warnings: fwb, no feelings trope, slow burn, angst, making out, suggestive touching, smut (will be warned), jealousy, emotional conflict, miscommunication, arguments
no upside down au!
summary: you and steve were friends first, and that was the part that mattered. everything else, the late nights, the quiet routine, the way he kept showing up, didn’t mean anything. it was easy. something the two of you fell into without really thinking about it. something that didn’t need to be explained. because as long as it stayed like this, nothing had to change. right?
note: hii!! thank you for reading <3 i’m not exactly sure how many chapters this will be yet. usually i like to have everything written out beforehand, but i was feeling a little spontaneous with this one and decided to just post as i go. i’ll be updating everything here as i continue, thank you for the support, it genuinely means a lot :)
Summary: You and Tangerine weren't complicated, sometimes you'd see him on the job and he'd provide you... stress relief. It was easy, so easy. It wasn't supposed to be anything else, just friends (barely acquaintances really) doing what you both needed. It wasn't like you could have someone on the job anyway. You didn't think it was anything that would change. But, he had never seen you hurt before, and when a job goes wrong, well... everything changes.
TW: friends with benefits (for now), mentioned sex (but nothing graphic), protective! Tangerine, possessive!Tangerine, violence, blood, murder, guns, gunshot wounds, mentioned death, cursing (it's Tangerine), and all things bullet train.
[[A/N: yes this is a one direction title, what about it??? also the reader's codename is 'Mouse', you work with Ladybug. Tan calls you pretty but who doesn't to be called pretty?? This is got really long, sorry !!!]]
You were pretty good at your job, your messes weren't messy and your kills were organized, clean really. (Your agency did have a cleanup crew for when things got out of hand, so your work still stayed pristine even when it did get messy.) That's how you got your code name, Mouse, because you were in and out of a location as quiet 'as a mouse'.
You're not sure when you met the twins, but you do remember it was bloody. Something about you showing up to your gig and a trail of blood led you through the building right into their presence. You'd somehow known it was the twins (kind of because of the mess) but otherwise because there was two of them -stuck like glue.
The barrel of two guns pointed at your head, and you shared your mission, and they theirs, which were actually totally unrelated. Needless to say, you got out of there with your USB drive. (Mostly because of Lemon, Tangerine wouldn't have flinched if he pulled the trigger.)
It just kept happening. Undercover missions, hits, and even work you had to travel to, somehow they ended up in the same place. Not always for the same work, you should say, but same destination. You'd originally thought it was some sort of coo, that they were trailing you but after confronting them (and Tangerine saying he didn't 'give a fuck about your whereabouts'), the idea was void.
The first time your... situation had started was one of your missions where you went undercover. Some sort of fancy charity gala, if you remember correctly, and Tangerine was there. Just Tangerine, he didn't tell you why -he hardly even wanted to speak to you.
You'd offhandedly said something about all the rich people being attractive, and how it wasn't fair. He'd promptly said, "You don't have to worry about bein' attractive, love, you're the prettiest one here."
He wasn't flirting, or you didn't think he was -he didn't even smile, or smirk, or anything- just spoke over the rim of his cup and took a long drink after. Your eyes darted to his Adam's apple for a second, you'll admit it.
Nothing else happened that night, you didn't flirt. You don't know what did it, not at all, he just kept looking at you -small little, intense, glances. Once again, you thought nothing of it.
Well, until he pulled you into a closet and kissed the literal breath out of you.
And, well, the rest is easy to figure out.
It didn't happen all the time, not every mission, but sometimes, when the adrenaline was high. You called each other when you weren't on the same mission; he'd done it after the first time, and you followed suit. It was easy, so easy.
That brings you to today, it was supposed to be a grab-and-go, easy. Except for the whole full building of people part, it was an office actually and you needed the CEO. There were so many civilians, but you were Mouse -you'd be in and out so quick, they wouldn't even see you.
Your intel was wrong.
