Restlessness: Sam Winchester x Reader (One-Shot)
Alright y’all let’s jump into it. First (ever) work on Tumblr so finger’s crossed I won’t be looking back at it in a year’s time with a cringe on my face!! Let’s get it!!
Angsty, depression (slight), self-hate/loathing, insecurity, accusation of cheating, mild-language, a few swears (not too many I think), smidgen of fluff?
Sam Winchester x Reader-insert
Eyes danced across the darkened room, the only light emitted was from the charging laptop in the corner of the room. The bunker was cold on nights like these, almost as if adding to the rising stress and doubts of the girl huddled in a chair on the other side of a different bedroom. With heart racing and mind running a thousand miles a minute, she looked at the photo of the man of her dreams; at the man she’d fought tooth and nail alongside for years.
Y/N was filled to the brim with toxic thoughts, images of the gorgeous blonde who’d lost her brother to vampires crossing her mind momentarily. Hair that cascaded down her shoulders in soft, bouncy waves accompanied by flawless skin and radiant blue eyes.
Stella Wentworth was her name, a gorgeous young thing from Virginia Beach. With gorgeous tanned, airbrushed skin, she seemed to glow with confidence and beauty,
Everything that Y/N didn’t have. Instead of airbrushed skin, Y/N’s skin was littered with tiny blemishes and scars; hidden to the naked eye, but there nonetheless.
Hell, her eyes seemed dull in comparison to anyone she encountered; Dean’s forest green eyes, Cas’ electric blue orbs and then Sam. Damn, Sam’s eyes were magical; hazel, then green, then blue. All of the different shades just as incandescent as the rest. Living with the Winchesters was bound to be a blow to Y/N’s already dwindling self-esteem. But she stayed for him.
Her whole world revolved around him. She had been by his side through everything; growing up on the road, staying with Bobby when John and her father went their separate ways, hell, Y/N was even there when he left for Stanford. She was the one who continued driving when he broke down in tears, the ache of leaving his family overwhelming him and pushing him to the edge of darkness.
She was the one that pulled him out of the dark hole, encouraging him to continue studying, learning, fighting. To grow into the man she knew he was going to be one day. She sat on the sidelines as he met Jess, watched as they fell in love and became engrossed in their own little world. And almost as if in a movie, she watched him slowly forget about her, any memory of her fading from his mind.
He’d found a new rock to keep him stable, to hold him to the ground. He’d found someone else, and left her behind just like that.
He wasn’t the only one who got into Stanford on a full-ride. But he was the only one who stayed. From a distance, Y/N kept an eye on him, taking small cases around the area to ensure nothing disturbed him; disturbed his new, normal life. Dean knew what had happened, knew what Y/N felt for his brother. And in a way, he was satisfied, knowing that she would always be there for his little brother. Another person to protect him from the outside world.
It all changed when the fire happened.
It was as if nothing had happened, as if Sam hadn’t forgotten about her.
He was exploding with excitement when he’d found a new piece of information. And he’d almost sprint to discuss his new discovery.
It was like someone pushed play on their lives again; it was almost normal to anyone other person looking in.
But slowly, in the back of Y/N’s mind, that loneliness, that heartache and betrayal sat in a dark corner. Consuming her every thought. Y/N was always good at hiding things, acting as if everything was fine. Lying was second nature, so what difference would it be to lie to the men in her life?
It took years for Y/N to let herself finally be comfortable around Sam. One night stands and finding comfort at the bottom of a bottle, habits which were slowly being laid to rest as Sam confessed. Albeit drunkenly, he collapsed into a childish heap at her feet and proclaimed his love to her. And with great care (and a giant bottle of aspirin), their relationship began, the doubts still crowded in the back of her mind, but quiet for the time being.
With three hunters and an angel, the case had been easily dealt with. Y/N somehow ended up being more banged up than Dean (for once), waved them off, settling into bed for the night, the stitches along the inside of her right forearm burning with every jolt. Cas had left right before the hunt, hence the impeccable patch job Dean had done on her arm.
