’s friend pats him on the back before letting out a whoop as he settles up on stage before the keyboard.
“Hey, guys. This one’s been playing on my mind a lot these days. Figured I should do something with it and free it somehow. So, yeah. This is Bloodstream by Stateless.”
TK clears his throat and it’s strange but for the first time, the young man actually looks and sounds nervous. He looks over at Carlos who smiles encouragingly. TK blinks twice and looks down at the keys, brows deepened before playing.
The melody he plays is eerie but beautiful, Carlos’ interest all the more piqued as TK’s fingers strike deftly. The song is haunting, TK’s voice much more gravelly than usual and it’s all so captivating that Carlos holds his breath as he listens.
I think I might’ve inhaled you
I could feel you behind my eyes
“Gee, wonder who this one is for,” Michelle says, coming up beside him at the counter for a glass of water.
Carlos can’t even offer a response as he continues to watch TK. The guy’s eyes are closed as he croons into the mic, his shoulders bouncing as he strikes the right notes.
He feels goosebumps watching TK perform and can’t help but to hope there’s some validity in what Michelle is not so subtly hinting at.
TK tinkers around on the keyboard for the last few notes, his eyes landing on Carlos for the briefest of seconds as the audience claps for him. He thanks them and rises from his seat, hopping off the stage and returning to his table— but not without another look at Carlos before he sits once more with his friends.
Carlos feels shaken, his heart ricocheting like a pinball.
He hopes so fiercely that TK’s performance was a declaration of some kind but the night ends for the first time since they’ve befriended each other with an awkward smile and wave from a distance as TK and his friends leave.
Carlos isn’t sure what to make of any of this.
~*~*~
The strange energy doesn’t last long. The very next day TK shoots him a random humorous text and Carlos is glad for the ice breaker as it allows them to get back on track. They easily fall into their usual routine and as the week progresses, the night at the shop soon seems like a lifetime away.
TK invites Carlos to his dorm to hang out Wednesday afternoon and Carlos is all too happy to accept, taking advantage of his free time to head over to TK’s building.
From what he can discern, TK’s roommate is the next best thing to living alone. The guy is never in the room, leaving Carlos with uninterrupted time to just talk and be around TK any time he visits.
TK sits at the foot of the bed with his guitar, plucking out a melody for a song he’s been working on and hoping to debut at open mic. He’s got a pencil trapped between his teeth as he plays, stopping occasionally to jot down a note in the open book beside him. It’s fascinating to watch his process from his spot in the middle of TK’s bed, seeing how he develops an idea from a mere thought to an actual song, to something tangible.
“I hope this one goes over well on Friday,” TK mutters, moreso to himself.
“I know it will. Everyone loves you there and your songs are always a huge hit. This won’t be any different.”
TK smiles warmly at his sentiment. “Thanks. It’s always a bit nerve wracking to perform something new and original but it’s pretty exciting, too.”
Carlos shakes his head and laughs, resting his back against the wall.
“I could never do what you do.”
TK finger picks without even looking at the fret as he eyes Carlos quizzically.
“What? Play or perform?”
“Both. I love music but I don’t have the talent for learning. And performing? Ha, there’s no way you’d ever catch me in front of a crowd. But every week you get up there and knock it out of the park. It’s incredible though.”
TK’s mouth twists to the side slightly before he sets his guitar back into its case on the ground and turns to face Carlos again.
“Lay down,” TK says unexpectedly. Carlos is sure his expression must be bewildered because TK laughs and rolls his eyes. “I’m not about to steal your virtue. Just...settle back for a second.”
Carlos does as he’s instructed and stretches out on TK’s bed completely, his head coming to rest on the guy’s pillow. TK’s scent is everywhere and with the young man smiling over him now as he sits just to the left of him on the edge of the small bed, it’s enough to make his head spin and heart stop. He stares at him as TK speaks.
“Playing is a lot easier than you might think. It’s all about proper placement and timing.” He sets his fingertips against Carlos’ ribcage like they’re keys on a piano.
Carlos searches his face as TK mimics playing and hums a melody. It sounds familiar to Carlos but he can’t place it; it’s something classical, he knows. But his main focus is on TK’s light touches, each press of his fingertips like ripples on the surface of water. His long fingers skate up and down Carlos’ side as TK continues to play as if he’s on a Steinway.
It’s a marvel watching his expression. It’s all make-believe but Carlos has no doubt TK can see it all as clear as day in his mind’s eyes, the ivory and black keys. Though his gaze is fixed on TK’s face, the young man doesn’t lose his own focus and doesn’t catch Carlos’ eye until the final note.
“See? Nothing to it,” TK says, eyes shining with amusement.
It isn’t a conscious decision, that much Carlos knows as he sits up slowly and inches closely to TK, his hand cupping the nape of his neck. He doesn’t typically make bold moves but the draw he feels to TK is simply too much to ignore now.
