it is time for me to talk about the psychology of ajwiaap branzy (never mind the fact that i have never studied psychology outside of doing my own research and analysing my fave pieces of media)
because lately, i’ve been thinking about how the story went from something with a lighter tone, to psychological horror. and i've always been aware that each development happened because i sat down and considered how the events would realistically affect branzy. and yet, it kind of sneaks up on you.
so let's talk about unreliable narration, addiction, and trauma bonding, etcetera. let's yap😊
i think it’s pretty obvious that i never planned to write something with this level of toxicity. you can read the first author’s note where i, young, hopeful, unknowing, say this fic is me evening out the power imbalance. those were the times.
funny thing is, already back in the early chapters, i was keeping track of their toxic behaviors. i have a list in my outline chapter that reads: no boundaries, they both like mind games, they’re both obsessed with one another, would kill for each other no questions asked, and possessiveness. back then, it was just a silly little list i made because you can’t write them healthy, but you don’t want them abusive.
and let me be real for a moment here. by chapter 11, i was dying to write some messed up shit, but i didn’t want it to come out of nowhere. i wanted to be able to look back in the story and see that the signs where there and they just went unnoticed because of branzy’s unreliable narration.
here’s what branzy does whenever he’s struggling: he makes light of a situation and never ends up processing it.
there’s one line in the very first chapter that goes like:
“But now he looks smart in the way that Rek is with Branzy; the way he knows Branzy—and Branzy doesn’t want Rek to hear about this thing at all.”
and back then, i just used it to set up rek’s existence, but whenever i look back at it, i think this is branzy recognizing that rek’s involvement would mean being forced to interact with a perspective that treats his predicament with the appropriate severity. he cant pretend it’s not a bad situation to be in if his best friend is there, serving as a reality check. rek will look through him and rek will stay .and when rek finally does show up and makes all his good points, branzy literally brushes it off with “i wouldn’t worry about that.”
this is chapter four and he’s willfully ignorant to the danger he’s in. and will continue to be so.
at that same time, he’s getting addicted to it. he knows he has no choice, so he engages and when he experiences successes, like profiting off clown’s appearance, or successfully managing the halloween murder incident, or seemingly becoming someone who’s special to clown, those give him such a kick, a thrill, that it’s almost comically easy to ignore the negative implications.
and on top of that, there’s genuine chemistry with clown. there’s this inexplicable connection that’s more intense than any other relationship could ever dream to be. every little praise and validation from clown makes him feel seen, loved, while from clown’s perspective, there’s someone who’s eager to please but surprisingly deadly. they study each other, and the more they learn, the more intertwined they become.
it goes downhill though because of the lack of boundaries, the power imbalance, and the possessiveness.
the lack of boundaries in the earlier chapters are toxic, but excusable when it comes to branzy’s reactions. sure, he’s scared the first few times clown invades his personal space. but lets look at chapter three. when branzy is spiraling because of the crisis, clown covers his mouth and forces him to calm down, and when branzy complies, clown praises him. later, clown wipes away branzy’s tears and orders him to figure it out. in chapter five, most of their cutesy affectionate interactions, involve the scythe. so from the very start, clown’s affection is indistinguishable from danger. sure, branzy is into that because the emotional intensity is addictive by nature, like a high, but these smaller instances are like the snowball near the top of the mountain, still safe, but you see it rolling👀
then, there’s the power imbalance. again, obvious. but it’s viewed through a more lighthearted lens in the early chapters. branzy never had a choice. this is just a fact. it doesn’t matter that he got something out of it too. he only did because clown allowed it. in chapter 17 (i think) i had rek bring up the complications with consent in their relationship. because throughout the entirety of the fic, branzy’s ability to consent to anything has been extremely dubious. there’s absolutely not an absence of coercion. the partnership is built from veiled threats and self-deception, no matter how real the feelings are. but all the way up until chapter 10, branzy’s playing on his home-field. he has an inherent upper hand there, even if it’s severely undermined by his powerlessness. the reason everything falls apart in the house is because he went from controlling his surroundings—which he had created—to being forced into complete submission. and in chapter twelve, when he tries to challenge the arrangement, it ends catastrophically.
lets talk about the scene that set them back for a moment. the wrist breaking incident. because i like that one.
for starters, branzy absolutely knows that he’s going to deteriorate mentally if he stays isolated and uninvolved. but when he expresses this to clown, he kind of downplays it. (“I think…” he starts slowly, “that for the sake of my sanity—that we might want to reconsider the whole ‘trapped here indefinitely’ thing.”) this is coming from a man who’s already displayed a flair for the dramatic. i don't think he expresses the severity of his needs here
and then there's this whole thing:
“Oh, you know, the fact that anyone would be an idiot to attack me in public? And even if they did, can you imagine the coverage?” He quickly shakes his head. “Not important. The point is, from what I’ve seen of Parrot and his little team of troublemakers, they don’t want, nor benefit from having their reputation be smudged any further. Which it would be. If they tried to kidnap me with a bunch of witnesses. So I should be fine to go out.”
