#super nervous

[onthescene-if]

i know ive been kinda mia lately but trust me its for good reason..

I may or may not have decided on an actual release date for you guys..

[aciddsex]

𓎢𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎟𓎡

ACID'S BLOG. OKAY.

IM REALLY FUCKSUCKY AT INTRO POSTS. IM GONNA TRY THIS.

I GO BY EITHER ACID OR B4ORAN. KAR OR KARKAT TO THOSE IM COMFORTABLE WITH.

IM 14-15. MY BIRTHDAY IS ON DECEMBER 3RD. IM A PRINCE OF HEART!!!!

I USE HE/THEY/IT MAINLY ON THIS BLOG. IM GENDERFLUID DEMIGIRL/BOY QUESTIONING AND AFAB. IM ALSO POLYAMORY, CUPIOROMANTIC, AND PANSEXUAL!! (:B

I HAVE UNDIAGNOSED ANGER ISSUES AND UNDERLYING MEDICAL/MENTAL ISSUES MOST OF WHICH ARE?? UNDIAGNOSED. I HAVE A HARD TIME PROCESSING DIRECTIONS GIVEN TO ME AND I GET NERVOUS AND EMBARRASSED VERY EASILY. I CRY A LOT BECAUSE OF IT. I HAVE REASONABLE SUSPICION THAT I AM HYPERSEXUAL SO PLEASE PARDON ANYTHING I MIGHT SAY TO MAKE SOMEONE UNCOMFORTABLE. I TRY TO BE AS NICE AS POSSIBLE.

I STRONGLY KIN BEFORAN KARKAT (EVEN THOUGH THERES HARDLY ANYTHING ON HIM?? DONT QUESTION IT.)

HOMESTUCK IS MY MAIN INTEREST. I ALSO LIKE HAMILTON, HEATHERS, RIDE THE CYCLONE, AND MORE. TALK TO ME IF YOU WANNA KNOW MORE.

MY ANON TAG IS "~♋️".

I LOVE MY GOATS @olivedart-o-sandclan AND @lov3s1ck-d0ll AND. @discreetlycyan .🔥🔥

ILL PROBABLY ADD MORE TO THIS INTRO IN TIME BUT I DONT HAVE A LOT OF MOTIVATION RIGHT NOW. OKAY BYE.

[the-stray-liger]

got paid ysterday so guess who bought a new tablet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jaymewolf2]

Guys I’m worried right now

So, today my mom asked me to use my phone to change the tv (we have an app that can let us use the tv without a remote control) and I of course allowed her to, but I was a little nervous about her seeing my search history (yes I have strict parents) and when she was done, she got suspicious, and warned me that if I was caught doing something bad, no phone for me. Mind you, I really am not up to no good. I just look up fairly appropriate things like what is the most scariest horror movies and stuff like that. I may look up questions that are a little strange like is it appropriate to draw people pregnant but only because I’m curious (and no, I’m not going to draw real life people pregnant with or without their permission, especially for weird reasons, I promise). The only concern is that they will see me watching bloody gory violent and angsty things and me being one my favorite websites (like tumblr and deviantart) talking to all my online friends. They don’t like me watching bloody gory violent and angsty things because they think it’s satanic (our family is Pentecostal) and they think it will influence me to be a murder*r. They also don’t think it’s normal for me to watch that stuff or make my fanfics and drawings with those topics (which is not true because everyone says it is normal). Also, they don’t like me being on my favorite websites not just because they don’t trust that I know what I’m doing, especially with online friends. They think I’m talking to grown people (which is reasonable but still) and that I’m falling for a trap (even though I know the signs of pred*tors trying to get me). They also think I’m doing this because I’m too “yOuNg” and I’m just “sPoIlEd”, which makes me very upset. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that they just want to protect me because they love me and care for me, but I just wish they would understand that the things I’m doing are normal. Also, to be clear, I don’t watch real life people in real time getting killed in the streets, I just analog horror, bloody animations, clips of scary movies, etc and I would never hurt myself or anyone else because of it, let alone get desensitized by that stuff. So yeah, I’m just nervous and some help would be appreciated. Thank you.