The whole place was filled with bodyguards, and security, head-to-toe, filled. You were good at your job, but you were outnumbered -so incredibly outnumbered.
Needless to say, your disguise of an office worker didn't work.
There was blood tainting your skin, your head on a swivel -fuzzy and pounding. Your were on the third floor, hidden in a janitors closet -the smell of cleaner burnt your nose and made your eyes water.
Your chest heaving and your hands shaking, you were overwhelmed -you couldn't do this alone. God knows how many men were on the last two floors. And you were 90% sure your ribs were broken on your right side, your leg was shot, and your shoulder was shot -you couldn't move. No way you were going up the stairs. You weren't even sure you could leave the building at this point-
You were bleeding out, actually, if the wooziness in your head meant anything.
Your comm was broken on the first floor, you'd cussed and thrown it to the ground. So, even if it still worked, it was lost -long gone of the concrete floors.
You were totally and completely fucked.
Then, you felt something in your pocket, rubbing against your clothes -scratching against the fabric. It buzzed then, low and under the hollowness of your breath; you barely heard it -a pounding in your ears so loud, you think it was your heartbeat.
You breathed out, pulling your phone out with your hand that wasn't lax on the floor -your shoulder wasn't fun to move.
The text flashed across your screen, Tangerine. It was a little blurry, your head spinning but if you focused you could read it.
'You home?'
Something in you sighed, deep and broken; maybe this was the last time you'd ever speak to him. You'd kind of become fond of him, all blue eyes and broad shoulders -his accent and the way his lips would creak up when he smiled at you. You ached for something you didn't have, you realized.
What a fucking time to realize it-
You typed out a message, painstakingly, a single finger -slow and deliberate, 'No. Job. Bleeding out, hidden. Too many.'
Your head was pounding, but you pushed through it, typing, 'I'm sorry, Tan.'
Your hand loosened, laying slack on your lap -your head hurt, maybe you could rest your eyes for a little bit. Not long, just a second to get the pounding out of your head.
Before you could fully do it, the phone in your lap jostled vibrating -it nearly fell, clattering onto the concrete floor but you grabbed it. Not eager to be found, you could die now but you would die if they found you.
Your eyes flickered across your screen, Tangerine flashed along it, shaking in your hand; he was calling you.
Something in you made you gather the strength to swipe and answer it -maybe to hear his voice again, or to say goodbye. You weren't sure, god you were so tired.
"Mouse," his accent spilled out, pointed, "-fuckin' Mouse, can you hear me, love?"
"Hey, Tan," you croaked out -voice rough and low, still not wanting to get caught and wanting to laugh -you didn't want to die sad, "-funny hearing from you."
"Mouse," he didn't react, seemed to be moving, you could hear his footsteps -loud, loud, "-where are you?"
"On a job," you sighed out, words a little breathless and slurred, "-'Supposed to be an office building, but it wasn't. Security, so many security- Think the CEO was bigger than fucking officework-"
"Darling," he spoke softer, but still loud, direct, "-focus on my voice, yeah?"
"Okay," you hummed, more focused -you wanted to do whatever he wanted, "-I will."
"Now," he spoke, gently, and you heard a car door shut -absentmindedly, "-where are you? Can you remember?"
"On the docks," you answered, slow -trying to process the words you were saying, "-tall, so many windows... Company, it's a... glass company, I think. J-Johnson something."
Tangerine hummed low and warm, you recognized the tone -somehow you knew it, "Okay, okay, love. Good- Good job."
"Third floor," you echoed out, "-There's two more, people still in them, I didn't get far enough."
"Can you hear 'em, love?"
"Sometimes," you let out a long breath, "-I'm staying quiet, they'll kill me, Tan-"
"Relax, darling," his voice crept up to your ear, "-breathe, keep focused, yeah? Keep talkin' to me."
'Lemon, fuckin' drive faster, will you?'
