☕💖 Can I Get Your Number? ☕💖 Ch 10
Jason Todd x (f)Chubby!Reader
A/N: whaaaat? 2 chapters in 2 days? What can I say; everyone's reactions have kept my attention right here (where it belongs!) Thank you all for the incredible feedback! 😍
written with a female reader in mind, first person pov, no use of Y/N, will probably get NSFW later, let me know if there's anything else I should tag this with!
warnings: angst, unofficial therapy, previous attempted assault and other violence mentioned briefly (non-descriptively), Jason has trouble with his feelings
wc: 2.1k
Chapter Selection
Jason plopped onto the couch beside me, offering me a plate stacked high with steak, mashed potatoes, and grilled asparagus.
“Thanks baby! What do you want to watch tonight?”
He hummed softly, considering, and named one of the shows I was introducing him to. I queued up the next episode and tucked my toes under his leg. He chuckled, wrapping a blanket around my feet. “God, you're always cold, aren't you?”
“Just my feet.” I shrugged, eating happily.
We sat quietly together, watching our show while we ate, and I reveled in the casual domesticity of it. Everything felt so right about this… Jason's hand brushed against mine as he took my empty plate and set it on the table for me. His eyes slowly met mine before glancing back down at my lips.
“... Doll?” His voice was barely a whisper. I paused the show, worried I'd miss whatever he said next. “... You said … we would talk about things? … We'd figure this out together, yeah?”
I nodded, leaning forward a bit. “Yeah, is there something you want to talk about?”
Jason nodded slowly, looking down at his lap. “... Yeah, but … I don't know how to say this … it's awkward…”
I nodded slowly, offering him my hand. He shakily took it, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. “Do you … I want … fuck, I should have prepared something…”
His knees came up to his chest as he chewed on his lower lip. Humming softly, I lead his hand to my lips, kissing his knuckles. “Just breathe, Jay. There's no judgment here, take your time. … Do you think you can give me the topic?”
He shivered a bit, watching me. I took slow, deliberate breaths and he eventually matched his breathing to mine. “... Topic, right … um … intimacy…?”
I nodded, smiling gently, and placed another kiss to his hand. “Good topic; are we talking physical? Emotional? Something else?”
“... Both? … Mostly physical?”
I nodded again. “Ok. … Is this ok?” I gestured to his hand in mine, held against my cheek. He nodded quickly, a nervous look flashing through his eyes.
“Yes! Yes, that's good, I … this isn't a bad thing, I … It's just …”
“An awkward and uncomfortable conversation?” He nodded again. “That’s ok. We can do hard things. … Just to be clear; is there anything we've done already that wasn't good, or that you want to stop doing?”
He shook his head quickly; “no! No, everything has been incredible. I … god, you are so patient, I just …” he took a deep breath, shutting his eyes tightly; “I-wanna-do-more-but-I-don’t-know-how-much-more-exactly-and-I’m-worried-I’m-gonna-mess-it-up!”
I blinked a bit and giggled softly, stroking his hand gently. “O- ok. I think I caught that. … It sounds like the boundaries of your comfort zone have shifted?” he nodded. “And you'd like to figure out where they are now?” Another nod. “Ok. How would you like to proceed?”
A panicked look crossed his face before he hid against his knees. “... I was … kinda hoping you could tell me how to do this …”
I nodded slowly. “Ok … well, normally I might suggest we just try things and see what works, but-” he whined softly. “I'm guessing you'd rather have some idea of where the lines are before I touch you any more than this?”
He slowly nodded, grumbling into his thighs. “... God, what the fuck is wrong with me???” He groaned, thudding his forehead against his knees. “This is not that hard! Why can't I just-”
I gently squeezed his hand between both of mine. “Jay, no baby. Listen to me; … do you remember that week where you were in Blüdhaven and your phone broke?”
He nodded. “And then we had our first date.”
“Right. And you took me home after. … No rational woman would allow a man she has met once to take her home after a first date. Not in this city. You know why I did? … Because I didn't want to take the bus home in the dark the night after I was almost attacked on my way home from work. I was afraid, and it makes perfect sense that I was afraid. Right?”
He nodded, frowning, and pulled me into a hug. “... I wish I could have done more … I … I'm so sorry…”
My arms wrapped around his shoulders, and one hand made its way into his hair. “I'm ok now. Nothing happened; Red Hood saw to that. … I'm telling you this because if it makes sense that I had trouble taking the bus after that, even though taking the bus is not hard, doesn't it also make sense that you would have trouble with this?”
Jason's arms tightened around me; “... why does it make sense?”
“You’ve said that your childhood was … less than ideal. When a person's key development years are plagued with pain and fear, it makes perfect sense for new situations to be extra scary, even when they know that it's a good new situation. … I know we haven't talked about too many details, but I can guess at some of it, and if any of my guesses are even partially correct then of course this is a lot for you. … We're walking blindly into the dark, of course you don't want to run full speed ahead straight into a wall.”
He chuckled softly, slowly nodding. “... We've just gotta find the light switch?”
“Exactly!” I grinned. “And until we do, we'll inch around the room with our hands held out.”
Jay nodded, hugging me close. “Ok … how do we do that?”
“Well, I have some ideas … they're probably gonna seem really silly though.”
“Silly is fine.”
The paper in my hands was a mess of red and orange. We had printed out some of those body outlines they use in therapy; color coding them to correspond to where we were ok with being touched. Red for no, orange for not yet but I want to get ok with this sooner rather than later, yellow for ask first, and green for yes. Jason took a few home to think about overnight.
