#this was soft

[susieskinner93]

this little moment though

the first thing Robert did was to check on Aaron… to see if he was okay …

[sanisse]

Can I ask who you think would be best at comforting a totally burnt out lover? Like, they’ve been working to hard or pushing themselves to do to much for too long, telling everyone they are fine, and they just snap, too tired to even cry, collapse on the bed, desperate need of cuddles and to be told it’s okay to rest, they aren’t bad if they do. Thanks! (Elf dudes preferred, but whatever you think is best is cool too)

Ohhh 🥺👉👈

Best at Caring for a Burnt-Out Partner

Elrond (he gives amazing cuddles and knows lots of soothing Songs of Power to help you heal and improve your rest). 20/10 capable of emitting soothing energy on a telepathic level & loves holding his partners while they sleep. Will sing to you and tell you stories to keep your mind occupied if you need :)

Celebrimbor - big strong beefy arms are perfect for holding you and he's really gentle and patient just like Elrond. Loves giving forehead kisses and WILL fuss.

Erestor - on the surface he wouldn't seem like he is but he's perfect for anyone who has trouble getting themselves to rest because he's no-nonsense and pragmatic about it. Extremely judgement-free and knows a lot of practical things to do (like healthy snacks, getting you electrolytes, warm bath, etc.)

Lindir - anxious and fussy but very attentive to everything you ask for. May take some coaxing to get him to settle down with you if you just want him to hang out and cuddle but he's happy to do so. He just wants to feel useful!

Thranduil - surprisingly patient. VERY doting & protective. Anybody who might try to bother you while you're resting will get a scathing dressing-down to the point of tears. Loves to braid your hair/play with it and will get you lots of fancy snacks <3

[anannua]

Hello!!! First, I'd like to wish you a Happy New Year!

Second, I want to thank you for your art! It's so beautiful and whenever you offer to share it, I get so excited!!! I love the way you convey the character's emotions in your art. It's such a lovely thing to see, and has inspired me quite a few times.

Third, a request from me for the art giveaway: could you draw Genma/Gai cooking? I just love my favorite pair, and there's so little art of them, and I'd love to see your take on the characters. 🥺

And fourth, you do so much, and I feel like I don't give enough to you, so please don't hesistate to pop into my askbox with a ship of your choice and a drabble prompt of your choice! I want to create something for you this year too, so please indulge me!

And last: have a wonderful wonderful new year!!!

Kaoruhana 😀

I feel like Gai can relax around Genma. He's usually going at 1000% but Genma is so down to earth. Plus weren't they on the same genin team? So Genma is used to Gai's larger-than-life personality, has seen all his facets and flaws and knows him well enough for there to be a nice tangible peace between them. A sense of comfort. That's the vibe i got from imagining them spending time together~

✨ you may need to click for better quality but i hope you like it 💕

[pixieposts]

I meeeaaaan dice prompt 28 was written for Widofjord;)

And if you wanted to, the idea popped into my head that maybe Fjord could sense Caleb's need for sleep/body under duress, through like his Orc stuff(Idk).

Only if you want to though, no pressure, just a weird idea☺

Ohhh that's cute as hell though?? Did you want fluff?? Cause you got fluff 💖

There it was, that sound again.

Fjord stood from where he had been trying to meditate in the garden, frowning as an unseasonably warm breeze brushed past his ankles towards the stairs. Towards the sound.  He had noticed it the day before, he knew it was a heartbeat, but it was... off somehow.  Too fast, too slow, too... uneven.  He had checked in with the others and found no obvious disturbance.  They were taking time off after all, spending a week or so in Xhorhas to re-coup and relax a bit.  There was no reason for any of them to be as stressed as this heart sounded.  He had been certain it was Caleb, initially, because he knew Caleb’s heartbeat.  Something deep in his being knew what that sound was, knew how to follow it to the wizard no matter what.  He had panicked, thinking Caleb was hurt, or sick... only to find him sitting comfortably in the library, reading through one of the massive tomes Essek had lent him.

But it hadn’t gone away.  He had tried to ignore it, tried to sleep through it, and tried to meditate it out of his mind... but there it was.

And now the Wildmother was clearly pushing him towards it, with s breeze so uncannily cat-like that he couldn’t ignore the implication.

He followed the sound to the library again, pushing the door open slowly and fighting down a whine.  Caleb was sitting exactly where Fjord had left him nearly 48 hours earlier, with another huge book in front of him on the desk.  He closed the door gently and crossed the room, pausing to look Caleb over before making himself known.  He looked... well, awful.  There had always been circles around his eyes, but they had turned a bruise-like purple in the few days they had been in town.  His skin was pale, but not in its usual northern way, rather it looked... waxy, sickly almost.  And that sound, the irregular, jarring thump of his heart.