"I'm in a...a janitors closet, it's dark in here, I-I can't see. Think I'm bleeding," you mumbled out -a little slurred, you weren't sure he could hear you.
"Fuck..." he sighed, swallowing something in his throat -you could tell you weren't supposed to hear it, "-Where are you hurt, love? They cut you, shoot you, what?"
"Broken ribs," your breath stuttered out -it stung, "-shot me in the shoulder and the leg, I can't fucking move."
"Right, yeah," he exhaled and you thought for a second it was shaky -something sour in his tone, "-You got any pressure on it? Can you?"
"'Can't move, Tan."
"Try for me, love," his voice shook a little, you couldn't think about it, "-Try the... Try the leg."
You did, moving the arm where your shoulder bled -it ached so heavily your head started to pound, but you pushed through. Pressing your palm hard against the skin, you hissed into the phone -eyes bleary, you think you might've been crying.
"I'm sorry, love," he whispered, his voice rough, "-'So sorry, love. I know it hurts like hell, I know."
Your breath shook out through your throat, tone lighter, "'Been shot before?"
"Fuckin' yesterday," he huffed out, all angry and Tangerine, "-some bloody prick grazed my side."
You laughed, and it hurt a little, but you didn't care -not then, "'Always so angry."
"Not at you," he corrected, hardly letting your words slip out, "-Never at you, love."
The hum of the engine stopped, and you heard a distant voice -Lemon, you recognized. It was a sort of murmur to you, you couldn't hear the words. You weren't sure you wanted to.
"Mouse?" He spoke out, slow words but urgent, "-You said the third floor, right? Janitors closet?"
"'s where I'm hiding," you clarified.
"Yeah, right-" you heard the patter of his footsteps, slaps across the sidewalk -some crinkling of fabric, "-I'm on my way, okay? Goin' as fast as I fuckin' can-"
"Be careful," it slipped out of your lips, low and slurred, but you know he heard it.
A sharp inhale of his breath told you so, wordless on the other side of the line -you could only hear the slap of his footsteps, so fast.
"You..." he started, something shaking in his voice, "-You stay alive, yeah? Keep breathin'-"
"Tan-"
"No," he echoed, direct and strict, "-no, you can't die. Not now, okay? You stay fuckin' alive."
"Tan-"
He continued, not slowing down -words frantic, "'Ave so much to say, love, so much. You gotta stay alive to hear it."
"Okay," you breathed out, fighting back the slip shut of your eyes -they burned and you were so tired but you couldn't leave him, not when he was so close, "-I'll stay alive. Promise."
"Promise," he echoed like it helped him understand it -believe it.
Before you knew it, your phone went silent -echoing out into the air. You squinted at it, taking a deep breath -feeling it rack through your body. Dead. Your phone was dead.
God, you'd never hated yourself more. It was so easy to breathe when he was there on the phone, so easy to remember why you were fighting and what you were fighting for.
The silence was overwhelming, a low whimper pursing through your lips -you couldn't see anything but you could feel the blood, sticky on your hand. Something in your stomach twisted, tongue heavy in your mouth; what if you died before he got here?
You can't imagine-
"Lemon," a voice echoed outside the door, "-you deal with the upstairs, keep your eye on it. I'll check every fuckin' room on this floor-"
"Tan," Lemon spoke quieter, a crinkle of fabric, "-they'll be alright. We're 'ere, remember?"
"Right, yeah," Tangerine let out a shaking breath, "-I just..."
"I know," Lemon interrupted, voice stronger, "-I think they know too. 'Just go and fuckin' find 'em, yeah?"
"Don't even have to ask-"
And then, the footsteps grew louder. You knew the closet was close to the stairs, he'd be here soon -god, he'd be here soon. You let out a deep breath, shaking against your chest -a sob racking through your lips, it wasn't loud, not really, but it was noise.
The footsteps stopped in place, and you could hear the harbored breathing for a moment, before it echoed out into the hallway -shaky and full of hope, concern, so much, "Mouse? Mouse? Can you hear me?"