Both boys had showered and changed, looking incredibly appealing in their jeans and flannel combo as per usual. Dean ruffled her H/C hair, just dodging a swinging hand, chuckling as he danced out the door.
Sam sat on the edge of the bed, concern laced in those gorgeous hazel eyes of his.
“It’ll just be for a few drinks, okay?”
And just like that, with a gentle peck to her lips, Sam had disappeared through the door, no other words spoken between the two as the door slid shut.
****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ******
With the assumption that they’d be back before midnight, Y/N waited. Eyes on her phone in case anything happened. The few hours to midnight came and went. And still with drooping eyes, she waited.
Morning appeared and dragged by, and soon, her heart was racing.
Did we miss one of the bastards?
Thoughts raced through her head of the extreme situations they could be facing and without hesitation, she jumped out of bed and changed. At 11am she was out the door, eyes falling on the parking spot in which Baby should have been. Her heart leapt into her throat.
It wasn’t until 2pm when she returned to the motel, having searched the local area and visited the bar down the street, coming back empty handed. Sitting on the pavement, Y/N watched around her. Listened for any sign of the deep rumble of the Impala pulling up around the corner.
Dean’s hair standing on end with bruises along his neck. And Sam. Sam’s hair was tousled, his clothes were wrinkled and his eyes, his normally beautiful eyes; they were bloodshot and teary, refusing to look up at anyone.
Stepping out of the car, Dean headed inside, mumbling about a shower, leaving Sam and Y/N standing outside, both refusing to look at the other. As her heart pounded in her chest, and her blood seemed to throb in her ears, Y/N didn’t notice Sam stepping closer to her until a scented breeze invaded her sense; flowery perfume. Nothing she was familiar with.
And just like that, every doubt, every insecure thought raced to the front of Y/N’s mind.
It was a long, quiet ride back to the bunker. Dean had refused to turn the radio on, which that in itself, was a tell-tale sign that something wasn’t right.
As soon as they pulled into the garage, Y/N was out of the car, bag in hand.
****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ******
Two days later and the argument unfolded.
“How many times do I have to tell you?! I’m FINE!”
Screams echoed around the library as Sam stood with his hands planted on the table, Dean nowhere to be seen, though probably listening for any sounds of a violent dispute.
“You’re not fine Y/N, ever since we got back from that vamp case you’ve-”
“I’ve been what? Avoiding you? Well no shit sherlock! If I came back from ‘a couple of drinks’ smelling like some other guy, you’d avoid me too!”
With voice raised, Y/N stood from her chair, folding her arms across her chest in hopes of holding herself together.
“Nothing. HAPPENED! For God’s sake N/N do you really think I’d do that to you? After everything we’ve been through? I’ve always been there for you, so why the sudden distrust in me, huh? Why now?”
And just like that; the wall broke.
“Don’t you DARE say you’ve been there for me you ignorant asshole! You LEFT me!”
Tears fell from her E/C orbs, voice cracking under the emotion and pain, finally being released after so long.
“You used me and then you left me! I watched as you faded from my life, with no hesitation. I was there from the beginning and then as soon as I get you back to yourself, another girl comes around and you drop me like a sack of freaking potato’s!
I didn’t say anything after you came back to hunting because I knew it was a sore spot for you. I watched the man I’ve loved since day one-”
Taking a deep breath and choking down a sob, Y/N carried on, turning her back on Sam’s broken face.
“-fall in love with someone else and forget I even existed. So don’t you get all huffy with me you dick...I think I’m entitled to think you’ll leave again.”
And as if all the fight in him had been physically sucked out of his body, Sam dropped backwards, pushing the seat to the side as he fell onto his ass.
“You didn’t know. I know that Sam. You know that. Dean knows that. I just want a straight answer, you owe me that much.”
