#swowtittybang

[relaxguyooc]

[3rd Long Log] Stan, S-wow, and Ike

Summary: S-wow, Ike and Stan make some preparations  for Kyle's big Jersey Birthday Party. The boys realize what's to come, and it's not pretty.

Takes Place: Before Kyle's Birthday Party

Stan Marsh Stan worked hard against scrubbing the surface of the counter, frowning slightly as he waited for Sheila to come back with some supplies or something. Honestly, he was a little nervous, albeit fortunately, entirely distracted as well. "Sheila, what exactly are we doing to prepare for this party?" He called over the counter, casting a look to where she'd disappeared to. S-wow Tittybang Swow returned with her arms full of what would eventually be wooden gating, only about knee high, to form a cockfighting ring. "Lotsa things. I already talked to the guards and they're sending over some ladies and guys to be strippers, so we gotta get a stage set up. Oh and we have to put the best beers on tap. And we're definately need this set up" she tried to gesture at the things in her arms, but as they were in her arms, the gesturing failed

Stan Marsh

"Alright....I've already got the alcohol on hand and....can probably get the stage up." Stan raised a brow, looking over the junk piled up in Sheila's bar. "Uh....okay, I'll bite. What's with the wooden fencing, dude."

ike broflovski 

Ike walked into the bar, pausing and looking around at the nearly empty room. Spotting S-Wow, he frowned sharply and walked over, arms crossed. "What's this about some kind of shirtless party tonight??"

S-wow Tittybang

Swow fumbled with the wooden fencing before dropping it on hte ground in the middle of the room. She looked over to Ike "Well it's going to be Kyles birthday, so we gotta have a pahty" she said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, she then turned her head back to stan and winked "It's a surprise sweetie" before immediatly turning back to ike and snapping a finger at him "while you're here kid, help me set this up"

Stan Marsh

Stan rolled his eyes, pushing the rag he'd been using back into the sink. "Don't take it too literally Ike. I'm not exactly thinking many people are going to actually show up shirtless." He said, a little dryly, sighing as he wandered over to the pair. "At least I'm kind of hoping not."

ike broflovski

Glancing at the wooden mess, he just turned to look at Stan, eyebrows lifted. "Good because that could be severely problematic you know and also nobody wants to see fatass shirtless that's pretty gross."

S-wow Tittybang

Swow looked aghast "Of course it's shirtless. What kind of party has shirts?"

ike broflovski

Ike just flapped a hand in Swow's direction, still looking at Stan with an expression clearly suggesting 'see???'

Stan Marsh 

Stan kind of pinched the bridge of his nose, "Preferably this one." He finally looked over, "Actually, Ike, you know....maybe you shouldn't come for this. Apparently Sheila's sent for strippers and to be honest I'm not exactly sure Kyle is going to be okay with you--actually, you know, I'm thinking Kindergoth will be worse than whatever anyone thinks on that to be honest."

ike broflovski 

Mouth dropping open just a little, Ike stared at the older boy for a second before scowling. "I'm not going to not come to my brother's birthday party what the hell??"

S-wow Tittybang

Shiela made a *pfffffft* noise "The strippers are only going down to their speedos. I got all kinds of warnings about 'health risks' and 'the candle wax will burn if it's on skin' and 'frosting will cause yeast infections'" she looked Ike up and down "And fine. This kids too young to go shirtless" she pinched his cheek "he hasn't even had his first plastic surgury yet. Which by the way kid, might help with the whole canadian look" she let go of his cheek and pat his head "I'll pick out a shirt for you that'll fit the party"

Stan Marsh

Stan at this point just kind of gave a tired, 'here we go' look, albeit throwing Ike a look. "Just saying, dude. I mean....it might be kind of uncomfortable. God knows it will for some of us." He sighed, moving to the ground to pick up a few of the spilled wooden fence pieces.

ike broflovski

"Well if I can't actually be with my brother on his birthday I'm not missing this one's." Shooting Stan a last frown Ike turned to narrow his eyes at Sheila. "You can't burn anyone with wax, how is that a party. Kyle's not going to want anybody burned god."

S-wow Tittybang

"Well now they little baby whining about wax gets to wear a layer between it and her skin. Whiner" swow gestured for stan and ike the general shape the wooden posts were supposed to go in as she started to set up some herself. She looked ike up and down for a moment "You know I could use a gopher to help with the party. How do you feel about making your brothers special day work?"

ike broflovski

"It depends on how completely inane whatever you're trying to make work is," Ike answered, putting up a few posts

Stan Marsh

"A gopher." Stan deadpanned, unimpressed. He shook his head, sighing, "Honestly, Ike, I'd just...stick close to Kyle. In fact. You know, Cartman is going to try something, might as well make sure the asshole doesn't get too ridiculous." The boy helped with the posts, before heading over towards the back storage room where the pieces for the stage (last seen in the auditions) were stuffed.

S-wow Tittybang

"Oh you know, setting up the stage for the entertainment, getting the refreshments out" she waved a hand. "Fetching things, herding guests" she paused to consider "keep those goth kids out of the corner. They'll make a corner all dark and depressing"

Stan Marsh

Stan looked abruptly annoyed, "I doubt they're coming." He said, flatly.

ike broflovski

"KG might be coming just to make sure there's a relative amount of drama," Ike added, giving up on the wooden pen and letting Swow handle it herself. "And if fatass is going to act like some kind of psychopath then yeah I am going to be really occupied for the duration of the party, sorry."

S-wow Tittybang

"Who won't come for free beer and cake?" Shiela looked flabbergasted. "Also, sweetie, grab me some of the tools from under the bar. I keep them there next to the hitting stick." She paushed "the crowbar" she ammended. Maybe not everyone used them for hitting

ike broflovski

Ike just shrugged and headed behind the bar, looking around for any tools and digging them out of the cabinets.

Stan Marsh

Stan recalled a particularly violent night that had occured just the other day. He shook his head. "Yea...honestly, with all he's been going on about an "encore" I'm pretty sure it's just going to be massively....disturbing." He said dully. "Honestly I just don't want him going off with Kyle when he's eventually drunk off his ass. Which I'm guessing is going to be the case, knowing how much alcohol he can even take."

S-wow Tittybang

"The body shots will have him wasted in no time sweetie" swow winked, totally misreading the conversation.

ike broflovski (1:42:54 AM):

Ike scowled again, narrowing his eyes in Stan's direction. "Well he wouldn't have gone off with Kyle the last time he was drunk if somebody wasn't in severe danger of alcohol poisoning, so yeah, generally I'm going to try and not let that happen again." Just sighing at Swow, he handed her the tools.

Stan Marsh (1:43:45 AM):

Ugh. "Body shots?" Stan sighed, shaking his head, before casting Ike a slightly annoyed look, "Yea, dude, well, sorry. Not like I didn't learn my lesson."

S-wow Tittybang

Swow took the tools and managed to set up the ring, looking proudly at it "This is going to be the best surprise ever. You don't even know. It'll be like a real jersey party and everyones going to love this part"

Stan Marsh

Stan eyed the fences a little nervously, pulling out large boards for the stage, "Uh....yea. Okay, so...what exactly. Is even happening with those fences."

ike broflovski

"Good I'm glad somebody learned something from that experience then." Turning to look down at the pen, Ike shrugged too. "Yeah what exactly is this for."

Stan Marsh

"Seems kind of dangerous to.....well. Have drunk people and spiked wooden planks."

S-wow Tittybang

"Oh don't worry sweetie, The tops aren't too sharp." she poked at one "They're just to keep that's inside in" she offhandedly waved "And anyway, it's a surprise" she winked, acting smug "And it's going to be the best surprise ever."

ike broflovski

"....we aren't going to put Cartman in there, right? As good an idea as that probably would be."