“Cay?”

He jumped, and Fjord winced, before turning to look at him, blinking slowly as if he had forgotten how.

“Fjord?” his voice was rough with disuse “what is it?”

“Darlin’ when... how long have you been sitting here?”

“Ah...” he paused, thinking “three days, why, are we going somewhere?”

“No... no Cay that’s...” he stuttered, amazed once again by just how low Caleb’s self-preservation could go “you need to sleep”

“Sleep is for the weak” Caleb stretched, and Fjord glared at the audible cracks the movement produced along his spine “I have work to do”

“You look like you need to sleep for a week, Cay”

Caleb turned and glared at him, though there was no real heat behind the expression, and Fjord sighed.

“Please?  Just... go to bed for a few hours, for me?”

His own heart fluttered as Caleb’s expression softened, exhausted blue eyes searching his face before he nodded, resigned.

“Ja...ja okay Schatz, if it will stop your worrying”

“I don’t think much could stop me worrying about you darlin’” he teased, holding out a hand to help Caleb from the chair “but you getting some sleep is a definite start”

Caleb sighed again, but it shifted into a deep yawn halfway through and Fjord tried (unsuccessfully) to hide his smirk.  He tugged Caleb along to the door of his room, pushing it open without thinking and steering him to the bed.  He pulled out sleep clothes, holding out a hand automatically for Caleb’s book holsters and turning away while he changed.  Once Caleb was in bed, Fjord lowered himself down to perch on the edge, scanning his face for any sign of trouble.

“You really need to take better care of yourself,” he said softly, as Caleb's eyes drooped “not eating properly, not sleeping... it’s not good for you”

“Well,” Caleb yawned again, his accent already thicker as he started to drift “I know I will never get away with it for long while I have you around Süsser”

“No,” Fjord agreed, feeling himself smile as the blue eyes drifted closed and Caleb’s heartbeat returned to normal “no sweetheart, you definitely won’t, not while I’m around”

Caleb hummed softly, snuggling down into the bed and letting out a quiet, contented sound when Fjord dared to reach out and brush his hair back from his face.

“Stay?” Caleb sighed, leaning into the touch “bitte?”

Fjord toed off his boots, laying down on top of the blankets and feeling the familiar warmth in his chest as Caleb shifted close.

“Course Cay, always”

[racha]

💗🔎 curiosity tag 🔍💗 tagged (and made) by @hyukaheart (thank you hope this is so cute and i loved answering to all of the questions !! 🌌 )

— which artists make you instantly smile when you hear their laughs?

soobin (txt) 🐇, mark (nct) 🍓, minghao (svt) 💍, jeno (nct) 🍒 (wait i think this is a little biased-) and special mention to heechul (suju) 🧸

—what’s a song you’d like to recommend to the person who tagged you?

hope!! i was just suddenly reminded of this song, so here you go <3 i used to listen to it a lot at some point whenever i was going through hard times and i'd become hopeful again 🌻

—which artist/s have your favourite voices?

singing voices or... cause if it's talking voices then felix (skz)🌺, hwiyoung (sf9) 💗, taehyung (bts)🧸, renjun (nct) 😚 and ryujin (itzy) 🌻

but if it's singing voices then! iu, gaho, woosung, bibi <3

—what are some sets from the wonderful ccs here that you find yourself thinking about often?

but!!! there's just so many i don't really have favorites :( like i reblog and see so much content that i don't know if i would ever be able to choose 🙁 what comes to mind on spot right now though is:

this gifset of soobin, i love it so much, i tend to think about it quite a lot 🏵️ ;

that stunning the boyz x black swan gfx 🍓 ;

THIS close-up set of felix's freckles 🩹 ; and...my brain is going numb, i can't think of something else and even if i can i cannot find it 🤧

—if you could steal (affectionately akcnjd) an idol’s pet, who’s would it be and why?

same!! definitely odi 🦔, odi is <3 we love odi :(

—which artists that share your star sign do you like?

hwiyoung (sf9) (same birthday!!!), jeno (nct) 🌹, sunmi 💜, iu 🏵️, jay (enhypen) 🌌 (they're all biases so far i-) it's taurus frens 🐌, chanhee (tbz) 🌠, wonpil (day6) 🐬, yoshi & yedam (treasure) 🤧, baejin (cix) 🧁.. so many and all so lovely <3

—do you have any favourite photoshoots that your ults have done?

felix and hyunjin 🌹 for arena homme plus magazine!!!

a.c.e 💜 for their latest album photoshoot (absolutely stunning)!!

