Today I had a dream where I was signing up for a course or something. I dont remember the details, but I was just looking for something to study I think
And on the way to the school, I come across these two girl, who immediately start chatting it up with me. They were also going to the school
Things get a bit blurry, but I end up signing up without thinking to join them too, only to later realized what I had just signed up for. It was a 3 years science course (idk what science, just "science") and I got terrified
Those friends found me staring at the paper explaining that I could still leave and chose another within a week. They came to me excited cuz they were trying to get me to room with them. When they saw what I was reading, the girl who was doing most of the talking (she was such a bubbly girl) deflated. I told her idk if I could commit to this, it wasn't something I was interested in, and I was panicking
She calmed me down and told me to go ahead and change it, that we might not be roommates, but we'd still see each other
I want over, asked a couple questions to the secretary. If i could do art classes along side the science one. It wasnt possible. I hesitated for a moment, thinking about my new friends. I then asked if I could drop from the course at any time, and she said yes.
She told me gently not to rush it and that i still have a week. I nodded and ran back to my new friends, and told them im staying. The bubbly girl got so excited and dragged me over to where we'd be staying. She tried her best to get our beds to be close (weird ass dream set up idk how tk explain) but the time had passed for that, but we were still in the same room at least
I was so excited. I was so happy. I wasnt sure about the course, but I was so sure about this friendship. I was elated to have them, thinking about how the school year was gonna be with them. Finally, friends irl. And no longer did i have to worry about my family pestering me about studying or work
And then I woke up... they werent real. Idk how to explain the grief that washed over me. It was so intense, it shattered me for a moment. I still feel hollow
They weren't real, none of that was
I knew it when I was dreaming but... I still wanted to believe for just a moment longer