My head is in such a strange place. Lately, memories surrounding my sister’s death - memories that had been suppressed - started resurfacing. After last week’s surgery, I’ve had a lot of time on my hands to think about things. Thinking often ruins the illusion.
I have this vivid memory that’s on my mind 24/7 and I can’t seem to escape it. It is the memory of the day of my sister’s funeral, while people were gathering inside our living room, I escaped to the bedroom I shared with my sister. I remember being on her bed, my back against the cold wall thinking about the last conversation we had. Her fiance, Wayne, came into the room and sat beside me, wrapping his arms around me telling me that things were going to be okay and I fell asleep for the first time in days. When I woke up, he was still there holding me but crying too and I’ll never forget the moment of looking up into his face and seeing a man in emotional pain for the first time in my young life. This was the last time that I would see Wayne, he called once after that but he’s been gone ever since.
It’s so stupid but a part of me thinks that the reason why I am good at SEO and keyword research is because I’ve tried every possible string of words, of location specific targeted keywords, long-tail keywords on Google and search partners in hopes that I will find Wayne. I realise that he has moved on with his life and it has never been my intention to reconnect with him, I just have this urgency to know that he’s doing well in life.
Wayne, if by some miracle this reaches you, wherever you may be - thank you. Thank you for making me realise at a young age that love is real and losing someone you love can be devastating, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your life. Wayne, I too lost someone I loved with all my heart but I can’t seem to move on and maybe that’s why I keep searching for you because I need clues, I need tips that will help me move on too. Wayne, you will forever be my would-have-been-brother-in-law-but-never-was. Thank you.