#thoughtslately

[whrejanlstays]

This Never Ending Cycle;

Remaining silent becomes a definite loss because you did not talk. Speaking out your mind becomes mortal sin just because you are still the junior.

When will we ever have that freedom to voice out our concerns without ever being judged and misunderstood?

When will they ever learn to listen to the clamor of the young and the newbies for an adaptive change, or if not, a compromised one?

When will we ever learn to slowly let go of what they have been all used too do — those traditions & past experiences?

When will those “when we were students/clerks/interns/residents, we used to — statements” stop and make way for the “if that was the case, our experience taught us this way, perhaps you can...”?

Can we not deal kindly with everyone and make this field a better place to improve one another, lift each other up and pass on the knowledge and not let those bad and humiliating experiences you had in the past be the learning experiences of the present generation.

Can we not put an end on it?

This never ending cycle.

Can you please just not?

[whrejanlstays]

Doctors Get Tired Too;

As a doctor, you can never claim the 8-5pm regular work schedule. Even if you’re done with clinic hours, you go home people still call & message you. I know of this person whom I was asking for help about her work but she told me that office is done and she will address it tomorrow morning. How I wish we can tell that to the non emergent cases random people message us, every now and then. Countless.

In the office, you can tell them, I’m done with work. But in this profession, they expect you to address their concerns ASAP. Some will say, that’s totally up to you, learn to draw boundaries — work life balance. But in this profession, that’s such a thin line to distinguish. It’s a lifetime commitment and service to patients & other people, 24/7. You’re always on call.

And sadly, I think that’s where burn out comes in; where it sometimes gets tiring & draining. For the time you to give for yourself to rest and recuperate, you still give to others. This is a selfless job for others but a selfish one for your own self. But as physicians,— that’s our sworn hippocratic oath. We live by it.

[whrejanlstays]

mindlessly thinking out loud

so many questions, unanswered

so many thoughts, unheard

so many words, unsaid

so many emotions — kept.

driving home alone, dawn came

post noon, horizons ‘til sunset,

random radio station on play,

it popped; tears then dropped by,

what a blurry view on my sight.

[whrejanlstays]

My Thoughts while Eating Apple Pie;

Little things matter. In that little corner of yours, what you do for yourself, people you love & others matter. Remember, it does not need to be grand to make a little impact on yourself & others. Carry on, you ✨

Their appreciation & gratitude will definitely be a bonus. What matters most is their health, what matters is that they’re well. Be that instrument God made you to be in any way you can. Carry on, you 👩🏻‍⚕️

[sad-sassy-and-sarcastic]

It's been so long since I've written something that I feel like I don't know how to write anymore. It kinda makes me sad to think about and makes this heaviness in my chest worse. I feel like I'm losing everything lately: my faith in myself to make good decisions, my flexibility, my sanity, my ability to feel, and most unfortunately, the one I love the most. I'm not sure if it's my winter depression or if it's just that I've subconsciously given up on my self. I just feel like no matter what I do, it's not good enough. I can try as much as I want but it just never feels like enough. And to be told to try more or straight up told that it's not enough? Is just so disheartening. I always try to better myself, sometimes I change to please other people. I only do this because if who I am is good enough like they say it is, then why am I being asked why I am certain ways? I change because I just want someone to stay.. hell if I could leave myself, I would in a heartbeat. I feel like I'm always caught in my own mind and when reflecting on myself, I feel like I'm disappointed because who I was would hate who I am. And then it turns into the elaborate maze where I try different paths to find exactly who I want to be. But the result is the same as before. I hit a dead end, I see where my path has taken me and I want to go back to who I was before. Nothing ever feels right, ever. And when it does, it just hurts someone I love. Sometimes I believe I'm better off alone. And sometimes I feel like I'm not in a state where I deserve friends or relationships. I feel like everyone else would be better off without me. The people in my life would no longer have to worry about the girl who only does harm to herself and to those she says she loves. I can't help but feel like I'm just a chapter in their life story and that it should come to a close. With how numb I'm feeling, them cutting me off now would be the best time I feel like. In a way, this would be my new path, reconstructing a new life, a new me. I can't help but desire a clean slate. A way for me to start over, a way for me to try and do things right.

Pity Party, Party of One 🎉

[whrejanlstays]

I think it’s time

The right one.

Will it ever be?

[p0ofstar]

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My soul is tired. The pillars are falling, the walls are caving, the foundation is crumbling. I can see the light peek through at every glance I take, but it won’t shine till I break free. The pieces are falling, and I feel the ground beneath me give in. Do I reach for the light or do I let gravity take me away? Take me down to what I know, what is familiar? #thoughtslately

[thejohnthatgotaway]

IS IT quarter-life crisis when you're turning twenty-something [next week] and you've been feeling like you have never been good enough? Or when you feel like success is far beyond reach, and that happiness is just too tough to find — or give yourself, at least? When you sometimes feel like you're in the wrong place with the wrong people and not where you were meant to be? When you doubt your purpose and start to question whether you are on the right track — or whether circumstances are leading you astray? #ThoughtsOfATwentySomething #ThoughtsLately