26, 65 or 74? hurt/comfort? i love ur style of writing and i wanna see where you take these 🥺🥰
this is just the sweetest. you’ve really been making me so happy with all your kudos and comments in this collection! thank you so much! this one kind of ran away from me and is a bit heavier than my previous fics. it comes with trigger warnings so... overdose tw, drugs tw
#26 “How did you find me?”
TK sits with his knees to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs as he looks out across the field. To any passerby this wouldn’t be anything remarkable. It’s nothing more than an expanse of dry grass but this particular vacant spot is arguably one of his favorite places in all of Travis County. This is the field where he allowed himself to dive headfirst into something real with Carlos, the two watching an anomaly in the sky above as something organic bloomed between them.
Austin has been leaving its mark on TK, the new memories and bonds forged here almost enough to eclipse all of the bad he’s left behind.
But there are certain aspects of his past that he can’t quite run from, despite his best efforts to. Life enjoyed playing with him too much to allow good times to last long. TK supposes he may be a touch melodramatic but after the last call he and his team were dispatched to, he can’t shake the idea that the universe likes tossing in harsh reminders of a life he’d rather forget.
The scene they were called to was far too similar to a scenario he had personal experience with. A worried mother stood watch for the crew’s arrival outside the door to her daughter’s apartment, tears in her eyes and she begged and pleaded with them to break down the door and get to her child.
The young woman was unresponsive, passed out on her bathroom floor. Beside her was an empty orange vial and two small clear baggies. It was as if seeing an alternate version of his life. Michelle bustled in, Tim and Nancy flanking her as they worked in tandem to save the woman. Narcan passed from Tim straight to Michelle in the blink of an eye, leaving her to administer the dose in almost no time at all.
TK was vaguely aware of his father’s voice but his ears were ringing too loudly to make out any of the words, let alone any other sound coming from the room. He could see Michelle calling out orders, see her team’s lips moving in response. But the dial was turned down to zero; TK was unable to register any of it. He could recall the touch of his father’s hands on his shoulders and hands, urging him away.
But it was all TK could do to stand there, feet planted like a formidable oak as he watched the young woman’s eyes flutter open, to hold his breath as she emptied out her stomach, her body too weak to even move herself away from the mess she’d made.
“TK,” his father had said a bit more forcefully in his ear, a hand on his elbow to take him away from the threshold.
He stumbled backwards as his father pulled him away, his vision of the apartment blurred as tears filled his eyes. The young woman would be okay but the image of her sprawled out against the tiles, TK knew, would always haunt him, never mind the sheer anguish on her mother’s face.
The ride back to the station was painfully quiet, the team—for his sake, more than anything— not saying a single word. But TK didn’t even feel like he was in the truck at all. His mind was somewhere else entirely, a thousand miles back in New York on his living room floor. It all came rushing back in such stunning clarity.
He’d gone through the motions of showering and dressing once they returned, enduring another quiet ride, this time home with his father.
TK had gone straight to his room though Owen tried getting him to open up and talk about what they’d just seen. His room made him feel like a caged animal as he paced the length of it. Before he could fully register what he was doing, TK was fleeing the house without saying a word to his father, hoping to find someplace where he could be alone and hopefully wind up feeling better.
TK’s top pick would have been Carlos’ condo but the last thing TK wanted to do was burden his boyfriend with this. He’s done his best to shield Carlos from the sordid details of his past, so keen he is these days on maintaining a brighter future.
He closes his eyes, listening to the sound of crickets hidden in blades of grass, feeling the soft evening breeze blow across his skin. This was the perfect place to settle on.
The road his mind wants to travel down is a dangerous one and it takes everything within him to keep on a safer path. The silence of the field helps. He tries to mirror it for himself, an open space and an open mind.
Out here with no one around, the noise in his head dies down long enough for him to steady himself and recalibrate.
His peacefulness is broken about twenty minutes later by the sound of tires approaching. TK scrambles to his feet quickly at the sudden intrusion. The car’s headlights make it hard to see much of anything but as the engine is cut and the lights are as well, TK feels his chest tighten at the sight of Carlos’ Camaro.
He stands frozen in his spot as he waits for Carlos to get out. When he does, his boyfriend’s eyes are locked in on him, his expression unreadable as he comes to a stop in front of him. Carlos doesn’t waste time with a preamble, jumping right into things.
“Your dad told me about the call you guys had today,” Carlos says delicately.
TK looks away, cracking his knuckles. His skin feels stretched too tight around his body. It’s a perfectly cool evening and yet he feels like he’s suffocating, his face and neck suddenly feeling hot.
“He was worried when you left and refused to answer his texts and calls. That’s when he reached out to me, hoping that you were at my place. He was worried sick...as was I.”
“I didn’t mean to make you all worry. I just needed...to breathe.”
Carlos frowns. “I know that call must have been horrible for you but you can’t go AWOL like that, TK,” he says, voice still gentle. “If you needed this time on your own, just say that next time, please. When you disappear, we can’t help but to get scared that you’re hurt or—”
“I didn’t do anything stupid. I didn’t, you know,” he concludes lamely, unable to even bring himself to say the word relapse.
“I didn’t think you would but thank you for telling me. I’m glad you’re hanging in there. I tried calling but it kept going straight to voicemail.”
TK’s brows furrow as he takes his phone out of his pocket. He touches the screen but it remains black. He hadn’t even thought to check on his phone, not that it mattered either way given he was practically in the middle of nowhere. It’s then that Carlos’ appearance really sinks in.
“How did you find me?”
For the first time since he arrived, Carlos smiles faintly.
“There’s a reason I still earn a paycheck every two weeks. You may think you’re a mystery but I know you,” he says, reaching for TK’s hands.
TK lets him hold on, realizing now just how cold his fingertips feel once he’s met with Carlos’ warmth. For as much as he wanted to be alone, TK is glad for Carlos’ presence now. It’s a powerful thing to be seen and loved by someone.
“I figured you’d go somewhere you could be by yourself, that’s nice and remote but also someplace that made you feel comforted as if you weren’t actually alone. That night we spent out here came to mind so I thought I’d check it out first.”
