#thefirstmeet

[orabellarhina]

"The first meet" part1

[orabellarhina]

“The first meet“ part 2

[fatgirlsguidetodating]

Fatgirl dating hurdles example #2: the first meeting/date. For most of us it's easier to be ourselves from the anonymity of a screen. Especially those of us who are not happy with our looks. Though I do sometimes worry that I won't live up to the flirty banter from online when taken offline. In real life I can't even tell if someone's flirting with me half the time and I can't flirt with someone unless I know they have some feelings for me, but online it's easy. I suspect that I'm not the only one with this issue, and whilst this isn't limited just to us bigger girls, the difference is we bigger girls have a slightly higher hurdle to jump at the first meeting of an online guy. By this stage you've cleared the first hurdle (the looks test), have run the 9.13 metres between the hurdles and are now about to jump the second one- the first meeting. I suggested in my previous blog post that your photo shouldn't be super old, shouldn't be filtered out of all recognition and should try and show some of your personality. Because if you don't look at least pretty similar to the person in your photos you are going to crash to earth with your feet tangled up in the hurdle. I tend to talk to guys for a bit before I show a photo and then once they've seen it and are still into me I add them to Facebook so they can see more photos. Then if they are still up for meeting I'm in. But sometimes I wait too long and the whole thing just becomes someone you chat to online, nothing more. So don't wait too long after they've seen what you look like and are still up for a meet. Because if you don't take your internet chat offline ASAP you could have established a virtual rapport that can become awkward and stilted when it's got to translate into face-to-face. Experts say first impressions matter – especially when it comes to a first date.  Doing the right things on a first date sets you up to have amazing experiences with that person. The truth is first impressions count in *everything*. For example if you don't make a good first impression at say a job interview even if you are the most qualified the chances are you wont be getting that job. Let's admit it, the first thing we think about on our first meeting/hangout/hookup/date/whatever the cool kids are calling it these days is taking in how they look. So you want to look cool but not over the top (no sparkly ballgown but no trackie pants unless you are going for a run or walk), casual but not too casual, and, most importantly you want- no you *need* to feel comfortable in the outfit. You don't want to wear something so tight that you can't eat a thing without buttons bursting or heels so high you can only totter around like a newborn foal taking their first steps or something that regularly requires adjustments in case you flash side boobs. According to Dr. Joy Davidson, psychologist, sex therapist, advice columnist, speaker and author, says the stakes are higher for us women over men. "Remember that getting ready for a first ‘meet-up’ takes as much time and effort for a woman as a real first date. She’ll spend time doing her hair, applying her makeup oh-so-perfectly, choosing the right outfit—all of which is easily an hour or more out of her day. [Men] won’t be spending the same amount of prep time, so consider that her investment has already trumped [theirs] and make it worth her while.”   After all online dating is very different from meeting people in more conventional settings. You’ll have already spent some time conversing online and you’ll have seen photographs of each other, but still the first few minutes of face to face meeting is crucial. So what are the best tips for the first meeting? 1) Start off confident and friendly. First meetings are filled with tension and you want to try and make the whole thing more comfortable. Get the conversation started with some light, playful banter.  Don’t try and get to anything too personal just yet. 2) Make the date interesting. Look to make the first date experience fun and unique. Shared activities [like a fun, unique date] can take a lot of the pressure off of the conversation and give you something to talk about so the date doesn’t turn boring. 3) Show your interest. One of the best ways to show them you are interested is through touch. Touch them early and often throughout the date. If you are a woman you could, for example, briefly place your hand on his shoulder as you lean in to talk to him. If you are a man you could perhaps guide her by the small of the back as she walks through a doorway.  By mixing touch into your date you will be able to both show you are interested while building the sexual tension that exists between you. 4) Keep eye contact. Through eye contact alone you can create a deep connection with the person you are with. This is especially important in those moments when things go quiet. If an awkward silence comes, or you are not sure what to say or do, don’t dart your eyes around looking for help.  Let yourself relax by taking deep breathes into your belly, and maintain strong eye contact. 5) Be punctual. I know this should go without saying right? But it doesn't always. And take this from a perpetually late chick despite my best intentions every damn time! So I'd suggest arrive early so you don’t get there rushed and flustered giving the impression that time management could be an issue. Plan ahead for all eventualities! 6) Don't be on your phone. You'd think I wouldn't even *need* to say this right? But I do because many people automatically play with their phones, especially when nervous. So leave it in your bag or pocket or, if you don't trust yourself, in your car. So you've managed to get through the date without any major faux pas, you've chatted and gotten along well, without major awkward silences? Yay you! Now what? The end of a meet up date can be awkward- particularly if you already know you don't want to see them again. One thing I know I am is a coward when it comes to face-to-face confrontations or conflict. So rather than saying something like "I had fun but I'm not sure that we really gelled as a couple and would be better off as friends" I tend to either let them take the lead or say we'll talk again soon and then not talk. (I know, I know: ghosting is a cunt move. I don't do it to be a cunt but more because I'm shy on the best of days let alone letting someone down!) If, however, you do want to see them again then be assertive in letting them know that- they aren't mind readers after all. (Probably lucky given the thoughts many have on a first meeting!) Remember how we used to live by the three day rule? Well that's gone out with the last century. These days it's okay to message them later on letting them know you had a great time and would like to see them again. Or to say it before you leave them that night. After all they can only say no right? So there we have it: jumping the second hurdle and now heading for the third. The second date and, potentially, the first smooch. Fatgirl. Note: Wanna practise your dating techniques? Try this: "MyChanceRomance.com", a Chatroulette-inspired dating site, a place to practice that all-important first impression on women from the comfort of your own desk and chair.

