#sunseeker microfic

[oh-phoenixx]

"Dramatic" - Jegulus microfic - 313 words

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“Where’s Reg? You two are normally together on weekends,” Sirius questioned.

“I think he’s angry with me,” James replied with a shrug. “He’ll tell me why when he’s ready.”

Sirius scoffed at this, but didn’t question further, until the boy himself seemed to appear in front of them, his face contorted in a scowl and his arms crossed. James just smiled up at Regulus.

“Go away,” Regulus told Sirius. “I need to talk to James.”

“No,” Sirius replied defiantly. “You don’t get to tell me what to do.”

Regulus glared but did not attempt to force him any further, instead turning to James. “Why didn’t you tell me you and Evans are doing a project together? Hiding something?”

Knowing this act all too well, James put his hands on Regulus’s hips and pulled him forward so he was standing in between James’s legs. “Nothing at all, angel. It just slipped my mind.”

Regulus considered this for a moment before nodding, hesitantly leaning down to kiss James’s forehead. James beamed up at him, causing Regulus to roll his eyes. It didn’t convince James, though, as he could see the smile twitching at Regulus’s lips. 

“Astronomy tower later?” James whispered. Regulus nodded again, mumbling an ‘I love you’ before walking away.

“Merlin, he’s dramatic,” Sirius commented.

James did not say anything for two reasons. One, he did not want to point out how hypocritical that was coming from Sirius Black; and two, he knew that Regulus was not actually angry. Regulus had a very deep-rooted fear of his own vulnerability. It was much easier for him to disguise it as something stronger, something angrier, instead of things like worry and jealousy. James didn’t mind, though he would still assure Regulus every day that he never had to hide anything, that James would listen to every word and emotion and thought and kiss it all better.

[lilyandpad]

Stolen Glances, Whispered Breaths: a jegulus microfic

very angsty, major character death(canonical)

“James,” the way Regulus says his name makes him pause. His voice sounds so broken, like his vocal cords were constricted by the raw emotion consuming his every thought. James looks down at the mark on his left arm, and feels his heart stop.

No. No. No.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“Regulus,” James answers him in return, his breathing uneven and there’s a tremor in his hands, and oh, Gods. Regulus knows he doesn’t understand, or maybe he does and that’s why he’s blinking tears from his eyes. He can tell James wants to reach for him, but the other quickly turns and walks away, as if he couldn’t stand the thought of losing him this way. Standing in the astronomy tower alone, Regulus whispers to the boy who can’t hear him anymore, “I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

When James gets the letter in two years time, he locks himself in his room at the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, and wails. His heart hurts, like someone has ripped it from his ribcage and he can’t breathe. Regulus, his Regulus, is gone and can never be brought back. If only he reached out more(James knows deep down he could’ve reached as far as the Sun and Regulus still wouldn’t have accepted his hand). It almost makes him wonder if Regulus was prepared to die this entire time.

It shouldn’t have ended this way.

Buried underneath a swarm of inferi, Regulus Black knows he’s dying alone in this cave. He’s dying. Drowning in his own regrets, guilt, and sorrow. He screams for his older brother to save him, even though he knows he’s not coming. He thinks about the only boy he had ever loved, his name is on the tip of his tongue, but he can’t even breathe it out.

It shouldn’t have ended this way.

[oh-phoenixx]

"Look" - Jegulus (+platonic prongsfoot) microfic @into-the-jeggyverse - 364 words

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“Stop snogging my brother!” Sirius groaned as he walked down the stairs into the Gryffindor common room, greeted by the sight of his little brother sitting on his best friend’s lap, their tongues down each other’s throats.

“Sirius, do you remember saying you were okay with us dating?” James sighed. “That does mean you will occasionally see us kissing, you do realise that, right?”

“No, you have defiled my innocent baby brother!” Sirius accused, narrowing his eyes. He sat beside them on the sofa and continued to glare with disgust. “I expected you to hold hands at most.”

“I defiled him?” James questioned, clearly holding back a laugh. “I was a vir-”

“I don’t want to know!” Sirius snapped, shuddering at the thought of where James was going with that.

Regulus, clearly deciding he’d had enough, bid the two goodbye and left to find Barty and Evan. With Regulus gone, Sirius and James experienced something they never had before: awkward silence. It made no sense, it was wrong, the world was off-balance. Sirius and James had never once been awkward around each other, not since the moment they’d met.