TK huffs out a sound similar to a laugh and shakes his head, looking back out across the field. “Impressive work, officer. But as you can see, I’m doing just fine so you don’t have to worry.”
“I wouldn’t call running away and isolating yourself fine, T. Please, can you talk to me about what you’re feeling right now?”
TK can hear traces of panic in his voice though, to Carlos’ credit, he tries to disguise it. But TK can read the strained look in Carlos’ brown eyes and the set of shoulders. This was precisely what TK was hoping to avoid, making someone he cared for so concerned. But he supposes he brought this on himself. Had he just spoken up when it mattered most, Carlos wouldn’t have had to go tracking him down.
Carlos turns and walks back towards his car, sitting on top of the hood. TK watches him for a moment, the man’s hand outstretched in invitation. This takes him back to that glorious night where there didn’t seem to be any limits to how happy and free he could be.
It feels like such a déjà vu. There may not be northern lights above them now but the stars shine so brightly that it’s captivating all the same. Carlos still looks at him with wonder and care in his eyes, just as he’d done months ago. The car is just the same, the spot beside Carlos empty and waiting for him.
But inside TK feels different. Something has monumentally shifted due to that call. So much of this scenario may feel familiar but he feels a long way off from the guy he was that night.
Something in his expression or body language gives him away; he knows Carlos can see his unease. The man lowers his hand and sits cross legged, just staring at him patiently.
It’s just one of the many things TK appreciates in Carlos. He never forces him to speak if he isn’t ready. He’s simply just there and that counts for so much more than TK can even say. It’s more than he deserves, of that he’s certain. But it’s exactly what he needs so he’s grateful.
After another moment, TK’s legs finally begin moving forward, the soles of his shoes crunching against the dried grass. He slides upwards onto the hood of the car, laying back wordlessly against the windshield. Beside him, Carlos follows his lead, reaching for his hand again. He brings it to his lips to kiss each of TK’s knuckles before resting his hand against his chest.
TK stays quiet for a beat, taking just a moment to relish in Carlos’ touch. A conversation is inevitable but before they get underway, he knows he needs to contact his father and attempt to put the man at ease. He dreads the thought alone but it’s the least he owes his dad now for bailing like he did.
“I should probably borrow your phone and give my dad a call. Let him know that I’m okay.”
“I sent him a text before I got out of the car. He knows you’re with me.”
A ghost of a smile plays at TK’s lips at the implication of that last sentence. Being with Carlos amounts to the same thing as safe.
TK pulls in a breath, trying to collect his thoughts but everything in his head is a wreck. He plucks out one thought and goes from there, just needing to get something off his chest so he could breathe a bit easier.
“Being on that call today, seeing that girl’s mom absolutely lose it....,” he trails off, closing his eyes to the memory but the images still flood him anyway. “It just made me think about my dad finding me when he did. If he’d come over to my place even five or ten minutes later, I likely wouldn’t even be sitting here right now.”
He has to stop short there, swallowing hard past the lump in his throat.
“I’ve put him through so much and I don’t ever want to do that again, cause even a fraction of the fear that woman had. Her daughter looked so helpless and all I could think about was ‘what if this girl doesn’t make it?’ Her mom wouldn’t have been able to survive that. And I thought back to New York, my dad being there, saving me. I’ve been doing well now but this thing is always going to be in me, no matter what and I hate that more than anything. One setback could undo everything. It’s happened to me before and I barely made it through that time.”
He lets out a shaky breath. “Sometimes it seems like it’d be safer not to let people in just in case I relapse again. I don’t want to drag anyone else down this road. My dad, you, the family I’ve made here. You all are so important to me and nothing terrifies me more than the thought of losing you guys, one way or another.”
Carlos sits up at this and from his periphery TK can see that his boyfriend is looking at him but TK can’t bear to look back. Instead he keeps his eyes trained on the stars just wishing he could trade places with them now, be light years away from the troubles of this world.
“Hey, no. The people you have in your corner are going to be there for life. We all love you so much and will always stand with you.”
There’s such conviction in his words that leaves no doubt about his sincerity and commitment. TK can’t help the tears that fall from the corners of his eyes and race back to his hairline as he keeps vigilant watch on the sky. He knows that if he looks at Carlos now, the little bit of restraint he’s been clinging to will break. Carlos continues speaking, undeterred, or perhaps motivated, by TK’s silence.
“I’m not in the business of giving up on people. Serve and protect, right? If I can care deeply for perfectly good strangers every day, why on earth wouldn’t I be able to do the same for you, the man I’m so incredibly in love with? You couldn’t push me or anyone else who loves you away. You and I agreed, right on this very spot, months ago that we were a team. I have every intention to hold up my end of that promise.”
TK lowers his gaze, finally letting his eyes land on Carlos. The man’s face is flushed, beautiful brown eyes tinted pink from unshed tears but there’s a fierceness in them despite the sadness.
TK sits up and draws nearer, resting his head against Carlos’ shoulder. TK’s wrapped up in the man’s embrace instantly, those steady hands rubbing soothing circles along his back.
He lets himself be cared for, ignoring how weak he feels now. Carlos, he knows, is strong enough for the both of them at this moment. There’s no judgement or shame to be felt, not with Carlos.
“You’re so much stronger than you even know,” Carlos murmurs against the shell of his ear. “There’s nothing you can’t get through and there’s definitely nothing we can’t do together. You’re so loved, TK. You are so loved and needed. Always.”
Buck is too young to know such heartbreak but sorrow has been a most faithful companion his whole life.
Wherever he goes, it follows. Its presence, always felt, is a terrible weight in that moment, in that room as he watches his world crumble around him.
“Why can’t I go with you?”
He is weeks away from turning seven but even then, he is sure that anywhere in the world would be better than staying here with his parents.
“I’m sorry, Evan,” Maddie says and she does sound sorry, her big brown eyes are filled with tears and shame and regret.
Still, she will leave him behind.
(This will be the first but far from the last time he will be left behind.)
He knows she won’t take him with her, but he has to try anyway. Maybe this will be when she finally sees she can’t leave him all by himself in this too big a house with parents who don’t care and are never there.
“Why do I have to stay here?” he protests and the words would sound petulant said by most children, but they just taste like tragedy when he says them. “I wanna go with you, please. I swear I’ll be nice and I’ll clean up after me and I won’t even talk that much. Please, I’ll be real good.”