—what songs do you always get stuck in your head?

these days i've been listening a lot to dandelions by ruth b, i used to listen to her a lot in the past and this song blew up suddenly so i got stuck with it again ... 🌠

—who are your favourite dancers in kpop right now?

taemin (shinee) 🍓 he never ceases to leave me breathless! he has his OWN world of dancing, one of a kind!!

lisa (blackpink) 💗 she always makes her dancing look so easy and effortless and yet so captivating to watch!!

san (ateez) 🧁the only idol who's fancams i never stop watching! he's an insane performer !

jimin (bts) 🐇 his dance always leaves me in awe, he's so sharp yet so much like a feather, it's stunning !

ryujin (itzy) 🍂 she's so powerful and her dance always draws me in!!

moonbin (astro) 🌌 underrated performer!! he is so sharp and strong and his body proportions look so good when he's dancing and he pulls off girl group dances so satisfyingly!!

this list could go on and on and on so i will mention a few more without additional comments (although i really wanna say stuff about them) : yeonjun (txt), ten (nct), minghao (svt), momo (twice), seulgi (rv), sunmi, seungyeon, juyeon (tbz), minho (skz), yoojung (weki meki), hyolyn AND MORE. maybe one day i will make a list.

—are there any photos of your ults that you find yourself thinking about a lot?

i don't really save pictures? and if i do i delete them shortly after, but! i have some favorites off of the top of my head <3

every picture of lee know 😚 in which he makes a kissy face for example :

all of soobin's fan-taken pictures from the VLIVE awards 191116 i can't add them because i don't know the original posters 🤧 but search it up!!!

and these cute pictures of lixie 💗

—which artist/s do you feel you can see yourself in?

hmmm, maybe jisung from stray kids? i feel like we think alike and feel alike in many ways. i have honestly never thought about this but he was the first one to come in mind. an artist who i can see myself in... i guess it's him. i can relate to his lyrics and thoughts a lot. the way in which he is usually bubbly but carries this certain sadness within him, like in his songs. his awkwardness and the way he acts around his friends compared to how he acts around people he doesn't know or people he idolizes..

—is there anyone who always manages to give you gender envy?

yeonjun !!i don't know why he just.. every single time I see him i'm like damn how does it feel to be like that? and changkyun, I don't know what i would do if i would be him for one day like I just... probably just stare at myself in the mirror for hours....and take 1029282882 selfies :D

—and finally, what idol do you think the person who tagged you is most like?

hope!!! you remind me of felix!! (he has been mentioned so many times throughout this post djskxjsj) i was thinking of someone else to associate with you but i can't 🤧 because every time i think of felix i think of him baking brownies and sharing them around and i just have that kind of image of you..as if you bake brownies full of love and share them around with your friends, and other people's friends and you seem so kind and lovely and yet so, quiet somehow? not in a bad way!! anyways, lots of love to you <3

and thank you for making this! it was lots of fun 💗 you already tagged lots of people so i don't really know who to tag heheh so i'll just tag these lovely people @soobeannie , @txtp1h & @baekhycn (only if u want to <3) and if anyone else wants to be tagged in this.. tell me 🔍🌠 or say that i tagged u !! peach anon, i am tagging u too if you ever see this 🌻

[whirlybirbs]

… is there something you want? w/.. dare I say.. maul?

a/n: set directly after this bc anon called my bluff, yes i’m soft for maul tonight.

You wake up to the burning heat of another body pressed tightly to your side. 

The sun, drawing itself in and making itself welcome, paints the room a warmer shade of vanilla -- long shadows from the intricate window panes cast themselves across the lavish carpet and up, up, up onto the four poster bed that is home to two exhausted inhabitants.

Maul inhales sharply, feeling a body shift beneath him, and confusion lights up his senses for a mere second. Quickly, though, even in his mostly-asleep state, he recognizes the gentle thrum of your aura through the force -- it wraps around his heart all gilded and pretty, so very you. All without opening his eyes, Maul settles back down into his sleep and buries his nose into your hair. 

You stretch a bit, enjoying the feeling of warm, calloused palms sweeping your hips and abdomen. The Zabrak curls around you tightly, metallic knees tucked right behind your own. His chest, warm against your bare back, rises and falls as the Sith remains peaceful. 

You’re careful when you turn in his arms, apology at the ready, when Maul stirs.

It’s the first time in his life he wakes to a kiss -- it’s a bit like a punch to the gut. It’s warm and sacred and so full of affection he reasons the single pass of your lips could keep him happy for a year or more. He need not power or revenge when you’re in his arms; only a bed, and you. 

The fact of that is rather unsettling.

