#the daddy complex

[themadcapmathematician]

When are ppl who are like "why are mob fans falling over themselves over reigen? Hes not even hot :/" gonna learn that people just wanna fuck con artists lmfao

[mammalingo]

I'm so excited! Really! I'm like Terrence-Howard-at-the-Oscars excited. In case you didn't know, David Vienna a.k.a. The Daddy Complex's book, "Calm the F*ck Down" (CTFD) is now available for purchase. Hooray!

As you may recall, David's book began as a brilliant and wildly successful post right here on Tumblr and then on the Huffington Post. It went viral. It was talked about on "The View" and on "The TODAY Show." Rumor has it, there's going to be a major motion picture based on in starring Sandra Bullock and Matt Damon. And there's talk that the movie will be turned into a Broadway show starring Katie Holmes and the entire cast of Glee (who are now out of work). Those last two things I may have made up. But maybe not. Either way, the book is terrific.

Why? Because it's brilliant advice. Calm the F*ck Down. Seriously. CTFD. Cool it. And the book is even better than the original post because there's so much more included in it. It's both funny and real. It's honest and helpful. I had the opportunity to read it a few months ago and give it two thumbs up plus other fingers too. We've become a nation of risk-averse, safety-obsessed, Purell-loving freaks, and David thinks it's time we all just CHILLAXed. And he's right. The book is funny, helpful and most importantly, it's the antidote to the age of over parenting. Bravo, David! 

[themostinterestingkids]

Congrats to The Daddy Complex on being nominated! I only voted for him because I've never read any of the others but hey, the evil you know is better than the evil you don't know, right?!! 

[mykidjustsaid]

Caveman Love

Not all dads fall in love with their baby right away. There, I said it.

Now, I can see that you’re reaching for your pitchforks and torches. Before you light that Zippo, hear me out.

Dad blogs are full of images of new fathers cooing over their babies and expressing tearful joy over their new paternal role. And while that immediate, Hallmark-style love may be felt by a great number of new dads, it failed to appear in me right away. And I know I’m not that unique, despite what my grandmother once told me.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my boys from the second I saw their little fingers on the ultrasound monitor. But, my love initially manifested in a sort of hunter-gatherer thing. I had babies to care for, so my mind and heart snapped to behavior that left me fighting the urge to spear the neighbor’s Welsh corgi for an evening feast cooked over an open fire at the mouth of our cave. And that cave was a lower unit in a duplex, so I’m sure the landlord would’ve taken issue.

That version of love—my version—appeared nowhere online. In my world, those tears of fatherly joy would get you singled out for dinner by a damn saber-toothed tiger. Besides, I had no time for joy. There were pelts to clean, yurts to build.

My love felt honest and powerful, but not warm and enriching as it seemed for all other new dads. This meant, to me, that I was doomed to live as a terrible and emotionally distant father. It took a visit from a friend to realize my reaction was more common than parenting sites had me believe. He described his love for his newborn daughter in dispassionate terms of protecting her, fighting for her. Caveman love. I saw I was not special and that my grandmother was, as I stated, a boldfaced liar.

Dads who experience what I did likely feel the same shame and fear while scanning the online community of parenting blogs. They see the beaming dads, they read the stories of unbridled joy, but don’t identify.

But, can you imagine the reaction if any of them presented things as they actually were? If you’re having trouble, just scan the comments section below this post.

Just as Facebook users statistically tend to present the best version of themselves, dad bloggers tend to present the best version of their fatherly experience. And though some may be honest about the challenges they face, none would dare admit their love for their newborn was anything but cinematic. And this polished claim causes harm by perpetuating an unrealistic standard, the same way porn made me think Pizza Delivery Man was the best job in the world.

The initial shock of suddenly being a dad wore off for me, eventually. As it did, I was able to connect with my deeply emotional love and, yes, tearful joy. Still, because of the false perfection presented by most parenting sites, I vowed to remain as honest as possible on my site about the unflattering emotions (or lack of emotions or seemingly wrong emotions) that can accompany fatherhood.

I also offer a recipe for a nice slow-roasted Welsh corgi.

The father of twin boys, David Vienna is a screenwriter, playwright, former journalist, and spent a few years writing for reality television. He covers parenting issues at TheDaddyComplex.com and The Huffington Post.

[thingswhatilove]

CTFD

Possibly the sternest, quickest (and most brutal) self-check we of the hyper-vigilant can do in a day.

I've been testing this idea out this week and am sure that in the moments where CTFD has been voiced internally, actual physical relief occurs. Am sure the kids like it too, however confounding it is to have their Mum break off MID-RANT to sigh and go make tea.

The rest of the time to CTFD I like to read Jane Austen.