Your breath stuttered in your chest, and the sting of your lungs overwhelmed you for a moment. You breathed out, slow and trying to numb your pain, and talk. But it hurt-
"I-In here-" you breathed out and it was shaking and it was quiet, but without a doubt, the footsteps quickened, so fast you could almost not even hear it.
The door, close to you, sneaked open -light pouring out into the room, it blinded you for a moment. All you could see was the shadow of a figure, you knew it though, knew the shadow. You smelt his cologne, and you had missed it-
Without a single breath shattering out of your lungs, he was standing for a moment frozen -door lazily opened and hallway out of the corner of your eye's view.
Tangerine slunk to your side, eyes dashing across your body, the stains, the blood-
He swallowed, dryly -concerned; you could see the emotions pass through his face. Something in you wants to calm him, tell him you're okay. But you didn't actually know that.
His hair was out of place, curly and ungelled, but still wearing a suit -the blue one that matched his eyes. You like that one, you mindlessly thought.
And without a word, he began to move -shrugging off his jacket. You merely watched on, as he tugged at his sleeves -unbuttoning the cuff (it was all a little familiar actually for very different circumstances), and without hesitation, ripping the fabric off his arm.
The noise echoed through the hallway, startling you slightly. Tangerine flinched a little, frowning, before going back to the fabric.
Hands tenderly gathered at your leg, he gently replaced your hand and wordlessly tied the fabric around your calf. He paused, looking at you, voice soft and gentle.
"This is gonna hurt, love. I'm sorry in advance."
And it did. Who knew?
Your head was bleary, eyes a little hazy and teary from the pain -breaths hollowed out of your chest.
"'Should be the worst of it, love," he hummed out, before sliding a hand behind your back -carefully pulling you up, "-lean on me, okay? I 'ave to get to your shoulder."
You nodded, slowly pressing your head forward into his right shoulder -his cologne filtering through your nose, and the warmth of his body fluttering over your skin. It was comforting, so much that your eyes almost closed on instinct; heartbeat in your ears, the sensation grounded you -brought you back in your body.
Tangerine was moving, looping the fabric under your arm -carefully keeping your arm steady and in place. Fingertips gentle like he was holding the world in his hands -careful and considerate.
"Stay awake, love," he spoke, his voice rumbling into your ear, "-I know you're tired, but I need ya to keep your eyes open for me."
They fluttered open at his request, forehead pressed into his shirt -you could see the thin lines in his vest, tracing the crinkle over his shoulder. You focused on the feeling, the fabric tight around your skin, and the buzz of his skin against yours.
You'd been closer really, but this was a new kind of intimacy -something that made you pleased somewhere deep in your chest. You had always wanted this you realized, this closeness with Tangerine.
How did you not notice?
Even when he stopped, hands still, you stayed there a moment like you'd never get it back.
And maybe you wouldn't. Maybe this changed everything and Tangerine would run for the hills-
Without a word, he laid you back down -gently placing your head on the ground with an attentive hand, a bit like you were breakable. Fragile. You supposed right now you were.
His eyebrows furrowed as he leaned over you, eyes hitching on the makeshift bandages, "We 'ave to get you to the hospital, shirt can only do so much, love."
You thought of the pain in your leg, the pulse of your heartbeat when you walk, but even still, you tried to push up -get on your feet. You promised you'd stay alive.
Tangerine immediately put his hands on your shoulders, keeping you in place, "What are you doing?"
"Trying to get up," you answered, simply.
"Right, no, not happenin'," he let out a laugh in disbelief, "-you are not fuckin' walkin'.
Without another word, he stood -turning around and looking down the hall, assumedly for Lemon. When his eyes caught you could tell, something straightening in his posture with one succinct nod.
They always had their language, it was so interesting to watch sometimes. Lemon would raise an eyebrow, Tangerine would squint his eyes and they'd both not move for 20 seconds like they were communicating through looks.