[silhouette-of-eternal-anonymity]

The First Meet.

The long lost soul was still recovering from the trough of sorrows that hit the ever-so-tender heart of the seventeen year old Elena Gilbert. "What could I have possibly done to deserve this?" She said, in a shaky tone, standing infront of the mirror, as a tear or two engulfed in sorrow and guilt rolled down her soft olive toned cheek. Staring up at the mirror felt like a live reminder, a live video of the tragic accident that took place the month before. Drowned in sorrows, as she was, the glacier of guilt covered up most of the parts of the never ending depressed zone. The young girl blamed herself for her parent's death, for depriving Jeremy of his loved ones. The guilt was feeding on every part of her fragile human soul. It grew more and more, with every beat of her heart. Engrossed in pain, she lifted up her bracelet, her mother's bracelet so to speak. She wrapped it around her wrist buckling it together.

She walked down the stairs wearing a red tank top and blue Jeans with canvas shoes barely visible from within the parallels. Her brown hues scanned around the house only to find Jeremy hung up on his video games. Her Aunt left a note stuck on the door of the fridge saying she'd be working late. Pulling the note against the sticky force, she sighed. Placing it on the table, she picked up her bag and car keys and set off shutting the door behind her without making the slightest noise.

She got inside the car and pulled on the seat belt pressing it on the side. Her upper and lower tooth pressed against each other as forelines appeared on her forhead accompanying her vain attempt to start the car. She let out a frustrated sigh giving it another go. To her short-lived surprise, the car started. She let off a sweet smile from her lips for just a few seconds. Then she set off on her journey to the Mystic Fall Cemetary.

Darkness had spread across the town at that hour. The bright lights of the car cleared away the darkness making it's way deeper into the core. The path that lead to the cemetary was a pretty dangerous one for the night as her best friend caroline would quote it every now and then. Truth is, she never believed it. Although she looked soft on the outside, she was a brave woman and nothing seemed to frighten her off that easily. Besides, she imagined her parents always looking over her shoulders leading her in the right direction, she found herself protected, as she approached closer to them, even though they were just dead corpses.

The path was abandoned. Everyone shut themselves in their respectful houses because of the bad weather invading the little town. Mystic Falls never opened it's gates for bad weathers, it'd never been a place for bad weathers, at least, not as long as she can remember. The gray sky filled itself with black, dense clouds causing the colour to turn darker by the second. As the girl drove her car confidently inspite of the /bad/ weather outside which was getting worse by the second, a tremendous noise left off a frightful gasp on her lips. But that wasn't enough to stop her from reaching to her destination. The following second, her chocolate brown hues, sharp as it was, caught sight of a black, shadow-like person standing infront of her car at a seconds' distance. The girl let out a heavy, frightful gasp as she turned around the steering wheel in order to avoid hitting the man. The car ended up crashing a tree by the side of the road resulting in a pack of smoke surrounding the wrecked car. Panting heavily, she opened her eyes. "Aah" she let out a slight cry as she traced her hand to her injured forehead. She pushed open the door of the car with her canvas shoe. She could hear herself breathing. The breath grew shorter and heavier by the second as she pushed herself out of the car. No sooner did she come into terms with the fact that her only way back home was dead resting against a tree, than Her chocolate brown hues scanned over the place looking for the person who was nowhere to be found. Was she hallucinating? Certainly not. She was quite sure that there was a live man standing right infront of her car.

She could not get her mind off the glare that she felt at that moment. His blue orbs sparkled as the head lights of her car fell on him. She was too busy locking her gaze to the icy blue stare of his eyes that she could barely catch a glimpse of his face. His glare was powerful, and captivating.At that moment, her heart felt a small drop of hope, of love, in the midst of the ocean of fright. She was happy, about which she later felt stupid as it was absolutely a moment not meant for happiness but fear.

"Hello?" She let out a cry looking around for the anonymous. But all she got back was the echo of her own voice accompanied with the distant rumble of the fading thunder. Suddenly she felt something touch her foot capturing it slowly and softly, she looked down and glared at the sight. Fog, was filling the entire place slowly. She looked up with a rather horrified expression consuming the innocence and softnesd of her pale face, since, it was not the season of foggy roads and moisturized leaves on the slightly wet plants. The glare locked on the unusual course was disturbed by the cawing of a wild crow that flew past her making itself comfortable on the roof of her car.

The bravery inside was beginning to melt a bit as she stammered, with the shakiness in her voice "Who's there?" She let out a fearful cry, with the fear slowly grasping and capturing her brave heart. She had this grave feeling that someone was watching her even though her shimmering eyes failed in scavenging the anonymous.