“You’re expecting a lot of predictability from the people who attacked your park,” Clown retorts. “And you’re not thinking about all the other people who hate me too.” He sighs. “I’ve gotten a very good picture of how much of your thought process is dedicated to keeping yourself safe, Branzy, and it’s almost nothing—beyond submitting to whoever threatens you first.”
“Attacking the park was a predictable move!” Branzy argues. “I’m not saying they won’t kidnap me! Goodness knows they’ll do anything to kill you. But the waiting game doesn’t work with the media. If Parrot shows up and saves someone tomorrow, things will shift again, and I’d rather they kidnap me than that happening.”
Clown regards him for a moment, radiating disappointment. “You’re not making a good case right now.”
“And you’re not being a very good—friend.” The word comes out stilted, wrong. Branzy glares down at the floor.
“Okay,” Clown says, sounding more tired than anything. “You get to go out in public, and then what? You test the waters? You decide you might as well speak to a few more journalists and officers, a politician too if you’re being bold. You get that far, might as well open the park again. Tell me this: which one of your rides do you want blown up next?” He snaps his fingers. “Ah! I remember you saying that the Ferris Wheel was due for a renovation. I’m starting to think that this whole thing was an excuse to tear it down without having to hire a demolition crew.”
“That’s not—” Branzy’s eyes sting, so he rubs them with the palm of his hands and tries to recover. “God. That isn’t it, Clown.”
branzy’s greatest strength, his strategic thinking and understanding of media dynamics, is overridden and undermined. no matter how good his points are, they’re made to be irrelevant when standing against his reckless tendencies. and it's being done in a location he has no choice but to be in, after a traumatic incident that also served as a huge sacrifice. on top of that, he picks up on disappointment from clown, and he’s dedicated so much of himself to please clown at this point. he opened his world to clown and made him a part of it. there’s no going back from that.
and to top it all off, clown physically harms him. i liked this scene because if you go back as early as the first chapter, branzy’s already decided that clown isn’t interested in hurting him. he’s sacrificed his life to serve clown, and when he tries to create autonomy and involvement and intimacy, it ends up in flames. it doesn’t really matter that it was an accident, an old, useful instinct, because it blurs the line between violence and care even more. control and protection can’t be told apart anymore either. branzy recognizes it as an accident because he refuses to see it as anything directly harmful, but it also teaches him that physical harm is on the line. and he buries that concern too.
again: branzy never processes anything ever
lets talk possession quick because that’s one element of clown’s perspective i'm willing to talk about.
making clown wealthy was a very deliberate choice. he’s younger than branzy, but he’s been raised in an environment where he gets what he wants, where there are thousands of subtleties and slights in all interactions. he can love branzy with his whole heart and still not be able to untangle that from feelings of possession. he feels entitled to branzy. because he’s clownpierce and he gets what he wants and always has.
branzy’s home life was deliberate too. i haven’t shown much of it, but from what i have included in the story, it's clear that there’s some chaos. of course, we join branzy at a time where he’s been away from home for over a decade, so he isn’t going to be thinking about that. but i definitely think that growing up in a household where he was an unwanted only child and where his mom got his only close relative arrested left a mark. like it’s skewed his perception of what love looks like and if he even deserves it. i guess. so he “thrives” in a relationship where things are dysfunctional because that’s what he knows. i don't know. maybe he feels the need to justify his existence.
anyway, point is, the power imbalance doesn’t just come from clown’s reputation. it's in his privileged upbringing, his strength, his profession. he’s been made to use people, to always be in control. he can’t just relinquish that. he can’t let go of branzy. so they’re both trapped, in a way.
point: branzy needs chaos as distraction, clown becomes both chaos and the relief from it. clown loves the attention and keeps himself distant to manufacture a stronger emotional response when he comes back. (and what if i said he was scared of branzy getting bored with him. what if)
AT THE SAME TIME, branzy is vulnerable and clown loves that like idk what to say. give it time and branzy will be biting into vulnerabilities too.
okay im running out of things to say now but here’s a list of signs you’re in a trauma bonded relationship
relationship moving at a fast pace (check)
intense emotional swings (yes)
fear of abandonment (haha yes)
abuser-pleasing behavior (oh dear)
feeling ashamed (aw heck)
power imbalance (chu-chu)
excusing negative behavior (oh no)
associating or confusing abuse with love / intensity with intimacy (ding ding ding)
repeated patterns without repair (shocked pikachu face)
inability to leave (hmmm emoji)
loss of self-identity (i mean he literally saw the void in a mirror)
dependence on validation (:/)
these are most certainly present in the later chapters, but i do think the early chapters put down the framework. of course there are still a lot of missing pieces within the story due to lack of understanding of clown’s motivations. spoiler: he's silly?
but things like addiction (branzy is clearly a workaholic) and emotional repression were always there. the “this is fine” mindset is build to collapse. he’s a self fulfilling prophecy. and lately i've been looking at branzy from a perspective of not someone who just waltzed into an unfortunate situation, but someone whose mental stability was held together by duct tape and super glue. healthy people don't overwork themselves to the point of passing out. healthy people have a work life balance. healthy people don’t fall in love with evil assassins. and the only reason i can get away with saying any of this is under the excuse that branzy is amazing is self-deception. because we all know that i first started to consider all these things in chapter 12 lmao.
oki im done yapping now heheh 🥰