Before you could think about it too hard, he spun back to you -sinking to his knees. Mumbling, "Think you're fuckin' walkin', ridiculous." No hesitation, he slipped his arms under your back and knees -careful of your calf, and stood.
In another world, you'd probably be shocked at his physical strength but lucky for you, you already knew a lot about that.
Not now, your mind hissed.
Tangerine's steps were quick but careful to not jostle you at all. At some point, you heard Lemon -frantic and loud but you couldn't make out what he said. That was your first sign. The world after that began to spin, the stairwell becoming dizzying -your eyes just wanted to shut. You were so tired.
You heard Tangerine then, you knew he was speaking to you but you couldn't make out what he was saying. You tried so hard to listen-
Then, it all went black.
The first thing was the smell of sterilization hitting your nose, it made you scrunch it up on instinct and then you heard some ruffling.
"Mx. Williams?"
You did not know who Mx. Williams was, but you still squinted open your eyes -the bright lights making your head spin for a moment. You settled across the room, nothing special, just a typical hospital bed -stiff bed, thin covers, and all.
It was a woman speaking, you realized, in scrubs with a warm smile on her face. Ah, you thought, an alias.
"Hi," she spoke softly, carefully, with a smile, "-you're in a hospital, you're safe. Do you remember anything?"
"No," you answered, unsure of the story concocted to get you here.
"You were involved in a robbery," she began, slow to introduce it, "-you had a few injuries from it but you're all fixed up now, okay?"
It was surprisingly calming, "Okay."
"Your husband," she motioned to your right side, "-brought you in."
Your eyes darted to your side -because husband?!, but they just settled on Tangerine -laid back in a chair, arms crossed and chair pulled as close to your side as he could.
Something in you softened, and you smiled.
His clothes were still ripped and stained, but it was dry now. You briefly wondered how long you'd been there, how long he'd been waiting.
"Been a rough couple of days," the nurse hummed, "-he hasn't left since you got here."
You hummed, reaching out and brushing your skin against his hand -just to feel him, know he's real. It didn't wake him up, but you weren't sure you wanted him to just yet. You wanted to enjoy this before everything went... however, it went.
"You've got a good one," the nurse hummed, scribbling on a chart -eyes lounging over the machines.
You smiled a little brighter, imagining it for a second, where he was yours, "I know."
"Alright," she spoke, pushing the clipboard back into her chest, "-your doctor will be here soon."
You nodded, eyes languidly tracing over Tangerine -his head was leaned forward now, curls hanging over. Something in you wanted to brush through them, and you would have honestly, but you couldn't really reach.
You pursed your lips, throat dry, when you spotted water on the little table by your bedside and a thing of jello maybe, probably in preparation for when you got up. Pulling it toward you, maybe a little too fast, because the plastic spoon clattered to the floor; you flinched.
"Shit," you mumbled.
It definitely wasn't loud enough to wake him, but he must've been sleeping very lightly. Sudden and brash, ready to fight something -protective, he didn't even notice you.
"Woah, hey-" you laughed a bit in disbelief, and sipping from the bottle, "-calm down, cowboy."
His eyes immediately flicked to you, blue and darting all over your face like he was taking you in. Wordlessly, he stood there frozen -almost in disbelief.
You paused, looking over him -softer, "You okay, Tan?"
"Am I fuckin... Am I okay?" He echoed out, "-Really?"
"Well, yeah," you responded, slow, "-you seem... riled up."
"Love," he spoke, softer but still so direct, breathless, "-you're in a fuckin' hospital bed. You almost died-"
"Seriously, Tan," you interrupted, you hadn't seen this side of him before, "-are you alright?"
He stood completely still, eyes flicking to yours -hair sticking up in a mess, shirt still ripped. He looked a little deranged, not the worse you'd ever seen, but... there was something in his eyes -a gleam.
You couldn't tell what it was.