Stan Marsh

"Cartman wouldn't fit." Stan deadpanned.

S-wow Tittybang

Swow considered it for a moment "Maybe against the winner...." she mumbled before shaking her head "Nah, it wouldn't be fair"

S-wow Tittybang

"To the fatass" she clarified. Not that it mattered

Stan Marsh

He raised a brow, "Winner...? Dude. People....aren't fighting in this ring, are they?" He looked over to it again, after already setting up a section wall of the stage.

ike broflovski 

"He doesn't really deserve the consideration of fairness anyway," Ike muttered mostly to himself before walking over to help Stan with the stage.

S-wow Tittybang

Swow ignored stan to head to the bar, checking the supplies of each type of alcohol they had "We're gonna need to stock up on jello" she muttered

Stan Marsh

Stan looked up, frowning. "....Jello?"

S-wow Tittybang

Swow raised an eyebrow at him "Jello shots sweetie. Try to keep up"

Stan Marsh

Stan looked off again, rubbing his head. "...Right. Of course."

ike broflovski 

"Jello shots are a horrific abomination and generally always end in vomit and tears," Ike pointed out shaking his head as he shoved at another wall panel

Stan Marsh

"Vomit and tears...?" He looked at Ike, raising a slight brow as he worked with one of the posts.

S-wow Tittybang

"If you do 'em right they end up in fighting and sex" Swow said absentmindedly as she fiddled with the stock, taking inventory

ike broflovski

"Vomit from whoever took too many and tears from whoever had to leave the damn party to drag them to med center." Ike sounded absolutely matter of fact about this, looking up at the panel to make sure it was straight.

Stan Marsh :

"Right...of course." Stan went ahead and started setting up another wall. "Seriously I'm just hoping not too many people take this that far. But who knows, dude..."

ike broflovski

"It's better to be prepared for the worst though. When it comes to people being stupid."

Stan Marsh

"So what, have a bottle of asprin and some pillows lying around?"

ike broflovski

"You shouldn't take asprin on top of having just drank alcohol Stan it'll cause an increased likelihood of internal bleeding." Stepping back from the stage Ike rubbed his hands together before glancing over at Swow. "Anything else?"

S-wow Tittybang (2:06:53 AM):

"Not a bad idea" swow admitted as she tried to think of a perfectly adorable shirt to give the kid that would fit the theme- oooh a sailor suit shirt

S-wow Tittybang

She looked up at ike "Hmm well we've got a cake to bake. And I need a lot of things cleared out so we have room for everyone"

Stan Marsh

"I was kind of being sarcastic, Sheila. But keeping the fire extinguisher close---that might...be helpful." Stan didn't sound exactly thrilled, looking over, "I've actually already started the cake earlier today. It should be done in about thirty minutes."

ike broflovski

"What kind of cake?" Grabbing a few wandering chairs he dragged them towards the walls, out of the way where nobody was going to trip over them and break a wrist.

S-wow Tittybang

"Two kinds" shiela started moving chairs, stopping to look at where she placed them before deciding it wasn't good enough and moving them somewhere else "The one he's baking, and a special one I ordered"

Stan Marsh

"...Don't tell me. There's a stripper inside."

ike broflovski

Ike blinked a few times. "How could a stripper fit in a cake."

Stan Marsh

"It'd be either a really big cake or....a fake cake. It's kind of a...thing. People do."

S-wow Tittybang

Swow grinned and shook her head "No no, there's no stripper inside" she said specifically

ike broflovski

Ike just shot Stan a look, trying to figure out if he was being truthful or not. Deciding it didnt' matter, he just shook his head. "That's retarded. God, outlands is so stupid sometimes."

Stan Marsh

"I'm pretty sure I'm going to agree with you there, actually, dude." At a glance to Sheila, he frowned, "Uh....sorry, what?"

S-wow Tittybang

Shiela just grinned giddily as she continued to re-arrange furniture

Stan Marsh

"Man Kyle is either going to hate this party or be too drunk to care....why he'd even take up this offer, man..." He shook his head, looking a little annoyed.

ike broflovski

"Yes why did he actually agree to let you throw him a party?" Ike turned to really look at Swow, frowning slightly.

S-wow Tittybang

Swow looked at them like they had pythons growing out of their eyes "Because I throw the BEST parties! I kept telling him that when we were trapped in the elevator together"

Stan Marsh

"Wait....you guys were trapped in an elevator...?"

ike broflovski

Ike just lifted his eyebrows. "Really."

S-wow Tittybang

"Oh yeah it happened at the shopping mall the other day" she walked towards them briskly as she realized she had new people to talk the ears off of "And I was totally outraged I mean, what kind of shoddy place can't even keep it's fucking elevators working? It's atrocious, it's fucking garbage. Especially since all the things they sell there would only be worn by fucking grammas or sluts" she dramatically shrugged as she flew into wild hand gestures to accentuate the story "So there I was just trying to get shopping done when Kyle gets in the elevator, and I'm like 'Ok bitch I know that fatass thinks you're my son but don't you go all mommy over me' and that's when the elevator just STOPPED. DEAD."

ike broflovski

Not really able to stop himself from taking a step back, Ike looked her up and down for a second before shrugging and moving a few more chairs. "You are though. At least that's what Kyle agreed and I would believe him over you considering the obvious. Temporal issues."

Stan Marsh

Ugh. Again. Stan rubbed his head. "Yea...you're definitely...different. In the future. Can we not talk about this?"

S-wow Tittybang 

"I can't have a kid" she said far too quickly "I'm still in college. I don't care what future you're from"

S-wow Tittybang

"Anyway we talked about things," She neglected to tell Stan he was one topic, and she had said a few blatant falsehoods "I totally blew his mind with how awesome I was and then he wanted me to plan his party"

Stan Marsh

"Yea, well, you're older." He said dully.

ike broflovski

"How much older?" Ike asked Stan, vaguely sort of curious as well considering his giant mental blank on the issue. "Just. Wondering."

Stan Marsh

".....Well. Pretty old. I mean...I don't know her exact age, dude. But uh....you know, I might have a picture of all of us from back home."

ike broflovski

"Yeah?" Dropping the chairs, Ike walked over, leaning up over the top of the bar to look at Stan. "Really?"

S-wow Tittybang

Swow hummed to herself to block out what they were saying. Nope. Nope. Nothing. No old gramma pics of her that would make her have to act like a mom now she wasn't ready

Stan Marsh:

Stan dug around against his pockets for a second, "Well...it's really old. But yea, I've held onto it for...pretty much this whole time." After a while he finally brought out his wallet, flipping it open and fishing out a folded photograph. He grinned a little apreciatively, somewhat fondly, before unfolding it. It was a picture of Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, himself, and all of their families. It was during a Halloween event at the school in fourth grade, and at the time them and their families had decided to pose for a picture. His dad, of course, looked drunk and ridiculous, Kyle was next to Ike, arm around his shoulder, and there behind the Brofloskis was, of course, Sheila and her husband.

ike broflovski

Reaching out, Ike snatched the picture away and held it up close to his face, eyes narrowing just slightly as he scanned it. Glancing up at Swow then down, then up again, he tilted his head and slowly offered it back. "Ah. Okay. Um, thank you."

Stan Marsh

Stan looked at Ike a little uncertainly, taking it back slowly. "Uh....sure....you guys don't have any pictures like this left lying around?"

S-wow Tittybang

Swow gave into curiosity and made her way behind the two, looking over their shoulders to the picture. Yep. That was her. That was Gerald. And that meant....

