I'm going to be brutally honest here with all of you for a moment. Sometimes I truly wish I wasn't such an awkward person. It's funny on the internet and it's a fun persona to portray, because it is ME, but man, at times it is so hard! At times, I wish I wasn't that one weird person in a group. I wish that when I talked to a complete stranger I didn't immediately belt out the fact that I pooped during childbirth. No one wants to know that! I wish I wasn't so afraid of other people that I will literally walk until I find a completely empty aisle at the grocery store to go through. And, don't even get me started on crowds! My palms sweat just thinking about it. I know people are usually nice and talking to them one on one is amazing, but stick me in a group and I'm bound to stay silent. I wish I didn't have to plan every conversation in my head prior to the moment because if I don't I'm going to blurt about my poop. Don't even get me started on the amount of jealousy I get when someone posts a group picture of five or more people they've been best friends with for years. I can barely muster the strength to go out with the few every few months. My desire to be able to enter an unknown situation without any fear is so overwhelming. I can't even imagine what that would be like! Worst of all is watching your child pick up your displaced fears and entering them into his mind. It breaks my heart into pieces. I don't want him to have the difficulty making friends I had. I want him to thrive and not fear leaving the house more than once per day. Entering new situations with confidence! And while I'll continue to embrace and love my Awkward as much as I can there will be times in each day I'll wish for more. #awkward #thisawkwardmom #awkwardmom #thatawkwardmoment #honestmotherhood (at Arizona)
