#tenwrites

[ten-is-intersex]

Forced HRT Survivor Flag

I was debating posting something so vulnerable but I’ve made more peace with this part of my life so I’ve decided to share this flag I made.

I’m a survivor of forced HRT. In other words, I was put under HRT that I didn’t fully agree to all in the name of me maintaining society’s perisex views of femininity. (Thankfully I’ve taken full control of my medical care and am feeling much better <3)

The budding rose in the middle alongside the petals falling from it represent forced change yet still remaining beautiful and whole all the same.

While undergoing forced HRT, it was very hard for me to stay alive due to the disabling side effects of hormones I wasn’t supposed to be on so I added a heart rate symbol. Lastly I made it purple due to it being a more gender neutral color.

(This flag is free to use for any intersex survivor of forced HRT. Just give credit @tendajiphoenix)

[acesvega-archive]

"Haven't you ever heard the phrase 'respect your elders'?" The Successor scoffed and crossed his arms. The Reaper lifted his mask so Ogundimu could see his red-eyed, decaying face. "How about 'respect the dead'?" This time Doomfist laughed. He laughed for a long time. Long enough for Reaper to put his mask back on and hard enough to bring tears to his eyes. When he finally stopped, he wiped his eyes and shook his head. "Respect for the dead! You are funny. How have the dead earned my respect? Those who fall have failed. I have no time for failures." "So, what, you planning on living forever?" the Reaper deadpanned. Doomfist raised a brow. "Aren't you?"

[acesvega-archive]

Tumblr ate my original post with my long explanation of these great characters that I made. @becausedragonage I had this whole like page long thing about them I'm so mad. Anyway these are my Inquisition OCs. Maybe one day I'll write the fic I originally made them up for. First guy is Desmond Miller, Inquisition scout. He got some nasty scars from dragonfire in haven. He's a Fereldan human and most folks just call him Miller. Second is Yannen, code name Jeweler. She's one of Leliana's people. The Orlesian civil war destroyed her home and she's not going to take that lying down. This Vashoth is Taashath. She was a Saarebas with the Qun until her keepers were killed by demons and her control rod was broken. Miller found her huddled alone and starving in a cave on the Storm Coast, and brought her back to Skyhold so she could learn to control her power among her fellow mages. Last but not least this Dwarf is Bel. She left Orzammar with her family after the whole king-choosing fiasco left them in hot water. Now Bel is a journeyman smith with the Inquisition, but her heart's true desire is to become a breeder of fancy nugs.

[acesvega-archive]

We call them the Crisis Generation. They're the ones that were children during and immediately after the Omnic Crisis. That'd be anyone from about 20-40 years old now, I suppose. McCree's on the higher end of that. D.Va wouldn't really be counted at all if Korea didn't have another mini-Crisis every few years. The scars of that not-war are deeper in some places. Crisis Kids are defined by what they don't have more than by what they do. Take Pharah, for example. She claims Cairo as her home, but Anubis made sure she never lived there as a child. Her formative years were spent on military bases. She never played games with other children or sang nursery rhymes or ran through the streets with her pigtails flying behind her. She learned bomb drills and listened to war stories instead. It makes sense that she chose the path of Justice, when the path of peace was a pile of rubble behind her. Of course, no two Crisis Kids have the same experience. Genji spent his youth sheltered away from the violence. The Crisis was over before he was old enough to understand, and the Shimada clan had the funds to rebuild what was destroyed easily. Unfortunately no amount of money can revive the truly dead. Lady Shimada was laid to rest in the family cemetery. Genji only understood decades later that his father's heart was buried with her. Their family was hollow. Genji filled the void with laughter, and threw himself into any distraction. If he stayed too long at home, he'd see Hanzo desperately trying to please a man with no soul, despite the fact that he too grieved. Eventually Genji just stopped coming home at all. Junkrat grew up without parents or friends. Junkertown was not the anarchist hell that the city-dwellers painted it as, but a twig with one arm and patchy hair seemed a lost cause even to the philanthropic sorts. So, Jamison Fawkes learned to survive. Trust nobody, look out for number one, keep your head down. He learned his lessons well. However his most important skill wasn't found until much later, when a gang of Omnics caught him sniffing around some patch of irradiated bush they had decided was theirs. They cut off his leg. Slowly. Their boss made threats in his tinny voice all the while, and despite himself, Jamison laughed. He laughed and laughed until they were gone and he was alone and bleeding out. Then he kept laughing until a scavver found him and carried his feverish body back to Junkertown. To my knowledge, he hasn't stopped laughing since. If he did he'd most certainly drop dead right there. There are others- the Crisis didn't spare any country entirely. Mercy learned to fear death so badly that it pushed her to destroy it entirely. Tracer learned to cling to the people she loves so tightly that they couldn't even hope to disappear. Zenyatta learned to look non-threatening or otherwise defend himself from those turned hard and jagged by the suffering they endured. McCree learned to lie. Sombra learned to uncover the truth. D.Va learned to turn the fight into a game, push it away so it couldn't hurt her. Lúcio learned to turn his face to the sun and dream. We call them the Crisis Generation. They're the ones who have to pick up the pieces of the world we almost destroyed.