[insanityisdivine]

Whenever people called that silly grandpa handsome, my mind always went, huh? To me, he looked adorable and cuddly. He looked like a soft grandpa but not handsome. I'm not saying he wasn't, but that word never came to mind whenever I looked at that old cuddly fool

[moon-the-aritist]

REALLY QUICK LATE NIGHT POST:

Wish me luck auditioning for a musical for the first time tomorrow and I am So nervous!!!! Alrighty bye bye🌙✨!! Have a good day/night!!!

[veebeebae]

passing thu!!

cw for grief + drinking (gang is celebrating post exams) !! and anik being really REALLY bad at processing that grief !!! breakdowns !! dont read anything ur not comfy with u guys :(

Percy couldn’t imagine Anik as a heavy drinker, but it seemed that he, in fact, was; they were all in his and Deja’s apartment, crowded in the living room, the TV on only for the sake of white noise as Cameron poured them all generous amounts of liquor into their glasses. Perhaps Anik had a stronger tolerance, too, though if he did, Percy couldn’t tell with the amount that he was drinking. 

It was snowing outside. Midterms were finished that day, and Anik was set to return home to Canada during the winter break. Cameron and Deja would go back to the city, and Elio would be spending Christmas with the rest of his extended family in Hawaii, leaving Percy and Jamie to fend for themselves. Percy hadn’t originally wanted to go home for the holidays- he’s been hoping that everyone would spend it together, here -but he’d already told his parents what he thought were his plans before finding out that everyone would be splitting up this winter break. Jamie was the only one staying (it seemed to Percy that he had an aversion to going back home, seeing as he didn’t leave during the summer or spring breaks, either) and while Percy loved Jamie, they’d never spent such a long time alone together. 

The drinks were fruity, the sweetness slipping down his throat comfortably. It left a warm, fuzzy feeling in the center of Percy’s chest and cheeks; he felt soft, sleepy. Anik leaned over and poured himself another glass, before downing almost half of the entire thing in one go. 

Deja’s brows furrowed. She wasn’t much of a drinker, Percy knew. “Anik, maybe you should slow down,” she suggested. 

“C’mon, Dee~” Anik said. His face was flushed, a pretty shade of pink on his cheeks. He appeared breathless, somehow, like he’d just walked into the room from the snowing cold, windswept. “You know me! You know my tolerance!” 

Deja’s lips pressed together in a thin line. “You’re forgetting your own limits, it looks like.” 

Elio laughed; something straight from the chest, like thunder or a volcanic eruption, throwing an arm around Anik and pulling him close. Anik laughed along. Percy had never seen Anik laugh so freely, unless he was drinking. He snorted when he laughed. 

“Yeah, c’mon, Dee!” Elio smiled, eyes almost closed into a crescent moon. Though Anik was taller, Elio had the poor boy trapped in a headlock. “Look at him! He’s enjoying himself! Midterms are over, he deserves it!” 

Cameron gave Deja a withering look, before turning his head towards Elio and Anik. They seemed to know something that the rest of them didn’t, some sort of cause for concern. Percy looked to Anik again, though he seemed fine, regardless of his bright red flush. He looked comfortable, clad in plaid pajamas and a Batman T-shirt. A bit of that sweet booze Cameron had bought spilled on the collar of his shirt, but it was barely noticeable against the black fabric. 

Cameron hesitated before placing the bottle further on the coffee table, away from Anik’s reach. He didn’t seem to notice; he was laughing away at something Elio had said, Elio’s arm still around Anik’s shoulders. Percy would venture to guess that Elio also figured that Cameron and Deja didn’t want Anik drinking, and so this was a safer way in preventing him from doing so, albeit subtle. 

Anik hiccupped, laughed at himself, then hiccupped again. “You’re all so nice,” Anik slurs, smiling wide and giddy, like a child on Christmas morning. In a way, it was almost endearing; Deja grimaced, as if she knew something was coming. 

Anik continued speaking. “I just- hic! -love you guys so much, even though I’m- hic! -not a good person, you guys stuck around anyway-” 

Elio just laughed and laughed, a tear springing in the corner of his eye. “Hey, I never knew you were a sappy drunk!” Even Jamie seemed amused by the fact that their usually stoic friend was suddenly spouting poetic about his friendships. 

Cameron, sitting on the other side of Elio, leaned over and gave Anik a small, fond smile. “Looks like someone had too much to drink.” 

Anik looked up then, face still flushed and giggling, eyes seeing right through Cameron, as if they weren’t even there. 