S-wow Tittybang

"My bubbula" her voice broke as she wrapped arms around ike in a crushing hug

S-wow Tittybang

"I promise I'll do things different this time- no swinging in any place with canadians 9 months before you're born. That way you won't get the flappy head" she held him closer to her chest

ike broflovski

"Well not rea--" his attempted explanation was crushed, muffled as he was suddenly smushed into Swow without warning. Making a muffled squalking noise, Ike tried shoving at her with one arm.

Stan Marsh

Stan just kind of stared at the two, before turning his gaze down and rubbing his head. "Jesuschrist..."

S-wow Tittybang

Swow put a few sloppy kisses on Ike's forehead moving his hair out of the way to add one or two more

ike broflovski

"Ugh what stop what're you doing this isn't necessary I don't--" He continued to try and shoved at her a bit, looking over her arm towards Stan and widening his eyes at the older boy

Stan Marsh

Stan decided now was better than any time to intervene; hastily trying to get Ike detached from Sheila's arms. "Uh--yea....well, I think maybe...you guys should....take it slower. I mean, neither of you even know each other....and uh, well, you're...very. Jersey. Ms. Broflos----SHEILA. Sheila." He managed to pry Ike away, hastily sort of looking over to Swow.

ike broflovski

Ike clung to Stan for a second, hair messed up and looking vaguely traumatized as he glanced at Sheila over the edges of his glasses and tried to take a couple deep breaths. "Wow. Is she. Usually like that?"

S-wow Tittybang

"Oh jesus I can't raise my babies in Jersey" she looked shocked for a minute "I can't- I need some. I need some time alone" she quickly adjusted her hair and walked off, heading off to find a bathroom to lock herself in

[relaxguyooc]

[3rd Long Log] Swow and Kyle

Summary: Swow and Kyle happened to be shopping in the same place at the same time, and an unfortunate elevator failure gives them the perfect opportunity to finally get newly acquainted.

Takes Place: Thursday afternoon, May 17, 2012

Swow checked her nails for the thirty-third time as she tapped her foot waiting for the elevator to get to her floor. She didn't know who you had to blow to get a fast elevator in here but she wished she could find him, because this had to be the most boring ride of her life (and she'd ridden a looooot of things in her life). Worst of all, she didn't even have someone to talk at. She looked up as the elevator stopped, opening up to let someone on.

-

Kyle was too busy checking and double checking and triple checking his bags, making sure he'd gotten everything on his shopping list, to notice who else was on the elevator when the door pinged and opened. Since no one exited, he stepped forward and made his way to one corner, avoiding eye-contact for the moment. By the time he realized exactly who this other person was, the doors were already closing and it was too late to bail. He would have been better off to have taken the stairs. If it had been anyone else, Kyle would have smiled and said hello, but no. This was the one person at SPRC that he had avoided like the plague ever since he found out she was here. At least it was only, like, forty seconds to get to the first floor... He still avoided glancing directly at her, though.

-

Swow was glad she FINALLY had someone to talk at, being quiet for so long had been killing her. "Can you believe this fucking elevator? It's like, who do you have to blow to get a fast trip? And don't get me started on those trashy bitches that kept  getting on and then getting off one floor later. It's like damn bitch it isn't like you don't need the exercise!" She babbled on as she looked at the redheaded boy. Suddenly, her need to correct people overtook her and she reached a hand forward to move a small bit of hair out of his face "Don't let your hair cover your face sweetie, you look too nice". And she meant it, he looked a lot like Gerald.

-

The motherly gesture did not go unnoticed by Kyle. He suddenly wished he hadn't left his hat back in his dorm because it would have been nice to pull over his hair right now. "Uhh, I'll...try. Um, thanks," was all he could manage to say. Since she'd spoken to him directly, Kyle risked peeking back finally, and found that she wasn't quite the fire-breathing dragon he'd pictured her as in his mind. This woman appeared to be sassy, self-assured, and pretty easy on the eyes herself. Kyle ended that train of thought right there, though, mentally kicking himself. This was his /mother/, regardless of what point in her life she'd come from. "I'm Kyle," he blurted, desperate for a subject change.

-

Swow raised an eyebrow "I like that name. My family’s been full of Kyles, and most of them are doctors or lawyers" she said it smugly as she licked a finger and then used it to curl one of her own red hairs. "I'm the one and only swow tittybang baby. Remember it" she then made a gun banging motion with her hand and blew on the finger as if she were blowing gun smoke away.

-

"Did you...already know who I was?" Kyle asked hesitantly, watching her make that ridiculous motion. Before he disappeared, the past version of Gerald had already asked around and found out that Kyle was his future son. The fact that he knew had made his and Kyle's first meeting almost unbearably awkward, and Kyle wasn't really looking forward to having a repeat experience with his mother now. If she picked up on the true meaning behind his subtle question, he would know if she already knew or not. If she didn't know, all the better, but judging by the way she instantly brought up her family, Kyle wasn't about to get his hopes up.

-

Swow raised an eyebrow at him "I know you're that kid that fat kid said was from the future and mine or something but I'm pretty sure that asshole's wasted 24/7 or just getting retaaaaahded all the time" she brushed imaginary dirt off her shoulder awkwardly. It wasn't like this kid could REALLY be hers. She couldn't be a mom yet. She still had parties to have, she hadn't graduated yet, she still lived in /Jersey/- not thatJersey wasn't the best place it was just...well kids made things different. She wouldn't think about it until she actually was having them, and that wasn't going to be for a while.

-

/So she knows, but she doesn't believe it/ Kyle thought. /That's better than I expected. Damn it Cartman.../ He smiled then, recalling how hilarious indeed Eric Cartman can be when he's wasted. "He's not drunk ALL the time," Kyle chuckled (most of the time Kyle is drunk right there with him), "but his ideas can definitely be extreme. I'm not sure I believe that you're the same woman as my mother either. You're very...different." This was a lie, of course. Kyle knew that she was exactly the same woman. The one and only, even. But the awkwardness that threatened to creep into the conversation wasn't worth admitting the truth right now. Also, this was beginning to feel like a terribly long forty seconds. Out of curiosity, Kyle's eyes wandered to the digital numbers that should have displayed each floor as they passed it on their way down to first floor, but the numbers weren't moving. In fact, it was stuck on a nice, red, digital number two.

-

Swow didn't mean to sigh in relief, it'd be silly, there had been nothing to be scared of. But she did, as she felt herself relax a bit at the confirmation that this definitely wasn't her kid. Not that he was a bad kid, she didn't know him, and he certainly looked like he'd fit right in with the family, it was just..too much for Swow. She was about to say something when she noticed he looked a little freaked out, following his eyes, she spotted the problem with the elevator. "What the shit is this?" She moved forward, slamming a fist on the buttons.

-

"It appears we aren't moving past second floor, but we're clearly not ON it either..." Kyle murmured. He made his way over next to S-wow and pressed several buttons one at a time, starting with the one labeled 'open door.' Nothing happened. He then tried pressing the button that would take them to first floor again, but still nothing. After frustratingly pressing multiple buttons multiple times, Kyle gave up and pushed whatever emergency button or switch this thing had. "You know, with their kind of technology, you would think shit like this would be a thing of the past. I guess even with the ability to time travel, elevators will still always be completely unreliable."

-

Swow's face contorted into a grimace as she listened to Kyle. She pushed past him and started to kick at the elevator doors, attempting unsuccessfully to force them open. "Are you kidding me with this? We're stuck here? For how long? I'm a busy woman I got shit to do! I can't leave Stan running the bar all night or he'll drink everything!" She kicked the doors a few more times. Ok she was exaggerating by a lot, he only drank when he was off work, but still.