“I hate this,” James said.

“Me too,” Sirius replied.

Sharing a look, they turned to face each other on the sofa.

“You said you were okay with us being together, Padfoot,” James pointed out.

“I know, I know. And I am,” Sirius assured. “It’s just…what happens if you break up? James, I love you, but he’s my brother. And you are not to repeat this, but I love him, too. More than anything.”

“I know that, and I’d expect you to take his side, no matter what,” James admitted. “But I would never hurt him, I promise. I’d never blame you for standing by him and I wouldn’t let it come between us.”

Hesitantly content with this, Sirius shuffled so that his head was leaning on James’s shoulder. James wrapped an arm around him, and it almost made Sirius laugh how easy it was for them to fix these things, as though they could read each other’s minds and know exactly how to make it better.

“James?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll look after him, won’t you?”

“Always.”

[oh-phoenixx]

"Defense" - Jegulus microfic - 423 words

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James had noticed, in the few months that he had been dating Regulus, that he had this inbuilt ‘defense mode’. It seemed to be an unconscious thing, not walls he put up with purpose but armour he had spent years learning he had to wear. James couldn’t blame him, not with everything Regulus had been through. 

Since they had gotten together, James had seen Regulus’s ‘defense mode’ around many people—teachers, his Quidditch teammates, Sirius. This was the first time, though, that he had noticed it directed at him.

James had lost his temper, had raised his voice at Regulus without thinking. Yelling was something uncharacteristic for James, who tried so desperately to keep up his happy exterior, especially around Regulus, who needed it more than anyone else. What was worse was that it had been something so small, so trivial, and James had blown up at him. The day had been long and tiring, and James just needed to take his anger out on something. He never wanted that thing to be Regulus, though.

There was this split second of sadness that crossed Regulus’s features, before his stance changed, the look on his face turned cold and apathetic. Something inside of James ached to see it.

“Fuck, Reg, I’m sorry,” James mumbled, rubbing at his face with trembling hands. “I don’t know why I yelled. I’m sorry. I just…it’s been a really long day.”

James didn’t want to meet Regulus’s eyes, didn’t want to see the uncaring expression he had tried so hard to overcome with the boy. James sat on the edge of his bed and buried his face in his hands, tugging at his hair and feeling so fucking stupid.

The bed dipped beside him, and a cold hand ran up his bicep. “It’s okay, James,” Regulus whispered, leaning his head on James’s shoulder. It was strange, how quickly Regulus could switch between apathy and adoration. Still, James couldn’t complain as he pulled Regulus into a hug. “‘M so tired.”

Regulus leaned back, lying down on James’s bed and pulling James with him. James’s head rested on Regulus’s chest, and he hadn’t realised how exhausted he truly was until his eyes closed and he fell asleep still clinging to Regulus.

It was nice, James thought, that Regulus didn’t tend to be on such high alert around him. Nicer, even, that Regulus could still feel safe after being shouted at by James. James fell asleep with love and guilt both heavy on his mind, and Regulus’s fingers running gently through his hair.

[oh-phoenixx]

"Romance" - Jegulus microfic - Trans!Reggie (not explicit but important to me nonetheless) - 512 words

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There were very few people who knew Regulus Black through and through; who knew the sight of his smile and the sound of his laugh; who knew the feeling of his arms wrapped around them. James Potter considered himself to be one of the luckiest people alive, getting to know those things about his boyfriend. And still, he sought out more knowledge, he had such a desire to learn more about Regulus each day. When James set his mind to something, he would not let anything stop him. Even those walls Regulus sometimes liked to put up around himself, seemingly for no reason, would not deter James.

This was James’s favourite way of seeing Regulus, curled up in his dorm with blankets swallowing him and a book in his hands. It was his favourite, only because it was Regulus’s favourite way of being. James waited a moment, sorry to disrupt Regulus’s peace, before approaching him.

Regulus looked up when he noticed James, not seeming at all upset to have been interrupted. “Hi, Jamie,” he greeted, voice almost sleepy in its tranquility.

“Hi, angel,” James replied with a soft smile, sitting beside his boyfriend. Regulus shuffled in his mess of blankets to rest his head on James’s shoulder. “What ya reading?”

“Nothing,” Regulus responded quickly, hiding the book at his side.