"No," he finally answered.
"Are you-" you started, now suddenly darting over the blood (was some of it his?) "-Are you hurt? Did you get checked by-"
"Love," he sighed out, hands raking through his hair, "-you almost died. Do you not hear that? Fuckin' dead, gone-"
"Tan-"
"No, no, no-" he shook his hand, exasperated, in disbelief, "-if I hadn't called, you would be fuckin' dead, Mouse."
"Tangerine."
"What the hell were you bloody doin' there?" He finished succinctly, eyebrows gathered -frustrated.
"A job," you spoke, tone questioning, "-What the hell is your problem?"
"You shouldn’t have fuckin' been there," he nearly growled out, "-that's my problem."
"My intel was wrong," you exhaled, stiff -if he was angry, you would be too, "-I couldn't have known. You think I wanted to solo a whole building of security?"
You trailed off, settling back into the bed -your head was starting to hurt; this was not what you had wanted. Far fucking from it.
He sighed, a big long sigh, briefly pressing his fingers on his temples, "Look, Mouse-"
You didn't look at him, eyes trained on your hands, and the blanket spanned across your lap. You wouldn't give him the dignity of looking at him, not when he was just being a dick.
"I'm not mad at you," his voice was lower now, "-just whoever sent you on that fuckin' suicide mission."
"'Could've fooled me," you scoffed, twisting your arms into a crossed position.
Tangerine sighed again, roaming closer to your bedside and falling to his knees to meet your face better, "Mouse, love, look at me."
You kept your eyes on your hands.
"Mouse, please."
You pursed your lips, he hardly pulled out the please -this was bigger than what you thought it was. Your eyes landed succinctly on his, blue -so blue- already looking at you with something of remorse. Huh.
"I'm sorry," he started, slow with one hand reached up to run through his hair again, "-I know I'm being a fuckin' dick."
"Good guess," you hummed.
"Right, yeah," he shook his head, lips curling up at the corners, "-Look, I... Fuck, I..."
"Tangerine," you put a hand on his shoulder, he was close enough now, "-seriously, what is wrong? I've never seen you like this."
He swallowed, dryly, and you almost offered him your water -he'd been doing that a lot lately.
"You almost died," he repeated.
"Tan, we're not talking about me," you responded, "-I think we both know what happened-"
"Love," he interrupted, repeating again, "-you almost died."
You raised a brow, questioning -confused really, "What does that have to do with-"
"I wouldn't have known," he breathed out, shaky and tone the same, "-you were going to fuckin' die and I wouldn't have known, ya know 'at?"
This was new to you, Tangerine looked shaken, scared. When had he ever been so broken open in front of you, so... so desperate? It was like he cracked open his ribs and you were staring at his heart.
"Tan, I didn't mean to-"
"I would've fuckin'-" he laughed a little, and it was wet -there were tears in the corners of his eyes, "-I'd 'ave heard it through the fuckin' grapevine."
"Tan," you were too soft to stop him.
"Do you know why 'at's fucked up? Truly, do you?"
"Because we're... friends?" You asked, with a lilt -you weren't sure, and even though you felt something you couldn't push that on him. No matter how bad it hurt.
"Fuckin' friends," he laughed, looking up at the ceiling -his eyes were definitely teary, you realized.
"Why are you-"
"Darling, tell me this," he spoke, looking at you now -blue eyes intense on yours, "-do you think I would've grieved you as a fuckin' booty call or a... a friend?"
"I don't..." you spoke, "-I don't know, Tan."
"No, truly, love," he echoed, voice quiet and barely there, "-do you think I would 'ave?"
You fell silent, eyes sliding over his face -the storm of his eyes. It wasn't like a thunderstorm, not angry, just a rain -a dark, heavy rain. You wanted them to be light again, sunny.
You pursed your lips, flicking over his face -there was something different there, something smoothed across his features that you had never seen before. It was something.
"No," you answered finally.
