#tempted anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - January 30

midnights anon, intrusive thoughts anon, not so freshman anon, honest advice anon, tempted anon

midnights anon

Helloooo! How are you?

I’ve been so stressed the past few weeks because of the play I was in (and also a new unit in chemistry, my math teacher being very difficult… and also losing my voice the day before the show 😭😭)

But it’s over! And it was also like… so rewarding?? The cast party was so fun, it was basically a really long sleepover because we had to be in the building together hanging out/performing from 11 AM to 11 PM, i just—

I don’t even know how to explain all the stuff I’m feeling!! Cuz I was so happy and just AGH. It feels like cuteness aggression sorta, because I can’t even articulate how happy the memory of the show makes me, but then I also feel kinda embarrassed to be freaking out over it so much??? I just feel all weird, I haven’t felt that happy in ages so now that I’m feeling that I just don’t know what to doooooooo

And two of my favorite artists came out with new songs which means they’ll both probably be on tour soon/release a new album, and now that the show is over I can leave school BEFORE it’s pitch black outside!!! NOT at 9 pm… NOT at 5:30… but THREE PM. FREEDOM!!!!!!

I actually feel pretty hopeful just in general, and I’m one year clean in 12 days!

—midnights anon

Hi!

I’m so glad to hear you’re doing so well! Congrats on the show being such a success, that’s amazing! And also, you shouldn’t be embarrassed at all, it’s a major accomplishment! I’m so proud of you for all of this and you should be, too!

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intrusive thoughts anon

Hi! so you didn't do a private ask so I just didn't copy your ask, I hope that's okay?

Okay so I’m still reading your message but as I’m reading the texts…my friend. You need to have some boundaries. I’m saying this in such a loving way, but this person is basically saying they don’t value you and you’re saying ‘okay but I’m still here for you whenever you need.’ um NO! You do not owe them your time or energy. Like sure, people can decide to not be friends, but then they dont get the benefits of emotional support. 

Yeah as I’m reading more of what you’re saying, it’s clear to me: this person is using you for emotional support and you do NOT deserve that. You seem like an amazing friend and wasting your time on someone who point-blank said they don’t want to be friends with you is not what you deserve. You need to set boundaries: “If we’re not friends, I’m not giving you my emotional bandwidth.” It sounds cruel, but it’s not. You can;t have one-sided relationships like this, it’s not fair to you.

Ps. chat gpt sucks

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not so freshman anon

Hi!

Okay so I think the thing about if/how to confess, to me, is to ask yourself: when you look back on this (because you will, not because it’s necessarily life-changing, but because it matters so much right now) what will you think?

Like…imagine yourself in ten years. You’re dating someone, you have a good group of friends, you’re on your way to doing well in a career, and the emotions of this situation are long removed. What will you wish you’d done? What would you want to tell your kids you’d done? What ADVICE would you give your kids?

And I don’t think there’s one right answer. It depends on safety, and comfort level, and goals, and communication style. Like I look back on some of the decisions I made, and sometimes I’m like “oh I’m glad I didn’t say anything” like when I had a crush on a super popular boy in middle school and I definitely would have gotten ripped to shreds if I tried to shoot my shot. But sometimes I’m like “oh I really wish I did say something” like in high school I liked this person and I’m pretty sure, looking back, they liked me, too. (for the record, I’m not MAD that I didn’t say anything…I ended up with my wife and I’m so happy. I just am kind of like…kicking myself for not being a bit braver, because younger me could have used the pick-me-up of knowing they were likeable.) 

What do you think you-in-ten-years will wish you did? 

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honest advice anon

Hi Cas, it's honest advice anon with an update on the situation. After a while i finally decided to ask for his Instagram today. He told me he has one but doesn't remember his user, so i told him "i'll give you mine" and he said yes. He hasn't sent me a follow since that happened, a few hours ago. I'm a bit sad bc of that, but simultaneously i'm happy bc at least I conquered one of my fears (Asking for the Instagram of someone I find attractive, which for me is also a big step with my social anxiety). Mainly I'm a bit worried it's gonna be awkward bc we see eachother often, but it's alright, i can pretend it didn't happened. If he doesn't give me a follow soon, at least the story stays for the plot as a funny anecdote <3

Hi!

I’m so proud of you for putting yourself out there! I know it stings to not be followed back, but you’re absolutely right when you say that this is still a win because you did a difficult thing. Next time you want to talk to someone, maybe it’ll be a little less scary, because you know that you’ll be okay even if they say no. And next time, the person you approach could say yes!

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tempted anon

Sending you love <3 Remember that you are not alone

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - January 18

tempted anon, not so freshman anon, conan gray anon (new), 17th birthday anon (new)

tempted anon (cw-SH)

Hi hon!

Is there anything else you can do that gives you a similar feeling? I know some people snap an elastic or hold ice cubes or get pain fidgets, things like that. I know it's not nearly as easily said than done, but maybe if you can find something that gives you a similar feeling, that could help?

