#stephynow

[stephynow]

(via Let Go and Let In)

[stephynow]

My 7am coffee becomes my midday coffee. It's the same coffee in the same cup, never reheated, it's cold and when I reach the pit, it chalks between teeth and rolls on my tongue with its gravel-like shavings and hint of vanilla. I never much liked things too hot to the touch. I have been sitting in my reflection as of late. My nature is grounding and earthy, I lean into life's hush. I think I've become less noisy in my approach to life, in recent months. Last summer, I saw myself in the fire, in-heat like that of a growling animal, always readying a defense. Too sure of myself, boasting from the tip of my tongue by the hurts and corrals of a crowd. Told that I intimidate. A part of me crushed by the weight of another. Perhaps there's some truth in my role of such. That I don't trust so easily and often guarded. I am working on that. Still untethering myself hellbent on living from such pain. I've only known a life of boundary. I have no gain to perpetuate such. No desire to live to protrude. I aim for less projection. No grip on such protection. These last several months, I feel a quieting, to go inside and simultaneously open myself. Not by only writing but in real-time. I can often hide in my writings, once it's made the curves to screen or paper, I let it go. Maybe that's what letting go does, a means to lift such loads. Reminding myself that I don't have to be so heavy or fiery or curated in order to be heard. Sometimes my tongue has acted much too sharp and traveled much too fast. I don't want to make my way by such slice and speed. My work is to soften my hardening ways. Let my fire not be so loud but warm like that of a candle. So I've taken a step back, out from a circle, pressing the doors ajar into another world. To be soft. To be open. To receive. Gentle and steady, without a landing place. I let the light in and am forwarding it up. Letting go and letting in. Little by little, breath by breath. From cold coffee drips and sips to life's drips and sips. #yoga #wordiness #lovealltheway

[stephynow]

Today, I'm opening up with @blushlingerie to share about life, love, motherhood, depression, and how the power my yoga practice became a prominent tool in transforming my life in the most unexpected ways. One of the reasons I teach this practice is because I came to yoga begrudgingly, on my high horse judgment, that didn't want to be bothered by that "strange hippie breathing thing." What if gifted me was a slice (rather, many slices) of humble pie. What came in many forms was truly unexpected; me to see myself, believe in myself, and love myself simply by showing up for myself. The practice is more than breath and postures. It's a way of life. To expose. To be vulnerable. And to truly be yourself. If there is only one thing I can share with this world, it is to love. Guide others to harness that love within themselves, and spread that love unto the world around. Read up on my yoga start with me over at Blush. Blog post and interview is linked in my bio. I also share some of my Stephy favorites at Blush. https://www.blushlingerie.com/

[stephynow]

We tend to hold on to what's not healed because it provides us the control and comfort we deeply crave. It allows us to circumvent time and space, manipulate our relationship with the self and others. We think if we hold onto what happened to us, we have the right to punish, hurt, and charge. We do so and form an entire identity; steadfast on control of the world around. We manipulate, punish, and demonize falling flat to victimhood kept by a moment or moments in time. Trauma has the ability to freeze or free us. When I talk or write about my depression, it is for me to move through. I know when it creeps because it takes me painstakingly low. I cannot push or pretend it away. I have fear around, which is very real to me. I'll never say, "fuck my fear and run" because that would be like fucking and running from myself, a part of me anyway. I am open with this part of me because as it no longer controls and comforts me. While pain has dripped from my lips, so has triumph and glory. I do not frown upon someone else's pride for I know what it's like to come out and overcome. It is a victory lap deserving of all. We never know where we truly meet others, love them and hold space for them anyway. At times, I've been asked to be the face of depression or to have me tee it up in my bios for interview. Truths is, I don't pair myself as depressed, nor will I plant such words as my identity for it is not my whole. I will, however, walk the line of vulnerability as my armor and fervor. That is my identity and what makes me human. I am many things things and have many faces, all in time and space. We heal in waves and look back through blinks. The path of healing is a lifelong battle of breaking open and staying soft. Such pain is necessary and has the ability to keep you small as well as the ability to stand you tall. The journey of living through it all. Start chipping away what's become frozen within and let the warmth of your courage take down deep. You've been here before and the only way to heal is to feel yourself through. #writeyourheartout

[stephynow]

