Being told your purpose is to get married and have children
Imagining your perfect husband since you were 12
Writing down what your perfect husband will be like
Men being presented as your only opinion or else you won’t go to the celestial kingdom
Wanting to be with a man so you can get married in the temple and be with your family forever
Being told to look for a good eternal partner (husband material)
Having a crush on a guy because he will be a good eternal partner and he is nice
Staying in a relationship with someone you don’t love so that you’ll get into the celestial kingdom
Imagining a faceless man standing across you from the altar at the temple
Being afraid of your wedding night because you don’t want sex
People saying “Your future husband will be more handsome with each time you say opening/closing prayer”
The idea of your husband getting more handsome with each prayer makes it so you never say the prayer again
Not really a mormon thing but feeling shame for not liking guys
Probably just a strict religion thing in general but being homophobic because your church said gay people are bad and hating yourself
If you question your sexuality, you probably identify as ace
Feeling anxious at stake dances when you dance with a boy
Wishing you could be a perfect mormon boy to that girl you love
Imagining yourself as a perfect mormon boy with that girl you love
Wanting to be with girls but thinking you won’t be with your family in the afterlife if you aren’t in a het relationship
Comphet mormon edition explains unique feelings felt in the church. If you relate to this list and other compulsory heterosexuality things, it’s likely you’re a lesbian experiencing comphet. Realizing that you’re a lesbian in the church can be painful at first, but I promise it will get better. I realized feelings I felt for years when I saw my first comphet list
I was in shock when I realized it meant I was a lesbian and then I cried because it. I cried because it meant I wouldn’t be able to marry anyone in the temple I would be happy with and my sexuality would ruin everything. I’m starting to get more confident with being a lesbian and I know god loves his queer children. I’m not sure if everything is gonna be ok yet that’s what everyone has been telling me.
Some of the things in the list are very general to gay members and some are based of my personal experiences and experiences of others. That girl who I wish I could be a perfect mormon boy for is a real girl. I’ve been imagining being with her since I was 16 and I didn’t know why I wish I could be with her instead of her boyfriend at the time. I even hated her boyfriend! (he’s a nice guy) I felt so evil because I loved her. She was supposed to be a friend, not a crush! I finally no longer feel bad for being in love with her. She’s even supportive of me being a lesbian. The only sadness I feel is that she’s straight and she probably will never want to be with me.
That’s ok because if I was a boy, I probably would be a straight, homophobic, mormon boy on his mission right now. As a gay mormon girl, realizing that I was a lesbian was humbling. I realize members of the lgbt community are truly struggling and they aren’t sinful people, they are people like us that want love and acceptance like we all do. I’ve stopped judging people for having beliefs that are different than me. Freedom of religion is a great thing and as long you aren’t forcing your beliefs on others or hurting others with your beliefs, believe what you want. I still hate struggling yet I’m glad I’m able to accept different types of people I never would be able to if I was the perfect mormon
Being told your purpose is to get married and have children
Wanting to get married in the temple and be with your family forever
The standards are really easy to keep
Not understanding why the standards wouldn’t be easy to keep
Being relieved the dating age is 16
Feeling unaffected in seminary when they prank you with the dating age being raised to 17 and not getting why everyone else is
Not understanding why someone would marry outside the church
Not understanding why marriage is necessary to get to the celestial kingdom
Being afraid of your wedding night because you don’t want sex
Wanting marriage so you can get to the celestial kingdom
Feeling shame for not being interested in dating
Inventing crushes on ideal mormons
Feeling anxious at stake dances
Group dates don’t feel like dates just hanging out
Finding asexuality and/or aromanticism and relating
Worrying about the future because the church is get married quick
Jesus didn’t marry anyone and you’re striving to be like him
Headcanon aroace Jesus
I finally created an comp het list for ace mormons. Originally I was thinking of copying and pasting the lesbian list with changing it to be gender neutral. It seemed to lack originality so I erased most of it and instead wrote down things I saw on queerstake and my own experiences from identitfying as asexual biromantic. Since I was a lesbian in denial, I can’t say I properly captured the life as a Mormon ace. This list is for aroaces and romantic aces. I tried to separate most of the aroace stuff at the bottom and keep what both aces could relate to on top.
Anyone who felt like my last list was ace phobic because I implied mormon ace girls are lesbians in denial I’m sorry. I love and support aces a lot.
A good friend of mine is getting married soon! She's a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Like many Latter-Day Saint women, she's being sealed in the temple. I won't be able to attend this ceremony, but I'm looking forward to her wedding shower and her wedding reception. She's always been a beam of positivity in my life, someone who is both a comfort and an inspiration to think about. I want all the best for her.