Sending love <3

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not so freshman anon

hey cas!! it's not so freshman anon

to be clear I do NOT have ANY romantic feelings towards arc omg no but yes I did consider her to be a good friend so strong platonic feelings yes

the thing is, arc and i had a friendship built on relatability to some extent? we'd study together when her preboards were going on (2024) and then when she moved to a different school we used to talk about my crush (glasses) and her crush. we used to gossip about other people (mostly her telling me about the terrible people at her school and me being like omg what the hell) but slowly she started changing and so did i and i feel like we're polar opposites now

we don't share similar interests and well..she can be kind of mean about my interests like she doesn't really let me speak about them much? idk

right now, there is nothing that she provides that my other friends couldn't but the problem is I'm stuck in this weird limbo where idk what we're doing

Okay I'm caught up!

Yeah I get that, I've definitely had friendships that change like that. I think the thing is, that happens. People change and friendships shift, it's sadly a part of being human. I don't think you owe someone a fake friendship if you don't like them, you know? If you don't want to be friends with her, you don't have to be. Like if it feels more draining than fulfilling to be friends, you don't have to do it.

Maybe, after the next few times you talk with arc, check in with yourself. Do you feel better or worse after? Do you feel happy when you talk with her? Obviously, some conversations with even the best friends can leave you sad/drained but in general being/talking with friends should make you happy! if it doesn't, that's a red flag. So yeah, try to reflect on that a bit. <3 <3

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conan gray anon (new)

hi cas! i have a question i hoped you (or a follower) might be able to help with!

im seeing conan gray in may (very excited!!!) but im not sure what time i should be queuing from, this is my second ever concert so im very unfamiliar with what to do

i have a general admission ticket and doors open at 6.30pm, id really like to be as close to the front as i can but i dont know if theres a specific time i should arrive to queue without being ridiculously early

any other concert advice would also be appreciated!!!

Hi! ahhh are you so excited?? My advice is based off of doing GA a lot in the past but not as much now, so I hope it's still helpful...

Okay so here's the thing: it's a bit different for every show and every venue. I know for this tour, there are VIP entry tickets. Because of this, I'm going to be honest and say that you probably won't get barricade, because I think those people are let in first. However, after that, GA people tend to be let in by the venue according to where they are in line. Some venues have rules for where/when you can start queueing.

There are people who are like...respectfully, insane, and will start waiting in line like 24 hours early. My advice to you is to call the venue beforehand and ask what their policies are: how early can you start queueing, where does your ticket type line up, etc? Then, since you're luckily not going in the beginning of the tour, start finding people online who made it to the front: ask them when they started lining up. Base your decision on their answers. Some fanbases are much more intense than others.

Also, it kind of depends on how aggressive you are. Like this sounds awful, but if you're willing to run a bit and you can easily stand your ground, then you don't have to wait for quite as long. If you're not as pushy then you want to line up earlier. Because once you get in there, people will shift a little and if you're crafty, you can keep moving up into empty spaces and make your way to the front without being an asshole- but that's only if you're willing to be more extroverted lol.

Remember though, you'll have fun whether you're in the front or the back! And MAKE SURE TO DRINK WATER. The pit can get hot and overwhelming very quickly and getting to the front is not worth it if you pass out. Have fun!

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17th birthday anon (new)

You’ll be able to figure out who i am so easily but I still want to make this anonymous, i don’t know why. (redacted)

Hi! I hope it's okay I redacted your ask bc of some of the things you mentioned, I promise I read the whole thing.

First of all, your feelings are important and valid, and none of what you're feeling or wanting is childish. I feel like as we get older, birthdays kind of turn bittersweet, because people make less of a big deal of them, and it sucks to feel forgotten and unimportant, especially if you're the type of person who puts a lot of effort into the birthdays of people you care about. We only have one day a year that's about US, and it really takes minimal effort for someone to acknowledge that. It sucks to feel like this.

I just want to remind you that you are important and valid and you are allowed to want to be celebrated on your day. I'm sorry that not everyone did that. I'm really glad that you had some people who recognized your value and gave you the love you deserve <3

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[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - September 12

midnights anon (x2), forget anon (new), tempted anon, @justmythoughts113

midnights anon

Hello Cas! I hope you’re doing well

I just got back from a 3 day camping trip that my grade and the grade below are required to go to, and it was exhausting

And now I have to deal with school being… school? I know I was so excited for it to start but I already feel left behind. My teachers are terrible at responding to emails and so I’m left out to dry when I can’t access some of the homework material, I have affinity group leadership meetings, I have drama club, and I’m starting to look for more job applications and stuff but I also have to apply for a work permit or something??? Which I thought was something that was related to immigration and but nope, I gotta get one apparently

And I can’t really talk to my school councilor, because I don’t think she listens? She’s kind and stuff but, she never really helped. I just… sat there awkwardly at our weekly meetings or hid there whenever I had a mental breakdown. She didn’t really help all that much,

And my birthday is coming up soon and I usually hate my birthday since it’s a whole day dedicated to people talking to me… and perceiving me and just, it’s not like I hate attention but the attention I always get on my birthday always feels really bad. I’m also having a party at the arcade with my friends… but I’m starting to think my friends aren’t very nice?

