Sense of Belonging
Whenever I hear those three words, as if on cue, there’s a sharp pang in my chest.
English class has been hitting way too close to home lately, heh.
I’m sure every TCK has had to ask themselves, early on in their lives, over and over again as it changed, where on this Earth they even belong.
Is there a place for me here? Is this my place, is that my place, are all of these my places, or are none of these my places?
Of course, it isn’t just places. We, as in all human beings, can feel like we belong to a social group, be it a culture, a community, a friend group, or an intimate relationship with a person special to us. And yes, a certain food or flower counts, too.
We as TCKs often associate “belonging” with places, even though it is so much more, because we know that almost everything we feel a sense of belonging to... is tied to a place.
At the same time, we transcend these places.
Our sense of belonging can’t ever be fully tied to one place, now can it?
A long-distance friendship isn’t present in our lives the same way a local friendship is, but either are friendships important to us, and although our immediate surroundings dictate the way we will live our lives at a certain point in time, they do not make up the entirety of our home, or of our sense of belonging:
How much we feel like we belong depends on how connected we can feel to all these, while at the same time feeling connected to the place and the people we are with now.
Sometimes I get really jealous of people that have never in their lives moved. I know not everyone finds a stable sense of belonging even then, but from what I’ve gathered, many, most do. I wonder what it’s like, to wake up in a familiar bed in a familiar room in a familiar house in a familiar neighborhood in a familiar town or city, state and country you call your own, to go outside and to have all your past memories flooding back to you as you walk past the places they took place, to be greeted with smiles and recognition by everyone you’ve ever known, and to have all your close friends and loved ones in one place, to actually get to hug them and be hugged and to talk and to be talked to and to spend your lives together. To not be forgotten as you blur in and out of everyone’s lives, only ever halfway present, no matter your efforts to be whole.
Only ever halfway belonging.
When you truly belong to a group, you are accepted by them as one of their own, you have a point of identification and relatability, you feel comfortable and loved being yourself, and you probably wanna stay together - and that sentiment will be returned.
And yet, even though the definition of belonging never varies very significantly from person to person, it is lived out entirely differently as a TCK.
I feel like it isn’t enough to close the gaping hole in my heart when someone says those three words: “sense of belonging”. A sense of belonging. Something I deeply lack, and something that is so essential for mental well-being and happiness, as has been proven by countless psychologists and studies. It makes me wonder if it’s the root of so much loneliness, struggling with self-esteem, and finding a stable social circle or life that many TCKs face.
Even though I lack a true sense of belonging to any one place or group, the concept seems to carry more meaning for me than for anyone who has it.
Maybe it’s taken for granted by them, until they one day feel out of place, too.
Out of place. I think that’s a good way to describe how I chronically feel. Sometimes a lot, sometimes a little, always kinda out of place. Always something’s in the way.
Maybe it’s who I am on the inside, maybe it’s where I am on the outside, maybe it’s all that I have been and everywhere that I wanna be that stops me from ever truly feeling: This is where I belong. This is who I belong with.
I think many TCKs also feel out of sync with their peers, especially in their “home countries” or outside of international environments, or away from someplace more close to home. It doesn’t help to feel misunderstood and like everyone else’s world here is worlds away from your own, which doesn’t include you or anything else that’s your world, and may not be open for it either, and for your efforts of integration to fail at that realization. It makes belonging in groups hard, and I think for many, shifts the focus to more intimate individual relationships. Here, we don’t feel like we don’t “fit in”, because there’s no mold to fit into but our own individual one, just as our significant other (of any nature, friendship too) does into their own.
How can we belong? Can we belong??
My heart is broken into pieces across the world, and my soul is calling away into a million different directions. That’s the way it is, and always will be, and I won’t give that up for my little fantasy of home that’ll never exist for me.
I still have hope that someday, I won’t feel like I need to depart on the next jetplane in order to have a place on this Earth. I’m trying right now, to establish friendships, to nurture the ones I have all over but especially where I am right now, and to acquaint myself with more of the world - because no matter if it’s imperfect - it’s the ones I love and this planet that I’ll always feel the strongest sense of wanting to stay with.
Maybe global connectedness, the meaningful relationships we harbor with loved ones and human beings all over the world, regardless of physical presence, can contribute to our own sense of belonging in this world - wherever we may be, even if it’s no place in particular, even if we have various places we 5%, quarter, halfway, three-quarters, or 95% belong to. We were born into this world, so here we belong - at least until humanity starts expanding to Mars and the moon.