"And you ask me, you ask me-" he started, tears built up now -he blinked them away, "-if I'm okay?"
You didn't say a word.
"You almost-" Tangerine continued, voice breaking as he tilted his head down and took a deep breath.
"Tan," you spoke, softly -something burning in the backs of your own eyes.
"You almost died in my fuckin' arms, Mouse."
"But I didn't," you echoed, "-I didn't. I'm alive, you saved me-"
And then in the tiniest voice you'd heard from him, he looked at you, teary-eyed and exhausted, "Why didn't you call me?"
"Tangerine, I-" you started, "-I didn't know if it... if you-"
"I would've picked up," he spoke, firm and decisive, something biting in his tone, "-If you were halfway across the fuckin' world, I would've found a fuckin' way."
"That's not-" you started, before sighing, "-I didn't know if it mattered to you."
"Mattered to me?" His voice echoed in disbelief, "-If you... You didn't know if your death would've mattered to me?"
"No," you answered, "-I really didn't. I thought... Well, I thought both of you would be fine-"
"Fuckin' fine?" He spilled out, "-You think I would've been fine?"
"I didn't know," you reasoned, "-it wasn't... none of it was... We never talked about it."
"God, I'm the fuckin' stupidest person on this goddamn planet," he breathed out -a mutter, but you still caught it. He was really close to you in this position, you could hear the inhale of his breaths.
"Darling," he spoke, something pent up in his eyes -ready to spill, "-I can hardly function without you. And you think- You really fuckin' think that I wouldn't have cared if you died?"
"I didn't know," you explained, "-I didn't know anything, Tan. We never- We never talked about this, it was simple, easy."
"Well, it's about to get really fuckin' complicated, isn't it?"
"What are you-" you started -confused.
"Consider this me talkin' about it, yeah?" He spoke, looking straight at you -not waiting for an answer, "-The idea of you dying makes me fuckin' sick. 'Makes my whole body feel like my heart fell out of my fuckin' chest, and left a cold, empty shell of a man. Yeah? If you died, I think I wouldn't be able to breathe anymore-"
"Tangerine-" you swallowed back tears.
He continued, "And frankly, the idea of it happenin' has kept me up at night. The idea of it happenin' and me not knowin', not even bein' there- I can't even begin to fuckin' fathom."
"Tangerine-"
"I can't be here without you," he finished, softer and quieter, "-I can hardly fuckin' leave you without it feelin' like I've left a fuckin' limb. A piece of me."
You couldn't speak, tears bubbling up your throat. He stared at you, and all you could do was stare back -eyes unwavering; you wondered distantly where his head was at.
"So, yeah," he cleared his throat -righting himself, "-I would care if you died. 'Would care a fuckin' lot."
"I didn't..." you began, tears burning your eyes -something heavy in your chest, "-I didn't know that."
"Yeah, I know," he replied, a little bluntly, "-you ever see me as fuckin' feelings guy? No, but even still I should've told you a long fuckin' time ago because this-"
His hand motioned to you in the bed.
"This was a fuckin'... worst-case scenario for me."
"I'm sorry," you whispered -you couldn't imagine the pain, if he... if he meant all that.
"You're sorry?" His eyes were attentive on you again, big blue and concerned, guilty, "-no, love, there's nothin' to be sorry for. I... I should've said somethin', I doubt you would've ever been in this state if I had."
"I'd-" you echoed out, "-I'd still have the same job, Tan."
"I would've gone with you," he spoke, "-or been closer... I-I would've fuckin' driven the getaway car if you'd let me."
You paused, eyes flickering over his face -that unnamed thing, you knew it now. It seemed so obvious. Every word he said bounced off your head as it echoed in your mind; he'd said so much, you could read in-between the lines for the rest of it.
"Tangerine?" You hummed.
"Yeah?" His voice was gruff, spent.
"I love you too."
He grinned then, all crow's feet and upturned lips -you'd never seen something so bright. Not from him. Maybe it wouldn't be the last one.