They’re nice over text, and most of them are great but I don’t feel like, secure in our friendship, you know? Like, if I never reached out to them or said hi to them in the halls, we’d never talk again. I’d bring it up to them, but last time i had a friendship where i felt like that and i told them, they beat me over the head with a textbook while calling me stupid

And the friends I feel more secure with are… kind of mean? I’m always excluded, always. I have to fight tooth and nail to be acknowledged by any of them and it’s only for a second anyways. I think I’m just a good friend as a concept… someone who is good at school who helps them study and gives/invites them to things, but not the person they like, talk to

And yeah sometimes they’re downright mean, and publicly insult or berate me out of nowhere. They almost always only talk about themselves too and they always always vent to me. I love helping but it’s not even a “can I vent” type situation it’s a “I want to kms/I self harm all the time lol” text after a week of nothing after I was the one who texted first last time

This sounds stupid and like I’m victimizing myself, but genuinely, I feel like everyone is always mean to me. I’m probably just sensitive and not used to the normal levels of being human and friendship, but I’ve just never met anyone whose as sensitive as me, or who cares about the fact I’m sensitive

I just want, like, a friend? A real friend I can be a genuine and freer version of myself with. I don’t want to hide, I don’t want to have to cope with and get rid of my resentment, I don’t want to resent anyone. I just want to be myself, and I want people to just not be mean

Why is it so hard? I just want like, 3 other people who get me and aren’t mean. I want to be a teenager with friends and loved ones outside of school. I want to be more. I want to do dumb things with genuine real friends out in the world and text them knowing that they don’t hate me, and that they’d take care of me if I was struggling like I’d do for them

People keep saying I have to “be the change I want to see”, but I am. I’m doing things and I’m trying my best,

I think I’m a well-rounded enough person to befriend at least one person who doesn’t hurt my feelings all the time, or at least I hope I am…

I just don’t want to be lonely when there are other people in the room, y’know?

Thank you for reading this, I wasn’t expecting it to be so long!

Byebyeeeee

—midnights anon

Hi!

Genuinely, I think all of these feelings are so valid. going back to school and all that comes with it is SO overwhelming and the fired thing? NOT being oversensitive at all! You have every right to want friend who see and understand you, who treat you with respect, who value you.

Friendship is SO hard. I've always struggled with it and like...it's the worst because idk if there's any right answer. But I definitely agree that you ARE allowed to want these things and it IS hard. Finding people who want and need the same things you want and need is like finding a needle in a haystack and its maddening!

Hello Cas!

I’m sorry for another ask so soon

I just finished my real first day of school, since the first one was mostly about preparing for camp/meeting all our teachers, and the rest of that week was camp,

And oh my gosh. I don’t know how I did it last year.

Over the summer I got used to how quiet my house is. I mean, like, my brain would go all fuzzy if the AC was on, but school is whole different level mentally and physically. I feel genuinely physically exhausted… and homework??? They expect 45 minutes to an hour for EACH CLASS YOU HAVE THAT DAY??? 4 hours of homework after a ~30 minute community for most people when school lets out at 3:30?? They want homework to be completed 8pm at the latest???

I honestly don’t blame myself for not having a “life outside of school” last year, or disassociating all the time. This is ROUGH. I’m trying to remain present when talking to people, but I genuinely am mentally not there when I’m at school. I am a literal robot pretending to feel things and the only internal processing I’m doing is “are the teachers mad at me. Are my friends ignoring me? How can I earn their attention and have them not hate me? If they hate me I’ll hate myself. Be normal be normal.”

I think I might try being more genuine and less… high-strung I think is the term? I’m always just so anxious and trying to fill the bad silences to assure myself that the people I’m talking to don’t secretly want to kill me. I just want to be quiet. I want my mind to be quiet. School feels like an entire persona and charade I have to do, and not just a place I happen to be often

I think getting a watch has helped with my time management and feeling like I’m constantly out of time, but school is just so hard.

I remember when I would be studying and worrying that my future self would hate me for not doing enough last year and the years before, but oh my goodness

It sounds kinda self-centered to say, but I feel like I was doing more than my best. I was doing enough. I still feel inadequate a lot of the time but I think that I’m doing okay,

I hope I’ll be okay at least

Thank you for reading 🫶✨

-midnights anon

Hi!

Please don't be sorry!

And YES you're completely correct, the amount we expect from students in high school is INSANE. Like the amount of homework, extra activities, all of that. It's no wonder so many kids struggle with mental health. I'm glad you can be gentle with yourself and recognize that as long as you're trying your best, that is the important thing. Obviously, success is important but like...you have to be mentally coherant to enjoy success, so PLEASE be kind to yourself!

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forget anon (new)

hii!!!!! uhm Idk why im sending this but is it normal to forget your childhood. like I understand you cant remember things from when your really little but even then I cant really even remember anything from primary school or later (even like y7 or 8). and iv heard if you go through things traumatic it can cause memory loss, but i had a fairly normal childhood. (redacted)

Hi hon!

So I'm not trying to be rude here, and I'm not a professional, but it sounds like your childhood def had some trauma in it-for both of the reasons you mentioned. And yeah, it's very common for people to have less memory of their childhood when they have childhood trauma. I know it's a weird feeling and it can be frustrating, but please know that this isn't your fault <3 Sending you love!

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tempted anon

hi hon!

Just a reminder that I care and this is a road bump, not a stop sign. You can get through this and I'm still so proud of you <3

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@justmythoughts113

I don’t know how to explain my emotions to anyone and it all bottled up into a big mess of negative emotions until it gets so bad that I just can cry anymore and I’m pretty sure I’m depressed but I refuse to be honest with any therapist cause of some past trauma but it all just gets so bad (redacted)

Hi <3

I definitely understand how you feel- I'm one to bottle things up, too. it's hard to talk when you feel like people might not understand or care or you can't exactly get the words out right.

