can't stop thinking about roommates buck and eddie wanting this to last forever and ever and both feeling bad about this. eddie feels Bad because like, he keeps selfishly hoping and praying for things to be Wrong with the apartments buck is looking at. even though he knows buck deserves to have his own space and his own life and that's Fine it's just so fine. he can’t make him stay. but also he can’t stop trying to make buck stay. he's calling it our house and our bedroom and he plants a little herb garden because buck mentioned wanting one and he's asking buck if he thinks they should put up new shelves in the kitchen and get some cool glass jars for buck's baking ingedients and buck's got his own column on the weekly organiser and god what is he doing? and buck feels BAD because eddie's being so kind and patient and accommodating, but he deserves his space back, his house back. it was never really buck's. he was just supposed to hold onto it until eddie and chris came back. and they're back now. but also he just, can’t bring himself to keep looking for another place even though he knows he Should. he does at first. half-heartedly. but then he just stops. and he keeps not just letting eddie believe he's looking at places but like. lying about looking at places. he's literally making up apartments and then making up things that were wrong with them and he knows it's bad but he can’t Stop. and eddie's trying to react Normally and be supportive. like, man that sucks. don't worry, you'll find one! but really he's just like, so fucking relieved every single time. everytime buck mentions looking at a new place eddie's like, holding his breath. until buck rattles off a list of things that were wrong with it and he can finally breathe again.
and then one night, they're on the couch, watching tv, having a few beers. buck's just told him about another fake uninhabitable place. and it just slips out, quiet. "stay" eddie barely registers he's said it at first. but when he does, he says it again. like now that it's out there he can’t Stop. stay. buck, stay. and buck's like, what? and eddie sets his beer down and turns to buck like, stay. i want you to stay. i don't want you to find another place. i want you here. with me. with chris. where you belong. stay. and buck's breath shakes, fingers gripping his beer too tight, and he says, okay. and eddie's like, yeah? and buck's like, i— swallows. i haven't really been looking at places. i—meant to. but i couldn't, didn't want to. the thought of not—not being with you was... so i made them up. and eddie breathes out a laugh, surprised. says, you made them up. all of them? and buck ducks his head like, at least 90% of them. and eddie reaches out, tilts buck's face back up to look at him and says, i planted you a herb garden. and buck laughs, bright and loud. says, we're so stupid. and eddie laughs too, fond and relieved and just. in love. god, he's in love. and he just fucking says it, i love you. it slips out the same way stay did. and buck's laughter catches on an inhale. and he says, eddie. a little awed. a little desperate. and eddie thinks, this is it. no going back now. not that he wants to. this is it. this is his joy. and he takes the beer from buck's clasped hand, fingers brushing over his knuckles. sets it down next to his own. reaches back out, holds buck's face in his hands and kisses him. and buck makes a sound like a whimper and well, that's it. they're all over each other. hands everywhere, pressed together, moving together. and they can’t stop kissing. like they’re trying to climb inside of each other. can barely part long enough to shove down their pants. at some point one of their legs knocks the beer bottles over but they barely notice. at some point eddie manages to form a somewhat coherent thought long enough to get his hand around them both. at some point eddie says it again. stay. i love you. and buck realises that he didn't say it back—so he does now. breathes an i love you too into eddie’s mouth that slides into groan as he comes all over them both.