I have a full set of dog-eared Penguin Classics that I rotate through about once a year. I know many favourite passages by heart, this is one such from Persuasion:

"...Men have had every advantage of us in telling their own story. Education has been theirs in so much higher a degree; the pen has been in their hands. I will not allow books to prove any thing." - Anne Elliot to Capt Harville, on the subject of female inconstancy. (c 1815)

That's my girl JA! After each book, (with their excellent essays at the front for nerds) I like to watch the corresponding BBC production of her work. They're accurate and beautifully paced, and NOTHING BAD HAPPENS.

So, reading Austen = my best CTFD method.

What is yours?

--

Inspired by: The Daddy Complex and currently blazing a hot trail through internet land.

Other CTFD methods include: drawing, pinot noir, loud hard rock, loud grunge rock, loud swamp rock, cups of tea, swimming, tumblr, hugs. 

[ekrepcho]

thedaddycomplex replied to your photo: Awww maaaannnnnnnn!! WHY IS IT SO HARD?!

Oh, jeez. That’s unfortunate.

Yes, yes it is. About 5 months ago, a woman that I met professionally asked if I would sing at her daughter's wedding. Of course I said yes especially after she agreed to my fee. I just don't understand how people can misspell anyone's name now a days, I mean, I know accidents happen sometimes, but I've exchanged at least 8 emails with this woman,  all of which contain my signature with my last name CLEARLY spelled correctly.

Two hundred wealthy, upper class, black lace, velvet and diamond-clad people whom I don't know and probably will never see again all thought my last name was "KRAPCO." I can imagine a few of then elbowing their dates and then pointing to my name in the program saying, "Wow, that suuucks!"

It totally does! I almost wanted to mention it before I started singing Gounod's Ave Maria (The worse of the Ave Marias) but I didn't. Instead, I've decided to start an entire photo albums/hashtag of times where my last name has been misspelled- nay- COMPLETELY BUTCHERED. There's just something crazy about writing "Krapco" in a wedding program and then sending it off to the printer that way.

Am I crazy or wouldn't you double check the spelling of a last name as crazy as mine?!

[totsyblog]

Movember Guest Post Part I: The Daddy Complex

Note: This guest post is the first in a series, highlighting Dad bloggers rocking the Movember Campaign against prostate & testicular cancer. Enjoy!

_________________________________

Mustaches have a bad rap. Something about the smarminess of ‘70s facial hair spilled into the ridiculousness of the ‘80s. And really, nothing survived the ‘80s unscathed. Even David Bowie’s catalog. The death knell of a stylish sandwich duster was rung on a synthesizer. But, like my roller skates and cassette Walkman, I’m bringing the mustache back. And with it, I hope to help defeat cancer... Did I lose you? Let me explain.

Each November, thousands of men grow mustaches of varyingly embarrassing forms to help raise awareness of men’s health issues, specifically prostate and testicular cancer. The movement and organization is called Movember. As participants’ stubble limps toward credible mustache length, they urge their friends, family and coworkers to donate in the name of their facial hair. It’s all in good fun until the end of Movember when there seems to be an annual spike in accidents involving log splitting and premature pistol discharges at high noon.

Last year, I grew a nice semi-handlebar and raised a sizable amount of money as part of a Movember team of dad bloggers. I’m on the same team again this year and I’m thinking of going for something in the Wyatt Earp style, though knowing my growth rate, it’ll probably end more of the in the range of High School Science Teacher.

Of course, the terrible truth is that everyone knows someone affected by cancer. Just this year alone, my wife and I have seen two friends go through the steps of battling the disease. And through my parenting blog, The Daddy Complex, I’ve witnessed still others—mothers and fathers—begin their battles.

When I solicit donations for my Movember drive on my blog, I tend to speak of cancer as if it were a sniveling villain in a teen sex comedy, the kind of character you enjoy seeing fail. I speak of giving the disease a purple nurple or spiking its punch with laxatives. I also pair my posts with photos of dashing men who bravely sported a mustache, people like Burt Reynolds and Teddy Roosevelt. And yes, I’m quite aware I just mentioned the 26th president of the United States and the Bandit in the same sentence.

I personify cancer and then belittle it. It’s absurd, I know. So is growing a mustache in the name of cancer research. Yet, that absurdity takes away some of the pain, some of the fear, some of the sorrow. I’ll never invent the cure for cancer. I was an English major, after all. But, I can grow a pretty awesome mustache. And thanks to Movember, that helps.

David Vienna is the proud father of awesome twin boys Wyatt & Boone. Peek in on the Vienna family & David's witty take on parenting at The Daddy Complex, or visit http://mobro.co/thedaddycomplex to make a donation to David's team in the Movember fight against cancer.

[mammalingo]

I wanted to let you know that the movie David Vienna wrote, More Than Stars, is screening at the San Luis Obispo International Film Festival next week. Here's the trailer.

The story is based -- in part -- on his and his wife's struggle with infertility, so it's a deeply personal film. But it's also more than that. It's a drama. It's a comedy. And there's a sick car chase. (Not really.)

If you want to show support for David or his film, you can like the "More Than Stars" Facebook page. That's a ridiculously easy thing to do. You probably thought I was going to make you fly to California. No. Just click "like."