Maddie’s face falls and she drops what she’s holding to rush to his side.
“Oh, Evan,” she whispers brokenly before wrapping her arms around him.
From the safety of her embrace, he can see it – the hated suitcase that will take his big sister away to college.
This is unfair, he decides. Why should he stay here and why should she leave? Why can’t she stay with him? How can she leave?
Doesn’t she love him?
“I would take you if I could,” she says and he wants to believe her.
“Promise me you’ll come back,” he whispers, voice wet and heavy with the burden of his solitude.
“I’ll come back for you, Evan Buckley. I will always come back for you.”
And it’s not quite a lie.
Maddie won’t come back for long, long years and he will be all alone – first, in that house and then out in the world.
But she will come back, eventually.
When she does, she will never leave again.
But Buck, not quite seven, does not know this.
The only thing he knows is that his sister, the only person who loves him, is leaving him.
All that he has left is himself and his sorrow and so he carries it closer to his chest until it’s all he can feel, and when Maddie leaves for college, he doesn’t cry.
TK Strand needs a fresh start. He needs to get as far away from the memories and temptations of NYC as he possibly can so when he finds an opening at a prestigious high school in Austin, he jumps at the chance.
As things fall into place he is surprised to find just how well he fits into Austin; how well this new life he built for himself suits him. There’s only one complication: another (insanely attractive) English teacher by the name of Carlos Reyes whose existence does not fit into TK’s carefully constructed plans. The universe, however, seems to have another plan entirely.
Or, the Teacher AU absolutely no one asked for.
Welcome to the most self-indulgent thing I have ever written! I had a good time writing it and I ended up really liking it though, and I hope you do too. Huge shoutout to @officerrxyes for helping me with the edits and putting it up me throughout the entire process.
-----
This is not how he had wanted to start his first day. He had been hoping to make a good impression, maybe make it through the first week without drawing too much attention to himself.
The universe had other plans, it seemed.
It had started with the traffic. He was still new to the area and had severely underestimated how heavy traffic was in this city (really, who knew?) Thankfully he had been nervous enough that he had left his apartment almost an hour earlier than he should have had to for a 4-mile drive, which had gotten him here with about 10 minutes to spare.
If it had just been that, it would have been fine. He could have shaken it off, gotten into his classroom and been ready to face the day with plenty of time before his students showed up. But no, it couldn’t be that simple. Instead, he was stuck here, in his current predicament.
By the time he arrived there was not a parking spot to be found. He had anxiously circled the parking lot twice before spotting an empty space miraculously close to the front doors. He thought maybe his luck had finally changed - until he tried to open his door. The car next to him was parked so close that he could barely even get his door more than an inch let alone wide enough to get out. He glanced over to the passenger side to find that car was almost as close. He banged his head against the steering wheel in frustration. Of course. Of fucking course - he had moved across the country, managed to get a job in one of the best high schools in the state, and now he was going to blow it because he was trapped in his car. Typical.
He forced himself to take a deep, calming breath before examining the situation again. There might just be enough room on the passenger side to open the door and squeeze out. Then he would just have to wait long enough that the other cars would be gone before he tried to leave at the end of the day. Totally doable — he just had to climb over the center counsel. He examined the layout and sighed. There was no way to do this gracefully. He took a silent moment to mourn his nice professional wrinkle-free first-day outfit before he resigned himself to the inevitable.
He had known it was not going to be a graceful process, but he had still underestimated exactly how awkward it would be. He cleared the counsel and got one foot on the ground outside the passenger door before carefully sliding himself out, careful not to let his door hit the car beside him. Once he had both feet on the ground he reached back in to grab his bag, which he pulled out before closing the door and walking to the back of the car. Once he was free of the confined space he took a deep breath as he smoothed out his clothes, wiping away any wrinkles.
“That was pretty impressive,” someone noted, voice full of amusement.
TK spun around to find an incredibly attractive man standing behind him, looking him over with a raised eyebrow. TK wanted to shoot back something clever but instead he tripped over his words, stuttering through half-formed thoughts before he blurted out “thanks.”
Inwardly, he groaned. Because this morning hadn’t been bad enough - now he was a stuttering mess in front of this guy who possibly had the most gorgeous eyes TK had ever seen and had just used those eyes to watch TK climb out of his own car like a contortionist. He was really winning today.
“Anytime,” the stranger returned with a grin. They stood there, not saying anything for a few more moments until the stranger continued, “Well I guess I should,” he trailed off gesturing towards the building. TK nodded vaguely before a glance at his watch pulled him back to reality, “Oh, yeah. Me too.”
“Well, I hope you have a good first day. My name is Carlos, by the way.”
“TK,” he offered, plastering on what he hoped was a charming smile.
Carlos grinned at him, “I’ll see you around, TK.”
And with that, he was gone. TK watched him walk away until the snap of the door closing behind him dragged him back to the present. He glanced at his watch again only to see that he only had two minutes before he would officially be late for his first day.
“Shit,” he muttered to himself before hiking his bag up in his shoulder and sprinting towards the door.
------
“Don’t forget to get those syllabi signed!” TK called to the retreating backs of his second-period freshman class. “Whether or not you think it’s stupid does not change the fact that it is an easy grade!”
This earned a few chuckles from the students still gathering their things and he flashed a grin at them. Despite the rough start, the morning has actually gone pretty well. His first two classes had gone smoothly and the kids seemed like a good bunch. He was optimistic about the year. Now he was looking at his first prep period of the day and since there was no grading to tackle yet he figured this was as good of a time as any to try to get the lay of the land, so to speak. Plus, he needed to find the copier. He had printed out the syllabi for the first day on his home printer but there was no way he was going to keep doing that. He fully intended to use the school provided resources, thank you very much.
He was just about to grab his ID and keys and head out in pursuit of a copy machine or faculty room when someone stepped into his classroom. TK recognized him but couldn’t put a name to the face.
“Hey Mr. Strand, I just wanted to stop by to see how your first day was going. I’m Judd Ryder, one of the Assistant Principals.”
TK smiled at him, crossing over to shake his hand, “I remember you, you were on my interview committee, right?”