Have you considered writing down your thoughts first? That way you can think them through first, and you don't have to actually say them out loud? It helps me a lot.

I'm sending you love <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - August 16

xg anon (new), tempted anon, weird situation anon (new), tiktok anon (new), tired of ai anon (new)

xg anon

hello! this is a new anon :) and i just need some advise and someone to talk to about this

so i have this friend, x, and they are so cool. just absolutely badass and amazing and everything else

we met on the first day of school because they came up to me, was super friendly and we’ve been friends ever since (even tho we only have one class together since they are a year older than me)

so the problem is kind of two things in one, i think i have a crush on them and two, they have a girlfriend

which sucks because that means i have no shot since they are happy and have a healthy relationship which i’m normally fine to just pine in silence but this especially sucks because i can’t even hate on their girlfriend (g) because she’s also cool and nice and is helping me in our class since im new

so here i am stuck having a crush on x while they date g while we all work on the upcoming play. talking to both of them daily while i pine over x

and to top it all off, i feel a bit guilty having a crush on x since they are dating g and like i said im fiends with both of them!!

i know that objectively i’m the “other person” in this scenario but i can’t stop my feelings x is just soo amazing and pretty and ughh

anyway thanks for listening i know i started to ramble at the end haha

much love <33

Hi!

Well I think you're very accurate here when you say you can't stop your feelings. Feelings aren't controllable, but actions are. So the question really is: what will you do about it?

It sounds like right now, you value your friendship with x and g enough that the best two options are to either do nothing or to take a bit of space from x.

Either way, focus on working through and processing and feeling those feelings, you know? There's NOTHING to be ashamed of for having a crush. Talk about it with supportive people, watch romcoms, eat some ice cream. I promise, it will get better. <3

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tempted anon

Hi <3 I'm so proud of you! That IS an accomplishment!

I think...I think no, it doesn't count, in a sense that you still have that accomplishment and it doesn't take away from that. But also...don't use that as an excuse to be like 'well...I can do this instead and it doesn't count.' The goal is to find healthy coping mechanisms, you know?

Again, I'm proud of you <3

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weird situation anon

hi cas!!

ive never sent an ask like this but i desperately need advice because im in a very weird situation. and im sorry for how long this is omg

so im best friends with these two guys who ill just call A and B. guy A and i have been best friends for a few years now, and i’ve had feelings for him almost the entire time. i never did anything about it though because we clicked so well from the start and i didn’t want to screw up our friendship, and he was seeing other people so it just wouldn’t have worked. ive tried for years to get over it but i literally cant so i kinda just live with it. we met guy B later down the line, and we’ve all three been good friends for a while now.

things got weird a few months ago, because i caught B staring at A in a way that i could only describe as ‘longingly.’ as soon as we were alone i asked him about it and he confessed that he had feelings for A. we ended up having a pretty good conversation about it, and i also admitted that i had feelings for A, but for some reason i lied and told B that i didn’t feel that way anymore. during our talk we agreed that neither of us should ever make a move on A because it’d screw up our trio and we cared more about our friendships.

then, only a few weeks later, B and A end up hooking up. i wont get into the details but it was IN MY BED so rightfully i was very upset and jealous and angry. after that night, A told me that he had no romantic interest in B and it was just a weird mistake. i was very torn between feeling bad for B and feeling jealous and it just got so messy. i basically forced the two of them to have a conversation about it and B admitted his feelings, and A told him he didn’t feel the same, and they agreed to keep being friends and move on. but things were obviously not the same after that, because they were both awkward and tense around each other, and if im being honest i wasn’t helping at all. i was so jealous still, even knowing that A didn’t like him, that i’d purposely do things to make B jealous. (not my best moment unfortunately)

fast forward to last week, B and A were both at my place, along with another friend, and we were just hanging out so everyone decided to spend the night. when it was time to go to bed, i announced to everyone that A would be sleeping with me and dragged him to my room, and he ended up kissing me!

we haven’t talked about it a lot, like we keep joking about it but haven’t had a serious conversation. but A keeps making flirty jokes that he never used to make, and being way touchier, and it feels like this is gearing up to something. i think that the only thing holding him back is B, because neither of us want to hurt him anymore than we already have, and dating each other would be literally terrible after everything. B is moving away for college at the end of the week so i have a feeling that A is waiting for him to be gone to have a real conversation about everything. but i don’t know what to do, because it’s not like we’re gonna stop being friends with B after he moves. we’ll still see him during his school breaks, and i call and text him all the time.

i just don’t know if it’d be wrong to start dating A. like i’ve wanted it for so long, but B is one of my best friends and i don’t wanna hurt him.

oh boy. Yeah, I don't think any solution is the perfect solution because like...it's already messy, you know? But I think if it was me, I'd talk to B. Tell him what's going on, and see how he reacts. If he seems really hurt, then you have to see if dating A is worth risking your relationship with B. But if he doesn't, then it's possible he's over it. Either way, don't keep it a secret from him. That'll definitely make things worse.

Also, are you and A going to college? if so, I'd think about that, too. What do both of YOU want?

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tiktok anon

Hey cas!