The truth of the matter -- your now consummated relationship with the Sith -- was he truly felt unlike himself in moments with you. He was so used to anger driving his every step... Revenge and hatred and bitterness were the things that kept him fighting tooth and nail. And, yet...

Here he is, curled into your chest and perfectly at peace.

You watch him for a moment, lashes heavy as the Zabrak blinks up tired at your face. The morning sun casts a halo around your head, your hair falling along the pillow in gilded light. Maul wonders, off-handedly, if maybe he’s dead. If maybe this bliss was brought with an assassination -- or maybe you’d gone and stabbed him forty-six times in his sleep.

His brow furrows.

No, you’d never do such a thing. 

Perhaps this moment is just luck. 

Suddenly, you laugh -- and the sound coaxes a little bit more awareness out of him. He blinks up, eyes squinting shut when you press your thumb to his brows once more; just as you’d done last night. 

“... Is there something you want?” he asks, voice low and hoarse with sleep. It’s laden with amusement. A soft, dark sort of kind.

His hands knead a bit into your hips as he watches you, keenly taking in the aftermath of the night before. Love-bites litter the skin of your neck and chest. Your hair is a mess. Your lips, too, seem to be a bit swollen. You settle back down to the sheets, cheek settling on the planes of his chest -- Maul’s brow still remains furrowed.

“You’ve just woken up,” you mumble, “And you’re already scowling.” 

“... It’s in my nature.”

“Mm,” you hum, wriggling up the bed as you move to run the pads of your fingers along his jaw, “It’s cute.”

... Cute? No, no, he... he is not cute. He is Maul. Formerly Darth and currently Mandalore. He is a Sith and a killer and a feasible foe to any who dare -- 

His face melts into a look akin to one a drenched loth-cat would give its owner. You hide a smug little grin into the pillow beside his head.

... Ah, yes. You -- You were doing that on purpose.

To get him to scowl more, no doubt.

“Handsome,” you correct after a breath, “Incredibly so. Scowl and all.”

“Says the one,” he mumbles, “who has stolen my heart.”

He can hardly look at you as he says it, bottom lip pulled into a sheepish admission of his wariness that comes with the territory. The words strike you right in the chest and you curl around him a little tighter. It’s... incredibly endearing, especially coming from the force of nature that is the red and black Zabrak tangled in the sheets beside you.

You don’t press. You simply let the words sit in your heart, and you fall back asleep with a smile on your face.

That is rather cute, Maul supposes.

[thronesofshadows]

We Are All Right Here || Deirdre & Evelyn

TIMING: Before Evelyn’s Birthday (early April) LOCATION: Deirdre and Morgan’s home PARTIES: @deathduty and @thronesofshadows SUMMARY: Deirdre and Evelyn have a complicated discussion of love and loss. CONTENT: Discussions of grief

Deirdre sat still, swirling blood-red wine as peered over at Evelyn through the glass. Symmetrical features, a face that would’ve made millions just by looking pretty as easily as it did upwelling wine, skewed and tiny in the reflection of glass. She looked like a leprechaun, all of her stunning height gone away in tiny glass. Deirdre laughed. “This wine tastes like shit.” Deirdre threw her hands up, meaning no offense. She had invited Evelyn over, after all. And she had asked Evelyn to bring wine—good wine, as she put it over the phone. It wasn’t very hostly of her to complain, but the wine was weird. She set the glass down and uncrossed her legs. “I know you’re the expert, but are you sure this is the good wine? It tastes like something died in it….which normally I would be into but…” She looked up and grinned at her friend. “Well, you’re probably tired of talking about wine and it’s been so long since we’ve gotten together like this...why don’t you tell me what’s going on in your life?” 

Given how fond she was of Deirdre, Evelyn was ashamed that she hadn’t spent more time with the other woman recently. She didn’t even have a truly good excuse - which made her feel bad. Not a feeling that she had found herself at all familiar with until more recently. “Some wine is more of an acquired taste.” Evelyn shrugged, raising an eyebrow. “I shall endeavor to find something better next time.”  She matched Deirdre’s grin. Relaxed just slightly in her chair, though the urge to hold herself in perfect posture managed to come through even around those that she genuinely found herself most relaxed around. “It has been too long, and I offer my apologies for that. We need to do this more often, I think.” At Deirdre’s question, her mind flashed to Miriam for a moment, but that still felt like too much to share. Avoiding talking about personal details of her life was certainly something that had proven to let her down before, but there were still far too many times when the words got caught in her throat. “I had to get my windows replaced some months back, and so I did some other redesigning within my home. A good friend got me a piano for the holidays and so I have begun to think I might need to properly take up piano again. How about yourself?” Evelyn pushed the glass of wine to the side, letting her gaze rest on her friend.

