#forget anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - September 12

midnights anon (x2), forget anon (new), tempted anon, @justmythoughts113

midnights anon

Hello Cas! I hope you’re doing well

I just got back from a 3 day camping trip that my grade and the grade below are required to go to, and it was exhausting

And now I have to deal with school being… school? I know I was so excited for it to start but I already feel left behind. My teachers are terrible at responding to emails and so I’m left out to dry when I can’t access some of the homework material, I have affinity group leadership meetings, I have drama club, and I’m starting to look for more job applications and stuff but I also have to apply for a work permit or something??? Which I thought was something that was related to immigration and but nope, I gotta get one apparently

And I can’t really talk to my school councilor, because I don’t think she listens? She’s kind and stuff but, she never really helped. I just… sat there awkwardly at our weekly meetings or hid there whenever I had a mental breakdown. She didn’t really help all that much,

And my birthday is coming up soon and I usually hate my birthday since it’s a whole day dedicated to people talking to me… and perceiving me and just, it’s not like I hate attention but the attention I always get on my birthday always feels really bad. I’m also having a party at the arcade with my friends… but I’m starting to think my friends aren’t very nice?

They’re nice over text, and most of them are great but I don’t feel like, secure in our friendship, you know? Like, if I never reached out to them or said hi to them in the halls, we’d never talk again. I’d bring it up to them, but last time i had a friendship where i felt like that and i told them, they beat me over the head with a textbook while calling me stupid

And the friends I feel more secure with are… kind of mean? I’m always excluded, always. I have to fight tooth and nail to be acknowledged by any of them and it’s only for a second anyways. I think I’m just a good friend as a concept… someone who is good at school who helps them study and gives/invites them to things, but not the person they like, talk to

And yeah sometimes they’re downright mean, and publicly insult or berate me out of nowhere. They almost always only talk about themselves too and they always always vent to me. I love helping but it’s not even a “can I vent” type situation it’s a “I want to kms/I self harm all the time lol” text after a week of nothing after I was the one who texted first last time

This sounds stupid and like I’m victimizing myself, but genuinely, I feel like everyone is always mean to me. I’m probably just sensitive and not used to the normal levels of being human and friendship, but I’ve just never met anyone whose as sensitive as me, or who cares about the fact I’m sensitive

I just want, like, a friend? A real friend I can be a genuine and freer version of myself with. I don’t want to hide, I don’t want to have to cope with and get rid of my resentment, I don’t want to resent anyone. I just want to be myself, and I want people to just not be mean

Why is it so hard? I just want like, 3 other people who get me and aren’t mean. I want to be a teenager with friends and loved ones outside of school. I want to be more. I want to do dumb things with genuine real friends out in the world and text them knowing that they don’t hate me, and that they’d take care of me if I was struggling like I’d do for them

People keep saying I have to “be the change I want to see”, but I am. I’m doing things and I’m trying my best,

I think I’m a well-rounded enough person to befriend at least one person who doesn’t hurt my feelings all the time, or at least I hope I am…

I just don’t want to be lonely when there are other people in the room, y’know?

Thank you for reading this, I wasn’t expecting it to be so long!

Byebyeeeee

—midnights anon

Hi!

Genuinely, I think all of these feelings are so valid. going back to school and all that comes with it is SO overwhelming and the fired thing? NOT being oversensitive at all! You have every right to want friend who see and understand you, who treat you with respect, who value you.

Friendship is SO hard. I've always struggled with it and like...it's the worst because idk if there's any right answer. But I definitely agree that you ARE allowed to want these things and it IS hard. Finding people who want and need the same things you want and need is like finding a needle in a haystack and its maddening!

Hello Cas!

I’m sorry for another ask so soon

I just finished my real first day of school, since the first one was mostly about preparing for camp/meeting all our teachers, and the rest of that week was camp,

And oh my gosh. I don’t know how I did it last year.

Over the summer I got used to how quiet my house is. I mean, like, my brain would go all fuzzy if the AC was on, but school is whole different level mentally and physically. I feel genuinely physically exhausted… and homework??? They expect 45 minutes to an hour for EACH CLASS YOU HAVE THAT DAY??? 4 hours of homework after a ~30 minute community for most people when school lets out at 3:30?? They want homework to be completed 8pm at the latest???