I hate tiktok

Ok i saw this video and idk if you know this kind of video but its a rather small trend where someone will say

(redacted)

I dont think that was the intent but oml

Hi <3

I haven't seen that particular trend but I've seen things like this before...people mentioning methods of things when they DONT have to. It's frsutrating, especially if there's no TW. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you're feeling better now? Remember, block those accounts and report if able!

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tired of ai anon

Cas I’m getting so tired of AI being everywhere

Why am I considered stupid by others for not using the plagiarism machine??? Why am I considered stupid for writing me emails myself??? Why am I accused of using AI whenever I follow instructions well???? Why is my “AI Dj” (the only way to play a stream of random music that you enjoy on Spotify) insulting and making fun of me for pressing the skip button??? Why is YouTube being so weird and using Ai to analyze the age of their viewers and requesting their ID???

It’s like everyone was just itching for a reason to give up their own/take away others’ autonomy

I feel this so much. It's like...getting harder and harder to avoid! It's crazy! Like everywhere I look, another celebrity or company is using it....so stupid.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks- June 13

unnecessary anon, tbh anon (new), tempted anon, willpower anon, online school anon (new)

unnecessary anon

unnecessary anon here

ok so when i first asked u an ask through this name, i mentioned that i had another anon name but i forgot

anyway, from that anon name, i kinda asked u about my homophobic mother or smt like that

basically, I HAVE GOOD NEWS

I ORIGINALY thought that my mother was homophobic (so i asked u for advice) BUT NOW IT IS MAYBE NOT CORRECT?!?!?

basically, my mother bought like 3 necklaces with different pendants. one of them was a rainbow pastry. and without even thinking i was like "I WANT THAT ONE"

any my mother looked at my cousin and they both started laughing.

and then she asked me "why do you want that one?"

and so i was like scrambling for an excuse so i just said "it has pastries"

they started laughing AGAIN. and my cousin said "see, atleast i was correct"

keep in mind that this has happened to me MULTIPLE times

so... maybe she's not homophobic

idk its not like im coming out anyway BUT STILL AAA

Hi! That's awesome! And yeah it sounds like she has some idea lol. I'm glad that it seems like she might be supportive! I'm so happy for you!!! <3

Also that necklace sounds cool!

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TBH anon

Hi Cas I'm having trouble with my gender identity (as one does tbh) and I'm a little confused because I really like the non-binary title but I'm biologically female and have been using she/her my whole life until I started using they/them a couple months ago... Am I still non-binary if I still like using she/her? Like I prefer they/them a LOT better than she/her but I don't mind it. I'm confused

Hi!

Pronoun use is NOT the same as gender identity, and it doesn't take away from your gender identity at all! So you can identify as nonbinary and use whatever pronouns you want, regardless of your assigned gender at birth. You do you, my friend! <3

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tempted anon

Hi!

I actually think you're being really hard on yourself <3 You did really well! You reached out to me and a friend, and you took a shower- all great coping strategies! AND you didn't end up doing it. It sounds like you reacted to being triggered in a really good way. I'm proud of you <3 Whether or not you choose to continue watching the show, this shows that you have developed some good coping skills, and should be proud of yourself!

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willpower anon

Hey its willpower anon. I havent asked for help or told anyone bc like it doesnt feel like a real thing? Like yeah it was for like a week but then i stopped and now i think about it for sure but i dont do it or at least not longer than like a day so i just feel like theres not a reason to.

Hi <3

Just because something isn't constantly an issue doesnt mean it's not still an issue. The thing is, it could get worse. Isn't it better to ask for help NOW, before it gets worse? Your struggles are valid <3

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online school anon

hey Cas!

I just wanted to share something with somebody and you are so kind that I thought it would feel good to tell you about it!

So I am a teenager and currently don't go to school, my mom took me out of school a year ago and it was the best thing she ever did. Every day at my old school felt horrible, I got bullied and after that just was alone everyday for 2 years. I didn't learn anything, I needed to cry infront of everyone in my class so that the teachers would listen to my concerns.

Last year we brought a house in France and in summer break we went there. It was amazing, I felt so much calmer and even our dogs were more relaxed. So we decided that we stay.

The original plan was for me to make my graduation with 14 or 15 and then move to France but I just couldn't go back.

Now in 2 weeks I start at an German online school for kids that can't go to regular school because of various reasons. I really think that this will work and I am so happy that I can do this.

I just wanted to tell somebody so thank you for reading.

Have a good day Cas and I hope you're doing well🫶

Hi!

I'm so glad you found something that works for you and things are better for you now. You deserve to get an education in a safe, happy way. I'm sorry your teachers at your old school sucked so much.

I actually went to an online school for a little over a year, and it was really cool! Just remember to still do social (irl or online) things so you don't become isolated!

Good luck! <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - June 12

cutesy anon, three hearts anon, tempted anon, not straight anon, outlet anon

cutesy anon.

So, one city’s pride was yesterday and today. We forgot yesterday and there is no way my parents will let us go on a Sunday.

Another city was doing pride but they had it in April…???? Dunno what happened there.

So no pride :(. We’ll just have to plan better next year.

Hi <3 I'm so sorry you missed it! some places have online stuff, maybe you could do something like that to hold you over until next year?

