#willpower anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks- June 13

unnecessary anon, tbh anon (new), tempted anon, willpower anon, online school anon (new)

unnecessary anon

unnecessary anon here

ok so when i first asked u an ask through this name, i mentioned that i had another anon name but i forgot

anyway, from that anon name, i kinda asked u about my homophobic mother or smt like that

basically, I HAVE GOOD NEWS

I ORIGINALY thought that my mother was homophobic (so i asked u for advice) BUT NOW IT IS MAYBE NOT CORRECT?!?!?

basically, my mother bought like 3 necklaces with different pendants. one of them was a rainbow pastry. and without even thinking i was like "I WANT THAT ONE"

any my mother looked at my cousin and they both started laughing.

and then she asked me "why do you want that one?"

and so i was like scrambling for an excuse so i just said "it has pastries"

they started laughing AGAIN. and my cousin said "see, atleast i was correct"

keep in mind that this has happened to me MULTIPLE times

so... maybe she's not homophobic

idk its not like im coming out anyway BUT STILL AAA

Hi! That's awesome! And yeah it sounds like she has some idea lol. I'm glad that it seems like she might be supportive! I'm so happy for you!!! <3

Also that necklace sounds cool!

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TBH anon

Hi Cas I'm having trouble with my gender identity (as one does tbh) and I'm a little confused because I really like the non-binary title but I'm biologically female and have been using she/her my whole life until I started using they/them a couple months ago... Am I still non-binary if I still like using she/her? Like I prefer they/them a LOT better than she/her but I don't mind it. I'm confused

Hi!

Pronoun use is NOT the same as gender identity, and it doesn't take away from your gender identity at all! So you can identify as nonbinary and use whatever pronouns you want, regardless of your assigned gender at birth. You do you, my friend! <3

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tempted anon

Hi!

I actually think you're being really hard on yourself <3 You did really well! You reached out to me and a friend, and you took a shower- all great coping strategies! AND you didn't end up doing it. It sounds like you reacted to being triggered in a really good way. I'm proud of you <3 Whether or not you choose to continue watching the show, this shows that you have developed some good coping skills, and should be proud of yourself!

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willpower anon

Hey its willpower anon. I havent asked for help or told anyone bc like it doesnt feel like a real thing? Like yeah it was for like a week but then i stopped and now i think about it for sure but i dont do it or at least not longer than like a day so i just feel like theres not a reason to.

Hi <3

Just because something isn't constantly an issue doesnt mean it's not still an issue. The thing is, it could get worse. Isn't it better to ask for help NOW, before it gets worse? Your struggles are valid <3

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online school anon

hey Cas!

I just wanted to share something with somebody and you are so kind that I thought it would feel good to tell you about it!

So I am a teenager and currently don't go to school, my mom took me out of school a year ago and it was the best thing she ever did. Every day at my old school felt horrible, I got bullied and after that just was alone everyday for 2 years. I didn't learn anything, I needed to cry infront of everyone in my class so that the teachers would listen to my concerns.

Last year we brought a house in France and in summer break we went there. It was amazing, I felt so much calmer and even our dogs were more relaxed. So we decided that we stay.

The original plan was for me to make my graduation with 14 or 15 and then move to France but I just couldn't go back.

Now in 2 weeks I start at an German online school for kids that can't go to regular school because of various reasons. I really think that this will work and I am so happy that I can do this.

I just wanted to tell somebody so thank you for reading.

Have a good day Cas and I hope you're doing well🫶

Hi!

I'm so glad you found something that works for you and things are better for you now. You deserve to get an education in a safe, happy way. I'm sorry your teachers at your old school sucked so much.

I actually went to an online school for a little over a year, and it was really cool! Just remember to still do social (irl or online) things so you don't become isolated!

Good luck! <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - June 1 (Happy Pride!)

rainbow hearts anon, chesh anon, midnights anon, willpower anon, friend crush anon

rainbow hearts anon

I'm doing pretty mediocre lately. Schools almost over so I'm excited for the summer of doing absolutely nothing because now all the state parks require id and reservations that my family cannot give so yay thank you american government. Honestly school hasn't been that bad just annoying and stressful lately but I had my last concert last week and I did better than expected and I just had fun like I didn't think of anything I just played the music and had a good time playing and my brothers gf even got me my favorite flowers and went with me and my family to chipotle so that was really fun. Good news: I talked to my mom about some of my problems with religion and she didn't push or like judge me or get mad or anything like that and it felt really good and lightening to relieve some of that hurt. I'm in this like weird state where I'm scared but ready and it's like I've prepared for the jump scare but at the end of the day it's still a jump scare yk. I'm really ready for hs and all the things I'll be able to have like new friends and more freedom to express myself. Also more good news, I've been feeling pretty good with not really sticking a label on me like before it felt like I needed that label to define me and my feelings but now I just feel like the labels only there to help me find other people who relate instead of being this thing that just pushes me down. I'm scared for lots of things rn but I feel like the last episode of season 1 of derry girls. Anyways yeah nice update and thank you for the advice for purple hair I will make sure to keep that in mind. 💚💛🤎🤍🩵💜🧡💙🩷🩶🖤❤️

Hi!