Deirdre ran her tongue along her lips, tasting the last drops of a bitter red wine, with notes of…well, Deirdre wasn’t the one with the discerning tastes, as much as she liked to think she could tell the difference between twelve dollar wine and thousand dollar wine. “Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a sommelier. There goes that dream.” She sighed and placed her glass down, crossing her legs. As Evelyn spoke though, Deirdre’s lips twitched, and an eyebrow raised in question. A town like White Crest, a woman like Evelyn, she had to be up to better things than replacing windows (no doubt Regan’s fault) and practicing her piano. Not that Deirdre wasn’t happy to hear these things—it truly had been such a long time—but her standards for news were a little high. “That’s it?” She uncrossed her legs, leaning in. “You mean to tell me, in all this time, all you’ve done is some redecorating and piano practice? Really?” Deirdre leaned back, casually gesturing a hand in the air. “You must be hiding the juicy secrets from me. But what’s said during wine night, stays in wine night.” The banshee reached for her glass again, taking a sip. “For example, I’ve been up to—“ Deirdre grimaced; she wasn’t about to tell anyone she was going to therapy, and couples therapy at that. But if she expected to hear the juicy bits of Evelyn’s life, perhaps she ought to offer her own. “—Morgan and I are going to couples therapy.” She raised her glass and downed the rest of the contents. “Now you.” 

“You do just fine, Deirdre,” Evelyn raised an eyebrow. “If you wish, I can always teach you more about discerning different types of wine from one another.” She set her glass on the table, watching the redness of the wine settle against the crystal clear glass. “Besides, I never set out to do what I now do, so perhaps you could be an expert someday. If you wish. If not, you do have me around for as long as you wish, and I am happy to find wines that best suit you.” She was more than alright to move beyond discussing wine - she had no specific qualms with the discussion at hand, but she liked to think that her and Deirdre’s friendship extended beyond that. On a good day, when she cared to think of herself as someone who could have friends, she liked to think that it extended far beyond that. “Well, both of those are rather important. I have not played the piano in a number of years, and it feels rejuvenating to return to it.” She held her tongue lightly between her teeth. “I respect that, but besides being not human, I do not think I have had many juicy secrets, not truly.” Her mind flashed to Miriam, and she fiddled with the necklace, running her thumb carefully against the stones. She blinked a few times - almost, bizarrely, reflexively - at Deirdre’s next comment. “I hope it is helpful.” Her father hadn’t thought that was a good thing, and she’d come to realize that maybe as a child it wouldn’t have been, in her case. It wasn’t like a human therapist would understand. “I…” she dropped her hand from the necklace. “Seem to have found someone who I care for rather beyond what I imagined I could. This is the second time this has happened in a year, and though it is beautiful, I am unsure of exactly how to …” she trailed off, “well, how to come to terms with that, given how I have seen myself for so long.”

Deirdre played with the idea in her head, but thought it was just a little too late. She had no one left to impress with wine knowledge—Evelyn seemed to like her just fine and… Deirdre reached to fill her glass again, taking long, big sips. “I think it’s been a good thing,” she responded, finding her reflection in dark, maroon depths more interesting to stare at. Morgan was happier, and the two of them, happier together, and for that alone she would call the venture into therapy a victory. Yet, something about it still left a bitter taste in her mouth. A relic of old prejudices, perhaps. Or the wine. She was delighted, then, that Evelyn found something happier to confess. “Really?” Deirdre lifted her head up, a wide smile offered. “Like….like you did Melanie?” Deirdre delight at the news betrayed her. After all, she was a romantic, and forever optimistic to notions of love ever since Morgan, who was infinitely better than any fantasy, because she wasn’t one and yet, still was. “Evelyn…” she paused, setting her glass aside again. “....how is it that you see yourself? You’ve found two relationships in one year, granted one ended poorly but...if anything, wouldn’t that mean you’re a woman with a loving heart? And Melanie…” Deirdre trailed off, unsure how to approach the dead girlfriend topic. “....well, how is it you see yourself? Caring for someone is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?” 