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three hearts anon

hiiiiii cas!!!!!!!

so things are kinda up and down rn

(redacted)

like

also

the last time i asked for advice u said about the councillor ive been seeing

however

i cant tell her everything bc its thru school and theres lots my parents dont know and if u told them something that they would then be concerned about me for (which they would)

they would then be legally obliged to tell my parents

however

my parents are assholes and would probably just ground me for ''attention seeking'' (like they tried to do last time) rather than actually try to help me

genuinely thank u so much for the advice u give i honestly need it and ur such a kind person ❤️❤️❤️

- three hearts anon

Ahhh okay I understand. Could you maybe tell the counselor something vague like "I want to work on coping strategies" or something like that? That way they don't have to tell your parents, but you can still work on those skills?

I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot <3

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tempted anon

I definitely understand what you mean. I've had that happen to me, too, where I've watched shows or read things that had TWs and I thought I'd be okay but I ended up being triggered.

I think the intention of showing that is so show people who don't understand, how bad it really is? But yeah, it CAN be very triggering, and I know people feel different ways about if it should be allowed on TV or not.

Do you have any go-to self care things that help? Like listening to music, taking a bath, cuddling with a teddy bear? I'm sending you hugs!

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not straight anon

Hello! It’s not straight anon.

You recommended finding support at school, but I’ve been homeschooled for pretty much my whole life. This fall, though, I’m going to spend my senior year dual enrolled at a nearby Christian college (dual enrolled students get free college classes in my state). So until late august I’ll be traveling and in a bit of a state of limbo.

Who knows though, maybe this summer will be my coming of age story or something and I’ll get a boyfriend/girlfriend or my first kiss. A girl can dream.

On another note, though, I got tickets to the wishbone pajama show in Florida!!!! I’m super excited for it, it’s gonna be my first concert and one of my favorite singers!

Thank you! I hope you have a delicious meal today. Sending love!

Hi! Okay well then my advice doesn't work, does it? lol. Maybe in the fall you can see if your new school has those things? I know you said it's a christian school but trust me, there will still be queer people lol.

Until then, it sounds like you at least have some things to look forward to! I also got tickets to see Conan (different show) and I agree, it's SO exciting!

Please send me an inbox if you ever need to talk more!

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outlet anon

If she's a good person, she'll like you no matter what! (Also I love that song)

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - April 16

pictures anon, ⭐️ anon, tempted anon, midnights anon, ab anon (new)

pictures anon

Hi!

Ugh this is so bittersweet. I'm glad she made you feel special but I know it still hurts. I'm sorry <3 if it's any consolation, I can;t see her putting in an effort to make you feel special if she didn't care at all.

Sending love!

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⭐️ anon

Hi!

Okay so I really want you to know that there is NO rush to have a relationship. Especially because of your past, please don't push yourself to do things just because your friends are. I promise, when you're ready and if you want it, those things will happen. But right now, it's okay to be unsure. It's actually VERY normal. A lot of people just force themselves to do things anyway, and end up hurt.

As far as liking reading MLM fanfic, please don't feel guilty. It's fiction, and you're allowed to like whatever fiction you want. No judgement. Fanfic is a great way to explore your liked and dislikes, and just get away from the real world. It's okay, I promise.

And about your weight. Hon, I weigh more than you (by a decent amount, mind you) and I am happily married to someone I consider far more attractive than me. I know weight feels like such an important thing right now, when classmates are obsessing over it, but there are plenty of people out there who are attracted to people of all shapes and sizes. I know right now that's difficult to believe, but I promise it's true.

I'm sending you so much love <3

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tempted anon

I am SO proud of you for talking to your therapist! Like...SO proud.

Yeah, sometimes therapists talk weird. They do that because they're trying to not create shame, and because they want you to have a plan if you feel that need. But it can come off as weird.

I'm so proud of you though, omg!

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midnights anon

Hi! It’s midnights anon once more,

Thank you for the encouragement, it’s helped a lot. My school is still putting me through the wringer, but it’ll be okay one day

I’m just stressed still. I have an essay due soon (the same one that was due on Monday) I’m nearly done and I just have to finish a few more sentences, but i know I’m not doing it today. I just want to rest, I just did karate and chores and am doing nothing but because I have something to do, I feel paralyzed. I can’t bring myself to do anything because my hearts beating too fast and I’m so tired and scared. I set an alarm to make myself do stuff soon (like dishes, Duolingo, etc.) but while I wait I want to paint but because I’m anxious I can’t bring myself to . I don’t know why I’m so scared! My essay’s fine, I can finish it in a day! I just need 2 quotes, and a conclusion! And my mom said she’d keep me company and help! Why am I so scared????

I feel like I’m scared of everything! I’m scared of how sad and beige and cold it feels outside! I’m scared of getting out of bed! I’m scared of putting on my records! I’m scared and I don’t know why

Thank you for reading, writing this down has already made my heart stop going a mile a minute

Have a lovely day <3

Hi!

Honestly, a lot of people experience that decision/work paralysis and it's SO frustrating. Have you tried breaking things onto smaller tasks? Maybe since you're scared of the tasks, if you break them up and check the parts off as you go, it will feel easier to do, and encouraging when you finish a part?

Also OMG congrats on the guitar! I got my first guitar in high school and it got me through a lot- I'm so excited for you!

