#thoolibul-ilm

[thoolibul-ilm]

new bedtime habit so i can start sleeping early instead of spiralling

book: reflecting on the names of allah by jinan yousef

[thoolibul-ilm]

muslims struggling with hygiene

for muslims struggling with hygiene as a result of their mental health, remember that allah is ar rauf the most compassionate and ar rahman the most kind.

your struggle to get up and clean yourself doesn't alienate you from allah. you may not be able to take wudhu and shower but you are still attempting to and even when you can't, you still had the intention to which counts.

allah loves those who continuously clean المتطهرين but he also loves التوابين those who continuously repent, your attempts matter.

[thoolibul-ilm]

a bit frustrated that it's hard to find posts and blogs about mentally ill muslims and mental health from the islamic perspective because like it or not, we do exist and we deserve to have community for healing can never truly be accomplished in isolation.

also, i think people find it challenging to understand that even though your brain isn't kind to you, god is and we should do our best to extend that same kindness to ourselves and the world around us.

please interact with this post if you too would like to find other mentally ill muslims so reblog, comment and tag. looking forward to meeting people struggling similarly

[thoolibul-ilm]

i struggle to sleep tonight because of many things but mostly grief, a regular companion of mine. some days we fight because i hate being reminded of what i once had but it's getting better, i'm learning to accept.

it's still not easy to move through life knowing i've lost so much and not every loss is regained, let alone replaced. i'm not where i thought or imagined myself to be, there are both pros and cons to this but what matters is which i choose to focus on. how do i strike a balance between validating and honouring the grief of what has passed whilst making room for what's in store? people think you can only grieve what you once had but that's not true, what you wanted but never got hurts just as bad. going through life projecting your own pain and insecurities on others means you can never truly be happy for them, since you will question your worth. this deservingness that you seem to lack.

i ache to be understood; to be seen and heard by others but i forgot my longest relationship is with god and myself. i needed to go to the creator to ask for help to love myself, the one who loves me regardless. i was made loveable but blinded to the truth from my trauma

[thoolibul-ilm]

masterlist of things

will add to this bit by bit

personal reflections

ptsd and school

grieving insomniac

losing a friend

the big why

love and family

journaling beginning

grief deep dive

sleeping with grief

[thoolibul-ilm]

why i choose the niqab

tl:dr my favourite thing about wearing niqab is the confidence it gives me to memorize quran in public.

alhamdulillah during ramadhan, i brought back the habit of carrying my physical quran around with me. i used to do it when i was a teen but always felt embarrassed when i had to. once i found out quran.com had an app, i stopped feeling guilty for not bringing my physical quran everywhere with me since i was already doing so through technology.

there's just something about ramadhan that makes bringing the quran to life feel like a second skin you can easily slide into. the metaphor is a little gross but it's the best way i can describe things. soon, leaving the house without my quran made me just as anxious as if i had left without my water bottle.

with regards to memorization, i prefer to do so out loud verbally over in writing. i don't discount the importance but it feels like a waste to not use the voice allah had blessed me with for his remembrance. i find it very humbling for the words of god to be allowed to exist within my physical body, for this sacred knowledge to be within reach of my memory so reciting quran is an honour i gladly celebrate. thus far, i would only memorize in mosques and prayer rooms as those were the only socially acceptable places to recite quran. during ramadhan, i ventured into memorizing while waiting for friends to arrive or be done praying while we were out.

part of why i was so put off memorizing in public is the mouth movements you have to make for correct tajwid. i wasn't ashamed of it as it's necessary but i was self-conscious and i'd rather grow closer to god than prove a point. my relationship with the quran is one i prioritize greatly over my anxiety so i'm willing to take the plunge and put the niqab on.

i'm sharing my story so people can see how the niqab can function in someone's daily practice and the sacrifices one has to make for a better relationship with god's revelation.

(I WILL BLOCK AND REPORT ANY INTERACTIONS WITH THIS POST IN A SEXUAL MANNER, INCLUDING BLOGS WHO FETISHIZE THE NIQAB)

[thoolibul-ilm]

currently listening to surah taha as i felt compelled to and this particular verse hit.

{ ٱلرَّحۡمَٰنُ عَلَى ٱلۡعَرۡشِ ٱسۡتَوَىٰ }

[surah taha: 5]

the most compassionate, ˹who is˺ established on the throne.

whenever we think of people in power, we don't think of mercy but rather abuse. the expection is betterment and instead most times, it's the opposite. having that much control on the lives of others will result in distance from empathy so they're acting on their sole benefit.

allah will never do that because of his compassion. allah wants the best for his servants out of love, rather than any benefit obtained from doing so. he is above needing anything and anyone.

it truly is comforting to know the one who has the most compassion and mercy is overseeing your matters so whatever happens is in your best interest

[thoolibul-ilm]

hi and salam to all,

this is my official room for the year 2020 and i couldn't be happier! i decorated this drab room to the best of my abilities and i've got to say, i did do a pretty good job. this will be my first year in uni and the first time i'll be sleeping on my own so wish me luck guys!