#tenderqueer

[americascomic]

I talked to a trans femme teen yesterday who told me to not use slurs (faggot, tranny) and I think people like to blame social media for these kids being so tenderqueer-y, but this kid also told me that of the 1,400 kids in her art school, there is lots of out gay, trans masc and non-binary AFAB kids but only 10 t-femmes, and I saw in her and this other trans femme teen I know this harsh assimilationist streak (they want to go stealth, strive for conventional beauty standards, jealous of the cis het white blonde girls) because they barely have a community and so it becomes a place to survive.

The internet is this boogieman that distorts what is the consensus. It has a selection bias of hyper isolated, neurodivergent, and anxious people who are just looking to survive

I look at queer kids with annoying conservative opinions I don't see the solution being "internet stop sucking" - the assimilationist woodworking "Cross Dressing Quarterly" trannies of the 90's didn't need TikTok to get this way, it was the violence of the closet.

I see the problem being them being scared kids - what bell hooks calls "the most oppressed class" and I see the solution being a more porous, safe community between kids and adults (outside of the nonprofit industrial complex that uses queer youth spaces to condescend, infantalize, and give resources in a nondemocratic way)

We always say "protect trans kids" and it's worth queer adults of all types toughing through bigotry and accusatory stares to find these kids, build relationships, give resources and love them. All we have is each other. We protect us. Us tranny faggots

[centipedewizard]

some of y'all are being coddled a little bit too much sometimes. i agree that all food doesnt have a value and that getting anything in your body is better than nothing, and that you can't healthy diet out of a depressive episode, but subsisting for weeks off cool ranch doritos and grape soda is NOT going to do you any favors!!

i truly believe that more of you can work then you let on. capitalism is killing us all slowly but i know some of y'all can get a job.

there will be conflict in your relationships, platonic and otherwise, and this is normal and healthy! someone is not an abuser for getting frustrated with you once. shit happens

i truly think this is a white people thing. it has to be. none of the PoC i know act like this.

all i can think about is the meme of the white nonbinary roommate yk?

more people make excuses then solutions . if you cant go to the gym for x y z find what works for you, if youre struggling finding a job ask people you know who are working, hit up your food bank, learn a new skill, do something to improve your life because in all actuality you are the only person who is going to. other people cannot do all the work for you.

[almost-sans]

its forever wild to me how the vast majority of anti transandrophobia/anti ant transmasc cant have a word for themselves are yt trans, nonbinary, and other yt queer folks. just admit ur racist and go about your racist days

[magnusttsisgay-official]

Entities of tumblr, i declare this.

Let the old meaning for tenderqueer be restored.

Let someone's soft queer twink blorbo be seen as a tenderqueer because of the soft aesthetic (a la melffy cards from yugioh).

@homosexuality-offical @vincian4 @gdfuudb @do-not-u-dare @anna-in-the-afterglow @pipewire-official @221lesbiandconfused @regigigas-enjoyer @finch-in-a-pinch @crimson-miz @autistbrat @warmfuzz-ies @caffeinated--trauma-ferret @reallyisgarbage @gothobelix @razzberysmoothie @satan-offical @ubuntu-official @arch-official @arch-linux-official @lfs-official @nothing-official @nobody-official @fedora-official @rhel-official @unsatan-offical @blorbo-offical

[ytqueers]

[qhazuban]

thinking a lot about how phrases like

“I’m at capacity, I can’t engage [with you] right now” / “I don’t have the capacity to reconnect” / “I don’t have capacity for more connections” / etc.

“Thank you for sharing [your vulnerability]”

“These are my boundaries, I’m articulating them so we can better show up and care for each other / be in community with each other”

“I want to honour your needs and boundaries” / “What do you need / what are your boundaries?”

“What’s bringing you joy these days?”

“I want to be intentional with our plans” / “I’m setting an intention to…”

“Let’s unpack that” / “There’s a lot to unpack here” / etc.

“Let’s practice authenticity”

“I’m looking for slowness and intentionality”

“That’s so valid”

“I want to be mindful of…”

& other such vocabulary popular in the lexicon of western social justice communities, gentle parenting and nonviolent communication circles, tenderqueer social circles, various new age / woo / healing social spheres, etc etc

just feel like lies, codes, ways of obfuscating and justifying, getting away from really being direct and honest (while ironically purporting to be direct and honest forms of communication), ways to say “wow you’re toxic / oversharing / crossing boundaries / immature / clearly in need of healing / etc, get away from me” without actually saying it

I need to articulate this more, but I guess it all feels related to my thoughts on liberal boundaries discourse

I do use some of this language too, sometimes, both out of necessity and exposure and habit and whatever, often because it feels like the only way to communicate with all these people who don’t even realize how deeply individualistic and alienating this kind of communication is, I’m not saying it’s always terrible or should never be used or whatever, it’s complicated obviously

but then I have to feel guilty both for using the language when it feels so fake *and* for feeling angry about the language itself since apparently that means I’m just a terrible person who doesn’t believe in boundaries or respect or whatever at all 🙄

anyway I need to articulate this more & there’s so much constantly swirling in my head about it but it all feels very very much part of disposability culture, the thing we do not name or talk about enough or properly, all these ways to seem so “evolved” and “self-actualized”

honestly i would just prefer if you said

“I’m exhausted I can’t deal with this”

“I’m angry about [xyz], I don’t want to talk to you anymore”

“yeah I don’t trust you, bye”

“why are you oversharing so much” / “that’s too much information” / “just shut up now”

“yeah if you do this again I’m leaving, bye”

“if you can’t communicate in a healthy way then I don’t want to talk to you”

“why are you so upset all the time, can’t you be happy sometimes”

“you’re too chaotic to do things with”

“this is too overwhelming”

“I don’t want to deal with all that”

“you’re overwhelming me”

“yeah you’re being too real, stop it”

“that’s crazy, get away from me”

“okay whatever but that’s too much again”

or whatever else

and, you know, it’s valid (haha) to feel overwhelmed, tired, scared, etc

and I wish we could just say that

instead of inventing all these ways to obfuscate and act like we’re so “in touch with our feelings” when we are really, really not

[myburgerstains]

I need to get off the internet wtf is a genderqueer christofacist sex negative puriteen???

[cosmicanger]

white trans people are white people lol they always jumping to conclusions, trying to force Black people into their structures of reaction and police language while simultaneously doing physical Blackface and digital Blackface every turn they can.