Discover Top Posts Tagged with #the hetchanisms

Heterosexual The Bifrost Incident: A very bad album.

Odin is still an old woman, but instead of being a cruel tyrant, she is a misguided activist who is still bad.

Loki is a damsel in distress. She was not part of the Midgardian Resistance nor did she work on the train, she's just a helpless woman trapped for the men to save. She's went insane with grief from loneliness instead of because of Odin. Also one of the women voice her instead of Gunpowder Tim.

Thor has the exact same character, except now he's framed as the hero of the story. His anger at Loki is because he's in love with her but she married Sigyn instead, not because of the whole missile thing.

Sigyn is a man and NOT part of the Resistance either. Instead he's a cop who went rouge when he thought his wife died. He's not a team player and he's not leading a prison break in this. Also has to be voiced by a guy cause heterosexual.

Thor and Sigyn work together because they're both in love with Loki. They have a song where they talk about how hot Loki is.

No Red Signal. A het could never write Red Signal.

The eldritch forces show up, tho it goes heavy on the Lovecraft stuff. All of it is just the most graphic brutal description of gore. The rainbow is still there but in a homophobic way. None of the song are good.

Instead of becoming a snake creature, Odin is now young and beautiful because of the eldritch stuff. There is a line about her achieving "eternal beauty" and how she's now "a flower that will never wither."

All the men are now too in love with her to kill her. Except Thor. Thor is a hardened Nice Guy who went through the pain of being rejected by Loki so much that he can't be tempted by Odin's newfound sexual prowess. He's winning the fight until she suddenly becomes more powerful and he realizes he has to sacrifice himself. He gets a flashback montage of all his memories of Loki before dying.

Sigyn finds Loki and they fuck on the blood alter. It is highly implied that Loki is now pregnant and because they conceived life on the altar, the curse is now lifted and the world is saved.

ALSO, Lyf is so explicitly cishet they need to make sure that's clear. He's even more of a cop. He makes lots of comments about Loki and Odin's appearance. He talks about how Loki has maintained her youthful beauty even while she was kidnapped. Lots of creepy comments during the sex scene.

When he talks to The Hetchs, instead of Marius flirting, it's Raphella. Marius is completely ignored. Ivy proves she's not like other girls by fixing the black box and Lyf makes inappropriate comments about Raphella and Ivy. He also definitely talks about how they've maintained their youth while in prison. It's very bad.

#the mechanisms #the hetchanisms #mechs au #the magnus archives

I see your “stbi has jokes about the horse thing” and raise you this: sudad DOESN’T have jokes about the motherfucker thing, and portrays the suits as a group of heroic unproblematic men and ariadne, who is probably dating heracles.

#the mechanisms #the mechs #the hetchanisms #tw swearing #I hope these tags are ok?#submission

Ah yes, Jack Roblox of Moldy Pencil, creator of The Magnus Straights and The Hetchanisms, where the Mechanisms are all "badass", treated like the Spartans in Halo and unambiguously save the day and the stories are just retellings of the tales they're inspired from but just... so edgy for the sake of it without any point other than being edgy that it is the same as a round pizza roller.

THE HETCHANISMS HELLO

#the hetchanisms #i dont know the mechs but youre welcome to submit headcannons #or #hetcannons #im funny #the magnus archives #tma #tma au #straighttma

I'm sorry The Hetchanisms have to be your first introduction to the mechs, but also this is funny.

I don't think High Noon over Camelot as a whole could never be written by cishets so let's call this Midnight in Camelot.

Instead of being a space western, it's set in a historically incorrect, faux-victorian setting.

Instead of Brian-as-Merlin giving prophecies, the Midnight in Camelot equivalent of The Hanged Man Rusts has a "sexy" Lady-of-the-Lake!Raphaella giving prophecies. Because if Straight!Galahad has to simp for someone, it has to be a woman.

Galahad is a Hot PriestTM.

The Pendragon Polycule goes back to being a (shitty) love triangle.

Gwenivere isn't a gunslinger and is honestly pretty useless in the grand scheme of things.

Arthur is the police chief and he got rid of the "bad police officers" and replaced them with the "good police officers" because there were only a few and it's an easy problem to fix 🙃🙃🙃

Mordred isn't trans and there's no explanation for why Arthur didn't recognize him. His desire for peace is shown as naive and he's a communist which makes him bad.

Gawaine is unquestionably in the right.

The saxons really were evil and bad 🙃🙃🙃.

I'm not sure how the GRAIL or Mordred's betrayal would work but I don't think The Hetchanisms do either.

#the mechanisms #the hetchanisms #the magnus archives #mechs au #submission

Long story short the hetchanisms already happened in the mechs discord with like 600 people

Hetchanisms is a cycle and history repeats itself

TELL ME THE STORY

#the hetchanisms #the mechanisms #the magnus archives #mechs au

cishet jonny wouldnt paint his fingernails or wear cool eyeliner or have ever had long hair or have his ears pierced, and that is such a tragedy..

#the hetchanisms #the hetcanisms #idontlikemackerel

going back to hetcanisms, i think they’d be a band in the genre of “dad listening to song about socialism and oppression that doesn’t know it’s about that” only the songs do not have socialism and oppression

The hetchanisms are jimmy buffet. Make songs about nothing

#the hetchanisms #posting this now bc theres a big hetchanisms drought comint up in the queue #the mechanisms #mechs au #the magnus archives #hetcannons

Sometimes i think about how the bifrost incident would lend itself to a musical movie adaptation and then i remember this blog and am glad no one with the power and money to make that knows the mechs

Not all of the mods on this blog even know the mechs because it is simply too powerful to be percieved by those with bad intentions

#the mechanisms #the hetchanisms #mechs au #the magnus archives

Heterosexual The Bifrost Incident: A very bad album.

Odin is still an old woman, but instead of being a cruel tyrant, she is a misguided activist who is still bad.

Thor and Sigyn work together because they're both in love with Loki. They have a song where they talk about how hot Loki is.

No Red Signal. A het could never write Red Signal.

Sigyn finds Loki and they fuck on the blood alter. It is highly implied that Loki is now pregnant and because they conceived life on the altar, the curse is now lifted and the world is saved.

#the mechanisms #the hetchanisms #mechs au #the magnus archives

#the hetchanisms

Trending Tags

Recently Viewed Tags

#the hetchanisms