-

Kyle barely kept himself from rolling his eyes as she made to physically pry the doors open. If they were stuck between floors - as Kyle suspected they were - then opening the thing would be useless. "I have no idea. However long it takes them to get here and get us out, I guess..." He frowned at the Stan comment. "Stan would not do that! Your bar is stocked with more alcohol than any bar I've ever /seen/, so to drink all that you'd have to be a whale or... or Cartman or something..."

-

Swow didn't keep herself from rolling her eyes "Not everything, but he'll get too drunk to remember to charge" That was blatantly untrue, but she was angry and needed to bitch talk someone, and Stan was the one person she knew they both really knew. She spat on the door in anger, crossing her arms under her tits and pouting. "Fucking bitches can't even run an elevator, what good are they? Need their elevators and their heads examined." She leaned against the corner, casting her eyes over Kyle. Well, at least she wasn't trapped alone

-

Kyle nodded in agreement of S-wow's disapproval. It was indeed total bullshit. But his mind didn't stay there very long. It went right back to where it always tends to wander - on Stan. "Does he... Does Stan drink every night he's there?" he asked carefully, setting his bags off to one side and pulling out his cell phone to see if he had signal. He didn't. With a sigh he replaced the phone to his pocket and tried not to look so worried. Lord knows Stan already did enough worrying for the entire group without Kyle having to add more worry on top of that.

-

"Oh yeah" she said offhandedly, technically he did drink a lot, just not when he was working. Still it counted and she loved telling people that others were drunks. "He knows how to PAHTY" swow did a fistpump "But he passes out too quick. Guy’s gotta learn to pace himself or stay up after he blacks out, one of the two" She kind of wished she had a drink right now, it'd probably make the wait go faster.

-

If Stan drank until he passed out every night he worked, then he clearly had a problem, and Kyle would most certainly address it the next time he saw him. For now, he couldn't help a grin at S-wow. "You know, I never did much partying until I came here. I was the one keeping my friends out of trouble when they partied.. YOU certainly seem like an expert on the party scene. Do you have any future shindigs planned for Sizzler's? My birthday is at the end of this month."

-

Swow lit up, "A birthday pahty? Hell yeah we can do that! Will you be 21? Not like it matters, we can have rum cake and music and get a dj and STRIPPERS!" she started to get lost in her imagination, she had so much time to plan this it would be amazing "And we'll get the hot tub running lights and full of bubbles even!"

-

Kyle laughed. "No, I'll be 18. But like you said, here it doesn't seem to matter much. Rum cake sounds like the greatest thing on the planet! I'd never had rum before I came here either... I don't know about strippers, though, unless /you/ want one." An excited tingle actually spread through Kyle as well. After getting shot during that horrendous 1864 ordeal and with the thin ice he'd been walking on since he was caught trying to create a private messaging system before that, he'd almost forgotten that fun things could even exist in this universe. Well, save for a few fleeting moments. But more like...like a fun, fully-planned event. That sounded nothing short of a damn good cure for SPRC depression. "It actually falls on May 26th, which is a Saturday. That's good, right?"

-

"Perfect, everyone loves a weekend party" she was already planning all the things she could set up "And if we can't find a stripper, I'll do it" she threw him a wink and then immediately shuddered. Something just seemed oddly wrong. "Or maybe we'll just see if any of those guards would be willing to strip" she said quickly as she decided to move on from the stripper topic "We'll have a blast. You'll get totally wasted and have the best fights of your life."

-

Kyle's eyes widened a fraction, but the damage was already done. It wasn't that Swow wasn't attractive...it was that she was his MO-THER. Kyle shuddered as well and was glad she quickly changed the subject. "There's something that sounds strangely appealing about a fight, actually..." Why was that? It couldn't be... No... Kyle's confused expression turned to horror, then to anger, then back to confusion, then to horror again all within the space of a heartbeat. It had to be aJerseything, and Kyle would have NONE of that. "No, nevermind, I don't want to fight anybody--"

-

"Oh sweetie you say that now, but when you got half a bottle of vodka in you you'll change your tune" Swow said giddily. "Trust me, you aren't gonna regret this, aJerseyparty is better than anything you've ever seen! Get wild with yourJerseyside!" she let out a little whoop as she started to dance in the elevator

-

Kyle closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and let the more logical side of his brain take over again. It was silly. He hadn't had a single Jersey-like incident happen since that first time all those Jersey people came to SouthParkand he very nearly beat Cartman's ass across the floor along with Snookie's. Besides, just because he was conceived in Jersey didn't make him actually /from/ Jersey, right? He knew better now that he was older, right?! Looking at S-wow now, Kyle was not reassured in the slightest. "It will definitely be a party to remember, I'm sure." He took out his phone again just to have something else to occupy his attention. He still had no signal though, so it was a pretty pointless gesture. He put it up again a minute later when the silence forced him to say something else. "What do you do here when you're NOT partying?" Because obviously she couldn't party /all the time/....

-

"Oh lotsa things" she paused to consider. "I drink, I fight, I work on my tan" she tilted her head to the side as she thought "Oh and I shop! That's why I came in here. Since we got back from that place I'm looking for something to go with my corset, everything else feels like hell on the tits now that I know what REAL support feels like" she pushed her tits up to somehow demonstrate

-

In spite of his efforts to keep his body in check, a blush crept up Kyle's neck and over his cheeks, much to his dismay. God, did she have to be so /obvious/ about it though? He looked away from her altogether. "That’s...lovely," Kyle said. He didn't sound like he thought it was lovely at all. "I just came here to pick up an external hard drive and some other computer things. Did you know that five hundred terabytes is standard storage space now? It's ridiculous! The kind of technology they have here is insanely more advanced than in my world, so I'm sure it's definitely more advanced than what you're used to as well.."

-

"Oh yeah, I'd barely even seen a computer before. Now I'm using it to put all the great pictures of me on" she patted her hair a bit, making a bit of a duck face to show her picture pose. "But I don't know if it'll ever catch on back in my world. Computers there are so big and boxy"

-

"That's how they started out, but people - engineers and scientists - took the technology that they used in those big boxes to make a better, smaller box so it could be marketed to everyone. Then they made another even better and even smaller box – and they kept making more until eventually they came up with the kind of technology we use today in these fancy cell phones. That’s how they became popular in my world-" Kyle almost bit his last comment off short, realizing he was rambling in one of his nerd speeches that his friends detested so much. So he backtracked a bit. "Anyway, yeah... I had to pick up a couple of other things too; n-nothing too important though... " God damn it, he was blushing again. He could feel it. “Just…things.”

-

Swow raised an eyebrow at him "I'll be sure to buy stock in computahs then" she actually would. Something about this kid seemed honest to her. She wasn't even all that bored hearing him talk, he kind of rambled like she did when she got something she was interested in- except he didn't lace his sentences with profanity, but they could work on that. Now silence filled the elevator, but it didn't feel all that awkward, at least not for her.

-

In the silence that followed, Kyle realized something: S-wow was pretty cool. She was still the woman who would eventually become his mother – stubborn, loud, and obnoxious-as-fuck – but in this setting, she was someone Kyle could actually see himself hanging out with. He secretly started looking forward to whatever insane shenanigans would happen for his birthday next weekend. “Jeez, they sure are taking their sweet time getting here, aren’t they? Fucking hell…” he said to fill the quiet.