TK falls silent and stares at him but doesn’t move away, his lips parting. After a beat, he draws nearer as well. Their noses touch, Carlos nuzzling gently before bringing his mouth to TK’s. That first press sends a spark shooting down his spine but Carlos doesn’t hurry or balk at the sensation. He relishes in the slight shiver that runs through TK, the small intake of breath, happy to see that he feels this thrill too. His fingers card gently at the back of TK’s hair, curling around the strands as he continues to kiss him.
TK’s hands encircle his waist, pulling him closer and Carlos is pliant as ever, melding against the man’s frame. The kiss grows gradually, moving from tentative to assured, both guys shedding away any hesitancy and owning the moment.
It’s easy for Carlos to get swept away in kissing TK. His lips are proving themselves to be skilled at more than just offering beautiful smiles.
When TK breaks first, his eyes are still closed and Carlos can’t help but to stare, smiling softly at him when he finally reopens them.
“That’s what playing feels like,” TK says quietly. “An electric rush.”
Carlos’ face burns but TK doesn’t tease him for it. Instead he leans in and kisses Carlos’ cheeks, his forehead, the tip of his nose. This draws out a laugh from Carlos, a note so carefree and unguarded he’s almost surprised it’s ripped from him.
He smiles shyly and rests his forehead against TK’s, settling down and simply breathing him in. His hand finds its way once more to the nape of TK’s neck, skimming his fingertips lightly against his scalp. TK seems to appreciate the subtle touch, his eyes fluttering briefly. It’s almost hard for Carlos to wrap his mind around the fact that he’s capable of any real effect on TK and yet, the proof is laid out right before him.
All these weeks of getting to know him as more than just the cute guy in a shared class or the talented performer who frequents open mic nights. All these weeks of truly getting to know him and falling even more, they haven’t been one-sided.
“I see why you like performing so much now. I could get used to this feeling.”
TK laughs and places another kiss on his lips. It takes everything in Carlos not to get too carried away but it’s certainly tempting. TK, a musician through and through, knows what to do with his hands. Placement and timing, as he said before.
He’s able to draw out sounds from Carlos like any of his instruments, a sigh, a moan, a whimper. Carlos’ lips feel swollen by the time they break apart for good, his head in a fog.
“I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks now,” TK says.
“Yeah?”
TK rolls his eyes jokingly. “You know, I don’t usually go around serenading guys at open mic nights, right?”
“So, that really was for me then?”
“You thought I was singing that about some other guy? Seriously?”
Carlos shrugs a shoulder, looking down until TK lifts his chin gently. He stares into his blue-green eyes and finds the confidence to keep going.
“It felt too good to be true that you may have been dedicating it to me. I thought—I mean, I’ve been hoping but was too scared to ask. In case you aren’t aware, you’re a very attractive and ridiculously talented guy, TK. You could have your pick of anyone.”
“Just like you could. Easily, Carlos. You’re such a catch. I’ve spent weeks hoping you liked me back. I was out of my mind nervous up there. It seemed like a great idea beforehand but actually being on stage and seeing you watching me? I almost chickened out but I knew my friends wouldn’t let me hear the end of it if I did. And, honestly? I wanted to get my feelings for you out there somehow. Music is always my fallback so, seemed like the best bet.”
Carlos shakes his head and draws in a deep breath, letting it out in a gust.
“It was beautiful, TK. Absolutely beautiful. No one has ever done anything like that for me.”
TK gives him a small smile, looking down and playing with Carlos’ hand. “Since we met, I’ve just wanted to matter to you. Is that weird to say?” he asks, pulling his gaze upward.
Carlos shakes his head. “No, not at all. I actually liked you before we even met,” Carlos admits. “You’ve always been someone to me, TK. Never doubt that because I get the feeling that you always will be.”
TK searches his eyes, relief flooding his features before he leans in and kisses him again. Carlos serves it right back, pulling TK against him as he sinks back against the man’s bed. It’s light, it’s playful with soft laughter and even softer kisses. It’s safe and comfortable to hand this vulnerable side over and trust it will be protected.
All in all, Carlos finds, it’s simply natural to be this way, to fall for this beautiful boy and his beautiful music that makes him feel like a work of art to TK in his own right.
51 with Tarlos please and thank you. AND I’m glad my yelling at you meant I could send in this request. Please expect more yelling, always.
you are my biggest bully but also my greatest motivator. thank you for your service, ma’am.
#51 “You had another nightmare, didn’t you?”
Carlos wakes up, his shirt sticking to his back, his face covered in a light sheen of sweat. He struggles to catch his breath as he sits up, a hand flying to his chest over his quickly beating heart. This sensation is nothing new and yet it still floors Carlos each time he wakes up like this.
After these last two weeks he should be used to it.
He looks to the left in bed but of course the space is empty. TK is at his own house, in his own bed, undoubtedly fast asleep like any rational person would be at this hour.
