#sucidal ideation

[inkgel]

october 12, 2025

stage fright

[strebcr-a5-thelectrictboogaloo]

𝗟𝗬𝗥𝗜𝗖𝗦 : lyrics from 10 songs that remind you of your muse. (I'm cheating and adding four more beacuse fuck you 😔 )

Spoken for

I could be a difference, I could be the same. Try to give me meaning, it's a losing game. I could go to heaven, I could go to hell. Does it even matter? I could never tell. Oh, maybe I am nothing, maybe I am all! Baby, make me something 'fore I get that call, 'cause, I can't hear the messages, they just don't let me! I can't bear the solitary, don't forget me! I can't read the messages, they come so slowly. I don't know a single thing, and I'm so lonely! I don't get the messages, they don't come to me! Everything that I can say is spoken for me, yeah

Language of the Lost

Do I know who I pretend to be? Of whom am I a copy? Yes, it made me who I am, but I'll never understand, why it had to happen to me

Love attribute

Love is supposed to be strong, love is supposed to shine on our days. Love is supposed to win in the end, love is supposed to save the world. If only it had been so

Fermata

Leave me behind when my hands can never Seem to reach the audience. The monochromatic water Soothed and blemished my sonata. Is this the world the conductor performs to? An endless symphony that haunts me I sold my soul for humanity. sorry that I was such a fool

Additional Memory

If I was wrong and so naive, don’t lemme know, don’t let me see. Billowing tears won’t fade away. Soaking the sky in all the pain! Although I can’t return again, Although I can’t go home, the end. I’m hurting every day I found, when everything turned upside down

Shun-Ran

I summoned you on purpose. I died — my heart rotted to nothing. "That's a sign of vanity, you know?" Whatever you say. I already get it, though. I called you an idiot. Like smoke, you made me uncomfortable. I looked at you and woke up. They say that praying to be loved is a sin. It has such a sweet scent.

Bake no hana

You can't understand what you never see. this ugly bloom born anew never wanted to be! What else is there to say? i just can't erase this unseemly stain of makeup tainting my face! You can't understand what the future holds this ugly bloom born anew will let its body run cold so, punish me for living – i finally give up! I'll take my last breath, 'cause i've had enough.

Idol

And while the world keeps turning I’ll get what I want! If you haven’t heard it, I’m a greedy idol! One day I’ll give everyone my love and the real me might just be enough! So close, the falsehoods I still make! What’s real and what’s fake I know that I can learn to make it different someday.

Loveit

Is it okay if I trust you? My eyes swollen and red, I'm sickened by fake love again and again. I can’t say valiantly and with pride that “I’m glad I was born” But I want to tell you how I feel. I love it, is it okay if I trust you? I love it, do I want to stay as a weak rabbit for the rest of my life?

Cadmium Colors

Shatter my body with a gentle breeze. dammit, I am real and I have my dreams! watch me burn brighter 'til i fail to breathe. how could anybody ever live like me? (baby, do you know what it's like to die?) (to see the sparkle fade from inside your eye?) I can't remember what it's like to feel autonomycan't even feel it in the moments that you left to me ( I don't wanna leave with a work undone) (the paint can barely dry 'fore it fills my lungs) I keep a bullet in the chamber, mocking me. But I don't wanna feel it coming out of me I don't want-

Showgirl

I need to you see me but god I hate to be seen! Tell me I’m beautiful without perceiving meI! wanna have it both ways but I can’t. God, this shit is such a pain in the ass I know! I wanna stand out in the crowd and cut through the noise. I wanna sing my heart out but I hate my voice. The most introverted extrovert in the world!

Hai yorokonde

But when I see your eyes the anger melts away from deeply inside. I feel so out of my mind. Save this game Mr. A! Looking at the others living like me, just tell me who remains?

Birdbrain

Is it all for a show? In the golden hour you seem to know no fear is it really true? that a bird like me could never think like you? Is it all in my head? Is my ignorance just manufactured dread? When i’ve naught but my pride can you take a look and SAY YOU LIKE WHAT I’VE GOT INSIDE?

Fake meme

The “truth” is cruel and merciless. The “truth” is cold and sometimes painful. If you’re bitten, you’ll get attacked by a deadly poison. That’s why I was desperate to keep myself dressed up. I don’t like my “true” self. I can’t show my “true” self. If I expressed who I truly am, you’d think I’m lame! That’s why I was desperate to stay in step with others. That’s why I was desperate to hide my torn seam

[whatwouldeddiedo]

my brain all night has been:

suicidal. suicide. lets kill ourselves. what is the point of being alive. life is pointless. my life means nothing. no one would care if i died. no one would miss if i never logged on to the internet again. suicide????

and then randomly i saw a gifset and my brain went:

but. TOMMY said OUT LOUD he saw EDDIE as his ROMANTIC COMPETITION for BUCK. and then BUCK said he had FEELINGS for EDDIE. and then IN LOVE???? WITH EDDIE???? and then ROMCOM TROPE LEVEL DENIAL and then ADMITTING he SLEPT WITH TOMMY to DISTRACT HIMSELF from MISSING EDDIE. who he isn't in love with of course but just MISSES so MUCH it leaves a HOLE in his LIFE.

anyway. so.

[clawdee]

I haven't been doing too well with my diabetic diet lately and my numbers are showing it. Like as soon as Lana moved in everything just kind of stopped. I stopped exercising, I stopped eating properly, I stopped taking care of myself - bc I really don't fucking care when she's around, you know?

I don't care about myself. It's just like - I don't know the proper terms it's like not caring if I live or die. I am currently crossing the street without looking both ways. Because we're supposed to have her for like another 6+ months. She was only supposed to be here for one.

So tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping, I'm buying good food, I'm going to stock my fridge and pantry, I'm going to buy more protein, then I'm going to come home - put it all away, and then clean her shit off my treadmill.

[expireddollie]

Michael,explaining to Sammy how she Nd Heney plan on luring William/sprintrap and all the other animatronics to a shitty pizzeria then will burn the place down with her,Henry and a freind of there in it and her father was the one who killed all of those kids including Chalire and Lizzie and also how she died but now she better though she still has robot parts on her along with that there an robot walking aorund with Charlie partly attach it that looks like her but older and is also attach to the puppet that keeps attacking her and how his dad is actually alive:

Sammy,stoned off his ass, processing this all at once:

[seriouslytroubled]

In the past few days all I wanna do is get wickedly drunk while watching stupid TV shows then get into a pool and drown myself so I can have a dinner with important people in my life that died, in a unconscious state before I get consumed by darkness and turn to nothing. Now who's fault is that?