[acesvega-archive]

Reaper is simmering anger. He's a festering resentment, slow and insidious. He's bitterness. The sort of rage that quiets but never leaves. It consumes him, fills his mind and heart. Eventually he comes to love it. There's a satisfaction in the snap of an enemy's neck, and a joy in the last look of terror in their eyes. His revenge will be slow and sweet. Meanwhile Jack just fuckin' beats people to death with flaming piñatas like some kind of wild animal.

[acesvega-archive]

symmbra + soft!!

Sombra’s hands are harder than expected. When Satya twines their fingers together, she feels hard callouses beneath the skin. She rubs her thumb against a sharp-nailed finger and imagines the long hours of labor. Sombra, hunkered down in front of a screen… no. She hacks with her whole body, holographic projections all around her as she sifts through file after file with a flick of her wrist. She only uses a keyboard with borrowed tech. The callouses are from gripping tightly to her machine pistol. Satya holds her hand tighter.

Sombra is all coiled energy. She’s not used to quiet nights in or lazy Sunday mornings. She speaks honestly, without filters, and her hands always in motion. Satya wakes up most days alone. She never has to search long, though. Her hacker looks up from a datapad and pats the sofa next to her. Satya curls up right there with her blanket and listens drowsily as Sombra whispers excitedly about her latest project.

Satya loves all the jagged pieces that make her partner. She’s a survivor with a razor-sharp mind and a sharper tongue. Her world is hard, but she keeps her eyes shining forward.

And when they kiss, her lips are soft.

[acesvega-archive]

My autistic Hanzo post has over 100 notes and that's a lot for me so I'm gonna Keep Going. Some of these things are just me projecting my own autistic feels. Hanzo says a lot of sarcastic and/or poetic shit but also has a very literal mind and sometimes just ends up confusing his own damn self The fashion choices he makes are informed by sensory stuff and his inability not to be super extra in equal measure He likes having his hair long because he can stim fairly discretely by messing with his hair, and it gives him something to hide behind if he doesn't want to make eye contact. The new haircut is less useful for hiding but the buzzer sides are fuzzy and fuck if that ain't worth it. Happy stims! Jumping in place, flapping, humming, rocking. Hanzo tries to be low-key about it in public but you just gotta jump sometimes! All his friends think it's cute. Hanzo was sort of adopted by the other autistic heroes because he's never had much support or really even talked about his autism before. Winston emails him like 500 relevant links and a picture of a starfish that he thought was cute. Satya shuts him down whenever he starts thinking that needing some accommodations makes him a burden. Junkrat is just so shamelessly *Junkrat* that his passion in his special interest and general openness about who he is starts to rub off on Hanzo. Hanzo and Genji's mother was autistic too. She was fairly neurotypical passing but she understood Hanzo in a way nobody else in the family did. She died when Genji was four and nothing was really the same after that. Hanzo used to play the violin. It quickly became a special interest and he'd practice almost every spare moment he had. The violin was taken from him on his fifteenth birthday. The reason given was that he couldn't let something as frivolous as music distract him from his duty. What Hanzo learned was that liking things meant having them taken away. He has a hard time opening up about his interests now. About half the time if Hanzo runs off on his own during a mission or disobeys an order it's because he either didn't process what was said or was too caught up in his own head to even hear it. The other half of the time is because he's got impulse control issues. Seriously guy has no chill. Like none. Hanzo looks grumpy but that's just him being bad at expressions. He only really emotes if he's feeling something super strong. Except he's actually okay at faking a few combinations of facial expressions and body language. His survival up to this point has required that. Rage, confusion, sadness, and confidence are pretty easy to mimic most of the time. It's just kind of exhausting. Also there's the whole reading other people which is a full time thing and also exhausting. But now he's got a team who will let him just take a break and sit somewhere quiet for a while? And if he doesn't make it and has a meltdown they're not dicks about it?? And they don't think less of him or ask for anything in return??? He's still kind of worried that the last one might not be true but that's mostly the PTSD talking. If McCree doesn't stop interrupting mission briefings with a comment every four seconds Hanzo's gonna chuck his hat into the ocean.