So I suppose I have my skepticism about how quickly she and her fiancé are getting married. It is common for members of the Church to get engaged after only a couple months of dating. Sometimes it works out very well, and sometimes it doesn't. What's more, I worry about the pressure behind getting "sealed" to a person for all eternity in a Temple, especially if that's how you first get married (some couples get legally married and then get sealed later on). I will not pick apart the belief itself, but rather, put myself in the shoes of an engaged LDS woman. If all of eternity is at stake, I think I'd prefer to wait on such a heavy commitment. If I were to believe the Church is true with all my heart, then get sealed to someone who I later wanted to divorce for the sake of my mental health, I'd probably feel so much guilt because "After all, we were sealed."
I've met my friend's fiancé, and I believe that he is a good man. In fact, he's ideal. They both served a mission (something important to her), and he is serious about their future - something that my friend hasn't had in a guy before. He shares my friend's passion for Disney and even My Little Pony. He loves singing sappy love songs with her. They laugh together often and know how to communicate as though they were 5 years into their relationship. The speed at which they've reached this point is daunting, but I see only good in their connection to each other. I think they will be just fine, and I hope that they never feel pressure in their marriage from the faith they hold so dear.
Regardless, I intend to be there for my friend as much as I can be, despite our difference in faith. As I said before, she is a big source of comfort and inspiration for me. I hope that I can do the same for her ❤️
TLDR: My LDS friend is getting married, and although she and her future spouse are going into this quickly, I have hope for them. I will always be there for my friend :)
I was reminiscing about our sealing with Tall Cake and wanted to make sure I remembered the time correctly (which I did, 1pm). I went back through my e-mails and found the one from the temple about our special day. I realized after reading through it again that there is a lot of great information in that e-mail that soon-to-be brides and grooms might benefit from knowing about now, so I’m pasting it below the cut.
Even if you aren’t planning a wedding, it’s pretty neat stuff! For example, I knew that a man could be resealed to another woman after being sealed already but I didn’t know that he needed a letter from the first presidency allowing it. Cool stuff!
And one final note: Some of this stuff is specific for the Chicago temple, but I’m keeping those things in so you guys will know what information will be given to you. I’ll probably italicize or strike through the me-specific things so it’s easier to understand =)
January 12, 2012 (date the e-mail was sent)
Dear : Brother Tall Cake & Sister Shortcake
We look forward to your coming to be married/sealed in the Chicago Illinois Temple. We recognize this as a great achievement in your lives. This Letter confirms your appointment on:
Date: Friday, May 25, 2012
Arrival Time: 12:00pm
Sealing Time: 1:00pm
Guest Arrival Time: ½ hour prior to Sealing Time.
Number of Guests: 10
There may be other weddings scheduled on that day as well so please be on time for your appointment.
Temples are built as a sanctuary where the Lord’s sacred ordinances can be performed. We desire to make your day a beautiful and spiritual Experience. As you enter the Lord’s house, you leave the world behind. At this special time, it is important to recognize that the activities connected with marriage celebrations should be saved for other times and locations away from the temple and temple grounds.
To assist you in preparing for this sacred experience, we have enclosed several information sheets. These should be carefully reviewed by each of you. They should also be communicated to your participating family and friends as well.
May the Lord bless you as you prepare for this sacred experience.
Sincerely,
The Chicago Illinois Temple Presidency
Information for Those Coming to the Temple to be Married/Sealed
The following information is provided to help you with clothing, guests, marriage license, and other important information for your special day.
· Please bring a valid Temple Recommend plus a Recommend for Living Ordinances. These must be filled out completely and accurately and signed by both your Bishop and Stake President.
· If you are being married, please read carefully the enclosed information for a Cook County Illinois marriage license which must be dated at least one day before your marriage date.
· If you are being sealed after a civil marriage, one year must have passed since your civil marriage. Exceptions require prior approval of the First Presidency. If either of you have been sealed to another spouse and divorced, you must bring with you a letter from the First Presidency canceling the sealing for the sister, or granting a sealing clearance for the brother.
· If either of you are to be endowed on the same day, you should:
1. Arrive 90 minutes before your scheduled endowment.
2. Bring a pair of garments. Garments can be purchased at the Distribution Center located at the temple or at www.store.lds.org. Please purchase them before the date of the marriage appointment.
3. Arrange to have an endowed person of your same gender with a current temple recommend come as your escort. If you do not have an escort, the temple will provide one.