It sounds like a lot of things are changing for you right now and that can be scary and stressful. Remember though that as scary as change can be, it can end up being good! It's terrifying to try to embrace that unknown, but trust me when I say that high school is better than middle school (and college is even better than that). I'm here whenever you need to talk about this nervous feeling though, it's so valid!

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chesh anon

Hi hon <3

My heart breaks for you right now, because I know you can't see it, but there are people out there who will love you just for YOU. Not a skinnier version of you, not a non-autistic version of you, but YOU. EXACTLY as you are. You deserve love as the person you are, because you are PERFECT as you are.

I am sending you all the virtual hugs I can. Have you been able to talk to anyone about needing help? You also deserve help, because you deserve happiness and love and support.

Sending love <3

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midnights anon

Hi! Midnights anon here

And thank you so much for the answer to my last ask,

And also please don’t feel stressed about the 5 year plan thing! I’ll explain it again, dw 🫶

So, I was trying to get my life together so I figured I could do a 5 year plan every 5 years and this first year of highschool was just to survive and take care of myself mentally, and then build upon that for the rest of the 5 years, like Mazlovs hierarchy of needs and all that jazz

Year 2 was personal style and confidence in my body

Year 3 was interpersonal relationships

Year 4 and 5 I can’t remember off the top of my head but yeah that’s the general gist

But I through the year (year one) I’ve learned about some beliefs that I’ve held about myself that haven’t been very good, and after some self reflection, I think I put friendships and interpersonal relationships at years 3 because I still valued myself being “like a book/fanfic character”, who angsty and pushed away friendship… but I don’t want to be a 2 dimensional person anymore. And I think developing a good support system for me in real life is important.

My family and parents violate my boundaries all the time

And I feel awkward and stuff with my friends at school. I love them but I want to make friends outside of school, so I know that there’s someone out there, in the real big wide world that exists outside of the vacuum of day to day living (school, home, homework, sleep) who’s on my side.

I still think I’m definitely not ready for dating anyone but, I think it’d be a good idea to look for friends outside of school this summer

Thank you for listening! <3

(Btw tomorrow is my last day of school before exams and I am SPOOKED

Also ur amazing byeeeeeeee)

Hi!

Okay yes I'm caught up.

Yes, you're right, a support system is hugely important, and I think finding good friends is a great idea! The thing with building confidence is it doesn't always happen in a vacuum- you NEED that support system to do so. So yes, absolutely, making friends outside of school (as long as you're being safe) is a great idea!

Good luck on exams! I believe in you!

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willpower anon

Hi <3

I hope you're doing okay now? It's okay to inbox me with this, even if you just need to vent or you need encouragement. I don't mind that at all! You're welcome to inbox me anytime, and you're NOT a bother <3

Have you been able to ask for help with this at all? I'm not mad if you haven't, I'm just curious.

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friend crush anon

Hi Cas! Friend crush anon here!

I just wanted to give you an update on the situation: I told my friend I needed some time to think, and after A LOT of thinking I realised I’m probably aromantic. I’m not 100% sure tho cause I’m young and I might fall in love later but honestly the idea of being in love feels weird to me. Anyway I told them that and we’re still friends :)

Hi! I'm so glad you took time to really think about your feelings and be honest with your friend! And I'm SO glad it turned out okay! Great job being thoughtful!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice asks - April 25

@teasiswriter, 14 anon, legs anon (new), pg anon, midnights anon, deadname anon (new), willpower anon

@teasiswriter

Hello! (This is a long one! It’s mostly about my hyper fixation. I got carried away with historical accuracy so 60% of it is about Sappho, sorry 😅)

How have you been?

Also I have a quick question, what should I do when I’m not feeling well? Emotionally I mean. Sometimes I just feel super empty and guilty (like after resting or doing nothing) and I cognitively try not to bully myself (I remember how exhausted I was, how tiring things are, and how I shouldn’t bully myself for existing) but sometimes the fog won’t lift, and I just feel kind of muddled

I’m gonna try and do some stuff that makes it feel better (painting, tea, daydreaming, etc.) but sometimes that doesn’t work

Also, I went outside yesterday which I feel like is an accomplishment! I went to the library, sat down, and read for an hour. I think I’m gonna do that more often (also my library has a job opening that I can apply for which rocks). Next time I’m gonna bring my books about my book I’m writing (Sappho (3 different books with different translations), and another about Monet (that’s for a different book).