I honestly don’t blame myself for not having a “life outside of school” last year, or disassociating all the time. This is ROUGH. I’m trying to remain present when talking to people, but I genuinely am mentally not there when I’m at school. I am a literal robot pretending to feel things and the only internal processing I’m doing is “are the teachers mad at me. Are my friends ignoring me? How can I earn their attention and have them not hate me? If they hate me I’ll hate myself. Be normal be normal.”

I think I might try being more genuine and less… high-strung I think is the term? I’m always just so anxious and trying to fill the bad silences to assure myself that the people I’m talking to don’t secretly want to kill me. I just want to be quiet. I want my mind to be quiet. School feels like an entire persona and charade I have to do, and not just a place I happen to be often

I think getting a watch has helped with my time management and feeling like I’m constantly out of time, but school is just so hard.

I remember when I would be studying and worrying that my future self would hate me for not doing enough last year and the years before, but oh my goodness

It sounds kinda self-centered to say, but I feel like I was doing more than my best. I was doing enough. I still feel inadequate a lot of the time but I think that I’m doing okay,

I hope I’ll be okay at least

Thank you for reading 🫶✨

-midnights anon

Hi!

Please don't be sorry!

And YES you're completely correct, the amount we expect from students in high school is INSANE. Like the amount of homework, extra activities, all of that. It's no wonder so many kids struggle with mental health. I'm glad you can be gentle with yourself and recognize that as long as you're trying your best, that is the important thing. Obviously, success is important but like...you have to be mentally coherant to enjoy success, so PLEASE be kind to yourself!

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forget anon (new)

hii!!!!! uhm Idk why im sending this but is it normal to forget your childhood. like I understand you cant remember things from when your really little but even then I cant really even remember anything from primary school or later (even like y7 or 8). and iv heard if you go through things traumatic it can cause memory loss, but i had a fairly normal childhood. (redacted)

Hi hon!

So I'm not trying to be rude here, and I'm not a professional, but it sounds like your childhood def had some trauma in it-for both of the reasons you mentioned. And yeah, it's very common for people to have less memory of their childhood when they have childhood trauma. I know it's a weird feeling and it can be frustrating, but please know that this isn't your fault <3 Sending you love!

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tempted anon

hi hon!

Just a reminder that I care and this is a road bump, not a stop sign. You can get through this and I'm still so proud of you <3

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@justmythoughts113

I don’t know how to explain my emotions to anyone and it all bottled up into a big mess of negative emotions until it gets so bad that I just can cry anymore and I’m pretty sure I’m depressed but I refuse to be honest with any therapist cause of some past trauma but it all just gets so bad (redacted)

Hi <3

I definitely understand how you feel- I'm one to bottle things up, too. it's hard to talk when you feel like people might not understand or care or you can't exactly get the words out right.

Have you considered writing down your thoughts first? That way you can think them through first, and you don't have to actually say them out loud? It helps me a lot.

I'm sending you love <3

[nyanakin]

Does Daniel like Benji and Sybelle?

I headcanon that he does!

I mean, they saved Armand’s life when there was nobody else. That’s a pretty big debt/favor to repay.

I’m sure Daniel felt insecure at first, being Armand’s literal fledgling and Armand’s walking around with those two calling them “my boy” and “my girl.”

But Daniel’s role and his history in Armand’s life is very different and can’t be replaced—he’s Armand’s one and only child of the Blood, as I like to say, the broken condom baby. Was never supposed to happen, but here he is.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - September 18

accidentally outed anon (new), forget anon, uni anon, stockholm syndrome anon, therapist friend anon (new), convince anon

accidentally outed anon

Cas, I need help! I accidentally outed one of my friends (who I’m not even on speaking terms with right now) to my other friends who also know them. Now everyone knows I’m a lesbian, which isn’t really the problem since they’re all fine with queer people. The issue is that I was talking about the situationship I had with that friend and, without realizing it, I ended up outing them. I didn’t even notice what I’d done until the next day.

I feel awful about it, so guilty. because I know I shouldn’t have done that. Even though this friend has outed me before, it’s still not okay for me to do the same thing. Outing someone is wrong, period. But since we aren’t talking at all right now, I don’t think there’s really anything I can do.

