#therapy trauma

[zephyrodd]

Have to have the "We have to do something to keep me safe" conversation with my therapist tomorrow.

I never look forward to this.

In 2023 I was inappropriately forced in-patient because I couldnt tell my therapist when I last showered.

She told me I was probably going to end up in the ER, and THEN did a saftey assessment. When I had an autistic shut down (I wasnt diagnosed or understood that this is what was happening) she answered the assessment for me. She never tried to de-escalate, she only escalated the situation the entire time.

My new therapist is lovely, and I trust her to help me make safe decisions when my mental health is on a rapid decent into crisis.

Im hoping we can do something that allows me to continue seeing her, when I did IOP insurance wouldn't pay for both. I also hope I can at least hold out until after my disability hearing.

It feels like my life doesnt have any space for healing right now. My dysphoria is worse than ever. I feel like im drowning. And people keep relying on me.

[hel7l7]

And I keep hoping you’ll come back

[traumasurvivors]

If therapy did not help you at all, you’re valid.

If therapy made your situation worse, you’re valid.

If you have therapy trauma, you’re valid.

Therapy is often shown as this great thing, and it can be, but please don’t feel invalidated if your therapy experience wasn’t great.

[sluttyhaecceities]

Institutions such as of psychiatry die when they are sufficiently replaced so as to lose all of their soft power. The institutions are like waves on an ocean and the people water molecules but the flow is bigger than all of those things.

I would go as far as to say that the western model of medicine is the problem itself like why stop at psychiatry. In practice western medicine has proven time and time again to be destructive to everyone who is a minority in many well recorded ways. Psychiatry is deeply infected with the same depersonalization of the patient doctor relationship that every other branch of modern medicine is infected by. It has become statistical, post-modern medicine.

This is not totally true everywhere, there are some pockets that exist, groups of old doctors who practice medicine in a sufficiently personal way as to be healing but the colonial mode of operations which is endemic to every one of our institutions causes minorities who are not protected by white handlers to be repeatedly mishandled by original design. The secret as to why doctors acting in good faith could comply is that the entire system is sustained by its own momentum. It doesn't need anyone to be consciously aware of what it is doing in any given human.

That's what the beating heart of the leviathan is. it's very much like we are cells in its body, a very lonely body. A predator that is running out of prey because the world wasn't big enough to counter it.

You have to go so far as to actively dealienate the doctor from you because from the moment they see you, as any patient, they immediately see a statistic. But this doesn't mean they aren't capable of decent interactions. it's just a boundary they are forced to put up because they can't leave the gamut of operation that their patient's insurer will provide and not to mention the locus of control towards the administrative department they can't cross. The iron cage of despair.