“I think it can be, though I know that - well, that therapy of any sort would not have been something my father would have wanted for me.” She admitted, for something of a first time. It was something that she’d not even thought about much, simply because it just was. That was not what her family did. Lord Robert did not believe in it, much like he did not believe in education surrounded by other children. Revealing too much of oneself, especially emotionally, was not something that would do any of them any good. So Evelyn believed it herself, well enough. She wasn’t supposed to cry too much if she got hurt, and she wasn’t supposed to be overly excited, unless it was at an event and the situation demanded it. Even then, pleasant smiles and a grin flashed here and there were far more preferable. “I -” she ran her tongue over her teeth, switching it to press against the roof of her mouth. “Perhaps. It may well be something in that direction…” she let her voice trail off. “I see myself as someone for whom relationships and romance do not necessarily mix with. I have been shut away for much of my life, and strong emotions do not go well with me, always. Relationships beget such things, and I find that all to be overwhelming. I think I can love - I think I have not really been able to, much before.” She glanced down at her wine as Deirdre brought up Melanie again. “I want to care, but what if I do it all wrong? I locked my dolls away when I became angered with them, even though I was supposed to care for them and treat them well - and you cannot do that with a person - not literally, at least. Furthermore - what if they do not care back? My father - well, parents are supposed to love you and he does, but he does not care for me. Do I make any sense?”

“Your father is a prick.” Deirdre said plainly, leaning back into her seat. She gestured, lips parted, as if to follow up with ‘what? He is’. Something more unspoken about the way humans can be, the things they don’t understand. And parents, more concerned with rules and proprietary than the people their children are. As Evelyn continued, Deirdre sat up, shifting to the edge of her couch, then down its length to Evelyn’s side. She had been locked away once, instead of a sprawling mansion she was given an old countryside, with greenery for days. She had thought emotions below her, beyond her, made for other, weaker people. Until she cried, when her great-great-grandmother died. When she moved here and fell in love, with a human, and the way they can be, and the things they don’t understand. And it flickered through her mind, about a dozen times, if all she was capable of was care in the image of her mother; cruelty dressed like love. She and Evelyn had led different lives, but some pains were shared, it seemed. “You make perfect sense,” she whispered, hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Will you let me tell you how I see you?” 

Deirdre drew in breath, pulling her hand off Evelyn to reach down and pick a cat hair off her immaculate friend. She held it up between them, one of Niamh’s hairs, and thought it was funny; as much as she cleaned, one still managed to find its way on to Evelyn. “You have several relationships already.” She flicked the hair to the floor. “Friends, colleagues, the sexual tension you share with an exclamation mark….and you care for them too. You have offered my more kindness as a friend than I know how to thank. And it’s strange to hear you say you’re worried that you might do it all wrong, when you’ve been doing it so well for so long.” Of course Deirdre knew romantic relationships were a little different. Of course she understood that fear, specifically. And so, she drew in another breath and continued. “I see you as a woman of considerable strength; it takes some to be someone who accepts the tide of the world as you do. I could spill wine over your clothes, to no anger, and that has never struck me as coldness, but care. You know what there is to value and what there isn’t; what might you feel if you spilt wine over my attire? Wouldn’t you offer to buy me new clothes? Emotions don’t need to be loud, nor care as garish. Emotions are always strong, even when they’re quiet. To me, Evelyn, you have always been a woman of considerable intelligence, for yourself and the world around you. An ambitious woman, and a prudent one. Most of all, a friend who has cared for me, and Morgan, better than you think you have, I feel.” 

She paused, finding Evelyn’s hand to clasp in hers. Her fingers were cold, and Evelyn’s warm, but she knew the blonde wouldn’t mind—and never, for a lack of care. “Okay, so maybe I think you’re too prudent, sometimes,” Deirdre laughed. “But I think being worried about all this is a good sign, to start. You do care, and you do care well, and I know the last few times you’ve cared for someone went...well there was that failed relationship, and Melanie….” Deirdre trailed off, looking at Evelyn. “Do those feel like failures, to you? Are you worried they might happen again?” 

Evelyn only bit her lip at Deirdre’s remark. He does love me, she wanted to emphasize again, but she could hear what Melanie had said to that, and what she very well imagined Deirdre might also say. Yes, but he is still a jerk. So she just gave Deirdre a small shrug. There was no use arguing with her on several fronts - for one, Deirdre was steadfast in her beliefs (and they were beliefs that Evelyn did, at least in this case, believe as well, even if she didn’t always choose to vocalize them quite as bluntly or as often as her friend did) - and for two, she did not see much point in arguing, especially if it were about something like this. They’d both been shut away - even if she didn’t know as much about Deirdre as she found herself wanting to know. She did know that they’d both lived somewhat secret lives for their childhoods, though, even if Deirdre’s was surrounded by others who understood her far more than Evelyn’s father or nannies ever had. Which meant something, and Evelyn knew Deirdre knew that - that even though she had been surrounded by so much, her childhood had also been greatly lacking in other ways.