He nodded, “That’s right. I was pretty impressed by you, I think you’ll do great things here.”
“That’s very kind of you to say, I hope I can live up to it,” TK responded, a little taken aback by the praise.
Mr. Ryder shrugged, “I was impressed by your thoughts on curriculum, but really I think you’re going to do a good job connecting to the students. You’ve got the freshman this year and they need that. That connection might be the difference between failure and success for some of them.”
TK nodded, unsure of how to respond. He fiddled with his lanyard for a moment before the AP laughed, shaking his head; “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dump all that on you - my wife is always telling me I don’t need to voice every thought that pops into my head and, well clearly that’s a problem for me.”
TK relaxed and smiled at the older man, “It’s fine, it’s nice to hear such good things, it’s just the first day and all—a lot to take in, you know?”
Ryder nodded, “I hear that. Anything I could help with?”
“Actually, yeah—any chance you could point me towards a copier? My printer at home will never recover if I try to do much more with it.”
“Sure thing, I’ll take you there. It’s on my way anyways,” he said over TK’s protests, “no trouble at all.”
They step into the hallway and once TK is sure the door to his classroom is shut and locked behind him they move down the hall, back towards the main hallway. Judd keeps up a steady stream of conversation all the way and TK nods and makes noises of agreement where necessary. It’s not that he doesn’t like Judd, he’s just not used to such an amicable relationship with administrators. It had never been like that in any of his previous schools. He liked the feeling of familiarity but knew that it would be a while before he ever completely bought into it. He was much more likely to err on the side of polite professionalism.
They had arrived at the faculty room now and as TK went to open the door it swung open as another teacher stepped out. He was a little older than TK and his eyes went wide as he halted inches from colliding with him. Judd laughed from behind TK, “Well I was going to say you two should meet at some point, so I guess now is as good a time as any. TK Strand, meet Paul Strickland, one of our Earth Science teachers. He’s also your neighbor.”
Paul grinned and stuck out his hand, “it’s good to meet you, man. I was going to stop by later on, but bumping into each other works too I guess.”
TK chuckled and took the offered hand, “I suppose it does. So you’re my neighbor, huh?”
Paul nodded, “And part of the grade level team. You’ll actually be seeing the rest of us in a bit—we have common planning 5th period.”
TK nodded, he had noticed that on the schedule. “Cool, well, I’ll see you then. In the meantime, I should get some copies done while I have a chance.”
“Don’t use tray 3—it always jams.”
“Thanks for the tip.”
“Don’t mention it; I know how much it sucks to have to spend your entire prep clearing out a paper jam.”
“Still, I appreciate it.”
Paul nodded and then with another smile and a wave to Judd, he was gone. They watched him go for a second before Judd spoke again, “You have a solid team to work with in your wing, I’m sure you’ll all get along fine.”
“I think you might be onto something,” TK agreed. Then, with another thanks, he stepped into the faculty room, leaving the Assistant Principal behind.
---
Two periods later and TK was starting to remember how exhausting the first week of school was. The endurance it took to do this all day was nothing to scoff at, and each year in September it needed to be built up again. Somehow each year, he managed to forget that. As the last of the 4th-period stragglers filed out he sank into his desk chair and leaned back, allowing himself to take a deep breath. All he wanted to do was sleep for a week, but he still had common planning, hall duty, one more class, and an apartment full of boxes waiting to be unpacked. Sleep was a luxury he couldn’t afford right now.
A knock at his door wrenched him from his fantasies of peaceful sleep. He jumped to his feet, blinking the exhaustion out of his eyes as he looked towards the door to find Paul and two others standing on the threshold.
“The first week is always the hardest, isn’t it?” Paul noted as he invited himself into the room, the other two at his heels.
TK nodded, only cutting off for a yawn, “You could say that,” he finally got out.
Paul gave him a sympathetic grin before turning to his two companions. “Guys, this is TK Strand, the new English teacher. TK,” he said turning to face him, “this is Marjan Marwani and Mateo Chavez, Math and Social Studies teachers respectively.”
TK gave them each a nod and a smile. “So, we’re the ninth grade team?”
“One of them,” Marjan confirmed, settling onto one of the desks. “So you better get used to us - we’re stuck together and you get to see our lovely faces every day for this common planning period.”
“Where do we meet for that, by the way?”
“Your room of course,” Marjan said with a raised eyebrow, “the newbie always hosts.”
Paul rolled his eyes. “She’s kidding,” he informed TK, “but we do usually meet in here because there are more tables so it’s easier to spread out.”
“Fine with me,” TK replied with a shrug, “you guys are more than welcome.”
The others smiled their thanks before Mateo spoke up.
“So TK,” he asked in what was clearly meant to be a casual tone, “how long have you been teaching?”
TK raised an eyebrow, “This is my 4th year, why?”
“Damn it,” Mateo swore mournfully as Marjan let out a bright burst of laughter.
When TK shot Paul a confused look he stifled his own laughter long enough to explain, “Mateo here is our probie. He’s only in his second year and he’s desperately hoping to find someone lower on the totem pole than him. You being new to the district and pretty young, he thought maybe he had a chance.”
Now TK grinned outright as he turned his gaze back to Mateo, “sorry to disappoint you probie, but I already put in my time as the newbie. You have my sympathies though.”
Mateo pouted as the other two laughed lightly at him. TK shook his head fondly and sat on one of the desks to survey this group—his new team.
As Marjan crossed to Mateo to ruffle his hair and Paul rolled his eyes at the pair while not quite being able to hide his smile, something settled in TK’s gut. They were going to get along just fine. More than that, TK had a feeling that as long as he had this group at his side he’d be fine. Maybe, despite the disastrous beginning, this year might not be the disaster he feared after all.
---
After the first day, things went pretty smoothly. He’d settled into a routine and beyond the usual unpredictable nature of teenagers, he had everything under control. He was feeling pretty confident about this change—for once he may have actually made the right choice. He wanted to savor that feeling, but there was still one more unknown element to his work life that he hadn’t gotten to experience yet: the department meeting. So when Thursday rolled around he waved goodbye to the rest of his team and set off to find room 306.