-

Swow nodded. It was taking so long she'd have to do something she hated. Have a conversation that wasn't about herself. She looked Kyle up and down "So where are you from sweetie? You sound like a Jersey boy, am I right?" He did. Sort of. Maybe he was from the same area she was. She hoped he was, because that would mean he definitely wasn't her kid. She loved Jersey but she had bigger plans, that would certainly be rolling by the time she had kids

-

“What? Me? From Jersey? No! I-I-I—of course I’m not from Jersey, I’m from South Park, born and raised!” Where the hell did she get off assuming that he was from Jersey?! She couldn’t know anything; she hadn’t even had him yet!! Kyle suddenly wanted to retract his previous assumption that she was cool. She was clearly only out to mess with his head.

-

"Hey don't get offended, Jerseys a great place to be from" she preened a bit as she said it. "You learn how to fight and fuck and it's so much better than new york anyway" there she sounded a bit defensive, not that she'd admit it. "You just had a look about you. Like you'd know how to throw down Jersey style"

-

No no no no no! Not again! /Not. Again/... This had happened earlier when she brought up fighting in Jersey - and Kyle had gotten the same tingling feeling in his fists then as well as now. What the fuck was she playing at, seriously?! "I...have no idea what you're talking about." He actually did, but he didn't know what to say about it, really. His fists were still tingly, and he had the strangest urge to tell someone they had cabbage in their muff.... Not S-wow, obviously. She was cool. NO - damn it, she was on the uncool list again! NOT COOL. Kyle cleared his throat and looked down at the floor, flexing his hand opened and closed a couple of times for no logical reason other than that his muddled thoughts were telling him to. He hoped to God that whoever was gonna fix this elevator and get them out of it would get there soon.

-

Swow was about to say something before the ground moved and she realized the elevator was working again. Dang, and she had just had the chance to talk about Jersey more...still, she loved talking but she loved shopping more. "Whatever you say sweetie, but if you do start itching for a fight" the door opened with a small *ding* "I can help you pick out brass knuckles" she threw a wink at him as she headed out the door.

-

Kyle stood there like an idiot even after the elevator moved and the door finally opened, staring after S-wow, that wink burning against his retinas. He shook his head and decided that he would avoid having any fights at all cost, at least until he looked into this Jersey thing a bit more... It wasn't worth accidentally killing one of his friends in a Jersey-Rage and getting tried at SPRC for murder or something else equally as ridiculous... With a sigh he also exited the elevator and started to make his way back to his dorm.

[relaxguyooc]

[AIM CONVO: Cartman and Swow]

Summary: Needing a distracting for tonight's raid, Cartman provokes S-Wow into becoming their bait.

Eric Cartman Swow, you wouldn't happen to have hairpins would you? S-wow Tittybang Why? Eric Cartman We need to break into a place tonight that has all these supplies I hear they've got decent shampoo and nail supplies and everything. S-wow Tittybang Fuck then lets go but if you break my shit I'll break you I don't gotta put up with people breaking my shit I'm from JERSEY Eric Cartman Exactly. But if you have hairpins then it'll help, since we need to break in. If not we have to use Ike's glasses which is fine and kinda funny since he'll be all pissed off and shit. Anyway, we're doing it tonight so I'll let you know when we're moving out. It's you me and christophe and we're going to split up inside to find everything you need. S-wow Tittybang no I'm already in an alliance and you ain't a member I'm gonna take my hairpins and get the stuff with the chick I room with Eric Cartman Both the alliances work together asshole! Georgie and I are working extremely close and she already knows about this plan! S-wow Tittybang That's not how alliances work you stupid bastard! Eric Cartman She approved the building of the underground fort! And any supplies we need you just take to her! S-wow Tittybang and underground fort? That's stupid Eric Cartman Just ask Georgie! If she knows this is about the underground fort she'll approve it It's where we're holding the sex and drugs parties. So we don't get in trouble S-wow Tittybang Those bitches wanna stop the sex and drug parties they can do it right here they can't discriminate against people from Jersey we gotta paaaaahty Eric Cartman Exactly. So we need to build this place. Eric Cartman So you me and Christophe will get together tonight and get whatever goods we need to make this happen S-wow Tittybang We just throw the pahties here and beat up whoever tries to stop us Eric Cartman Underground parties are hotter. You know that. S-wow Tittybang Only when they're underground cuz only cool people know about them you aren't cool at all and you'll know about all the parties Eric Cartman Oh I don't have to go I'm totally not cool enough to go to a Jersey Party but I think it would still be cool to have, you know? S-wow Tittybang No I'll just hold the parties somewhere you don't know about Eric Cartman So you don't want to break into the place with Christophe and I tonight and grab the shit theyre hiding from us? You said you were game, but if you don't think you're fun enough to come I understand. S-wow Tittybang Pft, bitch, I'll grab that stuff without you and hold my own party you ain't invited to Eric Cartman Alllrighttt if you say soooo

[relaxguyooc]

[AIM convo] Dylan and Swow

 Summery: Dylan and Swow argue over looks

Dylan North 8:16 pm     hey bitch.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:16 pm     Oh don't call me a bitch you bitch

 Dylan North 8:17 pm     what the fuck is your problem.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:17 pm     My problem is you calling me a fucking bitch

 Dylan North 8:17 pm     that's not what i'm talking about.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:18 pm     Well what are you talking about, I got better things to do then see some bitch bust a tit at me

 Dylan North 8:18 pm     no, you don't.     we're locked here.

 Dylan North 8:18 pm     this isn't a television show.     have you seen cameras.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:18 pm     I could throw a jersey party

 Dylan North 8:19 pm     have you seen anyone famous.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:19 pm     You don't see the cameras so you don't know when the- that's the point of reality tv

 Dylan North 8:19 pm     has anyone come up to interview you.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:19 pm     they get normal people and MAKE them famous

 Dylan North 8:19 pm     and i'm not talking about the bullshit 'interviews' you do.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:21 pm     What are you saying?

 Dylan North 8:22 pm     i'm saying that this isn't a television show. this is essentially jail. we're being held captive here for reasons we don't know, and we're all from alternate timelines. and i don't know what your problem /is/, but you really need to learn that you aren't getting back home unless you accept that fact and help us.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:23 pm     I already told G-string I'd run a distraction for her and get attention, what more do you want? Because if you wanna fight, I'm game. You wanna see crazy? I'll show you fucking crazy

 Dylan North 8:23 pm     do you understand that this isn't a television show?

 S-wow Tittybang 8:25 pm     Well why else would you kidnap people from different timelines?     IT'd be the most diverse reality show EVAAAAAA

 Dylan North 8:29 pm     oh my god.     okay, listen to me.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:29 pm     You got a better reason for why they'd do this?

 Dylan North 8:30 pm     just listen.     there is no way it's a reality show.     doing this would be /illegal/ for a show unless every person gave permission, and judging by all their reactions, no one knew.     this is illegal.     we're kidnapped.     ish.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:31 pm     Hey, maybe it's legal in this world

 Dylan North 8:31 pm     in a way, it's kidnapping.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:31 pm     it better not be legal for them to take my merchendising money

 Dylan North 8:31 pm     there is no merchandising money.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:32 pm     Probably right, it's only teh first season

 Dylan North 8:32 pm     no, that's not what i meant..

 Dylan North 8:34 pm     there is no way this can be a reality show, for several reasons. we would be aware of the fact that it's a reality show, some of us don't have people that could even sign us up for it without our knowledge,  they would /step in/ if there were actual fights or harm to another person [which they haven't], there would be instant disqualification after a rule is broken [and obviously, everyone is still here] and there wouldn't be internet communication because the viewers wouldn't be able to see it.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:34 pm     Maybe it's like one of those fight to the death reality shows

 Dylan North 8:35 pm     now you're trying to convince yourself.     you /do/ understand what i'm saying.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:36 pm     They just don't want to ruin the authenticity     like a documentary     and why would they step in on the fights?     reality shows LOVE fights

 Dylan North 8:36 pm     incase of, i don't know, death?     contracts?

