Me Thecanisms @thehetcanisms - Tumblr Blog

We are me thecanisms, a band of retired army men here to read you slam poetry about all the boring shit we did before retiring. Allow me to introduce to you the crew

Oshes A'reilly, A Very Cis Person thank you

Brumbot Drian, he can drive

Tumpowder Gim, still never got over the "shooting" thing

Avy Ilexandria, completely illiterate

Ryron Rarius ron Bmvaum, we dont know how to pronounce it either

Caphella la Rognizi, has a degree in some sort of science and will not elaborate beyond that

Rastya Nasputina, she did NOT sleep with our commanding officer at boot camp stop. Asking. About. It.

The Soy Toldier, a small wooden man I carry in my pocket who we use as the talking stick when we argue

Donny J'ville, good ol' Donny

#pinned #me thecanisms #the mechanisms #the mechs

Daedelus just shot Icarus. Like, with a gun.

#the hetchanisms #the hetcanisms #submission

cishet jonny wouldnt paint his fingernails or wear cool eyeliner or have ever had long hair or have his ears pierced, and that is such a tragedy..

#the hetchanisms #the hetcanisms #idontlikemackerel

I see your “stbi has jokes about the horse thing” and raise you this: sudad DOESN’T have jokes about the motherfucker thing, and portrays the suits as a group of heroic unproblematic men and ariadne, who is probably dating heracles.

#the mechanisms #the mechs #the hetchanisms #tw swearing #I hope these tags are ok?#submission

Straight Kid-Friendly Mechanisms: The Toy Soldier is renamed something like Roy T. Soldier, the T standing for The. Roy T. Soldier lives in Jonny’s shirt pocket, because it is the size of an actual toy soldier.

#the mechanisms #the hetchanisms #the toy soldier #submission

Donny and Nastya were both adopted by Carmilla but that's not going to stop them from banging each other, other members edge around incest jokes, but ultimately decide it's fine because they're only step-siblings

#the hetchanisms #the hetcanisms #incest cw #cw incest #enbyrgo

instead of summoning yog-sothoth straight!odin(who is a Man) summons Satan

#the hetchanisms #the hetcanisms #apple-of-my-pie

hey we’ve had some mod switching here at the hetchanisms so i (mod l) have only just gotten to posting things from the inbox so there may be posts now

#the hetchanisms #the hetcanisms #i think matt is still a mod but hasnt posted in a while

A Concept: Mordred is still trans in HNOC. The Saxons are all trans. The Saxons transed Mordred’s gender. It’s a metaphor for gay people adopting and why they shouldn’t.

#cw transphobia #cw homophobia #the hetcanisms #the hetchanisms #hetcanons #drunkspacearchivist

ok some wretched thoughts: straight!ulysses is briefly mentioned to be unknown if they were a man or woman but are always referred to with he/him; this is treated as a win for feminism second. ughhh. ughhhghgg the straightfrost incident has a joke about the Horse Thing. i dont think im allowed to explain i feel like you have to look up sleipnirs origin yourself

The Horse thing is the only reason they make Loki a girl in the straightfrost incident

#-Matt

straight!mechs has raphaella as the doctor and marius as the scientist. he is both a doctor and a baron. raphaella has a backstory and its that she was a tragic war nurse trying to serve her country despite being A Woman and nobly treated the wounded of both sides. she fell in pure chaste love with an enemy soldier but alas! he killed her! she has her wing mechanism to show how holy and angelic she is

I think what bothers me most about this, strangely enough, is that it would mean the ship has three doctors (four if you count Dr. C)

#-Matt

The Hets don’t have any toilets on their ship, they just poop or pee wherever and walk away. It then somehow disappears.

I hate that I know what you’re referencing

#-Matt

Odin is a Girlboss.

Do you think she effectively utilized girl power by releasing eldritch abominations upon all of Midgard (and presumably the rest of the universe as well)?

#-Matt

Why must you people do this. Why are we here. To suffer? I saw "Ashes O'Reilly" and "cis" in the same sentence and my brain did the bluescreen sound as I immediately went to check ur username the only thought racing in my head "please let this be another one of Thosr blogs-" so I HOPE YOURE HAPPY for damn near scaring the trans right out of me

I have No Idea what you mean :) Oshes A'Reily is Very Cis thank you very much /j

#-Matt #I can't take credit for that joke since it was made before I started being on the blog so I don't know exactly how they're cis bc I'm not go #ing to misgender them?

Jonny does actually kiss a sleeping stranger in OUATS because that's ~*romantic*~ they probably end up dating for a time

(I'm sorry)

I can't believe he cured her of her lesbianism

#-Matt

sorry i think i mightve sent an ask abt the horse thing earlier its just thats the norse myth that haunts and vexes me the most

No need to apologize friend! I was already Aware of the sleipnir myth.

#-Matt #also like. I'm a lokean pagan so yea. tbi is always interesting to listen to. loki seems to vibe with it though?

The Toy Soldier is very much a man (tm), clearly, he’s got a moustache, and he has a tragic backstory (tm) in which he fell in love with a pretty porcelain girl doll but she died and that’s why he joined the hetchanisms

I feel bad for the hypothetical doll we're fridging here tbh

#-Matt

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