#sym thomas

[saintsarefake]

John: Time sensitive question how to flirt with boys

Peter: Throw rocks at he.

Thomas: Hot dog.

Jacob: Kill him.

John: Thanks guys.

[saintsarefake]

Judas: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

Peter: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.

Thomas: A realist sees a freight train.

John: The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

[saintsarefake]

Jesus: How long did it take for you guys to start liking me?

Buddha: Couple weeks.

Thomas: Six months.

Lucifer: Jury's still out.

[saintsarefake]

Peter: *Posts an extremely low-quality image to the group chat*

Andrew: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image I'd have 15 cents.

Peter: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this, I would have enough to buy a canon and fire it at you.

John: Actually, I did the math, Andrew would have $225 not 0.15.

Andrew: That's nice.

Judas: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Peter: While you're there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Judas: Get you're own dollar.

Peter: :(

John: Hey I just asked Ananda for clarification and he's right, Andrew would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.

Judas: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice.

John: You can buy anything you want with $22,500.

James: Yeah and he wants soda and apply juice.

John: Apply juice to what.

Thomas: Directly to the forehead.

Jesus: Horrible job, everyone.

[saintsarefake]

Jesus: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Thomas: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

John: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.

Peter: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Andrew: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Judas:

Judas: I have emotional scars.

[saintsarefake]

Jesus: Is it still visible? Where Yoshikawa slapped me I mean.

Peter: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.

Simon: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.

Andrew: A palm reader could tell her future just by looking at your face.

Thomas: The phrase 'talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.

Jesus:

Jesus: A simple 'yes' would've been nice.

[saintsarefake]

Jesus: Good work!

Peter: Thanks, dad!

Peter: ...why is everyone staring at me?

Thomas: You just called Jesus dad. You said 'thanks, dad'

Peter: What? No I didn't, I said 'thanks, man'

Jesus: Do you see me as some kind of father figure, Peter?

Peter: No! If anything, I see you as a bother figure because you’re always bothering me!

Thomas: Hey! Show your father some respect!

Peter: I didn’t call him dad!

Jesus: No, no, no, no, Peter, really, it's okay. I take is as a compliment!

John: Listen, it’s not a big deal! I called Ananda dad once on accident!

Peter: Hey! Jump on that! John has daddy issues!

Andrew: Old news! But you calling Jesus daddy-

Peter: Bro, you're supposed to be on my side! Daddy is not on the table-

Judas: You did call him dad though.

Peter: Shut up, you’ve done nothing but lie since we’ve got here!

Judas: Alright, alright. I was lying about my identity to some extent, but the dad thing actually happened.

Peter: A-HA! He admitted he was lying! That was apart of my crazy, devious plan!

Jesus: I believe you.

Peter: Thank you-

Jesus: Son.

Peter:

Jesus: Do you wanna talk about it later? Maybe over a game of catch?

Peter, whispering: ...I’d like that.

[saintsarefake]

Thomas: Mara, please calm down.

Mara: I asked for two large fries!

Mara, dumping them on the table: But all they gave me was a MILLION FUCKING TINY ONES!