And then- 

“Kenji?”

Cameron and Deja froze. Percy looked to Jamie and Elio, and both boys shook their heads in confusion. 

Anik only continued, moving from underneath Elio’s arm and closer to Cameron. His eyes were wide and wild, lips parted slightly in something akin to disbelief. 

“You’re here… You grew out your hair? How come ya never told me, Ken? I coulda gotten Yuna to help you with it.” 

He had his hands on Cam’s shoulders, heavy lidded eyes looking up through his eyelashes. Cam only smiled, though, placing their own hands on Anik’s arms and gently pushing him away. 

“It’s not Kenji, Anik. It’s me. Cam. Cameron?” 

It seemed to have dawned on Anik then, who he was really talking about. He looked like a cornered animal at that moment, shaking his head, his grip on Cameron tightening ever so slightly. 

“Cameron…” 

He bursted into tears. With a shaking voice, words slurring together, he repeated, “I’m sorry. Oh God, I’m sorry,” over and over again, until his forehead was leaning against Cameron’s collarbone. His entire body was trembling with the force of his crying, and Percy thought that his tears would flood the living room entirely, leaving the couches floating like little toy boats. 

Cameron held Anik closer, for their part, soothingly stroking Anik’s back as he sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” 

Cameron gently shushed him, letting Anik cry into his hoodie. Deja had gotten up, taking the bottle of liquor from the coffee table and opening a cabinet to put it back. Elio looked frightened, and Percy felt the same way his friend appeared; none of them had ever seen Anik break so thoroughly. It was as if someone had shattered his heart into a million pieces, just at the realization that the person he had been talking to was not Kenji, whoever he was. 

Jamie had more of a sympathetic look on his face. He got up from beside Percy, and sat between Anik and Elio, helping Cameron to soothe the other boy. Anik ran out of tears to cry eventually; his breathing even out, and for a moment, Percy believed him to be asleep. Cameron still held Anik close, unsure of whether to hand him off to Elio, already waiting to carry Anik back to bed. 

Deja sighs. “Sorry. I knew we shouldn’t have let him drink so much.”

Jamie shakes his head. “It’s alright. No need to apologize.” He stayed seated on the couch, still stroking Anik’s back in long, soothing lines. He looked to be in deep sleep now; his head rested against Cameron’s chest, mouth parted slightly open, the dampness of his cheeks reflecting the lights of the living room. He looked small. 

Elio took Anik from Cameron and carried him on his back, letting Anik’s arms dangle over his shoulders, cheek smushed against his back- even though Anik was taller than Elio by a few inches. It didn’t bother Elio in the slightest; he just gave a sad smile to Cameron before hoisting Anik up just to be secure, and taking him upstairs. 

“I’ll come with you,” Deja said, and Percy felt an ache in his chest. He wanted to join them. 

Anik’s room was the farthest down the hall. Deja opened the door with a soft click, and Elio gently layed Anik down on the bed, knocked out cold. Deja reached over and pulled the blanket over Anik’s shoulder, then seemed to change her mind before moving it higher so that it almost covered his mouth. Like this, Anik looked much younger, like a small child who had fallen asleep in the midst of a party. The feeling you had when you would fall asleep in your mother’s lap, and she would have to carry you back to the car, as the lights of the room faded and the laughter of aunts and uncles and cousins made a makeshift lullaby to lull you to sleep. The digital clock in the kitchen would read midnight. That must be the ache in Percy’s stomach. 

“Is he going to be okay?” Elio asked hesitantly. He looked scared, almost. Not of Anik, Percy was sure, but of the situation itself. 

“He’ll be… alright, once he sobers up,” was Deja’s reply, though it did little to soothe either Percy or Elio. “Sorry. This isn’t the first time something like this happened.”

“It’s not?”

“No. He… drank a lot after the winter break when he came back last year. He had to do all his exams early so he could fly back to Canada. Sorry- I don’t really think it’s my place to tell you what happened.” 

Elio shook his head. He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “No- no! It’s okay. But uhm, could you tell us who Kenji is?”

Deja shrugged. “I didn’t know him personally. But he was a friend of Anik’s back home.”

Percy wanted to reach out, to tuck a loose strand of hair behind Anik’s ear. He could hear Elio and Deja talking, though the noises filtered into the background, until it became nothing but white noise, like the TV still playing in the living room with Jamie and Cameron. They were having their own discussion of what happened, Percy was sure. 

