Jan 20
Maybe my inability to talk to people and my nonexistent social skills are not a moral failing, only a social one
#maybe I can fix this#not art#text#the problem is me#the fake me is not pleasant. the real me is even less so. there's no good version of me. not really#makes me jealous. in a way#jealousy is an ugly ugly feeling#resentment. resentment at no one but myself. I resent what I have become but maybe I can be something I don't. maybe.#everyone who met me in my adulthood has only ever experienced the 'fake' me I guess. anxious. wrong. self deprecating and self loathing#I used to be happy. well not happy but happier#but I've been feeling like that for a long time. I don't know if there's anything left of me other than that#wanting something very much won't lead anywhere. trying is meaningful sometimes but meaningless others. is it too late? it's not. right?#:/#you know what they say#fake it till you make it#maybe if I fake confidence normality and happiness I'll be able to achieve them#am I ready to bury myself tho? so that a new me can grow?#I want to climb out but the pit is deep and I can't do it on my own but asking for help is wrong because I might drag everyone down too#these thoughts don't belong in the middle of the day