S-wow Tittybang 8:38 pm

    Well if they're kidnapping people for it they're not gonna care if we die, they'll just kidnap more

 Dylan North 8:38 pm     okay.     i see your point.     do you see mine.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:39 pm     Yeah yeah getting out, I said I'd help G-string with that already     But I'm staying till at least I get my merchandising contract

 Dylan North 8:41 pm     ...     i give up.

 Dylan North 8:53 pm     ... you're the only person available for me to talk to.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:53 pm     Well before you talk to me you better get your head examined     oh wait you already did, and they said you were a psycho bitch!

 Dylan North 8:53 pm     explain.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:54 pm     You said you were locked up in the nut house, right?

 Dylan North 8:54 pm     institution.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:55 pm     Right, the home for nutjobs

 S-wow Tittybang 8:55 pm     so you had you head examined and they said you were a pyscho bitch     And no wonder     I mean look at you     I can tell from the way you dress you're a piece of trash

 Dylan North 8:57 pm     and how do i dress.

 S-wow Tittybang 8:57 pm     Like. Garbage. You don't even got any tramp stamps     and you look like you got a gramma muff     Hell I'd think you were a guy

 Dylan North 8:58 pm     ....     wait, wait, what?

 S-wow Tittybang 8:59 pm     Sorry but you ggotta emphasize your tits baby

 S-wow Tittybang 8:59 pm     I mean no wonder they stuck you in a room with guys, no ones gonna try and ride you looking like that

 Dylan North 8:59 pm     can i clarify something?

 S-wow Tittybang 9:00 pm     I mean what, are you poor?     can you not afford to get some titjobs?     There's a doctor here     I've been trying to get him to do mine but honey you're in much bigger need

 Dylan North 9:00 pm     i'm not female.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:01 pm     what?

 Dylan North 9:01 pm     i'm not.     a girl.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:02 pm     ....     what

 Dylan North 9:02 pm     yeah.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:03 pm     Honey     you have GOT to go to a gym     your biceps     are flat

 Dylan North 9:03 pm     ...     no.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:04 pm     You don't even look like a MAN

 Dylan North 9:04 pm     but i don't look like a girl.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:04 pm     You sure you ain't got tits?     somewhere in there?     cuz sweetie, don't be offended, but you don't look like a man at all you look like you got a muff

 Dylan North 9:05 pm     so wait.     i don't look female enough.     but i don't look male enough.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:06 pm     Well you don't look like a HOT chick     you don't got good clothes and you look like you got a gramma muff     but you don't look ANYTHING like a guy

 Dylan North 9:06 pm     okay, clarification.     what's a muff.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:06 pm     ya muff     you know

 Dylan North 9:07 pm     no.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:07 pm     ho's will sell their muff for five dollahs

 Dylan North 9:07 pm     ...     i do /not/ look like i have that.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:07 pm     Why be offended? I'm not trying to insult you I'm just being honest

 S-wow Tittybang 9:07 pm     it's just a jersey thing     Get some tan on and some gell in your hair     and go to a gym     then you'll look like  aguy

 Dylan North 9:09 pm     no.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:10 pm     Hey, not my fault you look like some trashy whore instead of a guy then

 Dylan North 9:11 pm     so you can call me a trashy whore?

 S-wow Tittybang 9:11 pm     Why be offended? I'm just saying that's what you look like sweetie

 Dylan North 9:12 pm     but i can't call you a trashy whore.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:12 pm     don't you ever     EVER     YOU WHACKJOB     PROSTITUTION     WHORE     YOU'D PROBABLY SELL YOUR MUFF     TO THAT DIRT BOY

 Dylan North 9:12 pm     ...     i'm not going to respond to that.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:13 pm     PSYCHO BITCH     PSYCHO BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH

 Dylan North 9:13 pm     mhm.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:13 pm     YOU GOT CABBAGE     IN YOUR MUFF

 Dylan North 9:14 pm     does that even work if i'm male?

 S-wow Tittybang 9:14 pm     MUFF CABBAGE

 S-wow Tittybang 9:15 pm     ok I've calmed down     Now lets talk about your makeup

 Dylan North 9:16 pm     .. what about it

 S-wow Tittybang 9:16 pm     Honey, you wouldn't look half as much like a girl if you were wearing less makeup     the only kind you should be wearing is the fake tans     oh and also your eyebrows     you shave 'em just a bit

 Dylan North 9:19 pm     you haven't looked closely at me, have you.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:19 pm     Just a bit     you don't get rid of them all the way     You gotta make them an ANGLE

 Dylan North 9:19 pm     hang  on.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:19 pm     and you gotta change your name

 Dylan North 9:19 pm     no.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:19 pm     How's Dyl-N sound

 Dylan North 9:20 pm     no.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:21 pm     Dillboy     Northside DEEEEEEEEEEEE

 S-wow Tittybang 9:21 pm     Only you gotta yell the last part

 Dylan North 9:21 pm     i'm not going to say what i thought.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:21 pm     Oh come on you can tell me you're impressed     I won't get a big head

 Dylan North 9:22 pm     that's not what i was going to say.

 S-wow Tittybang 9:22 pm     YOu can tell me you love it

 Dylan North 9:22 pm     i was going to say the only word i thought of was dildo.     like     what if someones nickname     was that.

S-wow Tittybang 9:23 pm    

That's stupid, you ain't gonna need a dildo if you ain't got a muff 

Dylan North 9:23 pm    

exactly, but still. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:23 pm    

Maybe base it off what ya are    

like    

..... 

Dylan North 9:23 pm    

... 

S-wow Tittybang 9:23 pm    

shit all you are is kinda a girly boy 

Dylan North 9:23 pm    

and gay. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:24 pm    

well shit that'll get you punched in the face don't do that 

Dylan North 9:24 pm    

so rule one.    

don't be gay.    

got it. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:25 pm    

Well just don't tell anyone    

unless yer a chick and you wanna make out with other chicks on camera    

but you still gotta make out with dudes 

Dylan North 9:26 pm    

so it's a double standard. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:26 pm    

Oh hell yeah    

Unless you just wanna push this chick thing the whole way    

and pretend to be that    

then you gotta be D-north

or go with DoubleD-north   

 hide that you don't got tits 

Dylan North 9:27 pm    

why would i do that.    

oh, also.

  S-wow Tittybang 9:27 pm    

So you can creeps on the guys 

Dylan North 9:27 pm    

what were you saying about eyebrows 

S-wow Tittybang 9:27 pm    

You ain't shaving them right    

you gotta do it at a certain angle    

make em thin but    

not gone 

Dylan North 9:28 pm    

okay.    

i found my other piercings. and apparently you haven't been looking straight at me. http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m00pejLFVL1r35usko1_400.gif    

i have eyebrows.