She nodded at Deirdre’s request, watching as her friend picked a cat hair off of her. Ironic, given the actual animal’s distaste for her, but something oddly, wonderfully normal. Evelyn watched Deirdre carefully as she spoke. At the exclamation mark comment she raised an eyebrow, though her expression showed nothing but one of quiet amusement. “You are under no obligation to thank me - I - well, I just have behaved as though I ought to.” Which was, quite possibly, in a properly kind way, no matter how odd that was to process. She’d never thought of herself as a rude child, but she also knew that rumors about her being icy had to have come from somewhere, and so she’d not especially thought of herself as kind, unless a situation called for it. Unless it won her some particular favor or granted her access to either knowledge or material items that she craved. Yet she took in Deirdre’s words. Maybe I can be, she mused, silently. “Of course I would. I would purchase something new for you, but in the interim I would loan you anything in my closet so that you did not have to wear stained clothing.” She sucked in her lower lip for a moment, unsure of what exactly to say to Deirdre’s words - incredibly kind, and yet still startling - to have someone in her life as valuable as Deirdre was. Who didn’t disregard her because of how she saw the world, or how she didn’t prefer to make a big show of things. Who didn’t judge her for her upbringing. “You deserve everything I have been able to offer you - I think that in certain circumstances, I only wish that I could have offered you more.”

She let Deirdre take her hand, and Evelyn found that the coldness of Deirdre’s hand was almost comforting, in a way. Miriam was cold too, and Evelyn found far too often that she preferred that, that it had practically become normal for her. “Yes, well, I shall not disagree with you on that. I am well-aware I can be.” She gave Deirdre’s hand a small, light squeeze. “I feel as though something must be wrong with me, perhaps, to have such things happen. I am worried, too. Not afraid, I do not think - though I am unsure of how I would feel fear myself, given what I am, but I am worried that in caring for someone deeply, I will only bring about sorrow to the both of us and this person - she does not deserve that. I do not want to hurt her, ever.”

The thought that Evelyn could be anything other than kind was laughable to Deirdre. It must have felt like propriety in Evelyn’s mind, but Deirdre knew enough of the world to know how to tell kindness apart. “You are kind, my friend,” she emphasized, wishing she could grab Evelyn’s words out of the air and point to them. “And you have nothing more you should offer me. Except doing this with me more often. I miss wine nights.” She laughed gently, wondering if she could transfer some of her ease to Evelyn. Wondering just how much pain was hidden away, how much she had been taught to hide. And could it fix everything now that there were people who cared? Who would listen? Pay attention? Care? Deirdre played with the thoughts in her head, finding the answers blank. After all, she couldn’t answer them even for herself. “A mara can’t be afraid?” Deirdre smiled, “well I guess I don’t expect you to be afraid of giant spiders or showing up to school with no pants on, but I’ll agree to call it worried. You’re worried.” Semantics didn’t matter in the end, anyway. “You’re right, she doesn’t deserve that hurt,” Deirdre leaned back, “and neither do you. You don’t deserve to lose anyone, not ever. Not now, not then, not tomorrow. But you don’t cause the sorrow around you, Evelyn. And most of all–“ Deirdre looked around; the wine glasses, the little bones on displays, the table Ariana carved, Lydia’s vase. “–it’s inevitable. Hurting people around you, being hurt. People are clumsy, rash, insensitive, emotional and distant. You hurt people without meaning to, you are kind to people without meaning to. Perhaps it is no comfort to know that it just happens but….it does just happen.” Her and Morgan were in therapy, for one thing. For all she didn’t mean to hurt her, she had. And for all Morgan didn’t mean to hurt her, she had too. Deirdre figured it was the way intertwining lives worked; some love, some pain, some adjustment. 

Deirdre turned back to Evelyn, offering out her arms. “How do you feel about hugs, friend?” She stayed that way, grinning, until she was met with her answer. “What I’ve learned is, the best you can do is….just that. The best you can do. When you love, you love as you know best, and you learn better, and then you do better. But you learn. And you might just do something one day that hurts her, she might do something like that to you, maybe some sorrow out of your control happens...and at the end, all you can do is decide to move forward. If a relationship is what you want, then some pain is inevitable as you grow and learn and fit your lives together. But it’s worth it, I think. And it’s not your fault. You’ve cared for me, and have only brought me joy. And no matter what happens with this mystery woman, I will be your friend, Evelyn. I will be here. And I will care for you too, just like you have for me. And perhaps that isn’t comfort, and it certainly isn’t advice, but I do care for you, and I suspect I always might.” 