[ten-is-intersex]

“I STILL Refuse To Change My Body To Fit Your Expectations” -An 8 month HRT Celebration (and Reflections) from a Masculine Woman With PCOS

TW: Discussion of Forced HRT (and surviving it) and mentions of intersexism

✨

I have such reflective and solemn feelings about this anniversary of my HRT- not because I’m unsatisfied with being on T. (In fact literally the opposite. I love it!) It’s because this month has really shown me that the intersexism I faced in doctor’s offices just won’t end, especially now that I look more masculine.

Recently, I went to an ortho to get some assessments done. I was supposed to be there for a one time thing and simply leave after. This doctor wasn’t my PCP nor a specialist I saw regularly. Keep this in mind.

He had walked in, saw me and looked at my legal documentation. The man looked a bit irritated, giving me a weird once over sort of look.

The appointment went from one I was feeling indifferent about to one of absolute dread.

I had explained I was there for my knee pain (due to arthritis) and spinal pain (due to my spinal chord injury.) Immediately this doctor zeroed in on my HRT, saying my high T was the reason for my bone pain. Saying I needed to stop it if I wanted to feel better. Going on and on how taking estrogen would help!

Even after I had explained I was diagnosed with arthritis.

Even after I had explained I had been diagnosed with a spinal cord injury.

Even after I had explained that me having taken E prior had nearly killed me.

He still kept insisting my high T was an issue. Insisting that he was saying so from a place of “medical concern”. I felt my skin crawl. I felt myself getting angrier and angrier in a way I’ve never truly experienced. I didn’t know why until I felt the feeling of a flashback coming on.

At that moment it hit me: That was similar rhetoric other doctors had given me when demanding I take estrogen all those years ago.

Yes I said doctors as in this has happened to me multiple times!

It didn’t matter if they were even qualified to even treat what I was in for. They(as in each medical professional) ALL pointed to my hyperandrogenism being the cause of all my issues….all while looking down at me as if I were a mistake to be fixed. A puzzle to be solved.

Realizing I was for once angry on my own behalf that this doctor was trying to force me onto HRT just like other specialists had….it both soothed me and pushed me on.

In the past, I couldn’t advocate for myself.

Now I could. Now I can!

It’s empowering to have that power now but also bittersweet to know I had to fight tooth and nail to grasp it. To truly take back autonomy and fight back against doctors like this now that I felt safe enough to.

In spite of that awful experience, I’m honestly still so overjoyed I’ve gotten to grow into the intersex transfem person I’ve known myself to be for so long.

It’s so healing to take HRT that my body genuinely medically needs versus the HRT society demands take in order to conform to perisex standards.

Being on E wasn’t something I asked for. It’s something I survived.

I didn’t grow into my femininity. I was thrown into unstable waters, left wandering while everyone around me grew and changed without the same issues I did. I didn’t think I’d ever find joy in being intersex. I didn’t think I’d ever be on T because at the time, I just wanted to survive.

I did survive in the end though in spite of everything.

For the first time in my life, I truly believe that all the fighting I’ve done to stay alive through the medical trauma I’ve endured has been worth it. All of it. Because I can stand here and know my body feels like home for the very first time.

With every injection I do, an intersexist doctor (like the one I saw at that appointment) fumes because the last thing medical professionals like is me embracing my hyperandrogenism as a fem person.

That motivates me honestly. My masculinity isn’t to be demonized and the more I embrace it, the more at peace I feel.

It hasn’t been easy to get here or be publicly out as I have been (seriously I still can not believe I was in Teen Vogue this year!) but I can confidently say I’m so much more comfortable in my body than I’ve ever been!

Here’s to one year on T in the future. For now, happy 8 months of HRT to me. 🎉

I’ll keep fighting to keep my intersex joy— even if along the way I have to revisit the past and yell at intersexist doctors for younger!Tendaji who endured so much to get where I am now all these years later.

This intersex phoenix has fallen but shi will rise again regardless of how many feathers you pluck from hir wings. Be warned. Be wary.

💛💜