Carlos settles his back against the headboard, his stomach twisted into knots. He tries in vain to get his heart to stop racing, to settle himself and find some semblance of calm. It’s not an easy task and as the seconds tick by, Carlos realizes that this may not be a job he can handle on his own. He hesitates before reaching over to his nightstand and disconnecting his phone from the charger. His eyes adjust to the bright screen before him boldly stating that it’s 2:17 in the morning.
He knows he shouldn’t call. It’s the middle of the night, a time when a phone call could make a person jump to horrible conclusions. This is hardly an emergency; he isn’t in any danger but TK is something of an anchor for him, his voice alone enough to settle him on even his worst days. It’s selfish, he thinks, to trouble his boyfriend now but if he could speak to him for even a few seconds, Carlos thinks it will lull him back to what hopes will be a peaceful sleep. Before he can put too much thought to it, Carlos presses TK’s name in his contacts and puts the phone to his ear.
Four rings chime and Carlos contemplates hanging up just then before there’s a break.
“Carlos?” TK asks, his voice heavy with sleep. Carlos mentally kicks himself.
“You were sleeping. Of course you were. I’m so sorry. Go back to bed.”
TK clears his throat on the line before speaking. “Not a chance. Are you hurt? What’s going on? Talk to me. Is everything okay?”
Carlos licks his chapped lips and sniffs, shaking his head even though TK cannot see him. Concern is so heavy in TK’s voice. He can just picture the troubled look his boyfriend must be sporting now to go with it.
“I’m alright, really. I’m at home and I’m okay. I shouldn’t have worried you. Goodnight,” he quickly says before hanging up.
TK calls back but Carlos doesn’t pick up, feeling foolish for calling his boyfriend in the dead of night just because he had a bad dream. It makes him feel like he’s a kid again, racing straight to his parents room and wedging himself between them when he got spooked during a storm or couldn’t rest.
He’s an adult now—and a cop no less. Feeling brave should be common practice for him. Roping TK into this mess was a grave oversight on his part. He feels guilty for not answering but embarrassment flares throughout him, burning in the pit of his stomach.
Carlos does his best to fall back asleep on his own and shake the images that flitted through his mind earlier but the task is far easier said than done. It’s all too easy to recall that call from two weeks ago.
He’s curled onto his side, still wide awake when he hears the chime of the doorbell.
Padding across his room and down the hall to the front door, Carlos flips on the switch for the front step and peers through the peephole.
TK stands there with his hands burrowed into the front pocket of his hoodie, shivering a bit. Carlos hurries to unlock the door, to welcome him in every sense of the word.
“TK, you didn’t have to come over,” he says, moving back to let TK enter.
“You called me at two in the morning. You needed me so I’m here,” he says plainly.
TK steps closer to him, cupping his face. “Maybe now you can tell me what’s keeping you up?” he asks gently.
Carlos sighs and closes back the door, flicking the lock. TK keeps his eyes fixed on him, clearly not willing to let up on getting to the bottom of this. Carlos appreciates the concern but it only makes him feel more foolish for reaching out in the first place.
“It’s so embarrassing,” he says, rolling his eyes at himself.
Even just saying that much aloud makes him feel ridiculous but from the way TK’s brows furrow, he can tell his boyfriend views things differently.
“You had another nightmare, didn’t you?”
There’s nothing accusatory or judgemental in his tone at all and it makes Carlos love TK all the more. Finding the words to admit to what led to him calling felt insurmountable. But of course TK would be able to fill in the blanks.
For two weeks since his unit was called to an active shooter scene, Carlos has been haunted by the things he witnessed that afternoon. He’s done his best to shake it off and some nights are truly easier than others to endure. But TK has borne witness to Carlos’ fitful rests, been there right beside him when Carlos wakes up shakily from dreaming.
Carlos shudders in spite of his best efforts to control it but the memory of the shootout is so vivid. His dream recounted it all in stunning clarity to the point where it felt as if Carlos had somehow gone back in time and was sincerely living that horrific day over.
He’s only able to nod, his body feeling cold.
TK sighs in understanding, wrapping his arms around Carlos and rubbing his back soothingly.
“That was a horrible day. It makes perfect sense why it’s still affecting you. You went through something extremely traumatic.”
Carlos groans and breaks away from the hug, walking over to the living room. TK is right on his heels, eyeing him carefully as they sit on the couch.
“I’m a police officer. I should be able to move on and I swear, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
“You’re human. It’s only natural that you’d react to something like that. But pretending like it didn’t happen? Not talking about it? That’s not helpful. Trust me,” TK says, that final sentence piercing through.
TK knows about hardships and personal demons. He’s been so candid about his past and it never fails to make Carlos’ heart swell with pride seeing how far TK has come in all the months that they’ve known each other.
“Maybe I could take some time off, just for a little while,” he suggests.
“I think that’s a great starting point, definitely.”
“Guess it also couldn’t hurt to talk to someone about it either.”
TK smiles widely at this and nods, kissing Carlos’ cheek. “I like the sound of that.”