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ab anon

hey, so that's a bit of a weird ask, but i really need help to understand human feelings…(that’s gonna be a very long ask, sorry)

Okay so basically there’s three people involved in this story: a boy, who is a very close friend of mine (let’s call him A), a person who I have a small crush on (let’s call them B) and me.

so i have a crush on B, but I really don’t know them well, we’ve barely ever talked, and they’re two years older than me (they’re 18). Most of my friends know it and I've stopped trying to hide it because I don't even think they know who I am, so it’s common knowledge for people around me. BUT these past weeks, some of my friends and I (including A) have been fake flirting A LOT (yk, like friends do) like every day, every hour every minute. We really do that as a joke between us, and we all know there’s zero feelings involved. 

But A and I have been getting closer because of that, becoming closer friends and all (which I never expected to happen since he’s a white cis straight man and I'm a white enby pansexual person). he started to open up to me more and more, and i became sort of a safe space for him. We kept flirting, even when I kinda stopped with the other ones, and it became our thing, to flirt and act like a couple all the time (like we hold hands, hug a lot, kiss on the cheek/forehead/nose and everything a fake couple would do). it became so so much that he asked me if that was still friendly or if i had feelings for him (when he knew that i have a crush on B) and i obviously said i didn't.

But the thing is: now, we say “i love you” all the time, we send each other these insta reels that you’re supposed to send to your s/o, we say we miss each other, and how the other is so pretty and shit like that? And I'm starting to question if he has feelings for me? i’m really not sure, but he’s the one who initiates most of the stuff we do (at least physical contact, for example: he’s the one who asks for me to kiss his cheeks every time we say goodbye) and i really thought it was just a joke but the line is starting to blur a lot, and I really don’t want him to fall for me, it would kinda be weird for our relationship (at least for him, i wouldn’t change my behavior), and i’m scared i might hurt him, because i talk a lot about B.

Yeah, sorry for the huge ask, you obviously don’t have to answer to the literall book i just wrote

Hi!

I would be VERY shocked if he didn't have feelings for you. It sounds like the lines have blurred a lot. I know flirting with friends is common, but if he's the one to always initiate, to move things further..yeah, it sounds like he has real feelings.

I know it sounds scary and horrible, but you need to tell him in a very clear way that you don't like him like that. As in "X, I need to make sure you understand that I don't have feelings for you. And if joking like this makes you think I do, we need to stop."

It sounds cruel, but acting like this for a lot longer is more hurtful in the long run, because then his hopes are high and he'll be even more upset later.

Good luck!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 30

baby queer anon (new), personal anon, tempted anon, register anon (new), family dynamics anon

baby queer anon

Hi Cas, I was hoping to get your opinion on something? Tbh the fact that this is even a topic of debate is wild to me but idk😭 fair warning, this is long😅

What’s your honest opinion on Bisexuality?

I (She/Her) feel like i’m a baby queer (I’m over 21, but didn’t realize I like women until 2 years ago, and haven’t had the chance to do anything about it), and since I grew up in a very conservative area, i’m not that educated on LGBTQ+ matters.

So here’s the problem; I identify as bisexual, mostly because It just feels more right to me, but also because I don’t fully understand the nuances between that and Pan, and I feel more comfortable identifying as Bi. But I’ve been told, multiple times by multiple different people (mostly online, but some IRL too) that in being Bisexual, i’m inherently transphobic, because ‘bisexual people only like men and women, which excludes trans people’?

Idk to me, being bisexual I don’t care what ‘parts’ someone has, because i’m fine with either, and as far as I’m concerned, trans men ARE men, and trans women ARE women, regardless of where they are in their transition (even if they aren’t medically transitioning), and to me, the view of ‘only liking men and women discounts trans people’ seems like THAT is transphobic, bc that’s saying they’re neither? Obviously that could be the case for non binary people, but it just seems like a weird take to me.

Anyways, in your semi-professional opinion as Wise-Older-Sibling-and-Advice-Giver-To-All, do you think it’s transphobic to identify as bisexual, or do you think that this is some weird bullshit thing that people are making up?

P.S- I know that I could just say i’m queer, or ‘that I don’t label myself’ to avoid this, and that everyone says ‘you don’t need a label’, and I understand, and am so glad that works for some people, but as someone with severe medical trauma surrounding not getting a diagnosis (aka a label) for over half a decade and being treated like there was nothing wrong with me because of it, I take a lot of comfort in labels!

Thanks in advance, also if this is a sensitive topic i’m so sorry!

Oh wow. I'm not sure who's been saying this to you but it's definitely wrong.

So the definitions of pansexual and bisexual can be argued a bit, but my general definition is that bisexual means you like two or more genders, but you care about gender. SO for example, you may like girls and genderqueer people. Boys and girls. Boys and nonbinary people Boys, genderqueer, and nonbinary people. Everyone but boys. Whatever it is, it's a combination an gender is a factor. Pansexual means you are attracted to a person based on their personality and gender doesn't matter at all.

This isn't transphobic, imo, because it doesn't really matter if a person is trans...it matters what gender they are- cis or not. With this definition, it's not about the parts, it's about the gender.

(However, you are also well within your rights to be attracted to certain parts. That's not transphobic either and when people say it is, it's super harmful. Everyone has preferences.)