"Thank fuckin' god," he groaned out, "-I really don't know what I was goin' to do if you didn't."
You laughed, a little shy -this was all so new, "Well, good thing you don't have to, yeah?"
"Yeah," he finished, still smiling -his hand came to hold yours for a moment, careful even though you weren't hurt there.
Tangerine seemed thoughtful for a moment, before raising your hand to his lips, "I'm really fuckin' glad you're alright, love."
"Yeah, me too."
He opened his mouth to say something else, but the door swinging open cut it short.
"You lot done yet?" Lemon asked, head sticking in the door, "-I've been waitin' out here like 20 minutes. The nurses are startin' to look at me weird-"
Tangerine sighed from beside you, as you spoke, "Come on in, Lemon. Lovely to see you by the way."
He stepped fully in then, your eyes catching on the takeout boxes in the bags he held, "So polite, unsure why you ever liked him."
"Right," Tangerine rolled his eyes, "-Do we 'ave to start this now?"
"You see?" Lemon raised a hand, "-This is how he treats me, yeah? I bring 'im food and I'm fuckin' shot do-"
"Is there something for me?" You questioned, you had honestly never been so hungry in your life -probably your body healing and whatnot.
"'Is there something for you?' Of course, Mouse, I'm very thoughtful like 'at," Lemon smiled, "-unlike this bloke, yeah?"
"Lemon," Tangerine hissed.
"Told ya," he responded, taking a seat in one of the extra chairs on the other side of you.
"I'll fuckin' bite your head off, you know 'at? Rip you limb from limb-"
"Boys, seriously," you groaned, "-can you agree on anything?"
"You need a new handler," Lemon spoke -already eating his meal, to which Tangerine reluctantly nodded.
"Well-"
"And you're with us now," Tangerine offered up, "-anywhere you go, we go."
Lemon nodded, pointing to his brother like in solidarity, "Agreed."
"Guys, really? That's what you-"
"You know how pouty he's gonna be if you aren't?" Lemon retorted, handing Tangerine both his and your boxes -movement fluid right over you.
"I don't fuckin' pout," he murmured, opening the box and setting it on your table -before settling into his chair with his own.
"No, don't even start that shit," Lemon replied, "-you haven't said a full word to me in the last two weeks!"
"That wasn't pouting-"
"What would you call it then, sulking?"
"I'll kill you, Lemon, don't fuckin' start it-"
"Enough you two," you yelled out, not loud enough to attract any unwanted attention, but enough to shut them both up.
You sighed out a big long breath and righted yourself -grabbing a forkful on the food.
"Now," you hummed, grinning at the two of them, "-where are we off to next?"
They raised an eyebrow.
"If I'm staying with you," you repeated, "-where are we going next?"
Tangerine furrowed his brow like it was common sense, "Nowhere, love, you're healing."
"Tan-"
"Seconded," Lemon raised his hand, "-he's already got a place and everythin' might as well give it to 'im."
"When did you-"
"Not important," Tangerine clarified, before turning to his brother, "-See, how hard was that? To fuckin' support me?"
"You're one to talk, mate."
You were really gonna have to get used to this.
Then Tangerine, almost instinctively, scooted his chair forward -placing his box next to yours on the table and with the confidence of a million men, intertwined your hands.
It couldn't have been comfortable, both with the hospital bed barriers and eating with one hand, but he treated it like it was nothing at all. Like he'd do it 100 times over for you.
Okay, you thought to yourself, you could definitely get used to this.
so it's 3am. i have been laying in bed jamming to one direction for like the past half hour bc i can't sleep. just listened to temporary fix and since im only listening to music and not doing multiple tasks for once, the lyrics have my full attention. i get through the chorus a few times and im like "...wait a damn minute...... oh, this song is dirty". like... yes, it took me a whole decade to realize that. but im also asexual so sex is literally never on my mind 😭😭😭