If his past experience was anything to go on this meeting would likely be nothing more than a waste of time. Just something they are mandated to do where they talk about goals and test scores and analyze data without actually accomplishing anything actionable. But it was still something new; a potential disaster waiting around the corner for him. He’s almost convinced that’s what it’s going to be too - everything else is going far too well. Something has to give at some point.
He found the room and entered cautiously; scanning the room as he took an empty seat. Everyone else is chatting amongst themselves and while a few sent him curious glances as he entered, for the most part everyone is minding their own business. He was so focused on surveying the room that he almost jumped when the chair next to him was pulled out and someone slid into the seat beside him. He looked over to see a woman smiling at him warmly, “You must be TK Strand,” she said by way of greeting.
He nodded and her smile somehow grew as she stuck out her hand, “I’m Grace Ryder, one of the 10th grade English teachers and yes, Judd Ryder is my husband,” she confirms.
TK chuckled as he took her hand. Apparently, his surprise at hearing her name was more evident than he had thought, “It’s nice to meet you Grace, and I’m afraid I don’t have a very good poker face.”
She laughed lightly and shook her head, “No, you do not. I can’t say I blame you though - new school, first department meeting, and someone comes up and knows your name - I’d be flustered too. But my husband has mentioned you so I figured I’d check-in, make sure you weren’t left out for the sharks. They do love fresh meat.”
TK raised an eyebrow, “It’s not that bad, is it?”
“They like a laugh, but from everything I’ve heard I think you’ll do just fine.”
TK was going to ask what she meant by that when her expression shifted again as she spotted something over TK’s shoulder.
“They’re not all bad though,” she said with a smile. “In fact, here’s one you should meet. Reyes!” The last part was directed at someone behind TK. He turned to see who Grace was intent on him meeting and froze.
“TK,” Grace was saying as the man walked over, “This is Carlos Reyes, one of the Senior English teachers and an all-around good egg.”
Carlos chuckled and TK felt a shock run through his body at how wonderful of a sound it was.
“You’re too nice to me Grace,” Carlos was saying as he bent down to give her a quick one-armed hug.
Grace swatted at him, “I am exactly as nice to you as you deserve. Carlos, this is TK Strand - the new Freshman English teacher.”
Carlos turned his smile on TK, who was fairly certain he was going to melt in this very spot from the warmth of it, “We’ve met, actually—in passing. I didn’t know you were in the department, how’s it been so far?”
“Good, it’s been good,” he managed to splutter out after a few moments and the mortifying realization that he had been quiet for too long and Grace and Carlos were both looking at him.
Carlos kept smiling at him, “That’s good to hear. I’m sure I’ll see you around but feel free to let me know if you need anything. I’m in room 214.”
TK nodded and then with a wave, Carlos was gone. TK shook himself from his stupor to find Grace giving him a pitying look, “Oh honey,” was all she said. Her voice was low, but it was clear she was suppressing laughter.
“What?” TK demanded, even as he could feel a blush creeping up his cheeks. Grace just shook her head and let some of the laughter escape. He turned away from her petulantly but she reached out and put a comforting hand on his arm.
“I’m sorry dear,” she said through her laughter, “I’m not making fun of you, really. I can’t say I can blame you either; he is quite something.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he responded stiffly.
“Yes, I’m sure you don’t,” Grace said, making an effort to match his tone. He rolled his eyes and shot her an exasperated look but she just kept chuckling quietly even as the meeting started.
It was good to know he had been right about this meeting being the disaster he had been waiting for—it was just not the kind he had anticipated.
----
The days marched on and more and more it felt like any other school year. TK had fallen into a routine; he had found his stride. He had found his footing with his students; he had found friends in his team. This change—the new job, the new school, the new state—was going so much better than he had anticipated. When he had sent in the application, it had been on a whim. He had been floundering in the shambles of what had been and desperate for a direction, a way out. This job had seemed like a desperate hope; a future he could only dream of surrounded by the wreckage of his old hopes and plans. He had just needed a point to aim for, an exit sign to direct him out of this mess. He had never expected it to actually work.
But against all odds and his own firmly held beliefs he made it work, he hadn’t failed. It was an exciting prospect, but also a terrifying one. With things going this well, it was only a matter of time before the proverbial other shoe dropped. He does everything he can to prevent that eventuality. He works hard, throwing himself into every lesson plan and every assignment. He tackles any administrative task as soon as possible, never letting anything sit on his desk. Above all, he takes a wide berth around room 214. Carlos’s smile may live in his head rent-free, but he can’t afford a distraction. Especially not one like him —one so objectively perfect. He’s not ready for that and to be so close to the possibility would break his still-healing heart.
He almost welcomes the distraction of his traditional beginning of the year benchmark essay—right up until he gets a look at the stack awaiting grading. He is in the middle of the first period’s stack when the rest of the team walked in for common planning.
“It’s only the second week of school,” Mateo noted, “isn’t it a little early to be assigning essays?”
“No,” TK explained, looking up from the paper he was reading, “because it’s my job to get them to high school level writing by the end of the year for the sake of all of the other English teachers and I need to know where they are at now so I know what to focus on.”
Marjan leaned on the corner of his desk and poked at one of the piles apprehensively, “Learn anything yet?”
TK sighed wearily as he circled yet another use of “bc” and left a comment indicating that abbreviations may have their uses, but they did not belong in academic writing. “Yes,” he said, looking up from the paper before him, “I have learned that we have a lot of work to do.”
Mateo chuckled and Marjan winced sympathetically. Paul, who had grabbed one of the essays off the stack and was skimming it, raised an eyebrow.
“I do not envy you, man,” he noted as he replaced the paper, “and I thought trying to hammer the format of a lab report into their heads was hard. This is next level.”
“Academic writing is something completely different from what they’re used to,” TK pointed out reasonably, “It’s my job to teach them how to do it,” he paused here as he glanced back down at the paper before him. “Doesn’t make it any less painful though,” he said with another sigh.
The others settled down at and on the desks nearest to his and watched as he skimmed through another paper, pausing occasionally to make a comment or correction. After a few minutes he looked up at them, eyebrows raised.
“Are you all just going to sit there and watch me grade these or…”
Mateo shrugged and Marjan grinned back at him, “We’re offering you moral support, didn’t you know?”
