"Because grades and test scores are so highly valued, a child with scores below the 99th percentile is often a “disappointment” to their families. Those who have interest outside the STEM field are not valued as much." I dont mean to be offensive but isn't this also stereotyping and generalizing?
Hi! Sorry for the late reply; I wanted it to be as comprehensive as possible. Yes, I can see what you mean when you say this could be perceived as stereotyping. First, I just want to say that that was not my intention at all and I sincerely apologize if it offended anyone.
Since we’re on the topic, I want to give some personal examples that I know to be true of what it’s like to grow up in an Chinese/Asian household
As I’ve already said, my value in my family depends on my grades and test scores. There was a while when I was younger that my parents would make me feel worthless if I didn’t get a certain grade on a certain test and they made their disappointment blatantly obvious. I’ve contemplated suicide and self-harming because of my grades and the pressure I felt to have to succeed. Thankfully, I came out the other side, but seventh to ninth grade was not a fun time.
When people ask me why I don’t want to major in art even though I’ve spent so much time and effort on it, I’m embarrassed to say it’s because my parents would never speak to me for a long time if I decided to pursue a degree in it. Instead I make up some excuse that I want to pursue other things or that I’m more interested in biology and hope that the question goes away.
When my mom was in college, she wanted to major in physics and get a PhD. However, her parents (my grandparents) thought there was no practically in this. Her father kicked her out of the house and would not let her come home until she agreed to switch her major.
My two best friends are looking to go into art school and major in art. Both of their parents are supportive of this, but they have both admitted to me that they feel like disappointments to their families One of them says that her parents give a lot more attention to her sister because they think she’s the only one with a chance of succeeding in life since she’s interested in math and science.
My boyfriend’s parents made his sister break up with her boyfriend of 1.5 years simply because he didn’t go to Princeton University. They thought he would distract her from forming connections with “smarter” and “better” kids who attended Princeton. My boyfriend’s parents made him break up with me after dating for 2 years because he needed to “focus on school” (but he was able to maintain a 4.96 GPA while we were dating so I don’t see the reasoning behind this at all). They did not care that he cried for a week straight because grades are more important than your friends and your emotional well-being.
I’ve always wondered what it must be like to have parents who cared about your interests, your passions, what you want out of life. What’s it like to have parents who would support you no matter what you did or encouraged you to make friends and create meaningful relationships instead of seeing a grade or a GPA as the end goal? Unfortunately, I don’t think this is something I will ever get to know.
Now, I love my parents very much and I’m deeply grateful to them for all the sacrifices they made so that I could have a good education. But having a culture so focused on academics and grades can have its bad sides as well.
In my experience, this is what it’s like to grow up in a Chinese household. I can’t say if this is true for everyone who’s Chinese or Asian, but I think this will resonate with a lot of people from that culture.