Hi!

Honestly, sometimes there's not much you can do about mistakes you make, and it sounds like this is one of those times. If the friend comes up to you about it, be humble and apologize. But if not, then I'd chalk it up to a learning experience, and promise yourself to do better next time. You're right, outing IS wrong, period. However, you can't change things now, so other than apologizing, the best thing to do is not do it again <3

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Forget anon

Yes, it can definitely still affect you! Because even though the conscious part of your brain doesn't remember it, the unconscious part still does. That's why people go to therapy, to get to the bottom of what, exactly, happened, and to try to work through it.

As far as the psychologist, could you explain that you have some issues with your dad, so you're hesitant to be completely truthful? I think the thing is, you need to be safe, right? And lying/omitting the truth isn't safe!

TBH, I don't have your original ask (from the first time) anymore so I forget what you first said about what you DO remember. But I think like...if you're a bit more honest with the psychologist and maybe ask them to talk to your dad about therapy, your dad might take that a lot better coming from an adult. And therapy is a good place to work through exactly what happened, which is so, so helpful.

Sending love <3

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Uni anon

Hi hon! I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much right now <3 And I'm sorry that your family isn't respecting your pronouns, that really sucks.

As far as talking to your partner...you said yourself that you love them regardless of their struggles, so why on earth would they not extend you the same love and respect? You deserve that just as much as anyone else! And if they didn't...well, they wouldn't be a very good partner, would they? It's okay to share and be yourself, a good partner will love you for you <3

I'm doing alright! Life is busy, but that's not new lol.

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stockholm syndrome anon

hello again, i believe you named me stockholm syndrome anon or something similar, either way i have returned!!

So I wrote a note for my ex girlfriend (I’m going to start calling her green because that’s her favorite color). It’s supposed to go into her birthday card (her birthday is the end of the month), but honestly I keep turning it over in my head and I’m struggling to figure most things out. I’m trying to have the “if you don’t ask, the answer is always no” mindset while simultaneously getting less confident every time I think about the note (which I will not let myself reread because I will set it on fire if I find it in my hands again).

Anyways, I’m absolutely sure I want to confess about 70% of the time. I’m trying to keep a positive mindset and all that, but I can’t stop overthinking literally everything else. We split on mutual terms last time, yes, and she made sure I knew she still liked me and just couldn’t handle a relationship in the present moment, but what if she’s grown away from it since then? That would be fine, of course, but like…god I don’t know. It’s all jumbled. We saw each other over summer and have been hanging out and texting a lot, but I’m afraid she just means it in a close friends way.

I think I’m going to hand over the note no matter what rational or irrational thoughts tell me otherwise.

On a slightly happier note, I’m not being obsessed over! They’ve gotten into a relationship and I’m happy for them.

Hi!

I guess the question is- are you hesitant about confessing because you're unsure about YOUR feelings or HERS?

If it's your feelings you're unsure about, then I think you should wait. Like I said before, take your time. Don't let the worry about her feelings put pressure on yours. Because if you don't know how you feel, you could mess this up.

But if YOU are sure, then yes, say something. Like you said, if you never ask, you'll never know.

Good luck! <3

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therapist friend anon

cas have you ever talked to a therapist friend and they keep saying that they’re fine and i’m bad at being there for people like i’m bad at expressing my feelings over text and i hate saying i’m here for you bc it’s like a platitude of a sort but they’re genuinely not fine and i don’t know what to do because they’re like trying to convince other people that a few people are fine and i asked if they were okay and it was all “i’ll be fine i always am; it’s routine; i’ll decompress later” and i’m a therapist friend for my irl friends but i’ve known those people for years and i really just do t know what to do

Hi!

This is a tough one. What if you gently called them out on specific actions that point to them not being fine? "I noticed you've been...." Or what if you help them without them asking first? Like you invited them to do things that you know make them happy, or bring them a coffee, or something like that? That way you're showing you're there, you know?

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convince anon

Hi hon <3

I just wanted to remind you that you are loved and cared about, and permanent actions aren't the solution. You're going to get through this, and it would make me happy if I saw another ask from you in my inbox <3