I’m sorry but my first love the person I thought was going to be My forever, my person, my everything gets married tomorrow. I don’t know him anymore so I couldn’t say if I still would love him the same way. But the memories of him, the fact that we danced in my basement promising to love eachother forever, doing a pretend engagement. He gets married tomorrow, to someone who for moments didn’t choose him their relationship, she chose to have someone else’s body touch hers while with him. I’m sorry but I can’t soundly think about tomorrow happening without wanting to die.
I want that to be me, I dreamt it for so long, I don’t know if it’s him who I want, I don’t know him anymore, or the fantasy. But I’m in so much pain.
Here we go, darlings. I have my notes, my opinions, and absolutely zero mercy.
YASMIN HADID — Oh, she walked in like she invented the Italian Mixer. That oxblood croc-embossed leather duster is doing architectural things — the shoulders alone could hold up the mayor's ceiling. Paired with a chartreuse ribbed crop and a barely-there khaki mini skirt, she is serving earth tones meets drama meets I will not be taking questions. The color palette is technically a departure from the white and bright brief, but it's executed with such conviction that I am prepared to let it go. The heels match the coat. She planned this. Rating: 8.5/10 @yasminxhadid
TANNER SOMMERS — Baby. Sweetheart. The fringe western jacket is fun, I'll give you that — the suede, the cross-stitch detailing, the chaotic cowboy energy — but you paired it with baggy jeans, neon green socks, Vans, and a trucker cap at an Italian mixer. In a mayor's mansion. The energy is infectious and the jacket deserves a better occasion, but this reads less "Rumor Mill" and more "I forgot what night it was." The socks are doing the lord's work though. Rating: 5/10 @tannerxsommers
LUCAS RODEN — Lucas. Lucas. A navy workshirt, medium-wash jeans, and black Chelsea boots. That's it. That is the entire look. I want to be kind. I want to say "effortlessly understated." But darling, effortless and absent are two very different things. The watch is nice. The neckline is open. He looked good enough that I nearly forgave him, and then I remembered there was a theme. Rating: 4/10 @lucasxroden
ATLAS QUINN — Now THIS is a conversation. A Fair Isle polo layered over a dark collar, tucked into the most dramatically voluminous olive cargo trousers I have ever seen in my natural life — we're talking parachute proportions, we're talking swallowed by fabric proportions — finished with black skate shoes. It shouldn't work. It works. It's giving eccentric prep meets avant-garde military surplus, and I respect the audacity. No white, no bright, but he came with a vision and I cannot penalize vision. Rating: 7.5/10 @atlasxquinn
JULIETTE MADDOX — She got the memo. White crop tee, black leather micro shorts, black leather cap, and the casual confidence of someone who has never second-guessed herself a day in her life. It's simple, it's clean, it's undeniably chic. Could she have done more? Technically yes. Did she need to? Absolutely not. The leather-on-leather cap and shorts is a nice textural wink. She came, she wore white, she looked good. Rating: 7/10 @juliettexmaddox
ZION ROSSINI — A light pink striped overshirt, white tee, wide-leg carpenter jeans, and chunky white sneakers, lounging in a chair like he owns the patio. The sunglasses are giving I am too cool to acknowledge this event is happening. It's relaxed, it's got a softness to it that actually reads quite well against the Italian setting — but it is VERY casual for a mansion mixer. The pink is a gentle nod toward the brief. Points for the effortless pose. Points deducted for the sneakers. Rating: 6/10 @zionrossini
DORIAN WEST — Olive knit zip-polo, tailored black trousers, patent leather dress shoes, a gold watch, layered chain. This man understood the assignment in the way that only someone with natural elegance can. The muted green against the black is understated but rich, the fit is immaculate, and those shoes? Gleaming. He is the only man in this room who dressed like he actually knew where he was going. Rating: 8/10 @xdorianwestx
ELIAS REN — All black, head to toe: textured short-sleeve button-up worn open over a black tank, dark cargo trousers, black boots, layered silver chains, and sleeve tattoos doing all the talking. It's sleek, it's cohesive, and the layered necklaces add just enough softness to keep it from being severe. Did he wear white? No. Does he look like someone who has never needed to follow a dress code in his life? Absolutely. There's an ease here that I respect. Rating: 7.5/10 @eliasren
RIVER CALDWELL — Monochromatic black polo and black trousers with black boots and slightly tousled hair, standing on what appears to be a very expensive balcony looking like a cologne advertisement that hasn't been named yet. It's polished, it's intentional, it's devastatingly simple. No color, no white, just pure composed darkness. He will be the subject of at least three rumors by midnight and he has done nothing to prevent this. Rating: 7.5/10 @rivercaldwell
GAGE NICHOLSON — A black ribbed sleeveless henley, cream wide-leg pinstripe trousers, dark loafers, a pearl necklace, brown-tinted sunglasses, and the biceps to back all of it up. He is pointing at himself because he knows. The contrast between that dark top and those wide ivory trousers is genuinely striking, and the trousers alone are doing heavy editorial lifting. This is one of the more fashion-forward looks of the evening and he came ready. The cream counts as bright. I'm allowing it. Rating: 8.5/10 @gagenicholson
JETT ROTHSCHILD — A cream cable-knit henley polo under a black leather moto jacket, black wide-leg trousers, black dress loafers. The cream sweater peeking out from under that jacket is chef's kiss — it's the warmth that keeps the all-black from becoming a void. It's casual enough to feel approachable but the jacket gives it an edge. A reliable, well-assembled look from someone who clearly has a good eye. The smile helps too. Rating: 7.5/10 @jettrothschild
CALLUM ROWE — Grey washed oversized tee layered over a white long-sleeve, draped into wide khaki trousers with a plaid flannel tied around the waist and suede lace-up boots. He is giving art student who also reads philosophy on the weekend. The layering is genuinely interesting — the flannel at the waist breaks up the proportions in a way that feels intentional — but it's all very muted. No drama, no color, just textures having a quiet conversation. Respect the craft, want more from the occasion. Rating: 6.5/10 @callumxrowex
BEAU WILLIAMS — A red and white patterned short-sleeve cardigan over a black v-neck tee, khaki trousers, black heeled boots, and the energy of a man who just climbed onto a rooftop railing to take this photo. He is absolutely unhinged and I mean that as the highest compliment. The red is bold, the white stripe pattern actually hits the brief, and the boots are doing work. He came to be talked about. Darling, mission accomplished — you are the rumor mill. Rating: 8/10 @beauxwilliamsx
