The lesson of this all is don’t put anyone’s happiness before yours. You’ll end up looking dumb.
I loved and still do loved someone with every fiber in my body. I loved her unconditionally. Looking back I don’t think it was healthy. She didn’t treat me the same way I treated her. If she said anything about her wanting or even hinted to it, I got it for her. I was the one with the car so I drove us ENDLESS places. This s not to say she was all bad. There was a time where I didn't have a job and she slid me 20/40 dollars when she went to work. After I made a big fuss about something I wanted, I would eventually get it. Most of all when it was just us two, I always had a great time. But...... I lied and and Kinda isolated myself from all my friends and family because I wanted to be around her a lot. I was getting my happiness from her - which I don’t recommend at all. I really lost myself in her. The only thing that made me happy was when she was happy. This isn’t good. Seriously. Then, here comes the infidelity, lying, and just being disrespectful. We both did our shit in the relationship. But when I messed up, it was always me who tried to get the relationship back in track. When she messed up, it was also me trying to get the relationship on track….like I said. I love her so much and I didn’t want to see her go. Most recently, I caught her cheating on me. I went off… I lied my way into her dorm room and I trashed the entire place and we were fighting . I was mad, hurt, I couldn’t understand how someone I loved could hurt me like that. It hurt down to the core. Still after that, I called 500 million times. I was trying to see why, and how could she do that to me. Like SEX? Nah that’s so personal to me. Still the next day, I called her several times. We ended up on FaceTime. I was crying my eyes out. I was so hurt and she sat there with no emotion at all on her face. She said she wanted to experience this and it's time for her to be selfish and she didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Still I'm like, okay but we planned on being together forever. I don't want to see that plan or all these years (about 8) of my life to be wasted. The next night I did some wild shit. I got wasted and called her job and her little sister and everyone else I knew that knew her and went off. I was drunk, I don't remember what I said but I know I was hurt. I went away for a week, and when I got back I found out that she was chilling with the person she had sex with. She said she got her mothers car, and picked him up and they went to her dorm. Immediately I thought are you serious, YOU NEVER DROVE YOUR MOMS CAR FOR ME. I was instantly jealous. Also I was hurt, how can you chill with the guy you cheated on me with. I couldn't believe it. We ended that outing with me saying that it's okay. She can have her "Open" relationship with me even tho I knew deep down in my heart that's not what I wanted. But I knew it would make her happy. Fast forward to Friday. The lies continued, or what I thought and still think were lies. I called her 500 million times and then her phone turns off then it turns on again and she's drunk as shit and the hands the phone to some guy I know from high school. (This is something she never does) so I knew something was up. I left work early, stopped at the liquor store and showed up to her house about 45 minutes later. I really blacked out but I know the police were called on me. I was so hurt. I just wanted her to chill out and be honest. Long story short, I wild out that entire night. Calling everyone she knew again 500 million times. I just wanted to get a better clarification why. Then her friend picked up the phone and said she doesn't want you no more, when you were talking to her she put the phone down to the floor as you were explaining yourself the other day while we were cleaning up her room. She told me I was dumb and to move on. I still didn't let go tho, I called her the next day. And I told her that I blacked out. I was just upset and felt like I was being lied to. She didn't have much to say. I literally was spilling out my heart again to her and I barely got a response. I ended the conversation with I'm going to work on me for a few months and I hope that she'll be there for me as a friend when I'm done. But honestly, I don't know now. I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm hurt. I'm disappointed. I'm angry. And most of all I'm sad. I lost my best friend.