· If you are not being endowed and are not attending an endowment session prior to the ceremony, please arrive 60 minutes before the scheduled sealing. If you are attending a session prior to the ceremony, please arrive 60 minutes before the session time.
· Children and large groups of guests should not be invited to wait in the temple waiting rooms. They can be invited for picture taking outside the temple about 45 minutes after the scheduled wedding or sealing time. It is inappropriate to use the temple grounds or Temple Annex for “Reception” or “Wedding Day” activities. A quiet reverence should be maintained in all areas of the temple and the temple grounds.
· Please select two endowed brethren with a current temple recommend to serve as witnesses for the ceremony. The temple can provide witnesses if necessary.
· When children are to be sealed to parents, or when one spouse is deceased, a Family Group Record should be prepared and brought to the temple. Children over 8 years old must be baptized prior to attending the temple and have a Limited Use Recommend.Males over 12 years of age must hold the priesthood prior to attending and have a Limited Use Recommend. Children who are married or over 21 years of age must be endowed and have a current Temple Recommend.
· The temple is authorized to care for children who are being sealed to parents, or who will witness the sealing of brothers and sisters. However, the temple is not authorized to and cannot care for children while parents attend endowment sessions unless the parents are receiving their endowments on the same day as their sealing and the children are also being sealed that day.
· You may request any Chicago Temple sealer to perform your ceremony. It would be appropriate for you to contact the sealer.Please notify the temple of your request.
Additional information is enclosed for brides and grooms regarding appropriate attire, rings and photographs. Please read carefully. If you have additional questions, please call the temple at (847) 299-6500.
Information For Brides And Grooms
Apparel For Brides
Brides receiving their endowment immediately before the marriage or sealing may wear a regular white temple dress for the endowment session, and then change into the wedding dress for the marriage/sealing ordinance provided the dress meets the following requirements:
· The dress must be WHITE – not off-white, ivory, or cream colored.
· It must have a high neckline and longs sleeves. Sheer fabric should be lined. If the sleeves are ¾ length or short cap sleeves, a jacket will be provided by the temple for the ceremony. The garments should be covered comfortably by the sleeves, back and neck of the dress.
· The dress should be free of colored ribbons, sequins, and heavy ornamentation.
· If there is a train, it should be removable, or easily pinned or hooked up out of the way for the ceremony.
(honestly, what I did and what is easiest is to wear your temple dress at the sealing and your wedding garb after. ESPECIALLY since the groom must wear the temple clothing anyway, and that way you two match)
· Jewelry must be small and simple. Other jewelry can be added following the ceremony.
The Chicago Illinois Temple does not have clothing rental. Arrangements should be made to purchase clothing before entering the temple. There is a Distribution Center at the temple and can be reached at (847) 635-7122. The store hours are:
Tuesday-Friday 12:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m.
Saturday 9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m.
Pants and dresses purchased at the Distribution Center are not hemmed to fit, so time should be allowed to make alterations if necessary. You may also order clothing from the Salt Lake Distribution Center at 1-800-537-5971 or at www.store.lds.org and ask for 2-day delivery service.
Accessories such as tiaras, flowers, or other decorations may not be worn or woven into the hair for the marriage ceremony. Shoes must be white with white or very light colored soles.
Apparel For Grooms
· Regular temple clothing and shoes are worn for the marriage ceremony. Tuxedos are not worn at any time during the temple ceremony regardless of color.
· Shirts must be white and have long sleeves
· Shoes must be white with white or very light colored soles
Exchanging Rings
Exchanging rings is not part of the temple marriage ceremony, but may be done in the sealing room following the marriage or sealing. Rings are not to be exchanged anywhere else in the temple or on the temple grounds.
Photographs
Photographs may be taken outside the temple following the ceremony. The bride may wear her wedding dress and the groom a tuxedo for these photographs. Temple clothing is not to be worn outside of the temple for photographs and pictures may not be taken in the temple.
Please arrive at the temple in your Sunday best attire. If you have any questions, please feel free to call the temple at (847) 299-6500.
Information for Obtaining A Cook County Marriage License
Before getting married in Chicago or suburban Cook County, couples must obtain a marriage license from the Cook County Clerk's office.
The marriage license fee is $60.
Eligibility: Under Illinois law, only eligible persons can marry. Both the bride and groom must:
· Be 18 years of age or older
· Be of opposite sex
· Not be blood relatives
Individuals who reside out of state may not apply for a marriage license in Illinois if such a marriage would not be legal in their home state.