James chuckled and playfully tried to grab the book. Ignoring Regulus’s protests, James reached for it and, as Regulus pulled it from his hands quickly, only saw the cover for a moment. He could tell it was some kind of romance novel, though.

“Why are you embarrassed?” James asked with a laugh.

“It’s stupid,” Regulus mumbled.

“Why? Because it’s a romance?” James wondered. “If you’ve been trying to hide that you’re secretly a romantic, you’re not doing very well. You’ve written me poems, made me paper flowers, bought us matching rings-”

Regulus grumbled and covered James’s mouth with his hand. Still laughing, James hugged Regulus tighter, causing him to pull his hand away and settle into James’s arms. James began to card his fingers through Regulus’s hair, wanting him to talk but not wanting to force him.

“It’s stupid,” Regulus repeated, almost a warning. When James didn’t say anything, Regulus took a deep breath and continued. “I really liked romance novels as a kid. I’d always make Sirius read them to me. But at some point I just…stopped believing that love like that was achievable for someone like me.” James didn’t have to ask what Regulus meant by ‘like him’. “So, I hated them. I couldn’t read them without feeling angry that I’d never be loved that way.”

Pressing a gentle kiss to Regulus’s forehead, James held him as close as he could, as though trying to wordlessly pour all of his love into Regulus at once.

“You believe it now, though?” James checked quietly. “That I love you?”

Regulus seemed to think about it for a moment, and then nodded. “It’s hard, sometimes. But, yeah. I think so.”

“Good. Because I do, Reg. So fucking much.”

“I love you too, Jamie.”

[oh-phoenixx]

"Effort" - Jegulus microfic - 583 words

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Regulus was normally very good at hiding his emotions. He had learned at a young age that he could not be loved if he expressed the things he truly thought, if he asked questions to appease his love of learning and knowledge. The first time Regulus had reached for a document of his father’s, just to see what it was that had always kept him from spending time with his family, he’d had his fingers broken.

However, with the stress of his upcoming OWLs, Regulus was having a harder time keeping up a façade of apathy. James had only been trying to help, he knew that. But studying with James was hell. It just showed Regulus everything he was not, everything he could not be.

James Potter, who got four Outstandings and five Exceeds Expectations, yet had no notes, no ‘study tips’, nothing to offer Regulus. He had just shown up to the exams and fucking perfected them, and Regulus could not deal with it.

“James, you’re not helping,” Regulus snapped, as James attempted to explain some formula that Regulus had already given up on understanding.

“Sorry,” James replied sheepishly. “I guess I just…got it.”

“Yeah, well some of us have to put actual effort into studying. We can’t all just turn up and get Outstandings,” Regulus spat, moving from where he was sat across from James to stand by the window. With his back turned to James, Regulus allowed himself to soften a little, to be vulnerable. “I…I try so hard, James. I spend all of my free time studying. I’ve basically given up my social life so I’ll at least pass my exams, and you just…you just understand it all so easily.”

Regulus felt arms wrap so carefully around him that he could do nothing other than lean back against his boyfriend. His perfect boyfriend, who had been so patient while Regulus studied and studied in place of spending any time with him.

“Angel, I’m not any smarter than you just because I did well in some stupid exams,” James said softly, placing a kiss to Regulus’s shoulder. “You’re the smartest person I know. I want to write down every word you say, I want to listen to you speak every day for the rest of my life. I just…I get the exams, I get how they work and I remember the things I need to remember. But that’s not real intelligence, that’s not genius. What you’ve got is genius. The way your mind works, that’s genius. Not some silly grades on some silly test.”

Allowing himself to hang on James’s every word, and trying to convince himself that he believed it all fully, Regulus turned in James’s arms to plant a kiss on his jaw. “I love you,” he whispered against James’s skin.

“I love you, angel,” James said back, looking down at him with an expression so kind it could have rendered Regulus stupid. It probably would have, had Regulus not seen that exact look on James’s face every time he looked at him. It was so strange, really, to become used to such affection. Regulus never believed he could be loved this way, let alone become accustomed to such devotion.

It was another type of love, in and of itself, Regulus believed. He spent every single day in love with James Potter, and he did not doubt that James felt the same way. If that was not the purest form of adoration, Regulus did not know what was.