He scowled and grabbed an old worksheet from the table beside him and balled it up to throw at her. She dodged it expertly and grinned even wider. Paul sighed from a nearby desk.
“Now children,” he admonished, voice filled with exasperation as he rolled his eyes at their antics.
“She started it,” TK pointed out reasonably. Paul shook his head and stood up.
“I think that as long as we can agree that there are no pressing matters to be discussed we can all take this time to work on our own grading, in our own classrooms. Any objections?”
Marjan looked like she was going to say something, but at TK’s narrowed eyes she sighed and shook her head.
“Good,” Paul declared with a nod. “Good luck with all those, man,” he added to TK as he headed to the door. TK wearily waved his thanks and then they were gone. He leaned back in his chair and sighed, rubbing at his tired eyes. He loved what he did really, but sometimes when faced with the stack of 120 essays and the reminder that other content areas didn’t have to do this, he sometimes regretted not following his father’s footsteps. Firefighters didn’t have to grade essays.
Inevitably, he would recall all of the reasons he didn’t join the family business: the long hours, the danger, the toll it had taken on his father over the years both physically and emotionally. Then he would think of all the reasons he loved teaching anyways and go back to work. This time was no exception. The only difference was that as he picked up his pen again to continue grading he felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He should really call his father. It had been too long. He knew that his dad was trying to give him space, trying to give him the time he needed to adjust on his own terms; but his dad had been the one thing in New York he hadn’t needed distance from. He was the one thing he had regretted leaving. He needed to call him - he owed him that much. More than that, it would be nice to hear his voice. After he finished this class’ essays, he promised himself, he’d take a break and call his dad during his lunch.
Fate seemed to have a different plan though as the next thing TK knew students were entering his classroom. He glanced up at the clock in surprise, only to find that he had worked straight through his prep and lunch without even noticing it. He sighed and put down his pen, standing to go greet his students at the door. His dad would have to wait, it seemed. He plastered on a smile and got ready to start the lesson.
At some point, Marjan appeared in his doorway, a sheepish look on her face. He nodded to her and instructed the kids to read the next section in the text on their own and be ready to share some thoughts from it before he crossed the room to meet her.
“What’s up?” he asked, expression furrowed.
She held up the papers in her hand, “I forgot I promised the SPED teacher I would get these 408s sighed during our common planning. I have all the documents that you can look over later, but for right now could you just sign so I can get these back to her?”
He smirked at her as he took the papers; flipping through them to see what students he was signing for, “How could you have possibly forgotten? Were you so busy doing something else that maybe it slipped your mind?”
“Haha,” she responded drily, expression far from impressed. He shook his head and chuckled, but pulled a pen out of his pocket and used the wall beside the door to sign his name on the appropriate lines. He went to hand them back to her, but pulled up just short and held them just out of her reach, “do I have your word that you will provide me with the proper documentation for all these students so I can be assured I did not just commit fraud by signing these?”
She rolled her eyes at him, “Yes, I will bring them by at the end of the day.” With that she held out her hand for the papers, which he passed back to her. Then she was gone, and he turned back to his class.
“Alright, I asked you to have things to share, so who’s going to break the ice?”
There was the typical teenage silence before one of the girls in the back raised her hand tentatively, but not before glancing at her friends.
“Aniyah, what do you think?” TK asked her with a grin, perching himself on his desk.
“Mr. Strand, are you and Ms. Marwani dating?”
TK blinked at her. He glanced around at the rest of the kids in the room, none of whom seemed surprised by the question. “No,” he answered slowly, “why would you ask that?”
She shrugged awkwardly, glancing at her friends for support, “You guys just seem really close, and almost like you’re flirting?”
He shrugged, “No, we’re just friends, definitely not dating—not that it is any of your business.”
One of the boys in the front smirked at him, “I don’t know Mister, you two seem pretty friendly, I think maybe you’re in denial.”
TK met the kid’s eyes and raised a single eyebrow as he said drily, “I can assure you she’s not my type.”
Most of the kids nodded sagely, but a few seemed puzzled. He rolled his eyes and stood up, “Okay, ‘discuss Mr. Strand’s love life’ time is over. Don’t think you’re going to distract me enough that I forget about the homework. Anyone else want to share any thoughts on the reading—you know, the class work; that thing we’re here for?”
A few hands raised but even as he called on them he was chuckling to himself. Marjan was going to love this.
----
As time progresses TK sticks to his plan: do his work, make a good impression, avoid Carlos. He’s successful in that last goal too, for a while. But of course, nothing good can last and one October afternoon in the faculty room, his streak is broken.
He crossed the room towards the mailboxes without glancing around and didn't think to check his surroundings until a familiar voice called for his attention.
“Hey TK, how have things been? You settling in alright?”
He froze, slowly glancing up from the flyer about the can drive he had been reading. He knew before he saw (there was no mistaking that voice) but his heart still skipped a beat just the same.
“Carlos, hey. Yeah, it’s been great actually. No problems at all.”
Carlos grinned at him and TK had to remind himself how to breathe. “Glad to hear it. Oh,” he said suddenly, “this is Michelle Blake, one of the school social workers. And my best friend,” he added with a roll of his eyes when Michelle, apparently, gave him a pointed look.
She grinned at his addition before turning to face TK. She looked him up and down appraisingly before speaking, “It’s nice to finally meet you TK, Carlos has mentioned you.”
TK flicked his gaze to Carlos who was very intently studying the rice in his lunch and studiously avoiding both their gazes. “Nothing bad, I hope,” he said lightly.
Internally, he was panicking.
“Definitely not. Nothing but the truth I’m sure, and the truth was all good.”
“Right,” TK said with uncertainty. He waited, but Michelle did not speak again. “Well,” he said eventually, “I should get going. I just wanted to grab these flyers and then I was going to try to use the rest of my prep to try and put together a mini-unit for Halloween.”
At this, Carlos looked up, “What are you thinking?”
TK shrugged, “I was leaning towards Poe. Always a classic, and in my experience, kids have always liked his stuff.”
“I have some materials you could use, if you’d like. I’ve done that before, so I have most of the stuff in one of my binders.”