  S-wow Tittybang 9:29 pm    

pft I thought those were painted on    

like some of those trashy hookers you see on the street 

Dylan North 9:29 pm    

...    

i didn't they they aren't.    

but that isn't the point. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:30 pm    

if you wore less makeup I wouldn't think you were wearing more than you are

Dylan North 9:30 pm    

okay, so i don't technically have eyebrows.    

but that's not the point. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:31 pm    

The point is they ain't the right kinda eyebrow    

and you look like you'd sell yer muff    

for a dollah 

S-wow Tittybang 9:33 pm    

We gotta fix you sweetheart 

Dylan North 9:33 pm    

'fix' me.    

no.    

you aren't touching my make up.   

 or my hair. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:33 pm    

and your CLOTHES 

Dylan North 9:33 pm    

and you can't 'un-split' my tongue. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:33 pm    

jewelery's fine 

Dylan North 9:33 pm    

and there's no way in hell you're touching my clothes. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:33 pm    

split tongue should actually pull in more 

Dylan North 9:33 pm    

i will punch you. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:34 pm    

but you need more MUSCLE    

you gotta show off the arms    

you need a wifebeater     

or a tank top    

with yer name on it 

Dylan North 9:34 pm    

...    

how about we compromise.    

no name on it.    

and i'll try that. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:34 pm    

Fine    

but you gotta bulk up 

Dylan North 9:34 pm    

and a no to that, too.    

working out doesn't work for me. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:35 pm    

You're never gonna pick up bitches if you look like one yourself    

oh wait you're a gay    

huh    

well if you aren't gonna play up the girl angle I dunno 

S-wow Tittybang 9:37 pm    

I dunno    

you may be a hopeless case 

Dylan North 9:38 pm    

that's nice to hear. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:39 pm    

guess we've all got imperfections and yours is    

....you 

Dylan North 9:40 pm    

....    

give me a minute.

Dylan North 9:45 pm    

http://tinyurl.com/837jvas 

S-wow Tittybang 9:46 pm    

much better    

still gotta gell yer hair up    

 but the shirts great    

an you got more muscle when you're showin it off 

Dylan North 9:46 pm    

i'm never doing this again. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:46 pm    

what?    

but you look so much better!~ 

Dylan North 9:46 pm    

i don't care. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:46 pm    

Show your little friends    

they'll tell you

  Dylan North 9:47 pm    

i'm specifically informing christophe not to come over.    

so.

S-wow Tittybang 9:51 pm    

I'm saving that picture    

so you can know how much BETTER you look 

Dylan North 9:51 pm    

fuck you.    

don't you dare. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:53 pm    

already done 

Dylan North 9:53 pm    

wait, are we talking about the same thing. 

Dylan North 9:57 pm    

don't you fucking /dare/    

i will stab you. 

S-wow Tittybang 9:59 pm    

lets find out what people on the site thing 

Dylan North 10:00 pm    

fuck you.  

S-wow Tittybang 10:12 pm    

But you look so much BETTAh    

Now everyone'll see 

Dylan North 10:13 pm    

no.    

don't talk to me 

S-wow Tittybang 10:15 pm    

Fine, I don't need to talk to trash anyway 

Dylan North 10:16 pm    

and i don't need to talk to a slutty little bitch that has nothing better to do than put others down to make herself feel better.    

[Dylan North has logged off.]

[relaxguyooc]

[AIM convo] S-Wow and Christophe

Summary: they argue about pointless stuff. There are many accusations of whoring and muffcabbage.

Christophe DeLorn      why the hell do you think dylan is a girl?

 S-wow Tittybang      Hey, it's not my fault, he looks like he got a muff     why be offended, it's not my fault he doesn't have biceps

 Christophe DeLorn      ouai well he obviously doesnt have tits either

 S-wow Tittybang      I thought he was just flat     you know, an ugly chick     Like, I thought "this bitch needs her fucking head examined, she probably sells her muff for five dollahs"     but I guess he's just some psycho

 Christophe DeLorn      what exactly is muff?

 S-wow Tittybang      who looks like he gotta muff     You know, a muff     all girls gotta muff

 Christophe DeLorn      a pussy you mean? d'accord     I did not know this word

 S-wow Tittybang      I'm not trying to be offensive, he just looks like an ugly chick     instead of a guy     why be offended?

 Christophe DeLorn      because he does not look like a chick     he is way too attractive to look like a chick

 S-wow Tittybang      but he ain't even got gel in his hair     he ain't even got MUSCLES     he looks like he ain't ever been to a gym

 Christophe DeLorn      gel is for fucking pussies like gregory

 Christophe DeLorn      there is nothing better than sweat, hah

 S-wow Tittybang      yeah if you been working out

 Christophe DeLorn      or just to hold your hair in place, hah     who the fuck needs fucking gel then

 S-wow Tittybang      if you wanna look like a real man

 Christophe DeLorn      ...if you want to look like a real man then what...?

 S-wow Tittybang      You gotta be BUFF     you're pretty buff, not in a bodybuyilder way but close     that guy looks like a chick

 Christophe DeLorn      why is that necessary?     I mean, he has a cock so that is enough non?

 S-wow Tittybang      pft, if he wants to look like some trashy whore     with cabbage in his muff     he's gonna get punched in the face by a lotta bitches if he tries going around looking like that

 Christophe DeLorn      uh     why, exactly?

 S-wow Tittybang      well you don't walk around looking that bad without expecting someone to start a fight     and if you get in a fight without any muscle yer gonna lose

 Christophe DeLorn      wait so it is good for a girl to be buff too then?     if you are going to punch bitches

 S-wow Tittybang      You gotta know how to punch bitches in the face yeah     Also He's gotta have a guys name     like Dyl-N

 Christophe DeLorn      that sounds the exact same as dylan

 S-wow Tittybang      Or Dillboy

 Christophe DeLorn      that sound like dildo

 S-wow Tittybang      or he could call himself Northside DEEEEEEEEEEEEEE     and he's gotta yell that last part

 Christophe DeLorn      uh     why?

 S-wow Tittybang      Cuz you gotta be proud and represent who you are!     Gotta make a name for yourself, ALL the bitches gotta hear who you are!

 Christophe DeLorn      that doesnt make any fucking sense

 S-wow Tittybang      Representing Jersey in the HOOUSE

 Christophe DeLorn      goddamn you are fucking annoying     you are as bad as gregory fucking hell

 S-wow Tittybang      What, he from Jersey?

 Christophe DeLorn      no     from Croydon     even worse

 S-wow Tittybang      That right outsida newark?

 Christophe DeLorn      it is a bit farther than that

 S-wow Tittybang      What's so bad about him?     side from being loud and annoying     and just having a terrible nose     I mean have you seen that bithes nose?     and his hair!     You seen how yellow it is?     like he used the whole damn bottle of bleach

 Christophe DeLorn      what the fuck is wrong with his nose

 S-wow Tittybang      and the teeth

 Christophe DeLorn      theres nothing wrong with his nose     and his hair is fine     it is like that naturally     he didnt fucking bleach it     fucking hell

 S-wow Tittybang      Why be offended, we've all got imperfections     and he looks like his nose ain't right for his face     and his hair looks like he's been to some 2 dollah salon     why be offended? I"m just being honest

 Christophe DeLorn      his hair is fine     fuck you

 S-wow Tittybang      I thought you didn't like this guy?

 Christophe DeLorn      I dont     he's a bitch

 S-wow Tittybang      Why the FUCK are you telling me to get fucked     I'm just saying

 Christophe DeLorn      maybe it would help calm you the fuck down hah

 S-wow Tittybang      oh     OH YOU DO NOT     SAY THAT TO ME     YOU DO NOT SAY THAT TO ME     YOU GOT THAT YOU PIECE OF TRASH?