Hi!

I mean I think you have all the right ideas- don't bully yourself, do soothing things...could you do something to try to sort through your feelings? Writing often helps me when I'm in a foggy state like that. And by writing, I don't mean anything that gets published on ao3, I mean just writing for myself.

And yes, you're welcome to send me a link!

As far as your other ask...

You aren't incorrect or fucked or wrong, but I understand (not all, but) a lot of what you're feeling-- feeling different and like you don't fit in and like you can't do things right, and being jealous of people who seem to do life so effortlessly. Do you have any adult you can go to, to ask for help? You don't deserve to feel like this. You deserve to be happy and feel loved, you know?

You're welcome to come vent to me anytime, as well <3 I know things feel awful and overwhelming and hopeless now, but please know that college and the real world are so different than school. school sucks, a thousand percent, but it DOES get better, I promise <3

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14 anon

Hey Cas it’s 14 anon

I really want to tell my mum I’m part of this fandom because it’s one of the only things keeping me from feeling like a robot.

The thing is, if I tell her about the fandom I have to tell her about the ships and the fanfiction. I’m like a diehard jegulus shipper, and my mum isn’t the most lgbt+ friendly person. She supports it but has some strong opinions and I don’t know what she’d say - especially because I can’t remember all of the things she’s said about lgbt+ people.

I’m struggling to keep fandom related things to myself because of how much it means to me and I only have one friend I talk to about it and she’s always grounded and when she’s not (like 2 weeks a year) she has very minimal screen time. Also summer holidays are soon and I won’t see her for 6 weeks and I’m sad about that bc she’s my realest friend and I love her so much.

Hi!

I mean, could you like...hint at it first, and see how she reacts? Like mention the Harry Potter fandom in general, or reading fanfic in general, and see what she says? That way you're not like...completely throwing the whole thing out there and risking a negative reaction, but you're also gauging to see if she might take it positively?

I'm sorry your friend is always grounded </3

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legs anon

Is it legal to punch your sister after we were doing this thing where she held onto my legs ands I moved them forward and she fell back then we did it vice versa but it didn’t work so we did it the first way and it worked so we tried it vice versa again but it didn’t work so I say that the problem was he large legs she gets upset I keep saying “I was just pointing out what was wrong” then she says “oh so you’re saying my legs are wrong” and I’m like stop twisting my words and also she gave me rope burn on my thighs(I’m very easy to injure) but I don’t see what I did wrong here. I do not understand why she took it in that way, I regulus and Narcissa kinned too close to the sun and drowned(Regukus core)

I'm gonna be so fr, I only followed about half of this....but I mean...nobody should be punching anyone?

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PG anon

Please keep reminding me to not post your ask, just so I remember!

I understand struggling with being able to talk to those closest to you, but remember that those closest to you WANT to help. <3

Glasses: Do you live in a place where you could order a backup pair online? That way you have them, just in case the others break?

Fainting: This sounds...awful. Can you ask the doctors to look for an alternative medication? Also maybe ask for a doctor's note that allows you to take breaks in school if you need to? I know that doesn't solve the problem but maybe it'll help with some of the anxiety...

C: That's so scary, and I'm so glad someone told adults. Unfortunately, depression is SO prevalent right now, especially in teens. And that fear is so upsetting...Do yo think you can talk to any adults about this? I know it's hard to make yourself talk about it, but you can't keep all this bottled up! It's so much to handle, especially when you're young. I'm glad you're at least talking to me :)

Yay, I'm glad you're sending me positives, too!

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Midnights anon

Hi!

PLEASE don't be sorry, you absolutely didn't sound mean or bitter. You're allowed to have these feelings. You're allowed to want someone who cares about YOU and loves you unconditionally! That doesn't make you a bad person, that makes you human! Please continue to rant in my inbox, I don't mind.

As far as college... honestly, as someone who has been through deciding on a college, my advice is to lost out the pros and cons of the university you're talking about. Try to take the emotional piece out by listing the facts. And then list out the pros and cons of a different school. Don't just say 'fuck it' and rebel, but don't blindly follow your parents' wishes, either. Make an informed decision.

Sending love!

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deadname anon

I have a really good, relatively new friend, and I think I might have stumbled across their deadname, and im not sure what to do. I'm not sure if i should tell this person or not, I don't plan on doing anything with the information I didn't really want to know in the first place because that feels wrong

Hi!