“Really?” he didn’t even bother to hide the surprise in his voice.
Carlos nodded, “Sure. You can stop by at the end of the day, if you’d like.”
TK hesitated. One the one hand, there was the pact he had made with himself: no distractions. On the other, there was a unit he wouldn’t have to plan. Which meant more prep time to spend on grading, which meant less work to take home.
“That'd be great, thanks. Room 214, right?”
As if he could have forgotten.
Carlos nodded in confirmation, “See you later then?”
“Absolutely.”
Then with a smile to the pair, TK was gone. He didn’t realize he was still grinning until he ran into Paul outside of his classroom. The other teacher looked at him suspiciously, “what has you looking so chipper?”
“Nothing,” TK said too hastily, judging by Paul’s look, “one of the other English teachers has materials I can use for a unit I wanted to do so as long as they work out, that’s an entire unit I don’t have to plan.”
Paul nodded appreciatively, “That’s a lucky break.”
TK nodded again before excusing himself and stepping into his own classroom. The rest of the day flew by and before he knew it he was seeing his last class out the door. Once they were gone and the hallway was mostly clear of students, TK grabbed his things and headed up to room 214. There’s a trophy case down the hall and he stops and anxiously checks his reflection before approaching the door to room 214. It’s open but TK hovered at the threshold nervously, knocking on the doorframe to get Carlos’s attention. He looked up from his desk and the smile that spread across his face at the sight of TK nearly had him holding onto the doorframe for support.
“Hey,” he said in what he prayed was a normal voice, “I was just here for those files, if you still wanted to give them to me?”
“Actually, I’ve changed my mind and you can’t have them.”
“Oh,” TK said, “I’ll just go then, sorry for—”
“TK, I’m kidding,” Carlos assured him as he stood up from his desk. “I offered them, didn’t I? Besides, we’re working on college essays and applications; there won’t be any time for Poe this year.”
“That’s a shame,” TK noted as he took a few tentative steps inside the room, “but I’m sure they’ll appreciate it when they have their applications done.”
“That’s the hope,” Carlos agreed, “but right now they’re not too fond of me.”
TK chuckled and Carlos looked up from the bookshelf he was scanning to see TK still standing a few feet from the door. “I don’t bite,” he deadpanned, “you can come in.”
TK laughed nervously and crossed the room, coming to a halt several feet away from Carlos. The other man continued scanning the shelf and upon finding what he was looking for made a triumphant noise before turning to face TK, holding out a binder. TK raised an eyebrow and took it, glancing over at the shelves that were filled with neat rows of binders all clearly labeled.
“You are aggressively organized,” he noted.
Carlos chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah. I know it looks like a lot, but after switching grade levels a few times it’s the only way I can keep anything straight anymore.”
TK nodded as he slipped through the binder, “That’s fair. I used to have a lot of binders like that too, but I thankfully digitized them before I moved down here. I can’t imagine transporting all those across the country would have been fun.”
“No, I can’t imagine it would be. Guess it’s a good thing I have no intention of leaving.”
TK looked up from the binder to see Carlos studying him. He smiled at the other man, who returned it before settling onto the desk across from TK.
“I didn’t realize you were new to the area.”
TK nodded, “Just moved here from NYC about 2 weeks before school started.”
Carlos raised an eyebrow, “that’s ambitious.”
TK sighed and nodded. “Wouldn’t have been my first choice, but everything happened so fast. Thankfully everything has worked out pretty well so this may not be the horrific disaster I thought it would be.”
“That’s optimism for you,” Carlos observed dryly. “What brought you down here, if you don’t mind me asking.”
TK’s hand froze in its journey down the page he was reviewing as his other hand clenched the binder tightly.
“Just looking for a fresh start,” he said evenly, keeping his eyes firmly planted on the page before him and praying that Carlos could not hear the racing of his heart.
If Carlos noticed anything odd, he didn’t let on.
“That’s a big change. Did you come down here alone?”
“Just me, myself, and my boxes.”
“So why Austin then? I could be wrong, but it seems like a pretty big change from NYC.”
“I wanted to leave the city and try something new. I saw this opening here, researched the school, and decided it was worth a shot. What about you though,” he asked, switching gears and looking up from the binder, “Austin born and raised?”
“Yep, go Longhorns,” he said with forced enthusiasm. TK raised a skeptical eyebrow and Carlos pushed on, “never mind. So,” he continued, and TK noticed a change in his tone that had him looking up again, “leave anyone behind in New York?”
There was silence for a moment as their eyes met and they both knew what was really being asked.
“Just my dad.”
“Yeah, I only have my family too. But there’s a lot of them so that’s more than enough.”
TK smiled in spite of himself. “My mom’s in New York too, but she’s always traveling for work so really it’s always been just me and my dad. Honestly, leaving him there was the hardest thing about this move, and the only thing I regret.”
He paused in the wake of his words, surprised by how much he just shared with this near stranger but before he could dwell on it Carlos was giving him a reassuring smile that set his nerves at ease.
“Sounds like you’re close.”
“We are,” TK confirmed, voice growing softer as he thought about his dad. “He’s still my hero, always has been. He’s a firefighter, and I thought I wanted to be one when I was young too. But as I got older, I saw the toll it took on him and decided to take a different path. I still love and admire him for doing it though. I couldn’t picture him doing anything else.”
There was quiet in the room again. TK started to panic, thinking that maybe he shared too much (he still can’t believe he said any of that), but something about Carlos makes him feel so comfortable he hadn’t even noticed until the words were already out there. He’s about to apologize when Carlos speaks.
“I get that. My dad was a cop and it was the same way when I was growing up. He was larger than life and my hero; I wanted to be just like him. But then I got older and decided I didn’t like the reality of law enforcement as much as I had the concept. I decided I could do more good from inside a classroom and well, here we are.”
“Here we are,” TK agreed, “who would have thought?”
Carlos laughed appreciatively and the sound washed over TK with all the warmth of sunlight. He smiled back at him before turning his gaze back to the binder. The conversation flows easily between them and before TK knew it he caught a glance at his watch and let out a curse when he realized how late it had gotten. Carlos gave him a questioning look and TK gestured up at the clock, “We should have left ages ago. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hold you up; I’m sure you have things to do.”
