Rote is deeply cyclical. Constantly the same stories are being told again and again, the same impossible expectations and complex power imbalances.
Fitz is constantly re-inventing himself. In very much the same way as Beloved does. Fitz started as a bastard, then moved to assassin, then moved to ghost, then wolf, then man. Now in Buckkeep he's in the same role as a servant to everything before him, despite his actual status as a Farseer, so bastard again, not to be acknowledged formally but to be utilized secretly by a court. Then he's been made to step into his assassin self again, becoming this time a teacher. Keeping secrets from Dutiful/Thick in order to manipulate them into being a better foundation of skill users than he had been.
Although the story isn't there yet, I have no doubt that FItz will once again move to ghost. Killing what Tom Badgerlock was, shedding it like a old robe, and either taking back his true name, or once again leaving.
Fundamentally, Buck is still the same. A young kid with the Wit and Skill is being forced into a role he detests because of obligations to his genome. A teacher who never asked to be but has no other way to serve the crown due to his heritage, one who swallows secrets. A complex political situation that mixes magic with stubborn people. Kingdoms interacting over great distances, marriage used as an alliance. A father who cannot ever be a dad for his child's safety.
If you look at it that way, it seems like all Fitz, Kettricken, and Chade do is ensure the same average levels of awfulness within a kingdom under attack from every corner.
But. Within that, is a constant reshuffling of the deck. A new hand dealt. An ouroboros swallowing down its past in order to build a future. Yes all the same picture cards are showing up, queens, assassins, teachers, but those cards still remember being bastards.
That, I think is what makes this series so enchanting for me. That despite the misery of his circumstances, Fitz can't help but try to fight for something. He gets into trouble by not having a single focus for that fighting. He was forced to sever his own heart ties in order to properly serve a King that he didn't believe in. Now he spreads his intense love for people over an entire cast of characters, not being able to love them all in the way both he and they deserve, since he on some level understands that it is safer to have a thousand small betrayls than lose someone he loved completely. Which he already has in Nighteyes, and is constantly almost about to do with Beloved.
sometimes you spend too long on algorithm fed short form video content and your confidence in going to get assessed gets shattered by something like "what do 2 and 7 have in common? neurotypicals say nothing and every autistic person I know says 5" and then you're like Ah well I could not possibly be autistic because I also said nothing. despite like, everything else
I haven't been writing much lately, but here goes. Seeing people with passion towards what they want to do is great. But at some point, when the question reflect on you, what will you do ? I've been going through a lot more that I think lately. Things just started to pile up within me and stress level is just at its peak about to explode. Being a listener you would soak in whatever people say, but sometimes I take the words people say too seriously. Not in a way that I think it will just distract me from what i'm doing or shut me off from my plans, instead I have a habit of over thinking the most easiest things in life. As easy as just taking one step. I will end up picturing things too complicated and i would literally build obstacles for myself. which changes that one step into climbing over a huge wall. Sometime I do tell myself, "D, you need to stop this. you are stressed to begin with, why would you add on to it? why?" As year processes I really hope that I can overcome this bad habit.
what if I could go back to my freshman year of highschool?
I wonder if I would have done things the same. I am sitting here thinking about it and I guess I can link all my problems back to then. What if I decided the first day of school to walk in like I owned the place and tried making friends with strangers and didn't give two fucks about school at all?
If I tried making friends and succeeded, would I still hang out with the same kids I do now?
I am imagining how different my life would be today if I wasn't so shy back then. Actually, I did make a few friends now that I am thinking of it. I needed to because I wasn't put in honors classes and I was alone all of the time. hmm.
I don't know. I love the kiddies I hang out with now dearly though:), I am just curious about the results.
I hope someone answers this lol, but if you could go back to freshman year, would you change anything?
