Second week of having a support worker: I wish I was able to accept my disabilities and accept that I needed help sooner.
I'm finally using my NDIS (Australian disability scheme) plan to get a support worker to come and help me for 5 hours on a Monday and holy shit it is life changing. We got so much done today and I feel like I actually have spoons enough to shower tonight?? Fucking amazing.
The best part is it takes her literally no time to get everything on my list done so I get so much done. Let's put this into perspective, with my physical limitations / pacing needs (physical and neurological disabilities), on top of adhd executive dysfunction and autistic Inertia problems, to vacuum / mop my house, clean the kitchen, do a load of laundry (including folding it) and clean the bathroom normally takes me 6 hours. My support worker starts at 8.30 and by 10.30 / 11 the house is clean, the first load of laundry is hung out and the second load is about ready to go out and she is asking what else I have for her to do. And she cleans as good if not better than I do. She deep cleaned my bathroom last week and I cried.
I hate that it took me so long to admit that I needed this level of help. I've been funded for support for a year but it still took me to be completely hitting rock bottom I'm so burntout and literally can't even attempt to mask right now and its worrying people, to actually ask for the support funded for me.
But! I've learnt my lesson, and actually starting to feel like less of a failure by simply having a clean house. We also went to the shops today and I didn't have a full blow panic attack the second we got back to the car - which has been the normal for the past 8-12 weeks.
So I guess, life update??
Anyway, if you are an Aussie and have funding for a support worker on your NDIS plan but don't think you are "disabled enough" (thanks Internal ablism!) - please reconsider it! Went mine runs out of jobs to do we go for a walk, or play boardgames or talk about the books we are reading. Disability can be really isolating even when you have friends and family. But for someone to come in and see sometimes the most disgusting / embarrassing / worst days you are having but if you get the right person, they just accept you were you are and are interested in just making your day a little easier. Whether that's cleaning the house, doing your groceries for you, driving you to your appointments so you do have to stress out on the way, or literally just having a cuppa and a chat so you have positive human contact on a regular basis - they are literally miracle workers
