I have Agoraphobia
Agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed.
With agoraphobia, you fear an actual or anticipated situation, such as using public transportation, being in open or enclosed spaces, standing in line or being in a crowd. The anxiety is caused by fear that there's no easy way to escape or seek help if intense anxiety develops. Most people who have agoraphobia develop it after having one or more panic attacks, causing them to fear another attack and avoid the place where it occurred.
People with agoraphobia often have a hard time feeling safe in any public place, especially where crowds gather. You may feel that you need a companion, such as a relative or friend, to go with you to public places. The fears can be so overwhelming that you may feel unable to leave your home.
Agoraphobia treatment can be challenging because it usually means confronting your fears. But with talk therapy (psychotherapy) and medications, you can escape the trap of agoraphobia and live a more enjoyable life. I was diagnosed with it when I was in my late teens. I actually dropped out of school and stayed in my room for years. I never wanted to go out or do anything that involved leaving my room. I had already been diagnosed with depression and then this later on, but I think it started much earlier. I never wanted to go to school - I wanted to stay at home. I was absent so much that other students noticed and asked me why. I ignored this until it came crashing down on me and I dropped out of school and never left my room. I've been to therapy for a good while and it has helped me a lot. I manage to get past the worst time of my life and get my GED. I've improved so much in about two years, and I'm much happier. I'm still uncomfortable in public, though. I will respond to people easier, but I try hard to avoid people when I'm out. My mom will say "Look! It's your friend from school! Let's go say hi!" and I REALLY don't want to talk to anyone. I want to go out and get back home. I hate parties, I hate weddings, I hate funerals, I hate crowds. Even when I was a kid, I'd get my food and sit alone while the other kids talked and played, during parties. I was in choir for about 13 years of my life and I've been on many stages and in front of tons of people. I HATED being on stage or being in front of others, but I loved singing and traveling. The stage was the worst part. I can go to appointments, stores, parks, etc now easier, but not easily. I require someone or a phone at all times when I'm out. I will avoid unnecessary contact and if I do have to talk to someone, I rush. Being around people makes me want to run away and hide. When I get home, I have little freak outs for a while. Even when someone is rude, I don't care, but my body still reacts to it. I sweat, my heart pounds, I tremble and I tear up. At this point, I can't hold down a job unless it requires me never talking to customers. I am trying to fix this, and I'm doing okay. But some days - I don't want to be near anyone and I want to be completely alone. I had family visiting and they wanted to go out, and I really didn't. I had a few freak out moments before we even left. Then I told one I didn't want to go inside to eat or to the movies. I wanted to go because we rarely see them, so I wanted them to be happy, but I didn't want to leave my room at all. I forced myself to do it and I did have fun, but I was also on edge the whole time. I'm so jealous of people who don't have this problem. I want the problem to disappear completely, but I don't think it can. All I can do is learn to handle it the best I can.









