Cw: discussions of death, death of a loved one
Alright so over my infinite hiatus, my MIL unfortunately passed away. This has posed...interesting...challenges to me and my husband.
Obviously, we're both still grieving. We lost her in October, and are still feeling the ripples. She gave me a home when my mother tried to kill me (not hyperbole). She had her demons, though. She died from liver failure that she had known about for months and months, but didnt do anything about. She kept this from us the entire time. And while she was alive, she wouldn't let us clean the house aside from wiping off counters. It was a fight to throw out spices that were 10 years past expiration. It was bad.
I do not blame her for this. Mental health problems are awful and she was an older woman raised to think "out of sight out of mind" and that killed her. And it left me and my husband with a hoarding situation to unpack (wall to wall, but not floor to ceiling thank god).
And...thats been interesting? We're slowly clearing the clutter, and we've found some interesting things. (Namely, several sewing machines and a shepards hook i can use to move around the house). But its also been kind of difficult because I can't move anything without thinking about how mad it would have made her. It's weird to unpack that AFTER someone dies.
Like on one hand, this is a woman who literally helped me rebuild my life. She gave me a home when I had none. She was the first adult to give me an out. MIL paid for my meds, my food, etc for a whole year while I figured out medicaid, and later disability.
But at the same time, shes watched me bloody myself during seizures caused because she wouldn't turn the heat down past 75 in summer. She routinely thought I was "gleefully" throwing away bills just to avoid paying them. Her last words to me were "You're overwhelming".
It's...weird, right? To unpack that all, knowing you'll never get closure. I thought id be used to it, you know. What with never getting closure over the awful things my mom and stepdad (and even my biofather) did to me.
Idk. I guess I feel like i owe an explanation as to why I havent been on, and a big part of it is just...unpacking what happened. Anyway, I'm gonna try to be on more often. Maybe post a project or two. I found a neat shepherds hook in the closet while cleaning that I intend on sprucing up and using for a home mobility device (so husband doesn't have to keep lugging my walker Jasper in and out of the car)