 Christophe DeLorn      what     all I am saying     is that a good fuck would make you feel better     that is what they are for

 S-wow Tittybang      All because I said your little boyfriends got a bad nose     and shit hair

 Christophe DeLorn      he's not my fucking boyfriend dont fucking say that you fucking bitch

 S-wow Tittybang      DON'T YOU CALL ME A FUCKING BITCH     YOU WHACKJOB

 Christophe DeLorn      whatever     whore

 S-wow Tittybang      YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND     PROBABLY SOLD HIS MUFF     FOR SIX DOLLAHS     AND HE PROBABLY HAD TO GET HIS HAIR DONE AT A SHIT SALON BECAUSE YOU GOT FUCKING DIRT IN IT     YOU PSYCHO

 Christophe DeLorn      what the fuck     you are fucking insane

 S-wow Tittybang      DON'T YOU CALL ME CRAZY     I SEE YOUR BITCH FACE     I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE

 Christophe DeLorn      hah     ouai     okay     do it

 S-wow Tittybang      all because you got offended becuase I noticed your little BITCH boyfriend was ugly

 Christophe DeLorn      he is not my fucking boyfriend     thats fucking disgusting

 S-wow Tittybang      I BET YOU'RE TWO HUMPING EACH OTHER EVERY NIGHT     PSYCHO GAYWADS

 Christophe DeLorn      fuck you that's fucked up

 Christophe DeLorn      gregory is a goddamn bitch and i wouldn't touch him for any amount of fucking money

 S-wow Tittybang      YOU'D DO IT FOR SIX DOLLAHS     HE'D DO IT FOR THREE     YOU'RE WHORING TO EACH OTHER EVERY NIGHT

 Christophe DeLorn      look you crazy fucking bitch     you can insult me all you want     but leave him the fuck out of it

 S-wow Tittybang      OH YOU DON'T WANT YOUR GIRLFRIEND BROUGHT INTO THIS     MAYBE I SHOULD SCRATCH HIS EYES OUT     YOU FCUKING CALLING ME A BITCH YOU CABBAGE

 Christophe DeLorn      go ahead and try you fucking bitch he will fucking kill you

 S-wow Tittybang      I CAN TELL JUST FROM LOOKING YOUR LITLTE BOYFRIENDS A PIECE OF TRASH

 Christophe DeLorn      don't you fucking dare     fucking fuck i can see where your bitchass son gets it

 S-wow Tittybang      OH I DARE     HE'S A PIECE OF WORTHLESS TRA- I ain't got a son     why do people keep saying that     that ike kid don't even LOOK like me

 Christophe DeLorn      ouai well kyle sure as fuck does     he has the same fucking ugly red hair and the same hugeass fucking nose     and he's just as fucked up looking as you     but apparently gregory likes that so i am sure if you are looking for a fuck he would do it

 S-wow Tittybang      DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY NOSE     MAYBE I WILL     FUCK YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND

 Christophe DeLorn      do it     i dont give a fuck

 S-wow Tittybang      I WILL

 Christophe DeLorn      good     do it

 S-wow Tittybang      I WILL     AND IT'LL BE WAY BETTER THAN ANYTHING HE EVER GAVE YOU

 Christophe DeLorn      well you dont need to worry about that because he never fucking has fuck you     he's a fucking bitch why the fuck would i want something like that

 S-wow Tittybang      WELL NO WONDER

 Christophe DeLorn      fucking disgusting

 S-wow Tittybang      YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY GARBAGE     No go see your friend

 S-wow Tittybang      Northside-D put on the jersey look     an someone has to tell him how much better he looks in it     before he goes back to his trashy whore look

 Christophe DeLorn      that is fucking disgusting

 S-wow Tittybang      he looks fucking AMAZING     go tell him

 S-wow Tittybang 

        http://tinyurl.com/837jvas

 Christophe DeLorn      ouai     i saw it already

 S-wow Tittybang      He looks so much better

 Christophe DeLorn      je ne pense pas     i liked it before

 Christophe DeLorn      goddamn you are the fucking worst

 S-wow Tittybang      what

 Christophe DeLorn      why did you post dylans picture

 S-wow Tittybang      so everyone would see     how much BETTER he looks JERSEY STYLE

 Christophe DeLorn      he doesnt     at all

 S-wow Tittybang      But he looks JERSEY

 Christophe DeLorn      if that means he looks ugly as fuck, ouai     sure

 S-wow Tittybang      oh fuck you the jersey look is the HOTTEST

 Christophe DeLorn      je ne pense pas

 S-wow Tittybang      oh don't you french at me     I don't speak frogtalk

 Christophe DeLorn      fuck you dont fucking call me a frog     fucking yank

 S-wow Tittybang      I don't got anything to yank     I look like a guy to you?

 Christophe DeLorn      ouai     you sort of do     except your not nearly as fucking attractive

 S-wow Tittybang     

OH    OH DON'T YOU SAY THAT    DON'T YOU FUCKING     SAY THAT TO ME

 Christophe DeLorn     sorry    I don't like fatass bitches with big hair and big teeth and big noses S-wow Tittybang     OH S-wow Tittybang     NO THAT'S RIGHT YOU LIKE SHITTY BLEACHED BLONDES WITH BAD NOSES    AND BAD CHEEKBONES    AND DUMB LOOKING EYES    LIKE A MULE GOT KICKED IN THE FACE BY A HORSE Christophe DeLorn     fuck you    I do like blondes    but not fucking british faggot ones S-wow Tittybang     YER A FAGGOT Christophe DeLorn     but Gregory doesnt look like he got kicked in the fucking face so fucking shut up S-wow Tittybang     AND YER PISSING ME OFF Christophe DeLorn     ouai you are too fucking bitchfucker S-wow Tittybang     PSYCHO BITCH    YOU'RE CABBAGE    MUFF CAABBBBAAAGE Christophe DeLorn     well you can go fuck a carrot    since no real dick would want to go near your fucking pussy

[relaxguyooc]

[AIM LOG] Kindergoth and S-wow

Summary:  The new room mates in Paula Dean house discuss reality TV and alliances.

Kindergoth

Um... hello

S-Wow

Yeah? Whatya want?

Kindergoth

...Do you really think I'm ugly?

S-Wow

    Hm? Oh that was just an interview     You know a place to vent and get a feelings vomit out of teh way    and also play up drama for the cameras     I mean we've all got imperfections     Like how your hair is all scraggly

Kindergoth

... Is it?

S-Wow

    I don't mean anything, that's just how I am     like straw from a scarecrow

Kindergoth

    And I am just     ugly.

Alright. I think I understand. Anyway, we need to organize a meeting for the Joy Division

S-Wow

    You got straw hair sweetie, I'm not trying to be mean, it's just a Jersey thing     Joy division?

Kindergoth

   That's what I'm calling our group. It's a temporary alliance in order to get more screen time. We both know how... important that is.

S-Wow

   Ok, and if we see any cameras, I get top blling. NOt that I'm saying you don't deserve screentime, it's just that if we want this group to carry it's got to be me

Kindergoth

Yes. Definitely. Since you are... the pretty one.

S-Wow

    ANyone else we can get in an alliance?     I tried to get that doctor but he was being a psycho bitch about it

Kindergoth

   I think I can handle him. You should work on Craig. Maybe scare Cartman into it.

S-Wow

Craig can work, do we need that fatass? Bet hes' never been to a gym a day in his life

mans got NO biceps

Kindergoth

    Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer     He's likely to try and destroy us if he's not with us.

S-Wow

    Please, we make sure to vote that piece of garbage as fast as possible     I mean did you see his fucking tripplechin     you can tell he's a piece of garbage

Kindergoth

   He is definitely a piece of fucking garbage.

S-Wow

    And he can just step off and leave us alone     He wants to see fucking crazy? He can just step the fuck away he's gonna see fucking crazy

Kindergoth

No one messes with Kindergoth and S-Wow

S-Wow

    You need a better nickname     Something sexier

Kindergoth

...But I'm... not sexy.

S-Wow

That's why you gotta make up for it

Kindergoth

    I'm not sure about that. How about we fuck up some bitches and then we'll talk names.

S-Wow

Oh I can fuck up bitches

Kindergoth

    I     'm counting on it.