Okay so I think it depends on how you found their deadname. If you found it in a place that they can't do anything about- like you accidentally saw it on a legal form or something- then no, don't say anything. That's not their name anymore and what good does telling them do?

BUT if you saw it in a place where something can be done- someone posted it on social media, for example- then yes, tell them. Because it may be that they'll want to try to get it removed. (Or not- it's different from person to person)

This is just my opinion, of course, but yeah. I think it depends on if anything can be done to prevent more people from learning their deadname in the future. Either way, of course, don't share what you know with anyone.

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willpower anon

Hi! <3

very gently, this IS a real problem. It's not too early to tell someone at all. Because the longer you wait, the more damage you're doing to yourself that could be irreversible.

I think the first step is to tell whatever adult you trust them most. It doesn't have to be a parent, it can be ANY adult that you feel is trustworthy and smart. I know saying something is terrifying, but please know that you're already in dangerous territory here.

Also remember that saying something is just SAYING something. You're not changing any habits (yet). Take things one step at a time, and say something first.

Also also...the fact that you don't want to stop? That kind of proves it's a problem.

Sending love <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - April 21

usaid anon, unconditional anon (new), panromantic anon, three hearts anon, willpower anon (new)

usaid anon

Hi its usaid anon. This is much more about me than the rest of the asks sorry. Its just my mom has a plan for if we get deported. So firstly that. Its been 3 months at this rate it feels like there is no way we're making it all 4 years without me getting deported some way or another which fucking sucks. Im constantky worrying bc my mom could lose her job any day and my life would just be completley turned fucking upside down.

Secondly, the actual plan. I was talking to my friend today because i wanted to know whether or not i would go to a public school and she wants to get citizenship to the UK. I literally want to cry. I miss my home town so much and the only reason i can afford college is bc i have residence in a US state so i'll have state tuition. And i'll have to move. Again. Start over completely. Again. Im so done. I dont want to do this anymore. I hate him. I hate him so much and i cant do fucking anything i cant even go to protests bc i live in fucking india. I hate this i hate everything. Whats the point anymore?

Hi <3

While I'm dealing with different things, I get the hopelessness you're feeling. It's awful and consuming and it's so hard to want to keep fighting. But remember that he WANTS you to give up. He wants to have complete power. So when you say 'what's the point?' the point is to not let him win. Don't give him that. Keep speaking out (in a way that's safe for you), no matter what happens, because he needs to know that he has people who despise him. I know how draining and hard that is, but it's so important. <3

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unconditional anon

I know my family loves me unconditional.

But I know if they knew I was queer they wouldn't talk to me.

One time my brother said my parents and they would love me even if I committed murder, but he would simply not talk to me because it's wrong and.

They view the lgbt same.

I know you probably don't understand their point, but as someone who was raised with their beliefs, I can't help but feel the same sometimes.

It just hurts.

It must feel really confusing and conflicting to see them love you so much, but know they have those beliefs. Like being pulled in two different directions. I can't even imagine how heartbreaking that is. Do you have any people irl that know/are supportive? I hope you know your being queer is okay and valid <3

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panromantic anon

Hi!

I feel like I remember you asking me to not post your asks in the past, so I'm not going to.

Yeah, I mean I can't decide your labels for you, but what you're saying about your feelings sounds like demi, and your gender, that sounds like something a genderfluid person could feel.

How did the class trip go? What did she say when you came out to her?

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three hearts anon

Ahhh I'm so glad you're going to the counselor! This makes me so happy, and I'm proud of you for doing that! I'm glad you're feeling better, too! But remember if there are times when you don't, keep going to the counselor, and inbox me if you need it!

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willpower anon

Hi hon! I don't have anything saved for that anon name, abut what I can say is that what you're describing isn't safe. This kind of thinking can easily turn into something even less safe, and I really think you need to try to get some help now. I know it's hard, especially when you're trying to look a certain way, but this isn't the way to do it. Could you talk to a trusted adult? Parent, family member, teacher, guidance counselor, doctor, etc?

[my-castles-crumbling]

To willpower anon

You started your ask with Am I a bad person?

TW: ED

I definitely do not think you are a bad person. I have had the exact same thoughts, and I'm not judging you at all. But I also need you to know that those thoughts are a warning sign that you might need to talk to someone about things like this. You could very easily slip into a full blown ED and that is VERY scary. Please consider telling an adult (a nonjudgemental one that won't shame you or minimize you) that you're struggling with self-esteem and eating habits so you can maybe talk to a therapist. Again, I'm not shaming you at ALL but I care and i want to make sure you're healthy <3