I think it's transphobic when a person is uncomfortable with trans people or spreads harmful information about trans people OUTSIDE of dating. I think it would also be transphobic is someone didn't want to date a trans person who is their preferred gender with their preferred parts, SOLELY because they're trans.

But the identity of being bisexual, imo, isn't trans. People may use that identity to BE transphobic, but the identity isn't trasphobic.

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personal anon

Hi hon <3 I just wanted to let you know I did read your message and I'm here for you. I know you said you think things 'aren't that bad' but your feelings are VALID and it's okay to feel this way.

Sending love <3

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tempted anon

Hi hon <3

I really really need you to tell your therapist about this. Please know I'm not saying that because I'm mad or sad, it's just- that's exactly what they're there for! Do you think you could write them a note and have it ready for your appointment? Maybe that will take some of the anxiety off of sharing that info.

You deserve to get better, so telling someone is the best thing to do <3

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register anon

Cas I'm in pain but that's not the point.

I just wanna know since I'm not from the US, what happens to the registered pedophile, like I've seen in movies, that they're not allowed to go near schools, but what enforces that? Is there some monitor that goes off if what they do or what happens? Just really wanna know.

Hope you're good🫶🏾

Hi I hope you're feeling better!

So according to my limited knowledge from growing up with a very paranoid mother and also a short hyperfixation on law after seeing Legally Blonde, anyone who's been convicted is on a registry and they have to keep their address on the registry. If they try to put in an address that's too close to a school, they get in trouble. And if they lie about their address, they go back to jail. And there's like...levels? If they're a high-level person, their address is public record, so you can look it up to see if anyone lives near you.

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Midnights Anon

Hello Cas! It’s midnights anon once more. Sorry for all the venting and rambling for my last few asks (I managed to do the musical! I did get some roles of mine removed (for unrelated reasons, since this musical is really weird when it comes to the script and timing, so it wasn’t personal but it still hurt my feelings? I dunno why).

I think I’m coping better, but this one might be a long one?

I don’t think I’m like, as a person, working? I do the stuff I have to do and I do the stuff I like to do but I’m tired, and things are difficult, and existing is so frustrating sometimes. I go to school and my friend does something that reminds me of my dad or just irks me and makes me upset, or my friends don’t care to include me and ignore me (not to an insane degree, but one I’m used to, but still hurts). And I don’t want to insult or resent my friends. I love my friends! They’re great and they don’t hurt me like my old ones and a lot of them like me, but they don’t really seem to care in the way I care about them? I always mentally giggle and kick my feet when I see them because they’re SO WONDERFUL but some of them don’t show the same energy, or they do but don’t include me a lot, or they do include me AND show energy but don’t do I the same levels as I do. I don’t even know if im making sense but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

And also, everyone’s dating! We’re all kids! At least I still FEEL like a kid. My body feels so awkward and uncomfortable and I already am trying to mask and not be a weirdo/let anyone see that I’m fundamentally different/incorrect, and yet my friends are already open to dating? It feels like an older teenager thing but people are already doing that stuff and leaving me in the dust. It’s all they talk about sometimes. I’m here learning to not collapse (physically and mentally) daily and they’re flirting, and dating, and breaking up, and doing more and less and everything in between. I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to them but it’s kinda hard. I just wish I was older, so I could be normal, and so I could be not left in the dust.

So I guess my question for you is, how do I grow up? How do I be older and feel like my body is mine and feels okay? How do I not feel awkward when I hear my voice? How do I know what’s wrong with me and how to fix it?

Uhm, yeah! That’s all for now. I hope you’re having a good day. Also, despite all my rambling about my stupidity and stuff, something good happened with my mental health! I had time!! I got home at 3 and instead of doing nothing, or scrolling, I did something I liked that I usually hold off on because I’m stressed it’ll take too long! I painted with my acrylics again! I don’t know if I really like the painting but I continued painting a photo I took of some random people with my digital camera, and I’m having a lot of fun! I’m kinda rediscovering how pretty colors are? I look at my paints and they smell SO GOOD and the colors are just SO PRETTY. Like, PINK???? MAROON???? PURPLE?????? PEACH???? COLORS!!!!!

Anywayssss, byeeeeee 🫶

Hi!!

Congrats on your painting!!! It sounds so much fun!

I need you to know that nothing is wrong with you. I guarantee you that there are other people who are feeling like you are. I mean, you describing your feelings brought me back to being a teenager so quickly. Feeling awkward and uncomfortable and left out...I've been there so much. It's not fun and it's not fair, but I promise you that you're not broken and you're not alone.

Please don't pressure yourself to grow up. Please don't push yourself to date or do other 'grown up' things. You'll end up getting hurt. Go at your own pace, when YOU are ready. It will be so worth it, and I promise that holding some awkward person's sweat hand while you make zero eye contact is not worth it anyway.

As far as feeling awkward and uncomfortable in your body---do things that make you comfortable. Explore with how you dress and what you do and who you're friends with. Paint! Self-expression is such a great way to become more comfortable in yourself. It's okay to do what YOU want and not what everyone else is doing. I promise you, most of those people are either miserable or oblivious anyway <3

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Family Dynamics Anon

I'm so glad you get to keep some things of hers! And yes what your aunt said- that's probably best. It sounds like it might have affected your memories of her.

It sounds like you've got some people supporting you--have you talked to your friends about this?