“It’s fine, this was nice. Maybe if you stop by more often, we can chat in smaller increments. Otherwise I’m afraid this is just going to keep happening—I don’t think I’ll be able to let you go quickly if I don’t think there is a chance of it happening again within the next year.”
TK rolled his eyes, “Well excuse me for being busy settling into a new school.”
Which was a reasonable excuse. There is no way anyone would suspect he had been avoiding the other man (even though he absolutely had been).
Still, this had been nice.
He fingered the strap of his bag as he picked it up, “maybe we can continue this during lunch tomorrow? I’d like to actually ask you some questions about the materials, which is what I came here to do before we got sidetracked.”
Part of TK was praying he would say no.
Instead, he grinned, “sure, I’d like that. Until tomorrow then, Mr. Strand.”
“See you then, Reyes.”
And with a wave, he was gone.
His heart was still racing as he climbed into his car. He leaned against the seat and sighed. Operation avoid Carlos Reyes had officially crashed and burned. This was a terrible idea; he should find a reason to cancel tomorrow and go back to avoiding him as much as possible. This was a risk he didn’t need to be taking.
But even as he sat here, he couldn’t ignore the warm feeling of the aftermath of a pleasant conversation. His mind was shouting at him that this was a terrible idea, but he was having a harder time believing it with every passing second. His rules said no dating, but there was no reason they couldn’t be friends, right?
“Wanna tell me what happened?” Eddie asks, gently dabbing Neosporin on Buck’s split lip. Buck’s sitting on the edge of their bed, eyes cast down, fingers playing with the hem of Eddie’s sweatshirt. He hasn’t said a word since Eddie picked him up from the police station.
When Eddie got a call from a strange number at 11:30pm, his first instinct was to panic. It was weirdly a relief to hear Buck on the other end, voice quiet and almost scared when he told Eddie he needed him to bail him out of jail. Eddie wasn’t upset — that’d be pretty hypocritical of him — but he was worried. Even more so when he saw the state Buck was in — shirt ripped on the shoulder, scratches on his arms, bruising all around his left eye, growing darker by the minute. He had limped over to Eddie, let him wrap him in a hug, then made his way to the car, silent ever since. Eddie hadn’t forced him to talk, but now, he’d like to know what the hell is going on.
Buck sighs when it’s clear Eddie’s waiting for an answer, fingers stilling. He keeps his eyes firmly on the ground. “Chimney and I were at the bar waiting for another round, and I saw this guy drop something into a girl’s drink while she was turned away. I went up to him, asked him what the hell he was doing, and next thing I knew I was on my back. He got in some pretty good hits before someone finally pulled him off of me. Then the cops showed up and arrested us both.”
Eddie almost laughs, he’s so relieved. “So you don’t feel bad you got in a fight,” he says. ‘You feel bad because you lost.”
“I wasn’t trying to fight him, I swear, I just wanted to scare him away. I had six inches and about 75 pounds on the guy, I didn’t think I had to do anything.” Buck looks up, finally, as Eddie puts away the last of the first aid supplies. “I just didn’t want him to hurt that girl.”
Eddie steps back in between Buck’s legs, hands gently cupping his face. He places a soft kiss on Buck’s birthmark, just above the worst of the bruising. He leans back, tilting Buck’s head until he looks him in the eye.
“You’re a good man, Evan Buckley,” he says, smiling as he watches Buck’s cheeks turn pink in the dim light.
“You’re not mad?” he asks, sounding small again.
“You were just trying to help someone, as usual. I would never be mad at you for that. Plus, this black eye makes you look kinda sexy.”
Buck snorts and rolls his eyes as Eddie reaches down for his hands, pulling him up and getting both of them in bed. He’s just drifting off when he feels Buck prop himself up to look down at him properly.
“Okay, but if it was a fair fight, I totally would’ve won, right?”
“Yeah, babe,” Eddie mumbles, pulling Buck back down to lay on his chest. “You would’ve kicked his ass into next Tuesday. Now shut up and go to sleep.”
Buck laughs and presses a kiss to the center of his chest. It’s the last thing he feels before he falls asleep.
Geoff put out a statement on reddit if you didn’t already see clearing up the earlier allegation (which it was only partially true from the woman’s perspective I guess?) as well as mildly referring to RH. The guy is honestly having a really rough time of it.
yeah, i saw his statement. i appreciate him being honest with the community, but i wish people didn’t pressure him to make a statement, you know?
Hello @captainstennerstar! You’ve been nominated by @benjisvictor, @bisexualbuck and @buck-eddie as being one of their favorite writers in this fandom.
Congratulations on being a wonderful writer. Your talent brings joy to so many and you will never know how impactful your fics are.
Buck can count on one hand the number of times Owen had called him over the years and he can’t help but feel a sense of dread wash over him as answers it. The last he heard from the family, TK had called him to say that they were moving to Austin.
Now, Buck wishes Owen was calling to catch up instead of calling to tell him of TK's most recent trip to the hospital.
One of the best crossovers with Lone Star! The relationship between Buck and the Strands is beautiful and you wrote both angst and humor in perfect balance.
Open the Door (and let him in) - 4k - Eddie centric
Eddie had found over the years that relationships have always been a difficult thing to navigate. Being asexual, he found them to be more complicated than they should be because it required a certain finesse that he’s not sure he possessed.
This is very beautiful and so well-written. This dive into Eddie’s thoughts was absolutely stunning and this story resonated with so many people.
The Secrets We Keep - 2k - Buddie
Eddie has never experienced a Pride festival before, and now that he's living in LA he takes the opportunity. But as much as he wanted to go without anyone finding out, luck had other plans and he happens to come across Buck who seemed just as shocked to see him as he was to see Buck.
Another beautiful fic that deals with Eddie’s asexuality. Buck and Eddie’s discussion over both their coming outs was perfect, this story is wonderful and hopeful.
Jess, this whole fandom thanks you for sharing your writing with us. You always manage to bring such emotions to your fics and you are such a wonderful human, a pleasure to have on our dashes.
And now, readers, it’s your turn!
If you’re reading this, go check out Jess’s work! Leave a comment, leave another one if you’ve already done it, and go reblog her fics!