[oh-phoenixx]

"Choose" - Jegulus microfic - 328 words

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Nothing was so instinctive to Regulus as music. At no point was he as at ease as he was when he was playing piano. If he had to choose between anything at all and playing music, he would choose music every time. There wasn’t really a way of explaining it in words, the way playing music made him feel, the peace that wrapped around him as his hands danced over keys. Whenever he was stressed or tired or feeling as though the world was closing in on him, he would play piano.

For years, Regulus hadn’t had a good place to play, always interrupted by Barty or Evan in his dorm; by a professor or student in empty classrooms; and not allowed to make sound at home unless it was to entertain his parents’ guests. He had always wanted a quiet space with no interruptions to practice when things got too overwhelming, something he had confided in James, offhandedly, one night.

But as James walked Regulus around their first house and explained in elaborate detail his plans for each room, he guided Regulus into the spare bedroom with an excited grin. “I figured this could be your music room. We can soundproof it, and I’ll put up some stands on the walls for all those other instruments you want to learn to play. You could have a few bookshelves over there, too, and maybe a cozy reading area,” James went on. Finally, he turned to Regulus, looking a little sheepish. “What do you think?”

With no words, Regulus stepped forward into James’s arms, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. All he could think was I love you I love you I love you.

So maybe he had been wrong. Maybe there was one other thing as instinctive to Regulus as music. Maybe this, the feeling of James’s arms around him, lips connected so softly he wasn’t entirely sure it wasn’t all in his head, was just as intuitive.

[oh-phoenixx]

"Intricate" - Jegulus microfic - 636 words

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James had only been in the art studio a couple of times, and it had always been in the afternoon or evening, picking Regulus up to go on a date or just to take him home. So, the dimly-lit studio felt a little creepy in the late hours of a Sunday night.

“Why are we here, angel?” James asked.

Regulus didn’t answer, just sitting down by two canvases on the floor, laid out with a multitude of supplies. James sat across from him, studying his face, the way he was cast in an orange glow from the candles placed methodically around them. Sure, Regulus was an artist. But more than that, James thought, he was a work of art.

Tilting his head a little, Regulus looked at everything between them, knitting his eyebrows. “I thought we could, er, paint together,” Regulus mumbled.

“You know I can’t paint,” James chuckled, though his voice was soft, seeing how nervous Regulus seemed to be about his date idea.

“Try? For me?” 

James just nodded. He would do anything for Regulus, even embarrass himself with his complete lack of artistic ability.

The two started their paintings, Regulus reaching for a pencil to sketch his idea first, James just grabbing a paintbrush and hoping for the best. His first thought was to paint Regulus, though he worried he would offend his boyfriend. He started, instead, with shapes and blobs of colour. He didn’t know what he was doing, but just being able to witness Regulus paint was reason enough to stay. As Regulus made quick little flicks of his hand, he bit his lip in contemplation, and James wished he possessed the ability to make something tangible to show proof of how utterly enamoured he was with the man.

In the end, James’s painting didn’t exactly represent Regulus in any clear way, though James thought that everything he did somehow ended up expressing his love for Regulus. The things he felt for Regulus were not just reserved for a portion of his heart, but were instead entangled in everything about James. It made sense that the painting, implicit though it was, was about Regulus. The hands, the body, used to paint it had once touched him and seemed to move differently for it, every step and breath and word written were dedicated to his star, from the moment their bodies had found each other.

When they each turned their canvases around, they had both, in some way, painted each other. Of course, Regulus’s was far more intricate and complex, and James sort of wished that every photo ever taken of him was instead a painting done by Regulus, with how beautiful Regulus made him look. Glancing between the two paintings, James felt even more self-conscious about his.

“I told you I couldn’t paint,” he muttered, a little bashful.

“No, Jamie, it’s- it’s good,” Regulus assured, biting his lip and holding back a grin.

“Don’t laugh at me!” James whined. “I’m good at many things. Art is not one of them. It’s meant to be you.”

“Baby, how is that me?” Regulus asked. 

Exasperated, James just gestured, at a loss for words. He couldn’t really explain it. Something about the colours and the disposition of it was so…Regulus. But James had no idea how to articulate it. But Regulus tilted his head again in that adorable way, and his grin turned into something softer.

“You know what? I see it,” Regulus murmured, leaning in a bit closer.

Even though Regulus seemed to understand, James still wished he had some of his creativity, his ability to convey his love in poetry and art. Words tended to fail James and, evidently, he wasn’t good at painting. But he would spend the rest of his life trying to show Regulus in whatever way he could.