#suspecting bpd

[rubahbuihlaut]

Gonna vulnerable for a moment

Gods I keep seeing old screenshots in my gallery of the shit I said that made an awful impact and reaction towards someone when I was in a mental state where I did shit on impulsive anger (to the point of saying awful things even if it was a crash out on my public main on impulse) and also envy/jealousy which. gods I feel so terrible but I know I can't reconcile or apologize without seeming like I was reasonable (because I wasn't) or that I'm making excuses (because apparently I don't know what not making excuses is ??) even though I grew up trying to piece together proper apologies on my own

I wish I had figured out how to manage my anger and other emotions long ago because there're so many mistakes I keep making and that's always these little tantrums that I'm forced to hide to myself, I wanna change even further— I really do .

But I don't know why it's such a hard thing for me, I feel like I'm getting better at being a 'better person who appears stable' but whether or not I've figured out how to cope with my emotions without feeling like I'm under constant disrespect and threat is the worst thing I got rn ..

[wyronqu]

not so long ago i deleted my accounts almost everywhere and cut connections with many of my internet friends. the problem is now i can't for the love of life find someone to be friends with. i have a small group of friends that i talk to but that's all and i want more, i feel lonely. every time i try to join a fandom i start to think "what if my old friends will find me somehow" and i immediately stop and just don't interact with the fandom at all. also this is even worse bc the spaces of that fandoms that i usually see are full of antis and that's just terrifying for me. i want friends but im afraid of people judging me for who i am or finding out who i was. what do i even do in this situation

[cherishedverses]

situation so disgusting i self reflected and am now questioning bpd

[whereflowersbloomrot]

i'm such a horrible

something.

i keep pushing my friends away, i keep telling myself I'm just a bother to them. why would they care .

sigh. here rests Perse.

[terminal-liminal]

does anyone know how to cope with losing you FP? I was extremely obessed with my partner who was my FP and we had a breakup about 2 days ago. So which means now im single and heavily fucked up over it and am currently have extreme black spilts and white spilts. Ive blockef them on everything and knowing them they are probably pissed. I dont wanna go through another mental health episode. Bc i almost lost my shit. But i jusy need advice atm

-🍔

[ratcorpse-collective]

i hate having this much jealousy. I know my friends can have other friends. I have other friends. But I can't help but be jealous.

My FP has told me I'm their best friend. But god I just..I shouldn't be jealous because like.. I don't want to be overbearing. I don't want to come as too much or seem like..possessive.

But I know that's what happens. I hate it... Why can't I just be normal and have Normal relationships.. I one time had a crush on a girl and we both liked each other but she told me even though she enjoyed it because of how jealous and possessive of her I was that it'd be unhealthy for me to date her..it'd be bad for me...

I can't disagree with her... But.. I wish we could have.. I just want to have a friend and not get mad when they have other friends.. That's just wrong..

[architectalz]

sorry for ruining shit. it's in my blood ;^

[architectalz]

if you ever think I dont care about something, I probably do and I'm probably freaking out about it