When in doubt take a fucking bath. I feel like I'm one of those helpless people having a new crisis everyday, in other words I'm weak. God why did you bless me this way, the thing that kills me is I have every trait to be a strong independent woman yet I allow these men to have control of my life while I experience the sense of no control. I have control issues and abandonment issues, this is what a year of counseling has taught. As I write this you know what goes through my head? No one gives a rats ass about you're personally issues, man up mother fucker damn. This is the whole problem, I'm spiraling and I don't know how to get a grip. My brain is scrambled eggs.
At this point you probably think I'm some sad sack of shit with no life. No worries, you follow my story long enough you will learn how my life is one giant soap opera I yearn to escape. Right now I bide my time and slowly lose my mind and try not to spiral. Last time I spiraled it resulted in the totaling of my car, a DWI charge along with a possession charge. Yep. Felon over here just waiting to get off this fucking probation... why? So we can fuck up again? God I need to get out of my head, if someone can explain the point to all this bullshit we call life, give me a call.
Okay slight mental break for a moment *deep breath* I'm back. "cool calm collected" the motto I strive for in life. Unfortunately I tend to show my cracks, I hate that. Then I wonder if it's really that bad of a trait? As opposed to the latter, a bitter closed up person. Somehow I'm both at the same time. Would it surprise you to hear I've graduated High School, I currently attend college classes with a 4.0 gpa, and the magic of accomplishing any goal I set my mind to? Don't believe me? Well I suppose that's fine, I don't need you to believe me. Now I'm being cocky, but there's no need for a potential reader to assume I'm a rebellious teen with purple hair or white trash 24 year old with 6 kids. Naw that's not me, I'm single, 20 and childless. I'm alone... always alone, I hate being alone.... I hate who I am most of the time. Just wish I could find an anchor in life to keep me steady because mine somehow keep releasing me from their grip, allowing me to drown until I find a new island. I don't want an island, make me a fucking mermaid.