Eventually, Deja said, “Do you guys want to stay the night? It’s late.” 

Elio agreed, and so did Percy, and they pulled out the couch and brought out the extra blankets; Percy tossed one to Jamie while he was still mid sentence with Cameron. Jamie only gave Percy a brief side eye before returning his attention to Cameron again, wrapping the blanket around him. 

“I’ll be in my room if you need anything. We’ll clean… all of this tomorrow,” Deja said, before turning her heel back to her own room. It felt strange this time, to be sleeping here. This wasn’t the first time Percy and the rest of them had an impromptu sleepover, but the air felt stilted now, charged with an uneasiness that came with Anik’s sudden breakdown. 

He turned the name over and over in his head. Kenji. Anik had never mentioned him. Not once. Though it had only been a few months of their friendship, Percy liked to think they were at least semi-close. He knew Anik and Jamie got along much better, but even Jamie had seemed confused at the mention of that name. 

An old friend from back home. 

Percy buried himself beneath the blankets, hiking it over his shoulder and shifting about before finally getting comfortable. He could see Jamie and Elio do the same; Elio seemed to want to discuss what happened more, though Jamie looked determined to avoid it entirely. Percy found himself somewhere in the middle, and in that space between the living and the dying, awareness and bliss, he fell asleep. 

_______

Percy awoke to the smell of eggs. Sunlight filtered through the window, shining right into Percy’s eyes. He groaned, turning over before eventually being shaken back to consciousness by Jamie, leaning over him, blond hair falling over his face like a curtain. 

“Wake up. Cameron’s made us breakfast,” he said. He placed a glass of water beside Percy’s head, and a small red tablet. “This’ll help.”

Percy took the glass wordlessly, looking over to see Elio already awake and about, chatting with Deja, leaning against the kitchen counter as Cameron occasionally chimed in, waving around the spatula. Almost everyone else seemed to be awake except him. 

He sat up, pushing the blanket off his torso and stretching his legs as he made his way to the kitchen area. Elio automatically wrapped his arm around Percy’s shoulder in a sideways hug, and Percy leaned into his warmth. Though it had stopped snowing, the sky was a blinding shade of grey, and the snow sparkled beneath, like tiny crystals trapped inside. 

“Anik’s still not awake, is he?” Cameron asked, leaning backward. Deja shook her head. 

“Better to let him sleep,” Deja said. 

It seemed that Deja spoke too soon, however, because Percy could hear the door from down the hall being pushed open, a soft yawn and quiet footsteps soon following. Anik entered the room, scratching the sleep out of his left eye. 

Deja gave him a small smile, leaning up to gently ruffle his hair. “Look at you, Sleeping Beauty. Good morning.” 

“Mornin’,” Anik said, mid-yawn. He looked worse for wear: dark bags beneath his eye, face flushed with sleep rather than alcohol. Deja passed him a glass of water and tablet; Anik took it from her wordlessly, downing the entire glass in one gulp before setting it back down. 

Cameron turns around. They smile as if nothing had happened last night; the look on Anik’s face is uncomfortable. He walks up to them, brows furrowed together as if in shame. 

“I’m sorry about last night.”

“Don’t be! It’s alright, Anik,” Cameron reassured, but Anik shook his head. 

“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have drank as much as I did. I didn’t mean to- to call you that.” 

Cameron only shrugged, though, and said, “I’m surprised you even remembered that.”

Anik’s laugh was small, with the tiniest smile on his face. “That’s the only thing I remember.” 

It was almost jarring to see Anik return back to being normal, after how he had been last night. Percy had thought that maybe Anik would still be distraught; though, it was more alcohol induced if anything. But now, he looked almost normal. His eye bags were a bit deeper, more bruised, pink still lingering in his cheeks and hair mussed from slumber, but nothing about him hinted at what had happened the night prior. It was something Percy admired about Anik, this strange ability of his. 

Gently, Anik took the pan and spatula from Cameron. “Have you eaten?”

Cam shook their head, and Anik sighed. Then, with a sleepy, yet bright smile, he said, “How about I make breakfast to make up for last night, hm?” 

And just like that, everything went back to normal.

[rahh-meow]

Watching the last ep of The amazing digital circus, wish me luck!!