Applying:
Couples must appear together at one of the Cook County Clerk's six locations. They must:
· Fill out and sign a marriage license application.
· Present valid identification with proof of age.
Acceptable forms of Identification:
One form of ID if submitting one of the following:
· State drivers license
· State identification
· U.S. passport
· U.S. Armed Forces identification card
- OR –
Two of these forms of Identification:
· Certified copy of Birth Certificate (English translations required for foreign certificates)
· U.S. naturalization certificate
· U.S. resident alien card
· Life insurance policy (at least 1 year old)
· Foreign passport
· Baptismal record (date of birth must appear)
· Consulate identification card (matricula)
Applicants who have divorced within the last six months must provide a certified copy of their divorce decree upon applying for a marriage license.
Timelines and Restrictions
Marriage licenses are:
· Issued while you wait
· Effective the following calendar day after they are issued
Valid for 60 days
· Effective only in Chicago and suburban Cook County
Where to Apply:
Office of David D. Orr
Cook County Clerk
Marriage License Bureau
118 N. Clark St.
Chicago, IL
312-603-5664
Rolling Meadows Civic Center
2121 Euclid Ave.
Room 238
Rolling Meadows, IL
847-818-2850
Markham Civic Center
16501 S. Kedzie
Room 238
Markham, IL
708-210-4148
Skokie Civic Center
5600 W. Old Orchard Rd.
Room 149
Skokie, IL
847-470-7233
Maywood Civic Center
1311 S. Maywood Square
Room 109
Maywood, IL
708-865-6010
Bridgeview Civic Center
10220 S. 76th Ave.
Room 238
Bridgeview, IL 60455
708-9746250
Hours: 8:30am – 4:30pm, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday
Hi! I'm 16 and thinking of converting to the church when I'm older, but I live in England at the moment so it's really unheard of. I'm also really scared about how my mum won't be able to come through my temple sealing, but I know you've gone through the same! My dad died when I was little so I don't want her to be lonely. How did your parents react to not being allowed in? I wish they could just change the rules to allowing parents :( Thanks! :)
Hey dearie! First, it’s totally not unheard of. ^__^ There are tons of converts in the UK and many young members in England even here on Tumblr =D I understand that it might be a bit inconceivable right now due to your age and your mother, but in no time baptism will be within your grasp and awesome.
It’s important to understand (which you will in time once you learn more about the church and the gospel) that the rules are in place for very important reasons. The temple is a sacred place and it holds within it covenants, ordinances, and life-changing revelation that cannot be cast before just anyone. If someone is not a worthy member, they are not ready to hear, see, or comprehend those things. It’s important for parents who are not members to learn the basics and convert before being exposed to the deeper and more serious parts of the gospel (such as endowments or temple sealings) so they can accurately appreciate them and live their life the best way possible. So, it’s very very good that they never change the rules, even if sometimes we think it hurts us or them.
Now, my parents are not like all parents and I’ll give you several possibly outcomes along with my experience. My experience is that my folks reacted incredibly poorly. They had many years to prepare, knowing I wanted to become LDS and that temples are member-only since I was young. When the time came, they didn’t even come to the grounds or the waiting room. I believe I made up for it by having a ring ceremony (where I still clearly made it known that we were already sealed in the temple, already married for time and eternity, so as to not take away from the importance of that sealing the day before) and giving them all the things they had expected. There was an aisle, my father walked me down it to music, we exchanged rings, they played a big part in the reception, etc.
Still, many other parents, even if they disapprove, will attend your wedding day by staying on temple grounds or in the waiting room (or visitors center should the temple have one). If they choose to do that, other family members (like your soon to be brother or sister-in-law if they are not yet endowed) will wait with them. If no other family members are present, a temple worker will escort them around the grounds or sit with them answering any questions they can. If they go to the visitors center, missionaries will assist them and keep them company.
Even if your mother reacts as poorly as mine did, even if she is upset and does not understand, she’s your mother. She’ll get over it in time. Just make sure your spouse is kind and respectful to her, explain to her why it’s so important to be sealed in the temple. The temple is worth every sacrifice. Time will make things better and if you’re a good example of how the church makes people happy, makes people live righteous lives, she’ll calm down about the whole thing. Final piece of advice is that you don’t keep it a secret from her. If you spring the baptism on her out of nowhere she’ll feel like you were hiding things from her and that’s not what the church is about, it’s sacred but not secret.
Best of luck and I’m so glad to hear that you’re already looking into the church at a young age. Keep it up!