Looking up at the heartbroken girl, Sam’s eyes filled with unshed tears, nodding slowly at her back before making a small grunt.
****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ******
It took them over a month to come to terms with their damaged relationship. One full month filled with fights and doubts...as well as love. Sam knew that he’d hurt her. He’d begged his brother to tell him what he knew, listened as Dean told him all of what Y/N did while he pretended he was normal. Sat through the memories as his heart broke over and over again for the pain he’d put the woman of his dreams through.
And she was exactly that. Y/N L/N. A woman who made him powerful, who made him strong, who made him want to be a better man than he was. She’d been through thick and thin, had always looked after him despite her being younger.
In his mind, he watched her age, watched her become this beautiful, intelligent woman he saw today. In his mind, he couldn’t piece the time between him leaving for college, and Dean showing up to look for their dad. He couldn't remember her being by his side, being the one constant he’d always had in his life.
And in his mind, he saw the signs; the little reactions she’d give when she’d put up the wall. Her eyes would strain and blink, before settling into a pointed gaze. The way the right corner of her lips would twitch down before hiding her sadness with a smile. The way she’d run her left finger around the hair tie on her other wrist exactly three times to compose herself.
All of her nervous ticks he finally picked up on, after years of suffering for her. Every night he went to sleep, he dreamt about how he could’ve changed it all. If he’d stayed by her side through college, as she’d done over the course of his life. If he’d have dated her instead of Jess, if he’d have gone back to hunting if she was the other option.
Having felt her love the way he did now, Sam knows he would’ve married her. Still would marry her if she’d have him. And if she would, he’d spend the rest of his life, showing her that he’d never leave her again. That he’d never forget her again. Until that one night, where her got up from his bed and left the room.
And on those same nights, in her new bedroom, Y/N would sit in that very same chair and contemplate how it had all gone wrong. She knew now that nothing had happened, that Sam had not wanted Stella that night. She also knew that Sam (under the influence) had been disorientated, and had seen Jess in Stella. Even the perfume she’d smelt that day rang bells in her head; similar to Jess’ soft, flowery perfume.
It hurt, to be apart from him. To not be in the safety of his arms. But Dean had suggested different rooms to clear the air between the disgruntled couple, and so far, it had been for the better. There hadn’t been any fights for the last two days and Y/N and Sam had finally sat down to talk; Sam talking about his experience in college and wanting to be normal, and Y/N talking about her fear and insecurity that had plagued her mind since.
It was the most they’d ever talked, and as night slowly faded into the early hours of the morning, they parted ways to their separate rooms located at two different ends of the hall, due to Dean’s suggestion.
Fighting for him was normal. Fighting to make him smile, to make him happy wasn’t something she’d shy away from. But the three boxes sitting on her bedside table screamed at her and made her restless.
Looking down at the paper, Y/N chewed on the edge of her pencil. There was so much to fix between them, was it worth adding another burden to the ever-growing pile of problems?
A different night and a surprisingly different routine. Jumping, Y/N looked at the door, her heart almost having jumped out of her throat.
“Y/N...it’s me. Can we talk?”
Looking at the bedside table again, Y/N froze hearing his deep voice again, alongside another knock.
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OKAAAAAY! I was expecting to pump out like a 600 word drabble or something to start but like...I hope this is okay? Please y’all don’t be afraid to tell me what you think PLEASE!! I’m legit looking to improve just like everyone else so please please please with a cherry on top. Even if you don’t like it, tell me. If you like it (YAY *-*), tell me. Grammar hasn’t been checked because it’s 1am my time and I’m just too lazy and too eager to wait till morning so please if you see any mistakes, let me knoooow.
That was kinda pulled out of thin air as well because I’m special like that hehe, thank you for taking the time to read this. I really do appreciate it and um...yeah!
Just want to say thanks again, and until next time!!! Much loooooove
P.S - It is a little over the place, I’m sorry!!! xx