I'd come to his place so we could give them to each other. We'd sat on the couch, having tea to settle Jason's nerves before going over them. He went to the bathroom and I got up to throw out my tea bag. I hadn't meant to snoop through his trash; it was just there, crumpled up on top.
I felt him behind me, frozen in the doorway. I slowly turned, looking up at him, and smiled gently. “... Jay?”
He flinched, stepping back toward the bathroom. “... Um … that isn't … I … changed my mind?”
I nodded slowly, holding out my hand for him. He shakily stepped toward me, staring at the floor. We inched toward the couch; Jason's breathing was ragged like he'd been for a long run. “... Jay, can I see the one you were going to give me?”
He slowly looked over at the pristine paper he'd placed face down on the table. After a moment he flipped it over. The head and neck were green, the arms were green, the torso was yellow, the legs were orange, and the crotch was orange. I smoothed out the crumpled paper in my hands, laying them side by side. Green head, green hands, and red everywhere else.
“... Baby? What happened?”
He stared at them, frowning deeply. “... I just changed my mind, princess. Promise.”
“... Jay, … no. … The facts of your life are facts whether I know them or not. You feel the way you feel, whether you tell me about it or not. You don't have to tell me anything you aren't ready to tell me, but I cannot act in your best interest based off of lies. So please, do not lie to try to make me more comfortable. Not ever.”
He clenched his jaw, squeezing his eyes shut. “... I … this is where I want to be,” he pointed to the new one. “... But realistically, … I'm probably closer to this…” he moved his hand toward the crumpled one.
I nodded; “... Can I hug you?”
Jason looked over at me and slowly nodded. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, stroking his hair gently. “... Jay, it's ok that you're not where you'd like to be. I will do whatever you need to help you get there. But I can't help if you're pushing past your comfort zone like that. … I don't want to hurt you, baby.”
He sniffled softly, hugging me tight, and we sat like that for a long while. Eventually he pulled back, not looking up at me. “Got another one of those?”
I nodded, kissing his forehead, and found him one of the spares we'd printed. “Want me to give you a few minutes alone?” He nodded slowly, staring at it. “Ok, I'm gonna walk down to the corner store, I'll get us some snacks, and you think about where you realistically are with this. Ok?”
Jason nodded again, gently squeezing my hands as he hesitantly looked up into my eyes; there was so much emotion swirling on his face - fear, and adoration, and a desperate need pooled in his eyes as he whispered; “... I … I love you…”
My heart swelled and cracked open. He looked so delicate, looking up at me like that, and all I wanted was to hold him in my arms and take care of him. I gently cupped his unmarred cheek, remembering how he would flinch when I reached toward the scarred side, and slid my thumb over his soft skin. “I love you too, Jason. With all my heart, I love you.”
His eyes darted across my face, drinking me in. A soft smile slowly slid in place, and I thought that might be hope filling his eyes. He kissed my palm before releasing me, and I leaned back, getting ready to go so he could think about the paper.
Jason texted me when he was done, and I returned to the apartment with several large bags of snack foods and drinks. He looked up at me slowly when I opened the door, smiling weakly. “Hey sweetie, what are you thinking over there?”
“... I really hate this, but it's accurate.”
I nodded, sitting next to him. I laid out the snacks and drinks I'd brought so he could take what he liked. “Can I see it?”
His hand trembled as he passed it to me. Green head - except for a yellow patch on his scarred cheek-, green hands, yellow lower arms, orange upper arms, red from the chest to thighs, yellow calves, green feet. I nodded, smiling softly. “I'm so proud of you, Jay.”
“... You're … what?” he frowned, confused.
“I'm proud of you. Introspection is difficult, but you did it anyway. And now we have something to work with.” He looked flabbergasted, staring at me like I'd grown another head. I chuckled softly and offered him my drawing; significantly more green than his, but I of course had my own ‘no’ ‘no, but maybe soon?’ and ‘ask first’ areas.
Jason looked over mine, nodding a bit. “... So … it looks like this area is green for both of us,” he pointed to the face on my drawing; “... Maybe we could … do something about that?”
I chuckled softly, gently cupping his cheek. “Jay, is that your way of asking without asking if you can kiss me?”
He blushed brightly, looking away a bit. “... If it is?”
“Then you're adorable~”
He slowly looked at my lips again, taking my hand that wasn't on his face and bringing it to his other cheek. I was almost afraid to breathe; he had never let me touch this scar before. Said it was from a particularly bad day, and he didn't really want to talk about it. Now it was under my hand…
Jason's eyes finally met mine, he looked so vulnerable and needy. I took a deep breath, gently stroking his cheeks with my thumbs, and he sighed softly. “... That ok?”
He nodded, whispering; “yeah, that's good … can … can I?”
I nodded. “You saw my colors, you know where you can touch.”
He nodded again, gently cupping my cheeks, and slowly pulled me forward. Our lips barely grazed each other before he stopped; his hands were trembling against me. I gently guided him toward me, pressing a little more firmly into the kiss. He slowly relaxed into it, but continued to let me lead. Eventually I pulled back to breathe, reveling in the soft, whiny moan that poured from his lips as we parted.
Next ->
Divider by: @saradika-graphics
Taglist (open):
@jawdropforkpop @krys0210 @snowy-violet @superthoughts @wordsfromshona @mystic60 @iwannabealocalcryptid @morstuavitamea-a @frosty--giants @arisa191 @prized-jules
