The Smootherizing De-Wrinklifier
Luke: [age 16, holding a dress shirt] "Dad, do you know how to flatten a shirt?"
Beth: "I think he means 'de-wrinklize'."
Luke: "Yeah, you know, make it smooth."
Me: "Do you mean 'iron a shirt'?"
Luke: "Yeah. Iron a shirt. With the hot metal thing."
Me: "Yes, I know how to iron a shirt. Or de-wrinklize it. Or smooth it. Or flatten it."
Mom: "But can you de-wrink-smoo-flatten-alithize it?"
Me: "Obviously. I'm not an amateur."
Luke: "OK, but can you show me?"
Me: "Sure. Probably have to dust off the Smootherizing De-Wrinklifier, since it's been two or three years since we last used it. Mom's better at it, but yes, I can show you."
Luke: "I know Mom uses the hair straightener on collars and cuffs, but you have to use the iron on the whole shirt, right?"
Me: "That hair-straightener ironing trick for collars is one of Mom's awesome life hacks when you don't have time for a real iron. But it's not the usual way of doing things."
Luke: "Oh. I thought that's just how you do it."
Me: "Bless you, child, for you have never seen people iron clothes much. It's just not a thing we do nowadays."
Luke: "You old folks and your ancient ways."
Me: [intoning] "Yes, my son. Let me teach you the ancient tools and traditions of our people. After we use the Iron of Fabric Smoothing, I can teach you the Origins of the Phrase 'Dialing a Phone Number' and then How to Set Up a VCR to Record That TV Show You Like."
Luke: "Nah, I'm good — I just need a shirt without wrinkles."
Me: [shaking my head] "Kids these days."
Luke: [shaking his head] "Old people these days."
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