“I can be. If I wish.” Evelyn shifted her body again, unsure of how to completely respond to Deirdre’s words. Because she wasn’t - she hadn’t always been kind but perhaps there was something to be said about how kindness could be intrinsic, or that she could still be kind even if she suffered through moments of unkindness. Though that sounded too philosophical - or, if she were to admit it, very much like something Arthur might have said to her at one point or another at Cambridge. Her stomach turned at the thought - though she knew he was happy, it was someone else who had left. Left her. Someone else who she could go to for anything in the world. She took another sip of her wine, holding it in her mouth for a few moments before swallowing. “Yes. Of course we can. I would love to spend more time with you.” She kept her posture still mostly stiff, though relaxed just slightly. Despite knowing that Deirdre understood (perhaps better than most, save for Miriam) about how she’d been raised. Emotions were useless, and when you were told that enough times, it became easier to shutter that away. Easier than admitting to it, because she’d learned long ago that when she cried after tripping, her father found it more annoying than anything else. All it earned her was a quick, cold kiss on her forehead. He loved her, but he’d never been good at showing that, and she knew that his love for her was conditional to a degree, and that perhaps she would have earned greater favor had she been human. “I do not think that I have the normal capacity for fear? I have never felt properly scared in my life, I do not think. From all I have read about, and experienced through my feeds, I think I understand, but I do not think I feel that way.” She scrunched her nose. “I - yes, perhaps I am.” She listened, wide-eyed to Deirdre’s words. You don’t cause the sorrow around you. “It feels as though I do, sometimes. That something in me causes this, because I do not think that this would happen were I…” human, better than I am, “different.” She blinked a few times at Deirdre’s words. It was still strange, having a friend who cared for her as much as Deirdre did. “It does, I suppose - and I do have such gratitude for all the kind words you offer me. You can be quite kind yourself, you know.”

She didn’t know how she felt about hugs. As a child, she’d only been hugged a few times by her father and though she’d been hugged by her nannies, being touched by people had always been odd to her, though in a quick moment she let herself be welcomed into Deirdre’s embrace. Evelyn shut her eyes for a moment, just staying there. It felt nice - to be embraced by someone she considered one of her closest friends. “You know, you truly are quite wise.” She grinned. “I - I just do not want to hurt her. I doubt she could ever hurt me, but - well, I just do not wish to ever cause her discomfort.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Relationships are complicated. I - I just want to love her for as long as I can, I think.” She broke apart from Deirdre’s embrace for a moment. “I will be here for you, for as long as I am able. No matter what.” Her hand found Deirdre’s - chillier than her own, but once again comforting - she had, after all, found that she preferred that - so much so that she’d taken to running her hands under cold water at work when she missed Miriam enough - even when they were only apart for a few hours. “I suspect I might always care for you too, you know. Or, you know, my far shorter lifespan’s version of always.” She glanced down at her hands again. “I just do not know what I would do if I lost someone again the way I did Melanie.”

“Different…” Deirdre repeated with a frown. What did Evelyn mean? If she were human? If she weren’t part human? If she was a brunette? Deirdre shook her head. No, she knew what Evelyn meant. “I think that about myself all the time…” If she were better, someone else, more fae, less fae, blonde. “If only I were some better woman…” Her eyes drifted; her house was silent. The cats gave Evelyn a wide distance, and Morgan was not home. “I don’t really have the answer to that question, but I do know I like you just as you are.” She turned back to her friend, “and who’s to say if being someone else would change anything? All I really know is I would hate it if you were someone else, I promise that. I like you this way. I like Evelyn, half-Mara, blonde, daughter of a viscount and a ballet dancer. Sitting on my couch drinking my wine. My friend, Evelyn.” Deirdre grinned, straightening up. Compliments to her kindness were often poorly received but it felt special from Evelyn, it felt true. And if anyone knew how strange it was to be called kind, it would be her. “Only to the people who matter,” she leaned in and took her hug, “only to the good ones, anyway.” 

It was true that Deirdre didn’t have many close friends. One sat in an urn and one was her girlfriend. But her friendship with Evelyn was not precious because of its scarcity in her life. “You really love her, huh? I think that’s all that matters in the end.” She squeezed Evelyn’s hand back. “No one knows what they would do. Grief is never something you desire, and can only prepare for so much. And as much as I wish I could promise nothing will happen to your mystery lover, I can promise to be your friend, regardless. I won’t promise it because that would be bad for me but I could, and I would.” She laughed, clasping her other hand over Evelyn’s. “You could live every day worrying about losing people like you did Melanie. The truth is, Death will always take. But she’s not gone now, and neither are you. And these things are precious. More important than any worry ever will be. You are here, she is alive, you care for her just as she cares for you, and that bottle of wine is not going to drink itself.” 

Her friendship was precious because it was Evelyn. And as was the case with all things that mattered, it was precious because she loved her.