Even if we didn’t move on from that episode and Jon being way too calm while his boyfriend is being held with a knife to his throat.
We did move on way too quickly from this part of it.
Not to mention how traumatising the whole situation it must have been to Martin. Surely the thought “what if the gunshot missed” has to slip to your mind after.
But while Jon could see Martin’s feelings, Martin doesn’t even hide them all that well to begin with, he wouldn’t even have to Look to know to be entirely fair.
Martin isn’t offered the same consolation. Of course he never sees Jon as a monster and he does see him still as a human; being probably one of very few people who never doubted in Jon’s humanity to begin with. But after all of this the thought of “He can’t see the future. He told me to trust him and yet I could have died right there believing in him to the very end exactly because he’s human” has to slip your mind.
Martin sees the flaws in Jon, always did. It just never stopped him from loving him and seeing the good as well.
But at the end of the day our minds do play trick on us. We do overthink. It’s what people do and I can’t believe that a thought “Jon could have lost me and didn’t panic” didn’t slip in to Martins head at some point. He probably brushed it off immediately, telling himself he’s stupid for even letting the thought to begin. But it already accrued and it is too late to take the thought back even if Martin doesn’t dwell on it any longer.
Then Martin would also think that “Jon had to panic. Just didn’t show it, right?”. Then again, Martin is a person, and that’s what we do. We overthink and we let all of those thoughts into our heads usually without much of a control over them.
But we also can choose what we believe in. And at the end of the day Martin chose to believe that Jon was caring and Jon was panicking just didn’t show it and Jon wouldn’t survive loosing Martin.
And Martin would be right in that belief.
