Hi ena :) I just have a little something I kinda wanna know the right response to. Like I have a guy friend, a really nice one whom I'm quite close to. We're kinda having exams right now and the first couple of them were trashy for the both of us. While hanging around one day, I hugged him once to cheer him up after a bad one and we left for our homes. He seemed happy about it, saying how this hug will give him strength to work harder for the next test and how he's sure he'll ace it. [contd]
[contd] I found it cute at first, but then he started asking for hugs every single day before leaving which made me feel super uncomfortable. I'm not really into the pda thing and him asking this actually also kinda confirmed about my suspicions of him having feelings for me. Which makes me very uncomfortable, again. I refused politely, saying such public expressions really are not my thing. He didn't take it too harshly which I feel he hid well with jokes, but he became consistent [contd] [contd] abt asking me for hugs (which I don't mind in general)& how his next test depended on it (which annoys me because that's just bullshit) Today it just went to blackmailing saying that his next test is gonna be terrible because I didn't hug him (which I did earlier) in a crowded subway station & that I'm responsible for it. He got upset and isn't talking to me. I don't wanna lose him because he's a nice guy and a real good friend but I don't wanna put up with it either! Am I overreacting?
No, you’re definitely not overreacting. This might be an answer from a person (aka me) who rather dislikes being touched in any shape or form. I just don’t like being touched---but when I hug someone it means they’re important to me and I’ll hug when I want to hug them (vice versa if the other is okay with it)
It’s fine you gave him a hug. He’s your friend and you were comforting a friend. It’s on him, very wrong indeed, to pressure you into giving him a hug for any reason. You give one when you want to. It’s your body. Your space. He has no right to demand one from you or threaten you with friendship or even punish you by not speaking to you. It’s not fair and truthfully, a good friend and an honest worthy man would never force you to hug him or do anything for him. Can you imagine if you bent to his every whim and wish? The consequences of what else it might lead to? Do not feel bad. You did the right thing. If you’re uncomfortable with it, don’t hug him. Don’t talk to him. Stand your ground and don’t falter.
I know he’s your close friend and you don’t want to lose him but really---a true friend doesn’t do this. If he cares for you, he would take your comfort into consideration. He would appreciate the one hug you gave him and not dictate for more when you’ve said you don’t want to. It’s definitely up to you but I would suggest sitting him down, voicing your upfront opinion. Lay down the line and if he doesn’t accept it then he might not be a person who you should be around. It’s not healthy, trust me.
