But how people would care if I wasn't showing them in the first place? How people WILL know about my blorbos, my stupid idiot Xan (affectionate) or others I RP and brainrot about on daily basis if I wont post them? If I won't do anthing about that? It was the time to just change it. And I did.
Every little doodle I was doing for years now was only for me and my friend I RP with. No one else was seeing them, no one else was included in our little world and I never understood why would anyone be interested in such "bad" artwork - who would like quick sketches with OC sitiuations? And then I looked at myself and what kind of works I enjoy - the works that people share - those little doodles that make me smile, that make me relate or just point finger at and show to my friend and be like "this OC is so cool, I love this artist" - why was I so harsh on myself then?
I realized I was just in the neverending spiral of trying to be "perfect", putting "finished" works, rendered illustrations as the best of art - everything else I did? Not worthy to share. It's stupid, I know, but this is how I was for past 10 years now and oh boy, it was hard to unlearn.
That's when I started to do more OC doodles in between commissions and design work - and then I understood the appeal of meme redraws, silly interactions or just sketching OC's in "situations" - those gave me ✨ JOY ✨, joy that I forgot I could feel again after so many years of burnout.
And when I started doing that I couldn't stop. Sketches just started piling up, I fixated on Sivo @indusfera OC and he is still one of my main subjects. I feel like I'm alive again just drawing what I want, what I really wanted for longer time. It's like a fresh start.
So many years denying myself those little joys of creating, when I started to create SPECIFICALLY for that joy - drawing my OC's as a kid and interacting with others with them. I'm free of guilt or as we say "I'm cringe and I'm free", I just want to do what I want and do it unapologetically. And despite 2024 being shitty year for all artists with rampant AIgen being forced into mainstream - I'm happy. I know we CAN and we WILL outlive it, true passion and joy of creating in any medium is something that no system nor machine will ever reproduce. No one will do it as we do.
So 2025? Here I come with my biggest brainrot about Sivo (which will only grow I suppose), with no plans, just being happy and doing my thing. I have my "wants" if it comes to art - I want to try working with gore and other NSFW topics, but I'm unsure how or when I start.
Maybe this upcoming year, maybe 2026, who knows where my art will take me. All I know I'm happy with how things are. And this is all that matters to me at this point.
Thank you all for sticking with me whem I'm active here or not - I appreciate all the reblogs, all the tags and comments in them that make me happy - stay being cool and support your artists, we all appreciate you.