Sometimes one of the hardest things we can do is relax, close/soften our eyes. It literally means to quiet, turn off the external. We are so plugged in, everything on high alert, sounding off, ferocious with our taps, ticks, and darts of eyes. Everything in beep, vibrate, flash, honks, and siren. We've wired our nervous system in constant fight or flight mode. Our stress response levels at high volumes. It's no wonder people flip off cars for driving too slow/too fast. Or the curse patience, while pedestrians cross the street. How dare the lady in line at the market write a check for her groceries, too slow, not enough swipe. Adults that scoff at children who cry in public, labeling bad parents or they're one of those "I would never..." people. We are living in reaction-mode, feeding the spiral of constant distraction. Some say, "pics or it didn't happen." I think it's more like, "stress or didn't happen." We glorify stress and the act of busy as if there's a trophy of fitting it all in. So many people living to do it all yet walking around feeling nothing, chasing on empty. The constant of filling a cup with a hollowed-out bottom. Keep the people amped up and charging others, as though being offended is turning into some kind of virtue. Society feeds on pitting the masses against each other. It ensures our differences and not enough systems because it banks on it. What if you banked on yourself and and started advocating for your breath, your body, your mind, your soul? There's no external payout or reward granted by others. There would be little to no desire to feed on external complexes. No requirement of busy. This is why my practice is important. I can only show up here as myself, feel myself. It is the act of matter, that I matter. In order for me to hold space, compassion, love, forgiveness, peace - a softness, if you will, for others I must hold it within myself. And it can be that simple. Everyday is a practice begin again, to be kind, and show up powerfully-soft.

[stephynow]

Looking back, I still hear these giggles. Three years ago, B at age two, a family of virtually opposite schedules. Today, that still remains. This would be the start of B writing a giant X on our front door, like a gatekeeper, of no pass-through, in hopes we would all spend more time together. Three years later, it seems we've only added to such divide. The start of kindergarten, a full day at that. Additions to my teaching, writing, and photographing schedule. Steve in full swing furniture building -- sometimes it can feel like everything is up in the air. How to keep track of it all. I have a hard time committing to things, people, and places because our family business schedule runs in present time, even at the drop of a hat. I'm certainly grateful for this untraditional way of life, there's no manual, sometimes no security. Some days feel like a grand chase, which is exciting and scary all at once. Some days I wonder if I'm doing this right. And I don't mean right as in vs wrong, rather right on this path. I coach others about balance on their mat/in life, yet my life is a reflection of juggle. Maybe that's simply become a part of my balance. It's strange to have so many avenues and balls and challenges and yet feel wildly at peace with it all. Maybe it's because we ridiculously love what we do. Sometimes I think my mind attempts to question as if to say, "you must stress like the rest, you must do like the rest." Believe me, I do. At times. And I feel it coming, like a boil to a lifted lid. This has been a major growing pain of year; we've moved, B in school has been challenging (the obvious misses of mom and me days and also not obvious like handling other behaviors and school grinding in the public system), and we spend much less time than I ever imagined. Perhaps this is why I'm such a homebody, because time. It's like a family-body. Because dancing, singing, cooking, telling jokes, funny faces, making messes, and being that weirdo family with no pants is something that only happens in the moment. And when it's all three of us, it's all that really matters. Time, it is misleading. We think we can bank it, but we can only live it. #family

[stephynow]

(via Music Moves Us)

[stephynow]

Let your joy and love for what you do come from the inside-out. Practice yoga with me online at @oneoeight.tv. No studio, no mat, no fancy clothes required (not that those things are never required! Eh!) * I have many classes ranging in all times from 5min to 90min from beginner to seasoned yogi. Time of day yoga: morning, midday, and evenings. There's a variety of vinyasa, slow-flow, mellow out classes, pose break down tutorials, calming, high intensity, and meditations. The great thing is you get to tailor your practice on your own time. * Most of my classes have a #yogaplaylist on my Spotify (userID: 125214119). You'll find the playlist titles under: oneOeight: class title. * 10-days free or $14/mo. Enter the code STEPH when you sign up. * If not my classes, please check out the rest of the #oneoeightfamily and their love of yoga, coaching, cooking, and healing. One of the things we love most, is our community feedback sound boards. You can find under each class and let us know what you want more so we can bring forth more love. Let's grow together! * My most recent addition is a heart-pumper and said to take away a day of stress: Hearts on Fire. https://oneoeight.com/move/hearts-on-fire/ #yoga